Piece of Paper
by gotosleeplove
Summary: After Edward's departure Bella was left heartbroken and distraught. But a certain vampire pays her a visit with the need to apologize for a slip up that might have caused the entire mess. A single piece of paper could be the reason for the future to play out a lot differently than anyone expected. Jasper x Bella
1. Chapter 1

My eyes were squeezed tightly shut as I attempted to sleep. No matter how long I laid there, however, it was fruitless. Even though I tried my hardest not to think about _him_ , I still knew there was something missing.

I had grown so used to needing the extra blankets at night to balance out the cold. The icy arm that would wrap around me. The chest that felt more like a rock than a pillow as I laid my head on it. Lastly, the now haunting melody that was hummed to me each and every night—my lullaby.

Now, this room was humid, too soft, and _silent._

Endless tears trickled down my cheeks, my shut eyes doing nothing to hold them back. The giant hole that had been ripped out of my chest swallowed everything whole, leaving me an empty ball of nothing. But I at least had known not to be too surprised—after all, _he_ was positively perfect. It never made any sense for _him_ to be with me.

I had never felt secure that he'd stay. It was a constant worry in the back of my mind that he'd leave one day, and it turned out I had been right. _He_ didn't want me. _He_ was gone.

I should have known it for a fact when he said I should go to Jacksonville while I was in the hospital. I should have known it when he was against me becoming like him. Weren't those two giant giveaways? But of course, my stubborn self just had to cling on to him tighter.

The hole in my chest stung when I thought of everyone else. Carlisle. Esme. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Couldn't they have told me goodbye? Sucking in a ragged breath, I tried to force them out of my already hazy mind. It would only hurt worse if I continued to think of them.

The wooden floor of the hall creaked, and I wondered if Charlie was coming to check on me again. It would be the third time this night, a fresh round of guilt consuming me. I know I had scared him to death... Getting lost in the woods and just collapsing. I could hardly remember being found, Charlie's panicked voice finally breaking me out of the fog I had been lost in.

My door creaked open and I could faintly see his head leaning inside. I could see the outline of his frown, worried lines creasing across his forehead.

"Bells?" his gruff voice whispered.

I went through an internal debate, wondering whether or not I should pretend to be asleep. The large lump in my throat and the nonstop flood of tears made me figure now wasn't the best time to talk. Charlie wasn't one to comfort or know what to do when someone cried. It would just be bad for both of us if I tried.

I didn't reply.

The door quietly shut, the creaking floors echoing his retreat.

I shouldn't do this to him—make him worry, especially after what happened at the end of the last school year. I'd never forget his expression as I nearly stomped on his heart before running away to Phoenix. That had just been cruel.

Sucking in a deep breath, I figured I might as well try to sleep again. No matter how _wrong_ I felt, laying here without... And no matter how my thoughts drifted, I had to sleep.

Just as I was starting to drift off, finally, my ears pricked at the sound of three soft taps on my window. Shooting up from the bed, my heart stuttered uncomfortably before speeding away. _Was he back_? Nearly tripping over my own two feet, I tried not to sprint over to the window—with my luck, crashing through it.

As quiet as I could, I yanked the window open, the crisp fall air hitting me as I did. Peering out into the empty night, I squinted, trying to see anyone out there. _Please tell me I didn't imagine it..._

"...Edward?" I whispered, my voice cracking. His name felt like rusted nails clawing up my throat.

After a few moments of silence, my heart plummeted with disappointment. Fantastic. I was now losing my mind. Shaking my head, I twisted to make my way back to bed.

 _Thump._

My heart stopped, now certain I had heard something. Carefully turning my head, I was stunned to see someone there. Only, it wasn't Edward balancing at the edge of my window.

"Jasper?"

The shock that filled me was almost mind-numbing. His arms were draped over the window, holding himself up. His golden hair was its usual tousled disarray, along with his clenched jaw. The only thing different being his heavy frown and ashamed butterscotch eyes.

I knew I appeared like a fish out of water as I stared at him with wide eyes, my mouth agape. Only, he was the very last person I expected to see. Well, perhaps Rosalie would fit that better. That shock lasted a moment more before it was replaced with the oddest mixture of confusion and slight joy. Seeing him... showed that it all hadn't been a dream. It was real. It felt like I could breathe again, seeing the inhumanly pale skin and oddly colored eyes.

"Bella... could I come in?" he asked, his voice tight, slightly clipped like it usually was. His eyebrows were furrowed as he averted his gaze, seeming to try hard not to meet my eyes.

"Of course," I breathed, jolting as I realized he needed room.

Flittering to the other side of the room, I watched as he gracefully pulled himself into my room, his feet quietly stepping onto my floor. Not a sound had been made.

"What are you doing here? Is... Did everyone decide to stay?" I whispered, my heart like a hummingbird's wings within my chest. Even if he didn't want me, even if I couldn't be with Edward... At least they would be here.

He grimaced slightly, still refusing to meet my eyes as he lingered by the window. I could tell by his stiff form that he was trying to remain in control. Still, with my odd mind, I felt no fear. I certainly didn't intend on opening any wrapping paper around him, either.

"No." He shook his head, guilt flashing within his eyes.

I felt my heart drop at once, the disappointment staggering. Enough to make me sit on the edge of my bed, those awful tears threatening to spill again. But I couldn't let that happen now— _Jasper_ was _here._ And I didn't know for how long.

"Oh," I managed to get out, trying my hardest to sound like it didn't sting.

I noticed him flinch, probably from feeling my chaotic emotions. Almost confirming it, I felt a wave of calm wash over me that didn't last nearly as long as I had hoped. Once I had been irritated with him using his gift on me. Now, I wished that he wouldn't stop, swaddling in that peaceful calm like it was a thick blanket.

"I wanted to apologize," he broke the silence, finally meeting my eyes. I could see the guilt that swam within the topaz as clear as day and I wondered why in the world it was there.

"For what?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing. His mimicked mine immediately as his eyes dropped.

Shifting where he stood, he appeared frustrated as he stared intently at my bookshelf. I doubted he was looking over the titles, however.

"I don't understand it. All I felt when you saw me was shock, confusion, and happiness, of all things. How are you not... angry?" he managed to get through his teeth. I noticed him tilt towards the window, catching a fresh gulp of autumn air. By the looks of his eyes, he had just hunted as well. He was not taking any precautions, which saddened me in a way.

Did he really think I'd be angry because he had slipped up? He was a vampire; it was odd enough that he didn't drink the blood of humans. It was in his nature—the last thing I should be was angry. Not to mention he hadn't harmed me. If anyone did, it was...

Swallowing, I furiously shook my head. "Jasper, I promise you that I was never mad. It was an accident, there is no need to apologize. There never was." I tried to offer him the best smile I could muster, but I don't know how well I had managed. I saw him open his mouth, prepared to argue, but I immediately cut him off. "You're the newest at not drinking human blood and mine spilled right in front of you. Not to mention you didn't hurt me. I don't... I don't want you to feel guilty about it. It was nothing."

 _What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!_

I tried not to flinch as those familiar words sprang through my mind, instantly shoving them back down into the black abyss. Staring down at my fingers, I shrugged my shoulders. It was simple within my mind. Perhaps if he had done it while in control, then I'd be angry. But that just wasn't the case.

I heard him chuckle softly, seeing his hair shift as he shook his head out the corner of my eye. "You are too nice for your own good," he murmured in reply, a melancholy edge to his voice. "How you can still say that, knowing that is why everyone left-"

His voice faltered as my head shot up, pain glistening in my eyes. "That's what you think?"

My frown deepened as I wondered if that was what he had told them all. That Jasper's mistake was why their immediate departure was necessary... to make _himself_ look better? So they wouldn't know that he didn't... care? Or was there the slim possibility that it was the truth? If it was, I would be far more than angry. But I knew which I believed—which made sense.

Jasper was as still as a statue, although his head was now cocked to the side, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. "That's the truth," he replied, curiosity flickering within his eyes. "What did he tell you?"

A humorless grin masked my face as I shook my head. "That's not why. He didn't want me anymore. What happened... just made him see that it was time for him to end things. It had been coming for a while."

 _I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that._

Brushing his voice out of my head, I looked up to see Jasper now the shocked one. "No... that couldn't possibly be right. He loved you. I felt that," he reasoned, his voice softening.

 _Of course, I'll always love you... in a way._

Gritting my teeth, I dropped his gaze, furiously shaking my head. "You were mistaken, then," I pushed through my clenched teeth. "He told me you left already," I added, trying to change the subject. I didn't want to talk about fake love.

"I did. Came back to get some of my things I left behind and to talk to you," he shrugged. "Knew it'd be easier if he was already gone, otherwise I never would have been able to talk to you," he chuckled sourly. I knew he was right, too. None of them would have allowed me to be in the same room with him if they had stayed. "Not that it would have been unreasonable," he added even lower, his eyes hardening.

"You seem to be doing okay now," I smiled, half-heartedly. He needed to start having some faith in himself, otherwise, he'd get nowhere.

He returned my small smile, shrugging as he snuck another peek out the window.

"Did Alice tell you things would go well?" I asked, it a bit hard to say her name as well. She had been my best friend... She could have at the very least come with him to tell me goodbye.

He now appeared troubled as he shook his head. "I haven't seen Alice since I left," he admitted, shocking me.

" _Why_?"

"I wanted some time to myself after what happened," he sighed, his lips a hard line. "Nothing against her, of course, I just didn't want to be around any of them. Being the only one to slip in decades... feel all the pity and sympathy..." he scowled as he traced the top of my rocking chair. "Decided I'd go see a couple of my old friends and get my mind off of things," he shrugged. "It was about time I visited them anyway."

I nodded, understandingly. I barely knew Jasper, but I could tell he wasn't one to enjoy hearing 'it's okay, don't feel bad,' constantly. He seemed uncomfortable enough when I told him not to apologize.

"Does she know... that you came here?" I asked.

Pursing his lips, he shook his head. "I didn't tell her, and I didn't think of it in front of..." he paused before saying his name, and I was partially grateful. "He um... told her not to look for your future," he hurriedly said, it feeling like a punch to the gut, "And I told her not to look for mine, so neither of them should know."

"She would have stopped you if she saw," I sighed, my shoulders slumping.

His eyes were filled with remorse as he looked over at me, his fingers clenching and unclenching as he stood.

"I had to apologize whether you wanted it or not," he sighed.

"Would he be mad... if he knew that you were here?" My voice was so small as I aimlessly played with the frayed edge of my blanket. I knew his answer already, but I still wanted to hear it. To give me _some_ reason to be more angry with _him._

A humorless laugh tumbled from his throat, startling me. "Yeah, wouldn't doubt it. But he didn't own you, and it was my business anyway, I think." After that rush of words, I noticed him tense, twisting to the window once again, his fingers harshly gripping the frame. I gave him a moment to collect himself, seeing him sheepishly turn back.

Offering him a small smile, I thought of how this was truly the most I had ever spoken to Jasper. He was always kept away before, never giving me a chance to really talk to him. The only time we really spoke was when he and Alice took me to Phoenix. _You are worth it_ , he had said. Seems to be untrue now.

"I should... probably get going," he murmured, looking back out the window.

A surge of panic flooded within me, my heart now galloping in my chest. "Don't go!" I brokenly whispered, trying to calm myself.

Jasper's eyes were wide as he took an unconscious step forward before shaking his head. A wave of calm surrounded me, setting my heart at a normal pace as my muscles relaxed. Still, I knew that once he walked out that window... all my ties to them would be severed.

 _It will be as if I'd never existed._

That crushing hole was beginning to ache again as those cursed tears welled in my eyes. Jasper's confused expression smoothed, understanding now etched within his eyes. Gazing around my room, his eyes stilled on my desk before he started towards it. I watched as he took my notepad and pen, quickly scribbling something onto it. Ripping the page off, he hesitantly handed it to me.

It was a phone number.

"I know it's not the same as Alice's or-" rubbing the back of his neck, he refrained from saying _that_ name again. "But if you need to talk, just call."

His smile was small as I gazed down at the small piece of paper like it was gold. I sent him the strongest wave of gratitude I could muster. I knew he couldn't stay here, considering his family was gone and it wouldn't make sense for him to be here. I could never ask that. Plus this one night must have been beyond strenuous already—asking him to stay the night would be simply cruel. But this... this was perfect.

My smile grew as I ached to throw my arms around him. "Thank you," I breathed.

He nodded, the corner of his lips twitching. "Goodnight, Bella," he whispered before heading to the window.

I watched as he pulled his legs up and over the edge. Then he dropped down, off into the night.

"Goodnight," I replied, staring down at the piece of paper I now tightly gripped.

* * *

 **Should I continue? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

It was hard to ignore the stares. The hushed words as people talked, their friends turning to sneak a peak. I kept my head low as I sat at the empty lunch table, my fingers tapping a tuneless melody as my knee shook. I wasn't one for attention—that has always been the known. But now, it was like a large spotlight was shining down on me. I let my hair hang low, acting as a curtain to try to block out the world.

It has been nearly four months since they left.

Charlie had let me stay home the first week of their absence, his worried chocolate eyes barely reaching me. He knew that I was hurting—he had heard they left. He knew that _he_ must have left me. I was thankful that he didn't try to press me for more information, allowing me to sulk in peace. After that first week, I had been nearly horrified to return to school. It was awful to hear those who spoke too loudly or were just passing by. Talking about how _they_ left. How _he_ left me.

I still had to try and block out my old friends from view. Angela's look of sympathy. Lauren's smug grin. Jessica's excitement due to the drama. Even worse—Mike's happy smile.

I thought I had done pretty good at pretending that everything was normal. That the giant hole in my chest wasn't constantly hurting. I kept up with school, not missing a day and getting all of my work done. I cleaned the house and ensured that I rarely gave Charlie leftovers. I didn't cry or complain. This morning, however, I found that I hadn't done as good as I had imagined.

Charlie threatened to send me to Jacksonville—that it would be good for me to leave Forks. I understood his reasoning, but I was _not_ leaving here. Even though they were gone, it would be throwing the very last thing away.

He just wanted to see me happy, not _lifeless_ as he had put it _._ Now that stung, after how hard I had tried. I promised him that I would hang out with Jessica or Angela, yet I wasn't eager to.

I had never been more thankful to hear the bell ring.

Springing up from my seat, I rushed out of the room, nearly sprinting to my next class. I was just ready for this day to be over with—they all seemed the same now.

Sitting down in my last class, I ignored the now empty seat beside me.

I could barely pay attention as the teacher began to drone, my thoughts twisting together as I stared at the clock. I knew that watching the time would only cause it to go by slower, but I still willed those two hands to hurry. I could hardly stand being here any longer.

Pursing my lips, I looked a couple of seats in front of me where Jessica sat. Charlie had wanted me to hang out with my friends again... But I knew she would question what happened, soaking up the details. Besides that, did I truly feel like going out and doing anything? Would a movie or _shopping—_ which I already hated—be remotely helpful? Not to mention she probably wouldn't want a thing to do with me. I had nearly dropped them all once the Cullen's became a part of my life.

Deciding against it, I hurried out of the classroom when the bell rang, out to the parking lot. The hole in my chest throbbed as I walked to my truck, instead of the silver Volvo I had been so used to. It seemed like everything was new, now. Sliding inside, I started up my truck, jumping when its loud rumble filled the air. I still hadn't grown used to hearing it so often instead of a quiet purr. Inhaling deeply, I let the smell of tobacco and the twang of mint to distract me.

It was beginning to rain as I drove home, that at least remaining the same. Not everything was different, I supposed. The sky was still a dreary gray, the earth still green. All the same, besides the silence. I refused to turn on the radio. When I pulled up the driveway, I paused before going inside. Pulling out my phone, I bit my lip as I twisted it in my hand.

I still haven't called Jasper.

So many times I had been tempted to, craving to just press that call button, but I didn't want to bother him. I knew he had plenty of better things to do than aimlessly chatting with his brother's _ex_ -girlfriend. Someone he barely knew. Still, it would be nice to hear his voice. _Any_ of their voices.

Letting out a sigh, I shoved the phone back into my pocket.

Crawling out of my truck, I swung my bag onto my shoulder before slamming the door. Charlie still wasn't home, giving me time to start on dinner before he got home. I would try my best to act normal in front of him—he deserved it. Refusing to let my mind drift, I hurried into the kitchen to start on the spaghetti.

I heard the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling up as I was setting the plates, then the stomp of his boots as he walked up to the door. I didn't look up to see his look of disappointment—that I hadn't gone out and done anything. Still, he didn't say a word. I heard him sigh softly, hanging up his gun.

"How was your day?" he asked, the same as usual.

"It was good." Flinching, I realized this was exactly what I was avoiding. The same scripted lines that had driven him crazy these past four months.

"Going to hang out with any of your friends?" he hedged as my eyes pricked. I didn't meet his eyes as he sat down at the table, still in uniform.

Guilt swam within me as I shook my head. "No, not today," I replied, worrying my lip as I sat down across from him. My spaghetti all of a sudden didn't appear as appetizing.

He let out a huff before stabbing the noodles with his fork. "Thought you were," he grumbled, keeping his eyes locked on his plate.

"I am—will. You didn't say it had to be today..." I murmured, shrugging my shoulders.

"Damn it, Bella, when _will_ that day be?" he snapped. "I wasn't joking about sending you to Jacksonville this morning. There needs to be a change," he continued, his eyes now stormy.

My mouth was a hard line as I pushed my food around, even less hungry than before. "I'm trying. I told you I'll start going out, living again, and I will. Just... give me some time."

"How much time? You've been walking around like a shell for months," he reminded me yet again. "If you don't want to hang out with them old friends of yours, you could always go see Jacob. I know he'd be happy to see you."

Pursing my lips, I realized that that _wasn't_ a bad idea. It might actually be refreshing to see Jake—it has been a while. Not to mention it may get Charlie to ease up a bit as well. "I'll go down to La Push and see him tomorrow," I agreed.

He gave a curt nod, now focused on his dinner. Drifting into the usual silence, dinner continued on like normal.

* * *

It was awful to know that you were dreaming while you were asleep. To know it, yet still remain out of control of everything in it.

I saw _him._

He was so close, yet so far away at the same time. He was at such a close distance, allowing me to see his tousled bronze hair and topaz eyes. They were so bright that it appeared he had just hunted, instead of that sinister black. I could see his sharp cheekbones and chiseled jaw.

But every time I took a step forward, aching to close that distance, he would just get farther away. Even if I ran, he would remain out of reach, almost taunting me in a way. As the dream progressed, it felt as though I was sprinting to catch up to him as he faded away. Drifting farther and farther away into the nothing, until he was no longer visible.

That was usually when Charlie would come charging into my room like a bear to wake me from my nightmares. I would wake just to hear the end of my horrifying screams that surely scared him every night. My throat would feel ripped to shreds from the harsh shrieks, dark shadows looming beneath my eyes due to the lack of good sleep.

Lately, like tonight, Charlie didn't storm in panicking. It was humiliating to know that he has grown used to waking me in the night, knowing my screams were nothing more than nightmares. He would simply walk in, shake my shoulders, then return to bed without a word.

Tears streaked down my cheeks as my heart settled at a normal beat. I heard the distant sound of Charlie's bed creak as he settled down for the night, hopefully for the last time. I was so tired of those dreams becoming the norm, the anger that boiled within me growing. Did _he_ know all that he has done to me? Would he even care? As I laid in thought, I looked over at my side table where my phone sat.

Once again, there was that slight urge to call Jasper.

What would I even say if I did? Nibbling on my lip, I wiped my tears as I sat up. Feeling no desire to go back to sleep, my eyes flickered back to my phone. He gave me that number for a reason. He didn't have to do it, and it would be silly of me not to call at least once. Now felt like as good of a time as any to do so.

Shakily, I leaned over and grabbed my phone, flinching as its bright light hit my eyes in the dark. My thumb hovering over his name in my contacts, my reluctance growing.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I hit call.

"Hello?" He answered after the first ring.

Tears welled in my eyes at the sound of his smooth voice, yet I refused to let them fall. Swallowing roughly, I replied. "Hi, Jasper."

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm alright." I shifted where I sat, my eyes falling to the digital clock on my desk. It was four in the morning. Flinching, I immediately spluttered, "Now isn't a bad time is it?"

The musical sound of his laugh filled my ear. "Worried you woke me up?" he snickered, sounding far more at ease than I had ever heard him—more than likely due to not having to focus on his control.

Blushing, I sheepishly laughed in return. "Well... no. But it is late," I used as a pitiable explanation.

"You don't have to worry about that," he said, before hesitantly continuing. "How've you been?"

"Fine," I immediately replied, so used to saying it to Charlie. Even though he couldn't feel my emotions over the phone, I knew that he was aware that it was a lie. "How about you? Are you still staying with your friends?" I added, not wanting to speak at all about what I have been doing— _nothing._ I also wondered if he was back around _them._ If Alice knew that I called.

"Yeah, I'm still staying with them. It has been nice catching up with them—it's been a few decades since I last did."

I couldn't help the slight shock, it being so easy to forget just how old they all truly were. In fact, I had no idea how old Jasper truly was, or anything about him really.

"They didn't want to stay with... everyone else?" I asked. True, the Cullen's were a large family already. Still, they could stay with them for a while instead of receiving a visit from Jasper every few decades.

There was a long pause before he answered. "No... They're not exactly like the rest of the family," he slowly murmured, as it immediately clicked in my head. Human-drinkers. "Plus, Char hasn't ever really gotten along with Alice," he chuckled, causing me to smile. The more he spoke, the more I noticed what appeared to be the remnants of a southern drawl to his deep voice. I had never noticed it before, yet now it was almost as clear as day.

"Char?"

"Yeah, Charlotte. She and Alice never seem to agree on anything and end up getting on each other's nerves. Peter, her mate, isn't too fond of Alice either for that reason," he softly laughed.

"That's unfortunate," I murmured, drawing lazy patterns on my bedspread. I thought of how the hole in my chest for the past months was not hurting—not badly anyway. Just talking to him was putting my mind at ease.

"Honestly though, Bella, how have you been doing lately?" he asked, his voice now solemn.

I couldn't help but scowl frustratedly, seeing the attention returned to me. I'd much rather go back to listening to him talk, hearing stories about him and his friends. "I've been... okay," I responded, my voice lacking much emotion.

"I see now why I heard that you were a terrible liar."

Quirking my lips, I remembered fooling him before. "You believed me when I had to go to the bathroom in Phoenix," I grinned, hearing a soft growl on the other end of the phone.

"I may not know how to decipher whether or not your human needs are true, but when it comes to emotions, I am obviously the master."

Nervously shifting where I sat, I was tempted to hang up, although that was the very last thing I wanted to do. "Fine, Jasper. Things have been... hard," I admitted, swallowing roughly.

 _It will be as if I'd never existed._

Tears sprang into my eyes as I furiously pushed his voice out of my mind, glad that Jasper couldn't feel my chaotic emotions. Clearing my throat, I continued. "It's not easy to forget. Nor do I really want to... But it will get easier," I nodded, although I was unsure whether or not that was true. In fact, I knew that it wasn't.

He was silent for a moment, making me wonder what exactly he was thinking. "It will. Just give it some time," his smooth voice finally replied.

"Charlie mentioned me moving to Jacksonville this morning. He thought it would be... better. But I told him I didn't want to leave. Apparently, he noticed I wasn't... exactly thrilled."

"Exactly thrilled?" Jasper snorted as I rolled my eyes.

"I thought I was acting normal in front of him. But he noticed I wasn't hanging out with old friends, or talking to anyone, really."

I heard him huff. "I gave you this number four months ago," he reminded me brusquely. My cheeks heated, embarrassed.

"I didn't... want to bother you," I mumbled. I hadn't wanted to say it out loud, but it was the only answer that I had.

"I wouldn't have given you it if you would have bothered me," he irritably sighed.

"Well, I just wondered if... you felt obligated to. Just trying to be nice," I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck.

He paused for a moment before laughing humorlessly. "Bella, I am not exactly nice. Nice in the sense that I'd give my number to someone who would aggravate me, just because I felt _obliged_."

"Oh." Biting my lip, I noticed the wave of relief that he didn't intentionally cause. At least I now knew that. "So you won't mind if we talk every now and then?"

"That was the point," he chuckled, my cheeks growing even darker. If anything, my lack of self-confidence would eventually get on his nerves if I kept it up. It had dropped even lower when _he_ left. I was just terrified that I would end up pushing Jasper away, too—that I wouldn't be able to pick up the phone and call if I needed to.

Smiling softly, I nodded my head, even though he couldn't see. "Okay." A short yawn followed that I couldn't exactly help.

His deep chuckle echoed on the other end. "Go on to sleep, Bella. Call when you want to," he reminded me.

I would take him up on that. It would be silly to ignore this small tinge of happiness I could easily have, just by the press of a button. "Alright. Goodnight, Jasper."

"'Night," he replied before the call ended.

Resting back against my bed, I laid my phone back down as I tried hard not to look at the clock. Still, the hole didn't ache, my feelings at ease. Yes, I would certainly call Jasper more often—get to know him. Actually become his friend unlike before; I had the opportunity now.

Smiling softly, I drifted to sleep, this time it being dreamless.

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 **Hope everyone enjoyed! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

"I didn't know that you were interested in motorcycles," Jasper mused, a shocked edge to his voice.

I couldn't help the halfhearted smile that flickered across my face. I had just gotten through telling him about the two motorcycles that I brought to Jacob's today to fix up.

Like Charlie had desired the day before, I had gone to visit Jake. It had been nearly a year since I had last seen him, the last time being at prom. My face scrunched up at the memory of Billy's warning, truly taking it to heart now. But the thought of showing up at his home randomly made me uncertain whether or not I should show up out of the blue. I remembered his warm brown eyes and bright smile, it giving me enough incentive to go down to La Push—It would be nice to see Billy again, too.

On my way there, the sign in the Markses' yard stuck out like a sore thumb. Scrawled in thick black paint, the words 'For Sale' stuck out against the cardboard. Next to it sat two motorcycles that had obviously seen better days, it being almost certain that they wouldn't work. Still, I knew how Jacob enjoyed working on cars, and it seemed like it would make my surprise visit a tad less awkward if I asked for help.

When I had asked how much was wanted for the two sad bikes, the youngest of the Markses' son had told me that I could have them for free—that they would be hauled to the dump otherwise. With how he spoke of them, it had seemed like there was little hope for the bikes. Still determined to take them, he helped me haul them into the back of my truck.

Seeing Jacob again was far more than a shock. He had been tall the last time I had seen him—now he was simply a giant. My neck had slightly ached as I strained to meet his eyes, his smile just as bright as ever as he had greeted me. Nearly everything was different; his height, his broad shoulders, even his hair that I had been so used to seeing pulled back by a simple rubber band. It hung long and straight, looking silky to the touch.

I was happy to see that Jacob was willing to help me with the bikes, his eyes more than eager as he sat them within his garage next to his red Rabbit. It turned out that the Markses' boy hadn't been lying when he said they were worth less than fixing up would cost, which made me agree to buying all the parts that were needed. Jacob's payment was one bike, and to teach me how to ride the other once they were ready.

After the first good day in a long while, I decided to continue it with a call to Jasper while I made dinner. It had been a lot easier pressing that call button this time.

"I wouldn't really call it interest," I chuckled, trying to focus on preparing the chicken at the same time. "Although I do want to learn how to ride one once they're finished. It seems fun," I smiled, keeping my cellphone carefully placed between my shoulder and ear since my hands were not free.

"Did Edward ever tell you about _my_ motorcycle?" Jasper asked, more than likely smirking due to the tone of his voice.

I was shocked for a moment, digging through my memories as I tried to recall ever hearing about Jasper's motorcycle. I still cringed at the sound of _his_ name, yet it was easier to brush off and focus on the conversation.

"No, he didn't," I replied, paying little attention to how much pepper I added to the mashed potatoes. "What kind do you have?"

I had little knowledge when it came to motorcycles, but from hearing Jacob talk about them, it was possible I could recognize the name.

"A Ducati," he stated, a proud edge to his voice. The name didn't ring a bell, but with how he spoke, it must be nice. "What are the two that your friend is fixing?"

My nose shriveled as I tried to remember what he had said. It took me a moment to remember only one. "One is a Harley Sprint—it's the one that Jacob wants to keep. I can't remember the other," I chuckled, sheepishly.

"That's nice. You know how we tend to drive—fast. Motorcycles are the best mode of transportation in my opinion, besides running."

"I could only imagine," I murmured, dryly. _He_ always found it funny how the one thing that managed to scare me was his driving, of all things. I could only imagine Jasper on a motorcycle.

He chuckled due to my response as I began to finish up on dinner. But before he had a chance to reply, an unrecognizable voice filled my ear.

"Major, you best not be on that phone with that pixie bitch! I ain't in the mood for Char to be all pissy," the new voice hissed, who I guessed to be Peter. It seemed like he really didn't care about Alice hearing if she was on the phone, considering I had. I couldn't help cracking a grin as I poured myself a glass of water, wondering why Peter had called Jasper 'Major.'

My grin broadened as I heard Jasper growl in return, wondering if he was currently glaring at his friend. "Why don't you just mind your own?" he snapped and I couldn't help but laugh.

There was a moment of silence on the phone before Peter spoke again. "Hey, is that the other girl you were talkin' about?" he asked, as Jasper sighed.

"Yes, and I told you to mind your own!" His voice was more strict, authoritative.

"Give me that phone-" I was standing there amused, listening to Jasper's growl, then the whistle of wind as Peter seemed to snatch the phone faster than I could blink. "Hey there, Sugar! Your name's Bella, right?"

My smile was light as I listened to his much more prominent country drawl, it endearing. "Yes, and you're Peter?"

"Yes, ma'am! Say, why don't I come get ya and we can bust ole Eddie's ass together?"

"Peter-" I faintly heard Jasper warn, before I started laughing. It was the first real, uncontrollable laughter in what felt like ages. And it felt good.

"What? I think it'd be fun. Miss Bella couldn't really do much of nothin', but she could tell _me_ what to do. You could get in a couple of swipes, too, Major."

My laughter finally died away as I heard Jasper chuckle. "Just give me the phone back before I tell Charlotte you're out here talking to another lady," Jasper threatened, and I could almost see his smirk.

"Sometimes I think you're just lookin' for ways for me to end up ripped apart," Peter huffed. "Fine, then. Bye, Sugar! It was nice meetin' ya," he added.

"Bye, Peter," I snickered as I presumed Jasper took back his phone.

"Sorry about that," he sighed, his voice a low grumble.

"Don't be," I shook my head, grabbing a beer for Charlie out of the refrigerator. "He was really nice." I wondered if I would ever meet Peter—I'd certainly like to.

Jasper let out a snort of a laugh, obviously disagreeing.

"Why did he keep calling you Major?" I asked, the question running through my head ever since Peter said it.

Jasper paused for a moment, before tentatively replying. "What all did Edward tell you about me, Bella?" he asked, knowing that he hasn't informed me about much.

Pursing my lips, I sorted through my old memories, not coming up with much. "All he ever really said was that you had a different upbringing than the rest of the family. Nothing else, really."

He seemed to ponder over my reply before he spoke. "The reason Peter called me that is because I was a Major in the Confederate Army," he stated, a wary edge to his voice.

I was stunned into silence as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, almost forgetting about the food. Counting back within my head, I realized that Jasper was over one-hundred and fifty years old. He didn't beat Carlisle in age, but he was the next oldest in the family.

"Wow," I managed to breathe, finding it to be truly incredible. I was currently talking to someone who had been in the Civil War. It was mind-blowing, to put it lightly. Jasper laughed softly as I got over the shock. "That's amazing—all the history you have seen. I bet anyone studying the Civil War would jump at the opportunity to talk to you," I joked, as I still tried to wrap my mind around it.

"You'd be surprised the amount of things documented within history that are incorrect—I could vouch for it with firsthand experience," he chuckled in return.

"How old are you?" I hesitantly asked, wondering if it was something rude to ask. _He_ didn't seem too eager to admit it when I had ask him.

"Appearance age or actual?" Jasper teased as I smiled in return, happy he seemed unaffected. He wasn't as touchy when it came to what he was, which was refreshing.

"Both."

"I was born in 1844 in Houston, Texas," he replied, allowing me to do the math. "I... 'died' in 1863. From what I remember, I was nearly twenty," he continued as I listened, engrossed.

"And you were a Major?"

"Yes, ma'am. Youngest in the Confederate Army," he replied, pride glistening through his tone. "Joined when I was almost seventeen."

I was struck silent once again, in awe. There was a lot more to Jasper than I had ever imagined, nor had the luxury of knowing until now. Shaking my head, I focused once more on the conversation as I began making plates for Charlie and I.

"Was that how you met Peter? In the war?"

There was a long stretch of silence. "No... I met him later on." His voice was now tight, clipped like I remembered from all the times we had spoken before. "That's a story for another time, I do believe," he continued, as my eyebrows furrowed.

Not wanting to push, I shrugged it off. "That's okay, I don't mind." Right at that second, I heard the door shut. Flinching, I realized Charlie was home.

"I have to go, Jasper, Charlie's home for dinner," I sighed, frowning. I wasn't ready to get off the phone, enjoying our conversation. But I knew that I had to.

"Alright, Bella. I'll talk to you later," he replied, causing my spirits to lift a bit.

"Bye," I whispered, before ending the call. Turning, I saw that Charlie loomed in the doorway, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Who was that?" he rumbled, tiredly sitting down at the table.

Nervously, I set his plate down in front of him before getting my own. I knew I couldn't exactly lie to him—he'd see through that. "Jasper," I stated, as casually as I could muster.

Peeking up, I saw that he appeared even more troubled than before. "Cullen?" he snapped, a flash of anger sparking within his eyes.

My jaw clenched as I focused on cutting my chicken. "Hale, actually," I muttered. Come to think of it, that wasn't even true. Taking a moment to truly think about it, I remembered that Jasper had been posing as Rosalie's twin. That just made me wonder what his last name truly was. As I became lost in thought, I didn't notice Charlie's features slowly becoming more and more enraged.

"Are they coming back?" he managed to grit through his teeth, his voice mimicking a growl. I was stunned for a moment, not used to seeing Charlie this angry. Then again, it wasn't hard to believe that he wasn't their biggest fan after these past several months.

"No," I tentatively replied, afraid that his head would burst off his shoulders any second now. "Jasper is the only one I'm in contact with," I added beneath my breath, aching to get off this subject. I would rather admit to my plan on riding a motorcycle than this. The results would likely be the same.

I saw him pause for a moment, confusion dousing most of the anger. Hoping to put an end to this conversation, I decided to continue.

"He's away at college. I had his number so I decided to call."

"To try and get in contact with _him_?" he scowled, popping open his beer and taking a swig.

"No. Jasper hasn't really stayed in contact with any of them. We're just... friends," I explained, it sounding odd. Before, I never really imagined calling Jasper a friend. But with how things are going, it is becoming the truth.

Charlie grunted beneath his breath, seeming content with that. "Did you go see Jacob today?"

I nearly cheered with relief, seeing the conversation has drifted. "Yes, I helped him work on his... car." Pursing my lips, I ignored the flush to my cheeks as I took a drink of water. No need in getting Charlie worked up twice today.

Pausing mid-chew, Charlie looked oddly bemused. Swallowing, he chuckled beneath his breath. "You helped him work on a car?"

"I handed him parts," I shrugged, finding that to be helpful enough.

Cracking a small grin, Charlie continued to eat in silence. It appeared his mind was now at ease, seeing me hanging out with friends and talking to them again. Today had been rather nice—far better than the previous. If it made Charlie happy, too, then I would gladly make it the norm.

After dinner, I wandered up to my room, getting ready for bed. Tossing on my ratty sweats, my thoughts began to drift, wandering where they usually went when I wasn't preoccupied. Letting out a disappointed sigh, I fell back on my bed, not eager for night to arrive. It has become the most hated part of the day, when all I could think about was _him._

Nothing to distract. Nothing to push away those dreaded thoughts from returning, that damned hole from aching. Rolling over, I balled up beneath my covers, trying to think about something else. Jacob's bright smile and the pinch of excitement the bikes brought. Jasper's interesting past and his outgoing friend.

Shutting my eyes, I noticed that these thoughts helped. They brought a much needed comfort that I clung to tightly. Only, the memories were still there in the back of my mind I was starting to fear that they would never go away.

Focusing intensely on todays events, I finally drifted to sleep.

* * *

 **Hope everyone enjoyed! Please review if you'd like more!**


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up after a night without dreams felt so new—almost odd. I laid for a moment, my eyebrows furrowing as I thought it over. Not once did I see _him_ as I slept. There were no screams, no tears, no pain. For once, I truly felt awake, although incredibly numb. It was almost as if I was going to realize any moment that I _was_ dreaming, about to fall into that black abyss just to watch him walk away.

Sitting up, I allowed the relief to wash through me. Smiling, I remembered that I told Jacob that I would come back today, also wondering whether Quil and Embry would come as well. Considering Jacob's reaction to them yesterday, I doubted it very highly.

Charlie's settled nerves were obvious right after I finished ready, walking down the stairs. He told me about the hockey game he was watching today with Harry. Thinking of the motorcycles, I gave him the idea to invite Billy as well, which he instantly agreed to.

The day was fresh, the usual pain in my chest now a dull ache. I just had to keep my mind off of _him._ Jasper and Jacob were helping more than I ever realized they would be able to.

Entering my truck, I didn't notice my arm skimming against my radio, bumping up the volume that I usually kept silent. Expecting to hear only the loud rumble of my truck as I twisted the keys, I was unfortunately mistaken. Loud music blared, wiping away my moment of content.

Ice flushed throughout my veins as I nearly broke the radio, hurriedly turning the volume down completely. I couldn't hear the music. It didn't matter which type of music it was; classical, country, rock, pop—anything with a melody felt like knives grating within my ears. Grimacing, I stared at the radio that seemed to mockingly glare back. The haunting reminder of my birthday was the one and only thing that _he_ left behind.

Childishly, I exited my truck, prepared to get rid of the thing immediately. No more reminders.

Ten minutes later, I was driving down the road, ignoring the large hole that now sat beside my steering wheel. It looked as if I had hacked at the radio with a pickaxe, although I truthfully didn't care. It was gone and that was all that I had needed. A small wave of guilt washed over me as I remembered that it _was_ a gift. Not only from Emmett but Rosalie and _Jasper._ I cringed as the guilt continued to grow, but the more I thought about it, it was truly just from Emmett. I knew that Rosalie more than likely had nothing to do with, and I doubted Jasper at the time did either.

After picking up Jacob, the day continued on as we hunted for all the parts needed for the motorcycles. Even though some of the parts were found at the dump, I used a lot more of my college fund that I originally had in mind. Not that it mattered—in my opinion, these moments of peace with Jacob were worth it.

For the rest of the day, Jacob and I stayed over at Harry Clearwater's with our dads. I ended up meeting Sue and her two kids, Seth and Leah.

By the time I made it home, I was completely exhausted. After showering, I walked over to my ancient computer. Emailing Renee seemed more of a chore than a joy, which was saddening in a way. I could barely hold my eyes open once I sent her my reply, but there was still something I had yet to do today.

I needed to call Jasper.

Slumping down on my bed, I pulled out my phone to see the battery was dangerously low. Jacob had used it throughout the day to search for different parts we would need for our bikes—along with looking up an infinite number of pictures to show what the finished product should look like. Due to how tired I was, along with the limited time I would have to talk to Jasper, I precariously put off our conversation until tomorrow. It almost stung hooking my phone to its charger instead of using it.

Reluctantly pulling the covers around me, I tried my hardest to fall asleep, hoping for another dreamless night.

* * *

A sheen of sweat coated my forehead as I awoke to screams falling from my throat. Charlie loomed above me, his hands tightly gripping my shoulders until he saw my eyes were now open. Sucking in a ragged breath, I slumped back, disappointment rushing through me. The dreams returned with a wicked vengeance, it appearing to be just as much of a letdown to me as it was for Charlie.

"Might as well stay up, Bells. It was about time to get up anyway," he murmured, before leaving the room.

Looking over at the glowing red digits, I saw he was right. Rubbing my now sore throat, I tried my hardest to shove _his_ retreating form out of my head.

I got ready in a blur, wishing for that refreshing numbness to return. Even though that pain was still there, at least I wouldn't _feel_ it. Blissful ignorance was far better than the harsh reality—especially living with it for almost half a year.

I ignored Charlie's gaze as I walked downstairs, knowing that he was just waiting for the lifelessness to return. He expected it. Thinking about Jasper and Jacob gave me enough incentive to smile as I poured a bowl of cereal, acting indifferent. I'd much rather see Charlie's eye-crinkling smile than his uneasy stare. Like I was about to shatter at any second.

Going to school was easier—I didn't have to pretend for anyone there. But today I figured that I might as well _try_ and speak to my old friends again. I spoke to Mike at work, but only when I had to. Thinking of everyone else... it just might make things better. After all, the world grew immensely brighter once I started talking to Jasper. Even more so when I added spending time with Jacob to it.

As my classes wore on, I figured that if I were to talk to any of my old friends, it should be Angela. Even though she would surely see through my facade, I knew that she wouldn't push.

Biting my lip, I hesitantly entered the lunch room, looking back and forth between two tables. The _empty_ one, where I usually sat. And the one that was filled with old friends from a seemingly different time. Making my decision, I awkwardly wandered over, hesitantly sitting down beside Angela. I noticed her look of surprise before she smiled. Everyone else, however, continued to chat as if they hadn't noticed.

"Hey, Angela," I whispered, my halfhearted smile being the best I could give.

"Hey, Bella, how are you?" she asked, her eyebrows turning up. The sympathy shined within her eyes, causing me to inwardly sigh.

"I'm alright," I replied, biting my lip. "How about you? Are you... still with Ben?" I couldn't help but flinch, realizing this was something I didn't even know. He wasn't sitting here today, so I couldn't even have a hint.

She laughed softly before nodding. "Yes, we're still together. He's out sick today—he has the stomach bug that's going around."

Our conversation continued, Angela supplying most of it to my relief. It felt as if I had just moved here all over again. She offered to hang out sometime, which I gladly agreed to—anything to keep my mind off of things.

The rest of lunch continued, the rest of the table talking about bear sightings around Forks. I rarely interjected, only speaking about how Charlie has gotten reports of the sightings as well. Each time I spoke, everyone but Angela would stare at me as if I had grown a second head, which wasn't too surprising.

I had returned out of the blue, after all.

* * *

I had promised Jake that I would come and see him after school. But now I found myself driving somewhere very, _very_ different. I had not a clue why I was going here. It seemed like the complete opposite of something I should do—I did not need to see _his_ house. Any hope of that peaceful numbness would instantly fall away as I continued on.

But in the distance down the winding path, I could see the outline of the tall white house. Tears pricked within my eyes as I grew closer, pain welling inside me as I looked at all the _shut_ windows. It had been so open—so warm and happy. Now, it just seemed like a vacant shell. My heart twisted as I sat within my truck, twisting the keys and listening to the rumble die away.

Staying bolted in my seat, I refused to move. I couldn't bare with approaching; gazing inside windows only to see furniture covered with sheets, or far worse—to find it _empty._ At the very least, I could pretend that everyone was inside, just waiting for me to arrive. That the door would open any second, someone coming to greet me.

Shutting my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath, falling back to reality.

Just one last time I wanted to see this house in all its glory. In my head, it was the best way to forget. To move on. But was that even what I wanted? Jumping, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Taking it out, I expected to see it was a call from Charlie or even Jacob. But I froze right as I saw Jasper's name across the screen.

He was calling me?

Momentarily panicking, I wondered if he somehow knew where I was right now. The flush of horror and embarrassment made my heart kick up, a lump forming in my throat. Sucking in a deep breath, I mentally chastised myself, knowing that wasn't possible. I answered, biting my lip.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella," Jasper's warm voice replied, my shoulder slumping as I relaxed. "Just wanted to see how you were doing."

I couldn't help but smile, it feeling nice. It also felt good to see that he cared about how I was getting along. The only one out of that family who still did. Perhaps I wasn't just boring him when I told him about my days.

"I'm doing better," I replied, ignoring the view of the house in front of me. God, it felt so odd to be sitting here while talking to him! Almost like a stalker—although I knew that _wasn't_ the case at all. If anything, it was to help ease the pain, even a little bit. Shaking my head, I continued. "Yesterday was pretty busy. I helped Jacob find all the parts that are needed for the motorcycles, then spent the rest of it with Charlie at one of his friends' house."

"Sounds good to hear you getting out and doing more. And it's helping?"

"A lot. Talking to you and hanging out with Jake has gotten my mind off of things. Today I started talking to Angela again as well," I replied, figuring I shouldn't add much more about what I have done today. That would lead to one awkward conversation.

"That Jacob guy... was he the one Ed-" he paused before saying _his_ name, unlike the times he has slipped. Letting out a sigh, he tried to correct it. "Was Jacob the one he was complaining about last prom?"

I couldn't help my small laugh, wondering what all Jasper heard. Then again, Jacob couldn't possibly have gotten under _his_ skin. My smile fell.

"Yes, that's him. Jacob's actually the reason I found out what you all were," I mused, leaning back in my seat. Those times seemed so long ago. I still remembered a much more shy, shorter and slender Jake walking down the beach with me. My poor attempt at flirting which had actually worked in my favor. Seeing how much he has helped me these past few days, I cringed.

"He knows what we are?" The warmth within Jasper's voice vanished completely.

"No, no he doesn't," I was quick to clarify, shaking my head even though he couldn't see. The last thing I needed was Jacob to get involved in any way. "It was an old story, passed down by their ancestors. A Quileute legend that spoke of a deal made with the 'cold ones' to stay off their land. Apparently, it was the Cullen's before you and Alice came along," I explained.

"I can recall Carlisle speaking of it long ago. It's amazing that they still remember after all these years," he chuckled.

A small smile lingered on my lips as I agreed with him. "So how was _your_ day?" I asked, used to telling him about mine. I wanted to hear more about him—peel back some layers to truly know him. The details I learned a couple of days ago already showed he was beyond interesting, and I couldn't help but crave more.

There was a great paused, it silent on the other end of the phone. My eyebrows furrowed as I thought over my words, unable to find anything to cause him not to speak. Thinking over it again, I wondered if he was ever asked this. After all, he had lived with the same people for decades, one seeing the future and another able to read minds. It wasn't as if there had been a reason to ask. Now, he spent time with the same people each day, leaving them no reason to ask either.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," he eventually responded, an odd edge to his voice. "Well, I did manage to get Charlotte to try my version of hunting for the first time yesterday," he chuckled, clearly grinning although I was unable to see.

"How did that go?"

"Not very well. A bear ended up tearing the sleeve off her shirt, which ended up aggravating her. Not to mention she couldn't stand the taste—all while Peter was standing there laughing," he snickered.

I couldn't help but laugh, trying my hardest to imagine such a scene in my head. It was hard, not knowing what Peter and Charlotte looked like, but not impossible. Another thing I noticed, like before, was the fact that he talked so casually about the life of a vampire. I remembered how _he_ reacted when I merely asked if I could see him hunt. He never described it, never even tried to graze over the topic. I had to nearly pry what he liked to hunt best from him, it rougher than pulling teeth. I could still hear the reluctance in his voice as he slowly said 'mountain lion.' With Jasper, it was as easy as breathing, not a thing hidden.

"I take it she's not up for switching her diet," I joked.

"No, and neither is Peter. I couldn't even get him to try it out," he snorted.

Nibbling on my lip, I thought over my question before I finally decided to ask it. "What made you decide you wanted to hunt animals instead?"

"My answer may sound a bit crude, but I suppose the truth is better," he chuckled halfheartedly. "You know how I can feel emotions and alter them as I please. Well... imagine, having the dire need for something, but it costing a life. On top of what guilt you may feel in taking that life away, you also have to feel what they do in their last moments. The shock, the pain, the horror, the anguish. Feel every last drop of hope fade away, along with the remorse. Every. Single. Time."

His voice grew deeper the more he spoke, old memories more than likely flashing through his mind. "As you can well imagine during the years that passed by, I wasn't good company in the slightest. I would put off hunting as long as I could manage until I could no longer take it. Life was hardly bearable while feeling those emotions constantly until I found there was another way. One to avoid all of that."

It felt like snapping out of a dream as his words halted, the picture he drew fading away. I could hardly imagine feeling a person's last emotions. Difficult ones, that I had caused. "That hardly sounds crude," I scoffed, shaking my head. In fact, it was perfectly reasonable.

He laughed, the haunted edge to his voice disappearing. "You are somethin', Bella," he chuckled softly.

"Well tell me what a reasonable answer would be," I continued, pursing my lips.

"Carlisle's reason seems a lot better than mine, wouldn't you think? Just because he didn't want to harm a soul, he chose to not do it. My reason was to no longer feel those emotions every time. To be honest with you, if things had been different... If I didn't feel other's emotions, I more than likely wouldn't be the way I am now," he sighed, his voice tight. "Of course, if I lost the ability now, I wouldn't go back to it. After all these years, I have seen the value of it."

I let out a huff of air, shaking my head. "Frankly, I don't really think the reason behind changing should be weighed depending on how noble it was. The fact is that you had enough within you to do it," I shrugged.

"Whatever you say," he chuckled, as I cracked a small grin. "Now how about you tell me something about you? I've told you plenty of my history, yet I barely know any of yours."

My nose shriveled as I grimaced. "I'm not that interesting of a person," I mumbled. It was hard to think of _anything_ that would be entertaining enough to listen to.

"I can already tell you that's not true," Jasper irritably sighed as I tried to think of something—anything to tell. "Why have you always done that?" he cut in, interrupting my thoughts.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Done what?"

He let out a gust of air that mimicked a growl. "Put yourself down in such a way. Ever since we met, all I have felt from you was the strongest sense of self-consciousness and lack of worth. I've never understood it, not to mention I already told you once that you were wrong. Even without feeling your emotions you still make it clear what you think about yourself."

My cheeks flushed, a wave of embarrassment washing through me. "What do you want me to say, Jasper? My life has been completely dull until I met you guys—that being the only spark of interest. I grew up with my mother, Renee, and Charlie until they separated. I ended up staying with Renee in Phoenix, visiting Charlie during the summer. Last year I decided to live with Charlie so Renee could travel with Phil—to not be a burden.

I've never had any real hobbies, besides reading, or anything I was good at. I was decent at school, not the best, not the worst. I'm too clumsy for any type of sports or activities. That's about it when it comes to me—I don't see anything of interest," I snapped.

My scowl grew as I heard him chuckle on the other end of the phone. "You grazed the surface," he corrected. "I'll tell you something, I have met a lot of people in my lifetime. Not as many humans, I'll admit, but I have talked with plenty. I have never spoken with one who thought like you, for starters."

Squinting, I remembered when _he_ had said something similar. Something _must_ be wrong with my mind. "Just because I don't think like everyone else doesn't make me intriguing."

"It makes you different. My point is, your pain these past months will not go away until you find worth in _yourself._ It is almost like you used him as a crutch to hold yourself up, Bella. Like without him, there is nothing, which isn't true. You can't go about life living through someone else."

I was silent for a moment, thinking over his words. "I didn't realize you were a therapist, Jasper," I humorlessly laughed, shaking my head.

"Well, I've been told I'm good with emotions." I could almost see his smirk, and I couldn't help but smile.

Looking down at my phone at the time, I was stunned to see how long I had been talking to Jasper. Not to mention I told Jake I'd be over right after school. Letting out a sigh, I realized just how unready I was to get off the phone. Both he and Jacob had helped to numb the pain, but I had to admit, Jasper made me nearly _forget_ about the hole in my chest. Still, I had made a promise.

"I have to get going, Jasper, I told Jacob I would help him work on the bikes today," I sighed, pursing my lips.

"Alright, Bella. Remember what I said," he strictly added, although his tone held an amused edge.

Cracking a grin, I nodded. "I will. I'll call you tomorrow," I couldn't help but add.

"Talk to you then," he replied, his southern drawl popping out a bit before he hung up.

Smiling, I looked up at the house I was still parked in front of. Coming here, the sight of it brought nothing but pain. Focusing strictly on Jasper's words, it allowed me to twist my keys, my truck's loud rumble filling the air as I backed away.

I drove off without a backward glance.

* * *

 **Hey, everyone! It was asked in one of the previous reviews if there would be any chapters in Jasper's point of view. Honestly, I'm not sure yet, but perhaps there will be later on!**

 **Hope everyone enjoyed, and please review if you'd like more!**


	5. Chapter 5

"So I rode my motorcycle today," I sighed, laying my head back against my pillow. My forehead throbbed as I tried to focus instead on Jasper's voice.

"Doesn't sound like you enjoyed it much," he chuckled.

Truthfully, I did enjoy it. In fact, I wanted to do it again, but I was going to have to get better at learning which brake to use.

"I had to get stitches," I muttered, allowing that to be enough explanation. He didn't need to know that the thing landed on me _twice._

Talking to Jasper has become the everyday norm. For the past week, there hasn't been a day that has gone by in which I hadn't called, telling him about my day and hearing about his.

On Tuesday, I had called after work, complaining about Mike Newton guilting me into agreeing to go to the movies. Thankfully, I managed to include our other friends, instead of it being a _date._ Jasper's clever response was to simply not go if I didn't want to, which I was honestly considering. Still, I knew good and well I didn't have it in me to back out, no matter how much I'd like to. Remembering Charlie's request that I get out and live reminded me why I couldn't exactly do that as well.

The next few days afterward, we kept the conversations light. No talk of the past or troubles. Just stories about the day—mine about school and helping Jake, his little stories about Peter and Charlotte.

No matter what we spoke about, the conversations were the perfect key to forgetting. For the hole to be nonexistent, the pain out of mind. Not even Jacob had the power to accomplish that. Even when Jacob and I would study, joke around about our fake ages, or work on the motorcycles, that feeling of numbness was still there. The hole still ached, the memories shallowly drifting through the back of my mind.

Now, on this perfect Sunday, I had the luxury of telling Jasper about my lovely accident. Biting my lip, I remembered hearing _him._ After Jacob's thorough lesson on how to ride the bike, I heard _his_ voice. It was angry, disappointed. The usual ordering tone whenever he didn't approve of what I was currently doing. Thinking about Jasper and Jacob, I tried to shrug it off. Still, _he_ was persistent.

At first, I tried to grasp onto that memory of his voice. Hold on to it tight, just to savor that sweet memory. To pretend that he was truly there—that he cared. But thinking more on it, a small voice in the back of my mind reminded me that this was what _I_ wanted to do. _He_ left, therefore he shouldn't have control over something I do—especially over something I wanted.

Feeling proud of myself, I decided to mentally laugh in his face, releasing the clutch.

I should have listened to that no good, velvety, fake-vampire voice.

Jasper's rumbling laughter was enough to shake away the memory, focusing on his amusement instead. Cracking a small grin, I found that I enjoyed his lighthearted reaction. I knew that if I had been telling _him_ , all I should expect would be instant castigation and scolding.

"How many?" he snickered, causing heat to flush within my cheeks.

"Um... seven. On my forehead." My cheeks darkened even more as his laughter continued.

"Why weren't you wearing a helmet?" he asked, a hint of disapproval there. But for that, I couldn't exactly blame him.

Shrugging, I bit my lip. "Jacob didn't bring any helmets. I didn't exactly have any sitting around," I grumbled in reply. Frowning, I realized that a helmet _would_ have prevented the entire dilemma. Less blood, less pain, fewer stitches.

Letting out a sigh, I could only imagine Jasper shaking his head. "Be sure to wear one next time you ride. It should help when you start goin' faster, too—it'll keep your eyes from waterin'." Another little hint of country twang.

Grinning, I agreed to that. "I take it _you_ never wear a helmet," I mused.

"Now what good would that do me?" he chortled. "My eyes aren't going to water, the sun won't blind me, and the road would definitely receive more damage than me if _my_ head cracks against it."

Stupid, perfect vampires.

"What made you wreck?"

"I used the wrong brake," I sighed. "Jacob told me not to pay attention to the back brake, but when I was speeding towards the turn in the road..."

"You're too used to using your foot to brake while driving," Jasper murmured. "It will be something you'll get used to, in time. Try to start off slower, too. Get acquainted with making slow turns and stops before rushing into it. Were you that excited?" he chuckled.

"A bit," I honestly replied. "To tell the truth, I was ready to try again after the accident." My forehead creased as I recalled the _real_ reason I wanted to try again. To see if I'd hear that familiar voice yell at me not to.

"Just be patient—don't need more than one injury at once," he teased, a smile stretching across my cheeks.

"On the way to go ride, Jacob and I saw some of the Quileute guys going cliff-diving. That looked kind of fun," I changed the subject. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I would hear _his_ voice again if I decided to do that.

"She sounds like an adrenaline junkie to me, Major," I heard Peter snicker in the background.

Jasper's sigh sounded more like a growl. "Be careful, if you decide to. Has that Jacob kid ever done it?"

"Yes, he said he has."

"Then make sure you take him with you and he knows for a _fact_ that you won't be landing on any rocks."

"Sugar, you sounded all shy an' sweet the last time we talked! Now I'm hearin' you're into motorcycles and jumpin' off cliffs. How'd that fucker handle all that while he had that stick constantly up his ass?" I faintly heard Peter say, Jasper snorting in return.

Peter was the only one who could bring _him_ up and actually make me laugh instead of hurt. "I never really did any of that when he was around," I replied, brushing my fingers over my bandaged forehead. I guess I see why. But, I still didn't regret it.

"Doubt you could'a, too," Peter muttered. "Alright, well I came to tell Major that Char and I are goin' to go find some junkies of our own. It was nice hearin' from ya, Sugar!"

My eyebrows furrowed as I heard the unnatural wind, signaling his leave. "What did he mean?" I asked, unsure what 'junkies' he was talking about.

Jasper sighed, and I figured he had hoped I had missed that part. "You remember how I told you that he and Charlotte were different than the rest of the family?" he asked, while I switched my cell phone to my other hand.

"Yes, you meant that they hunted humans, right?" I asked, slightly amused over how casual I had just sounded. Apparently, he was, too.

Laughing lightly, he took a moment to reply. "I figured after meeting a few similar nomads last year that you wouldn't be so nonchalant," he stated, a confused edge to his voice.

Pursing my lips, I thought of a way to explain. "Well... I know that it _is_ natural. Of course, I prefer how you and _they_ drink from animals—that's obvious. But to me, it's like humans eating meat. _He_ said that your family is referred to as vegetarians. So me putting down vampires who drink from humans would be like putting down humans who eat meat. And well... I like chicken. Not to mention how often Charlie has me make fish and steak for dinner," I grinned.

Jasper was silent for a moment before laughing into the phone. "You are one odd little human, Bella. In your view, that would be like a pig feeling _alright_ about being slaughtered, all because they were providing a family with a meal."

"Well, I'm not being slaughtered at the moment," I smiled softly. "And I doubt very highly that pigs have biased opinions against vegetarians and meat-eaters, either." His laugh rumbled on the other end of the phone before I continued. "Peter and Charlotte don't intend on hunting me down, do they?"

"They know I'd rip them apart if they tried," he deadpanned, his voice now serious. After a moment, he let out a small chuckle. "Also, I think Peter has a soft spot for you, anyway."

"Then we should get along just fine."

I pictured Jasper's eyes rolling, almost certain I had it right. "Well, what you were asking about earlier, they tend to go after certain people. Drug addicts, the homeless, criminals. Typically people who are less likely to be missed," he hesitantly replied, still unsure how I would react.

Nodding my head, I figured that I understood. "I guess that's... better. Them finding a murderer instead of a guy who'll... I don't know... solve world hunger?"

Jasper snorted.

"So have you... spoken to Alice?" I tentatively asked. I couldn't help but wonder if he missed her—if he wanted to tell her that we were speaking. If he would _stop_ talking to me once he goes back to her. That thought alone made my blood freeze within my veins.

I thought it was bad that _they_ left. I couldn't imagine how truly bad it would be if I lost him, too. Throughout those first five months, I at least knew that I could pick up the phone and call him. But without that comfort? Jasper was more than just the side-vampire to the family. I knew him now—I enjoyed talking to him. I couldn't imagine losing him all at once.

"No," he replied, a frustrated edge to his voice. That response was just as much of a relief to hear as it was to make me worry.

"Do you... want to?"

His loaded sigh echoed into the phone. "Yes and no." Hoping he'd continue, I remained silent until he did. "Yes, I suppose I miss her. I enjoy her company, and I do care for her. But it is also nice not being constantly monitored," he finished, as my eyebrows furrowed.

"Constantly monitored?"

His laugh was clipped. "Well, you were able to see pieces of it. But you were never around Alice twenty-four-seven, Bella. I always knew what my future held _before_ it even got there. What I was going to do, where I was going to go, what I was going to _wear_ and _say._ No way to surprise your wife can get frustrating," he scoffed. "So I suppose this is a little vacation, in a way. To go about my day _not_ knowing what is going to happen."

"I guess I could see that," I agreed. Life would be pretty dull already knowing what was to come. Then again, it did come in handy to prevent something bad from happening.

"I told you that it was also for the lack of pity. That is something I can't take—not to mention she would be checking for my mistakes even more after what almost happened..." his voice drifted. "She would more than likely start looking into my future again if I did call. I don't think that... would be very wise."

Cringing, I rubbed the back of my neck. "I... I don't want to be a reason for you not to speak to her, if you wanted to, Jasper." My voice was quiet, a small throb starting within the hole in my chest. Even though it would hurt, I couldn't be that selfish.

"Bella, you are not a reason," he chuckled, his voice warm. "I'm not through spending time with Peter and Char, for one. I just mentioned some other reasons— _you_ have no reason to think that," he soothed.

Still, I knew this couldn't last forever. There would be a time that he _did_ go back. Trying my hardest to shake those awful thoughts away, I tried to focus on _now_ instead. He was here, I was talking to him, he wasn't gone. I didn't need to waste this time worrying about the future. But could I _take_ losing someone else?

Thinking about when he told me I had used _him_ as a crutch, I refused to do the same with Jasper. He helped with the pain, he allowed me to forget, but I refused to make him the reason of my existence—no one else would be. I could do that, no matter how much it'd hurt once he was gone. At least I knew that this time, I would get a certain, kind, goodbye. Not my heart ripped straight from my chest and stomped on.

"Bella? You there?"

Shaking my head, I forced those thoughts into the black abyss within my mind. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"Oh. I was asking if you'd like to meet Charlotte tomorrow. You've already spoken to Peter—wouldn't hurt to put her on the phone. I think the two of you would get along," he chuckled.

Smiling, I instantly nodded, even though he couldn't see. "Yeah, that would be nice." Taking a peek at the clock, I saw that it _was_ late. Not to mention I had to get up for school tomorrow. My mood dropped, not ready to get off the phone and try to sleep. That was still miserable. "By the way, I've been meaning to ask, what's your last name? I know it's not really Hale." Yes, that was certainly an excuse to stay on the phone a bit longer.

"You really don't know?" he chuckled. "I figured he would have at least told you that. It's Whitlock. Peter and Charlotte also use it, due to not remembering their own."

Whitlock. Jasper Whitlock. Smiling, I thought of how well that flowed. "How did you remember it?"

"Some do, some don't. I suppose mine was easy due to hearing Major Whitlock all the time," he replied. Nodding, I yawned, instantly cursing myself once I did. "Go on to sleep, Bella. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Jasper chuckled.

"Alright. Goodnight," I sighed, not eager to sleep.

"Goodnight. Be careful if you decide to ride that bike again tomorrow," he chuckled, my lips unconsciously jerking up as well.

"I will."

Setting down my phone, I stared up at the ceiling, not welcoming the dreams that were coming. Honestly, they were getting better. Most, I didn't even see _him_ anymore. Even with that small gift, I was still lost in an abyss of nothing. Simply searching for a way out, yet unable to get anywhere. Either way, I remained lost within my sleep.

I couldn't help my thoughts from drifting back to the conversation about Alice. It had hurt, knowing that she'd more than likely end the phone calls between Jasper and me, just to appease _him._ I knew that _he_ was her brother in a sense, but she had also been my best friend as well. I would have expected her or even Emmett to have remained in contact with me before Jasper.

I humorlessly grinned over the irony of it all. Next thing you know, Rosalie would be paying me a visit to see how I am.

Rolling my eyes, I let out a deep gust of air. Rethinking my words, I couldn't help but wonder if _Jasper_ would visit before he was gone. Would he do that? He could bring Peter and Charlotte as well—he already said they wouldn't harm me. Biting my lip, I debated whether or not I should even ask for such. After all, he has already given me more than the rest of them had. Still, I couldn't help but imagine seeing those golden eyes and pale skin again.

Would it be different, now that I know him? Now that we're friends? Or would things revert back to how they used to be? His clipped tone, the standoffish nature. Just because we have talked wouldn't make it any easier for him to be around me—I knew that. Perhaps I should save that thought for another day. After all, it wouldn't hurt to ask, even if he said no.

Just the thought that it was possible allowed me to fall asleep, falling into the usual black abyss of nothing.

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

Time had begun to pass easier. Swifter, _better_ than before.

I remembered the appeasing numbness as the days would go by, speaking to my old friends and spending time with Jacob. Also, the moments of pure relief when I would speak to Jasper on the phone, forgetting about everything as we talked about our days.

Just like he offered, I spoke to Charlotte on the phone, finding her to be incredibly sweet. There was a motherly quality to her, ensuring that whoever she spoke to was alright. Me—due to what happened. Jasper—due to his eyes that were darkening. She told him to hunt at least three different instances throughout our conversation, me laughing each and every time.

The aching hole within my chest had begun to slowly stitch itself back together, its throb barely felt. The only moments it ever did was at night—before I fell asleep or after a reoccurring nightmare. Just like I knew, however, it wouldn't last.

"You haven't mentioned Jacob in a while. You guys still friends?" Jasper asked.

Letting out a deep gust of air, I leaned back against the couch. Were we still friends? I knew that I wanted to be, but finding out what I did today... I couldn't be sure.

It all began when I set up the horrific movie day that Mike had brought up. In my mind, it had involved all of our friends—even some people that I didn't want to go. I had invited Jacob, telling him to bring along Quil if he'd like. I didn't bring up Embry, knowing for a fact what that answer would be.

Of course, the large group I had imagined ended up only being Mike, Jacob and me. With a thick scowl, I remembered telling Jasper about the horribly awkward night. How Jessica and Lauren instantly declined, turning Tyler and few other friends away. Angela getting sick, Ben staying with her. Eric and Katie already having plans. Quil getting grounded. Leaving just the three of us to go see a gore-filled action movie which had been awful on top of everything else.

It had been the day that Jacob made his feelings known, something I had hoped wouldn't happen. I left that part out when I had told Jasper, not in the mood to speak about any feelings for anyone. But I made it clear to Jake that he was a friend—only that. I thought he hadn't been upset about it... but after these past couple of weeks, I wondered if that was the answer.

"I don't know," I whispered, a pang of sadness shooting through me.

"You don't know? When's the last time you spoke to him?"

"A couple of weeks ago, after the movie. He told me he didn't feel well. When I called back, his dad would only pick up. He would just say he was sick—eventually claiming it was mono. Then they never answered, Charlie telling me that he heard the phone lines are down. This morning I called and his dad answered. Apparently, he's with some friends down in Port Angeles." My face crumpled as I thought of how nothing matched up. It was clear that he was avoiding me.

"Don't let that bother you, Bella," Jasper snapped. "If that's how he's going to be, then obviously his company isn't worth your time to start with."

"I just want to know what I did wrong. If I can fix it." Shutting my eyes, I shook my head. If it was because of the movie night—my lack of feelings—then there really wasn't anything I _could_ do to fix things.

"Why automatically assume _you_ did something wrong? You don't need to be so quick to blame yourself. You're a better person than you realize—I'd bet anything that you are not the reason for this."

A sour smile pulled onto my face. Hasn't he realized it yet? I end up pushing everyone away, no matter who they are. _He_ left when I fought to be good enough, to be the best I could be. Jacob has left, after becoming one of my closest friends. Worst of all, even though Jasper was here, I knew that he was eventually going to leave, too.

Still, I tried to listen to his words. Perhaps it wasn't because of the movie night? Either way, my fault or not, it still stung. Knowing that he could toss our friendship to the side without batting an eye, while I've been sitting around worrying for no reason.

"Thanks, Jasper. How are Peter and Charlotte?" I asked, wanting off the subject of Jacob. It would just be best not to think about him.

"They're doing fine. Charlotte managed to force him into watching another one of her little romance flicks at the moment," he chuckled, a smile pulling across my face.

"Poor Peter," I sighed, relaxing back on the couch. "What about you?"

"Talkin' to you, obviously," he drawled, laughing lightly. "Perfect timing, too. I could hardly stand being in that house while Peter's emotions were an awful mix of impatience and misery."

I couldn't help but laugh at that, imagining Jasper happily sitting on a rock out in the woods somewhere. "Where are you guys staying at?" I asked, then bit my lip. I was unsure whether or not he would tell me—after all, _he_ didn't. It wasn't like I would hop on a plane and hunt them down.

"One of Peter and Char's secluded homes in Oregon. Reminds me a lot of Forks—Haines is a small town, too, where it's usually cloudy."

My eyes widened. He was still close, only a state away. In my head, I had pictured the three of them back in Texas, or even Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana... I was way off. "I thought the three of you would be in a more southern state," I joked, confusion still swirling within me.

"I do own a house down in Houston. Peter and Char stay there every once in a while. Still, it's better to stay at places less sunny. It can be awfully boring only going out at night—unluckily for us, that's the way it'd have to be if we stayed in the south."

Nodding, I understood. I remembered when _he_ spoke about staying in rainy places. I also remembered rolling my eyes when I heard the doctor say that Carlisle was taking his family to _California_ for a better job. That was just hilarious.

"That's a shame," I murmured, frowning. Of all places to be sunny, it just had to be one where Jasper was born and raised.

"Not really. The south is not a place vampires usually seek out to reside. Well, not all anyway." His tone was slightly off, causing my eyebrows to furrow.

"Because it's sunny, right?"

"Partially. More along the lines of territory."

"Territory?" I was even more confused. What was so special about the territory?

I heard him sigh, an uncomfortable edge to his voice when he began to speak. "Territory involving-"

"There you are!" I heard Peter's voice distantly yell, followed by Jasper's irritated huff. "Jesus, she's tryin' to make me watch another one. I'm gonna make it my mission to find that fuckin' Sparks fella and rip out his throat!" he growled, while I couldn't help but grin.

"No you will not!" I faintly heard Charlotte snap, Jasper's sigh now mixed with a growl.

"Well, I ain't watching that 'Scrapbook' movie!"

"It's _The Notebook,_ Peter."

"Same damn thing!"

The harsh whistle of wind followed as I waited, amused while I guessed he was getting some distance away from the couple. "All those two do is bicker," Jasper mumbled as the whistle faded.

"Most couples do," I shrugged. Their little argument, however, was endearing instead of being hurtful and cruel.

"That's true," he chuckled. "Alright, Bella, I was going to go for a quick hunt. Can you call back this evening?" he asked.

That was when we usually spoke, I knew. But this morning after finding out the hurtful news about Jacob, I just had to hear his voice. "Like always," I smiled softly.

"Alright. Talk to you then," he replied before hanging up.

Relaxing on the couch, I wondered what I should do today. I now knew for a fact that I wouldn't see Jacob. That I couldn't sit at home and wait for a hopeful phone call from him. Frowning, I decided that I should go out, find something to occupy my time until I could call Jasper again.

Sitting up, I decided I had the perfect idea.

* * *

I couldn't breathe.

It felt as though two invisible hands were tightly squeezing my lungs, preventing any air whatsoever from entering, or leaving. Tears blurred my vision as I tried to straighten out my scrambling thoughts, fear still flushed throughout me. Shakily sitting down on my bed, I hastily ripped my cellphone out of my pocket.

I never imagined that my day would turn out like this once I had decided what to do.

I wanted to see the meadow.

After all of my personal memories were snatched away, I figured there was one place in particular that stood as a memory itself. I had already visited the house—it too different to stand as a memory. Empty. But I knew good and well if I could find that one, almost dreamlike meadow, I could finally find peace. I could try and say goodbye to that memory.

It had been miserable, stumbling throughout the forest. I tripped over loose roots and rocks just as many times as the first when I had walked to this place. My mouth had been set in a determined line, so eager to just see this place. To accept what was gone.

When I had arrived, it hadn't been what I expected. Much like the house, it was _different._ No longer flushed with flowers and soft green grass, this place was unrecognizable. The rays of the sun were blocked from the blanket of clouds, the grass now dull at my feet. Not a flower was in sight—not even a single colorful petal amongst the once glorious place. Just like the house, it was different. Lifeless. I was prevented from saying goodbye yet again, much to my disappointment.

For a moment, I had wondered if it was a nightmare. If I was just stuck in another one of my dreams. Only, I noticed a figure in the distance that erased that question immediately. It also brought the strangest combination of joy and fear.

I hadn't expected Laurent to be there. Honestly, I never expected to see the familiar vampire ever again. The last I had heard, he had been in Alaska with the Cullen's extended family. His prominent _red_ eyes begged to differ.

 _His_ angered tone had filled my mind once the conversation started between Laurent and I. Unlike the last time, however, I instantly listened to _his_ orders—I had no choice. Seeing Laurent's rapidly dilating eyes and eager smile, it was clear to me that I was going to die. There was no vampire that would swoop in, saving the day like all the times before. No matter how much I tried to persuade him that I still mattered to the family—that they would be angry finding me dead—it didn't matter. Not even my threat to call Jasper, which only seemed to quicken his approach.

I had been on the verge of accepting my death, finding it futile to try and fight back—I had learned that while facing James. His voice had been soothing, promising that I would feel nothing. But when he had mentioned Victoria's loathing towards me—how she was seeking revenge—it sparked the tiniest flare of anger. _He_ willingly left, not even thinking about this possibility?

My eyes had shut, expecting death within a second.

Wrong again, I opened my eyes to see those giant _wolves_ appear out of the depths of the trees. It hadn't been bears that the people have been seeing—it was wolves. Giant, _sensible,_ wolves. I would never forget the one that had been the closest to me with the reddish brown fur. I could see within his large eyes that he was intelligent, far more so than your average wolf. I hadn't paid enough attention to see if those monstrous wolves survived when they attacked Laurent.

I ran.

My knees were bloody and scraped from where I had fallen within the woods, but I didn't care. I just knew that either way, I had to get to my truck as fast as humanly possible. Once that fight was over, no matter the winner, I knew that I would be pursued next.

Now at home, the shock was unfortunately fading along with the jolt of adrenaline. It survived long enough for me to calmly tell Charlie about the wolves and make it up to my room. I tried to maintain any ounce of control I had left as I hastily called Jasper. He answered after the first ring, like always.

"Hey, Bella," his warm voice spoke as the phone jiggled against my ear due to my shaking hand.

"Jasper!" His name cracked as I managed to force it through my throat, the anxiety not wearing off. But could I really blame myself? I saw a vampire, giant wolves, and nearly died since this morning. One would have been far more than enough.

"What's wrong?" he demanded, his tone more than serious. Swallowing roughly, I tried to push down the lump within my throat. The tears had another idea as they continued to rush down my cheeks. "Bella—Bella, darlin', what is it?" he pleaded, now concerned.

"Give me a moment," I whispered, not trusting my voice. If I had any intention on rehashing this story to him right now, then I needed to calm down. Focusing on my breathing, I waited until my heart settled at a normal beat and my tears stalled. I was home, safe. Jasper was on the phone. "I just saw Laurent," I finally replied.

A low growl rumbled. " _What?_ " he spat. "He's supposed to be in Denali. Did he hurt you?"

"He was going to. I thought he'd be in Alaska, too, but his eyes—they were red." Curling up into a small ball, I listened to Jasper's growl grow in volume.

"What stopped him?" He no longer sounded the same. In fact, I had never heard Jasper so furious since we have met. In fact, he sounded almost emotionless—harsh.

"These... these giant wolves! These massive wolves that just came out of the woods and lunged at him. I don't understand it—I don't know what to think, but I _know_ what I _saw._ If it wasn't for... whatever they are, I'd be dead right now," I croaked, smashing my eyes shut. He was probably going to think I was crazy. But could he claim that? After all, we were in a world where _vampires_ exist. Why couldn't monster-wolves?

I was snapped out of my silent rant by Jasper's explosion of curses and the odd whistle of the wind. "Trouble just always finds you, doesn't it," he sighed, his voice clipped. "Did those things destroy him?"

"I don't know, Jasper. It doesn't matter whether or not they destroyed him or vise versa. He... he told me about how Victoria was the one who wanted me dead," I replied, quivering as I said her name. I imagined the feline quality to her motions and her fiery red hair. The last thing I would want would be death by her, avenging her mate. Little did she know, Edward and I were no longer together. Would that even matter?

I flinched as Jasper snarled, the volume hurting my ear. The sound was cut off by a horrific crackle and grind.

Then there was silence.

"Jasper?" There was a panicked edge to my voice as my heart sped.

The line was dead.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

Dark shadows loomed beneath my eyes.

Sleep had been next to impossible last night as I continued to awaken from dreams far worse than they normally were. At the very least, I had grown used to the black abyss that was impossible to escape. Or _his_ retreating form that was constantly out of reach. But these made those dreams appear like simple child's play.

Instead of chasing after _him_ , I was the one who was running. I remembered the hair that mimicked fire, her excited eyes the same shade. She was always smiling, bloodlust causing venom to drip down her chin. I would run, but it would feel as though my feet were stuck in quicksand. Each step was harder to take, my legs sinking down. Not an inch of distance between Victoria and I could be made as I struggled, fighting to get _away_.

Why was it that I could never move?

Either they could get away or approach, yet I remained frozen. After waking countless times throughout the night, Charlie barging in as I screamed, I decided to give up altogether. I knew that right as I shut my eyes, I would see the same exact thing all over again.

Sitting at the edge of my bed, I allowed my shoulders slump, feeling more vulnerable now than I ever had. There was nothing Charlie could do about this. Jacob was gone, taking away the little comfort he could. _He_ left, giving me absolutely no protection from a vengeful vampire. And Jasper... My eyes watered.

After telling him about Victoria, all I heard was the snarl and crunch. I tried calling back repeatedly, yet my call was always sent straight to voicemail. He would usually answer after the first ring, always there. After every nightmare I would call, aching to hear his voice, but I would receive the same result.

What happened? From the crackling snaps that I heard, he could have destroyed his phone by tightening his fingers. But why cut off all contact with me when _Victoria_ was out there? Perhaps he was just tired of my problems.

Shaking my head, I tried my hardest to shake that thought away. I _knew_ Jasper. From the past several weeks of speaking to him each day, I knew that he was a southern gentleman at heart. Not the cold, arrogant man that _he_ had been—able to abandon me without batting an eye. Even when a moment like this was possible, which he had to have known.

Running my fingers through my hair, I stood up and sluggishly made my way into the bathroom. Avoiding looking in the mirror, I began my usual routine at the start of the day. I hoped that Charlie wouldn't be staying home—today or most days now, in all honesty. The last thing I wanted was for Laurent or Victoria to arrive while he was here, harming him as well. He didn't deserve that.

Once ready for the day, I slowly walked down the stairs, seeing Charlie sitting at the table. The newspaper was stretched out in front of him, the corners bent as his tired eyes read. When I reached the last step, he looked up, all hints of contentment I was beginning to see now gone.

"Rough night?" he mumbled as I sighed.

Funny enough, the dreams were not because of _him_ this time. "Those wolves scared me yesterday," I used as an excuse, not wanting him to think I was reverting back to how I had been. "Did you call in—say how it wasn't really bears?" I asked, making myself a quick bowl of cereal. Truthfully, I wasn't even hungry.

I saw his features relax immediately when he realized I hadn't dreamed about _him._ "Yeah, I did. There haven't been any other reports about them, but if more come in we'll more than likely have to hunt them down." Stroking his chin, he set down the newspaper. "You sure they were wolves?"

Paling, I froze in the middle of a bite. I didn't want to imagine Charlie going anywhere _near_ those monstrous wolves. "I'm positive. I've never seen anything like that in my life," I responded, my voice emotionless.

His eyes flickered with recognition to my tone. Sighing, he took a sip of his coffee. "Still heard nothing from Jacob?" he asked, causing me to scowl.

Could these conversations not circle around the weather? Or school, sports—I didn't care. "No, I haven't. Billy told me yesterday that he was hanging out with some other friends in Port Angeles," I shrugged as if it didn't matter.

His frown deepened as he grumbled beneath his breath. "I'm going to Harry's in a bit to watch the hockey game today. If Billy's there I'll talk to him," he offered, my eyes softening in response.

It really had made him happier when I started living. Truly, he should thank Jasper more than Jacob. "You don't have to do that. I've already bothered Billy enough."

He shrugged, tapping his fingers against his blue mug. "Wouldn't hurt. And I don't know whether he'd be there or not, anyway. I'll just see if I can get him to send Jake on over later," he murmured.

Poking at my cereal, I nodded my head. "Okay." I wasn't going to get excited over something I knew wouldn't be happening. But if Charlie wanted to try, then I wouldn't stop him.

I finished the rest of my breakfast in silence as Charlie read the paper. Once done, I cleaned up the kitchen as he pulled on his jacket.

"Are you going to stay here for the day?" he asked, hesitating by the door.

"Yeah. I'm just going to do some laundry, maybe study a bit later on." It was sadly true. But in all reality, I had no desire to go outside today anyway.

He nodded stiffly before walking out the door, leaving in his cruiser shortly after.

It felt as though time had skipped back as the day progressed. Back to those identical days for months straight as I blankly loaded the laundry, silently folding it soon after. The quiet reading, a chemistry book laying on my lap. Not to mention the throbbing hole in my chest that was only numbed by the occasional fear of Victoria when my mind would drift off, remembering.

Swept up in the haze, I hardly realized it when there was a knock on the door.

Snapping my head to the window, I could hardly tell what time it was due to the cloud covered sky and sprinkling rain. But it was easy to see that it was later on in the evening—hours easily slipping by. But it made me wonder if that was Jacob. Had Charlie managed the unthinkable? Or the opposite. Was it Victoria or Laurent?

My insides churned at the mere thought. I was easy to find, that was for sure. Shakily standing, I knew good and well that if it _was_ them, they would be soaking up my fear at the moment. So easy they could bust down the door and snap my neck. But hearing what Laurent had said... it would be nowhere near quick and easy.

Hesitantly approaching the door, I knew it would either be pure delight or horror. Not waiting for a second more, I unlocked the door before swinging it open.

All the breath left my lungs like a deflated balloon.

"Jasper?" I barely heard his name fall from my lips as I stared, frozen in shock.

His lips twitched into a small smile, his usually stony eyes melting like warm caramel. My emotions went haywire, flickering between surprise, awe, joy, relief and hope as my gaze washed over him. They fell from his curly blond hair that appeared windblown—loose locks falling into his eyes—all the way to his mud-covered shoes. Did he run straight here?

Tears welled in my eyes as I unthinkingly fell forward, wrapping my arms tightly around him as my heart hammered. It was like hugging a statue, his form hard and ice cold. Squeezing my eyes shut, I hadn't realized how much I had missed the chill to a vampire's skin. His clothes were slightly damp from the rain, but I currently couldn't care less—I was so happy to see him!

When he tensed, I fell back into reality.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, embarrassed as I backed away.

The one moment of shock and joy made me forget something quite important. Expecting him to back away, or worse—run—I was shocked to hear his deep chuckle rumble in his chest.

"It's alright, Bella. May I come in?" he snickered, his lopsided grin causing me to blush.

Yet another thing I forgot. "Yes," I nodded as my cheeks heated more, stepping to the side so he could get out of the rain. Wiping the mud from his shoes on the rug, he walked inside, the heavenly scent of honey and fresh leather wafting after him.

Shutting the door, it took me a minute to turn around and face him. I was afraid that when I did, he wouldn't be there. It was embarrassing to admit the amount of relief I felt when he was.

Standing a good distance away, he seemed to be partially at ease. In control enough to where his jaw wasn't clamped tight, almost ready to snap.

"What are you... how..." My voice faded as my mind fought for something to say. I was more than confused but simply grateful at the same time. Wiping the growing tears away before they dropped, I hoped he wouldn't notice. Knowing his keen senses, however, that was a given.

His brows furrowed as his eyes remained on me, amusement swirling within the gold. "You thought I would remain sitting on my ass—listening to a couple argue over movies—instead of coming here? Especially after you tell me about a _vampire_ that currently wants you dead?" he scoffed.

I watched as he frowned, running out of breath. His muscles tightened while his shoulders raised, inhaling for the first time in my presence. I noticed his pupils slowly dilate, his fists tightening as he stood there. But after a moment, the gold returned as he kept himself in check.

Smiling cautiously, I walked over to one of the kitchen chairs, sitting down. "I couldn't be sure. After all, you didn't exactly let me know."

His eyes fell to the floor, a sheepish smile pulling at his lips. "My phone didn't exactly... survive my fist at the time," he drawled, easing around the kitchen table. Leaning against the bar, he still remained a good distance away, yet closer than before. I noticed he was standing right next to the window, the bottom cracked enough to give him fresh air.

"So that was what snapped?" I asked, laughing lightly. I could only imagine that poor phone crumbling into pieces with zero effort.

He nodded, before shrugging his shoulders. "I'll have to get a new one soon. Figured it'd be best if I got here first, though," he murmured, before meeting my eyes.

Pursing my lips, I sighed. "I'm sorry. Danger magnet, remember?" I mumbled.

"Yes, I do," Jasper huffed, rolling his eyes. His lips then thinned frustratedly. "I just don't understand why she's after _you._ Yes, her mate went after you and it was the cause of his death. But it hadn't been like you asked for it or wanted it."

"Laurent said it was because... _he_ killed James. A mate for a mate," I grumbled, grimacing as the words left my mouth.

Jasper's head cocked slightly to the side as he raised a brow. "Edward didn't kill James, though. _I_ did," he smirked.

"Not to mention _he_ left me," I smiled sourly. "Doesn't make much sense, does it?"

"That I doubt she knows," he sighed. "She wouldn't know that I killed James, either. This is purely impulsive—no thought or planning behind any of it. Little does it matter, anyway. She's not gettin' near you."

My heart stuttered from the seriousness of his tone, it sounding like much more than a promise. The blanket of security that wrapped tightly around me was thick—not even the smallest hole. "So... you're going to stay?" I breathed, needing to hear him say it. Hope blossomed within me, my smile causing my cheeks to ache. It was the first strong well of emotion I had felt in forever, my limbs nearly shaking from the giddiness. I'd hate to have seen what would have happened if any of them appeared on my doorstep if I had lost contact completely. I probably would have fainted or fallen into a sobbing mess.

He laughed heartily, crossing his arms across his chest. "I thought you used to be a lot more perceptive, Bella. You found out what we were like it was nothing—a walk in the park. You think I'm just here to check up on you and then leave?" he sarcastically chuckled, while a scowl darkened my face.

"People leave out of the blue all the time nowadays. Can't be too sure anymore," I snapped.

His face sobered immediately, all humor gone. "Bella, you have my word that I'm not going to leave like that. I'm going to be staying here as long as Victoria is a threat—I will not let her harm you. Even after I get rid of her, you will still be able to call me," he reminded.

My smile was small, his soothing words enough to allow me to shove all my worries away for now. While he was here, I would just focus on enjoying his company. He continued to prove that he was the most trustworthy person that I know.

Looking up at him, I noticed his jaw clench, his face focused on the window. After being away all this time it couldn't be any easier on him being in my presence. "Will it be hard? Being... around me?" I asked, biting my lip.

His light eyes flickered back to me, a halfhearted smile tugging at his lips. "The more time I am, the easier it will be. I don't want you worrying about that, though," he shook his head while his muscles relaxed.

"Alright," I replied, although it wasn't exactly true. I wouldn't be worrying about _me_ , more about his discomfort. "Are you going to be staying at your old home?" I asked, unable to help but wonder.

He slowly nodded. "Yes. Peter and Charlotte are going to be bringing up my stuff that I left behind," he chuckled beneath his breath.

My jaw dropped. "Peter and Charlotte are coming, too?" Now my cheeks really were hurting from my smile.

He laughed warmly from my reaction, the pang of excitement more than likely ambushing him. "Yes, they are. They had to pack up my stuff, along with their own. Their drive shouldn't take too long—they'll probably arrive soon."

My excitement bubbled, while I _secretly_ thanked Victoria. Not only was Jasper going to _stay—_ I was going to see his two friends as well. I wondered if they would stay as long as Jasper did, yet I didn't want to even question it. I was far too happy right now for any little disappointment.

Jasper's smile grew as he soaked up my joy—something I haven't felt in far too long. In fact, I could barely feel the small throb within my chest, able to act as though it were non-existent. An aggravating voice in the back of my mind wondered for how long it would be that way.

I noticed the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling up moments after Jasper's head snapped to the door. "Looks like your dad's back. That'll be fine for now—I need to go get a new phone," he chuckled, smiling hesitantly.

My nerves twisted as I realized that he was going to leave, fear spiking within me. It was unable to be helped, although he has proven again and again that he would always be there. I frowned, embarrassed as his eyes narrowed in my direction. "What if Victoria...?" It was only a half truth of my worries, although I _was_ concerned that she'd come while he was gone. It would be my luck.

He immediately shook his head. "If Laurent made it past those wolves, he would have to make it back to her to relay the news that you were alone—then she would have to travel back here. If that's the case, I doubt she should be here within a few hours, let alone a few days. Better yet, if Laurent _didn't_ make it, she'd still be expecting him. I just have to get the phone, then see if Peter and Charlotte have arrived. I'll be watching over the area sooner than you think," he reassured, stepping away from the window so Charlie wouldn't see.

Letting out a small sigh of relief, I welcomed the wave of comfort he sent my way. "You don't know how happy I am that you're back," I admitted, the smile not feeling as odd anymore. It felt as though I could breathe again.

Returning the small smile, he chuckled. "I think I have an idea," he teased, starting for the back door. "Tomorrow I'll take you back to the house. You can meet Peter and Charlotte, and we can discuss all this more. Different shifts the three of us can watch over you, plans to hunt or to just wait for her. And those wolves—we really have to talk more about that," he grimaced, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.

"That'll be nice," I halfheartedly replied. To be honest, I was terrified to go into that house again. The memories—or lack of them—were bound to hurt. I barely managed to look at the outside when I had visited.

"After about an hour at most, I should have my phone. Call if you need anything."

Before I could blink, he was gone, the door silently shut behind him. At the same second, Charlie sauntered inside the front door, gripping a paper bag as he shrugged out of his jacket. He paused for a moment, looking me over.

"Did Jacob call?"

Pursing my lips, I realized I must look a lot better than earlier. Unluckily for me, he had taken notice. "No. I just spoke to Jasper, though," I replied, figuring it wasn't a lie and the perfect explanation.

Grumbling beneath his breath, he dropped the bag onto the kitchen table.

"I brought some of Harry's fish fry if you haven't had dinner," he nodded towards the bag before disappearing into the living room.

Leaning back against the counter, I let out a ginormous breath, it feeling as though my brain was still trying to play catch-up. Jasper was back and he was _staying._ Peter and Charlotte were coming, also planning to stay. And the knowledge that I would see them all tomorrow.

Letting out a weak laugh, I realized how nice it was to finally look forward to something once again. If it weren't for that piece of paper, I'd be an even bigger mess right now with my life dangling at the edge of a cliff. I'd be alone, a zombie.

But because of it, I could come to life again.

* * *

 **Thanks so much for the reviews everyone! I can't tell you how happy it makes me to read them! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please share your thoughts!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Bella! Bella, wake up," a familiar voice called, my bloodshot eyes snapping open.

Gone was the vindictive vampire that now starred in my dreams, the entire scene fading away within a second. Gasping for breath, I felt the familiar burn to my throat, it clear that I had been screaming. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I jumped when I saw the figure by my bed.

My heart stuttered, expecting to see Charlie. But instead, I was graced with the view of my open window and a concerned Jasper Whitlock.

"Jasper? Wha.." My voice died away as I awkwardly pushed myself up onto my elbows. Unfortunately, waking to see glowing yellow eyes wasn't the comfortable norm I had once grown used to.

He cracked a half grin, shaking his head as he backed up a couple of feet. "Well, that's one hell of a way to wake up. I thought Victoria somehow got past me," he huffed, his smile fading into a thin frown.

Blushing, I realized he must have heard my screaming. "You've been outside?"

Slowly, he nodded. "Not outside your window, exactly. But circling the area in case she'd show up," he explained, running his fingers through his mussed hair. I couldn't tell whether it was to simply get it out from his eyes, or a human trait that still lingered.

Relaxing, I laid back for a moment, just now taking notice to the calm that still coated me. "I'm sorry. My dreams haven't been the best," I explained, rubbing the tiredness of out my eyes.

I noticed him nonchalantly face the window, stealing a fresh gulp of air. "You don't need to worry about Victoria, Bella," he sighed, his frown thickening.

His jaw clenched for a moment while he swallowed roughly. Stilling, I gave him a moment, remembering him saying that more time around me would help the burn in his throat. My scent was fresh to him this day, as it had been yesterday.

"I'm not just worried about me," I tried to explain after a few moments, avoiding his eyes that flickered to mine. "She had Laurent helping her. Who knows who else she has—how she plans on attacking me. Now you, Peter and Charlotte are involved. I don't want any of you getting hurt." Ignoring his narrowing gaze, I paid close attention to the blanket folded at the end of my bed. Why hadn't I ever noticed that pretty pattern before?

I was startled when he laughed. Snapping my head over, I watched as his grin unintentionally widened, a sparkle shining within his eyes. "That's definitely not something you have to worry about," he chuckled.

Glaring at him, I remembered the annoyance I had felt the _first_ time I heard that. It was even worse, now. "This isn't funny," I snapped, looking more like an angry kitten.

His grin still didn't falter. "It actually is. There is so much you don't know—but we don't need to go into all of that at the moment. Why don't you go get yourself ready and we'll go see Peter and Charlotte," he offered, the wicked amusement in his eyes refusing to die away.

Scowling, I pushed myself up like before, listening to my bones crack in protest. I couldn't help but freeze when Jasper walked to the door, my thoughts catching up to me. "Wait—what about Charlie?"

"He's already gone," he replied, slipping out the door.

For a moment I sat there, the shock just now wearing off. It feels like my entire world has flipped around since yesterday, everything changing all because of a single phone call and an angry vampire. Now I had plans—things to do. People to meet, reasons to get up. Smiling, I thought back to my excitement last night, still relishing in the fact that Jasper had returned.

If he hadn't been the one to shake me out of my nightmares, I would have wondered if the entire thing had been a dream when I woke up. A rare, good one.

Still smiling, I padded into the bathroom, quickly getting ready for the day. I was going to meet the two friends of Jasper that I have only spoken to on the phone. Like the first time I was going to that house to meet some vampires, I wasn't afraid for my safety. I was concerned, however, that they would end up not liking me—Jasper already mentioned they weren't fans of Alice.

Then, there was the house. The haunting house that I could hardly look at before. I knew that so many memories would linger there, or perhaps none at all. With Jasper there, I had to hope that it wouldn't hurt to see.

Finishing my morning routine, I started down the stairs, already seeing Jasper waiting by the door. I smiled as I began to walk over, watching him return it as he gripped the handle. Right as he began to open the door, my stomach decided to growl.

My cheeks heated as he swiveled around, surprised. As embarrassment swirled within me, he looked just as sheepish as he chuckled. "I'm sorry, Bella. Like I told you before, I'm not used to human needs," he grinned, shutting the door. "Get you some breakfast first, then we can go."

Nodding, I hurried into the kitchen, making a quick bowl of cereal. Sitting down, I noticed as he leaned against the counter, appearing more at ease than he had earlier.

Jasper watched as I poured the milk over the cheerios, his nose shriveling.

"Is that good?" he asked, right as I took my first bite.

"Yeah, I think so." Amusement sparkled in my eyes as he eyed the little o's warily.

"I haven't paid any mind to human food in decades," he mused, pursing his lips. "Makes me wonder how I ever stomached it on a daily basis," he snorted.

"Well, I wonder how you drink blood. I can't even stand the sight of it—yet you tackle animals and gulp it down. How can something that smells like rust and salt remotely taste good?"

Now he was grinning. "You can smell it? That's interesting enough. But no, it doesn't taste like that or smell like that to us. Every person is different. Some better than others, some nearly impossible resist. Sometimes sweet, sometimes tangy," he shrugged. "Animals have a more bitter quality, but manageable."

I nearly forgot about my cereal as I listened to him speak. _He_ never went over people's scents. The only time _he_ ever mentioned the scent of a person's blood was about mine. Freesias. It had been disappointing not even knowing what a freesia smelled like at the time—it could have been bad for all I knew. Floral doesn't sound very appetizing, either.

"That's mainly from memory, though," Jasper murmured, watching me scoop up another spoonful of cereal. "Everyone pretty much smells the same now, ever since I switched."

"So you couldn't tell me apart from the person next door?" I snickered.

One corner of his lips jerked up. "Now that I could do. I've been around you more than any other human. Your scent is easier to distinguish."

"The freesias?" I grumbled.

His eyebrows furrowed before he snorted. "Freesia? No, more like strawberries. Strawberries and sugar."

I gazed at him in shock. So sweet instead of floral? "I think you're mixing that up with my shampoo," I laughed lightly—it was strawberry after all.

"No, there's a difference."

"So if you haven't paid any mind to human food, how can you distinguish what smells like what?" I asked, finishing up my cereal. It felt okay to ask him these kinds of questions—like nothing was forbidden.

He rolled his eyes. "As you can imagine, repeating years of high school over the decades, you come across the scent of nearly every type of food while sitting bored at lunch. Unable to forget much of anything, it just sticks. I didn't have to focus on a human eatin' a strawberry to know what it was. Perfumes are a nightmare as well," he scowled, causing me to laugh. I could only imagine Alice dragging him to the mall, all the smells ambushing him.

"I guess that makes sense. I just didn't get how a person's blood could be compared to human food when you can't remember that."

"Just the scent. The taste is... harder to explain," he shrugged.

Placing my bowl in the sink, I mentally laughed. This was one heck of a conversation over breakfast. But like Jasper always managed, there was no throb to the usually aching hole. The only memories of _him_ were relating to our conversations—nothing painful to dwell on. For the first time in months, I truly felt _good._ Smiles weren't forced, life trickling back into me piece by piece.

"Alright, let's go meet Peter and Charlotte," I nodded, turning to face him again.

Walking outside, I wondered how Jasper would fare being trapped in the tight space of my truck with me. Remembering the car ride to and from the airport in Phoenix, he had been fine then. Thinking nothing of it, I smiled when I saw my door already open. Jasper was sitting in his seat right after my thanks left my mouth.

Buckling my seatbelt, I noticed the humor twinkling within his eyes. "So did one of those wolves come and attack your radio?"

I blushed.

"Um... no." Tidal waves of embarrassment and regret spilled off of me, my face growing redder and redder. I hardly noticed Jasper roll the window down. "I took it out," I finally sighed, twisting the keys.

The loud rumble hardly soothed my nerves as Jasper's smirk grew.

"I would have, too." The shot of reassurance he sent me allowed me to relax enough to start driving.

"It was the one memory I had left. I didn't want to hear music," I tried to explain, nibbling on my lips. Jasper's wonderful scent of leather mixed far too well with the lingering tobacco within my truck.

"What do you mean one memory?" he asked, confused. The temptation to look over at him was too great, but I knew if I did, I would probably get distracted enough to crash.

My smile was sour. " _He_ took all the others. Pictures, the other birthday presents."

Jasper didn't reply. But I knew for a fact that I heard a low growl rumble in the back of his throat.

Focusing back on the road, I began to get nervous as I turned onto the familiar path into the woods. Out the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper's head twist to face me.

"You don't have to worry, Bella. I'm not going to let them hurt you—nor would they want to," he tried to soothe, a wave of comfort surround me.

What a familiar conversation. "I know they won't. I'm just worried that they won't like me—you already said that they didn't like Alice," I explained. That was the last thing I wanted this day.

Jasper laughed. "You and Alice are polar opposites. That should tell you enough that they will like you—they already do."

When the white house came into sight, I shifted uncomfortably. The last time I stepped inside there had been a nightmare. I had told them I didn't want a party—but they didn't listen. Sucking in a deep breath, my truck pulled to a stop as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

I didn't even have the chance to try and open my door before it was thrown open in the blink of an eye, a smiling _red_ -eyed vampire right in front of me.

My heart stuttered as I jumped, the unfamiliar man laughing due to my reaction. His hair was a sandy blond—not quite as long as Jasper's, but still shaggy. Like expected, his skin was inhumanly pale, the beauty unfair. His cheekbones were sharp, enhancing his perfect smile.

"Well, hello, Sugar! It's nice to finally meet ya in person," Peter drawled, pulling me out of the truck.

I was stunned by his welcoming hello, his embrace not nearly as tight as I would have imagined. Unlike Emmett's bear hugs, his were rather comfortable.

"Hello, Peter," I smiled, his being infectious. The beginnings of my usual shyness were instantly wiped away due to Jasper.

"Peter, you don't have to scare the daylights out of her before she even steps out her truck," Charlotte chided as Peter released me.

Looking around him, I met the second pair of crimson eyes. Charlotte's smile was sweet, her blond hair flowing in curls almost to her waist.

"Hi, Charlotte," I greeted as she stepped forward, her dainty hug careful.

"It's nice to see you, Bella," she replied, pulling back.

Looking over, I saw Jasper's content smile, along with the slight arrogance. Yes, he had been right, I'll give him that.

"So who's this bitch Jasper told us about?" Peter asked while Charlotte threw him an irritated look.

"Let's get inside first before we get into all that," Jasper sighed while I laughed lightly. Peter was certainly right to the point. It was easy to see too that it would be hard to be uncomfortable around him.

Peter and Charlotte were gone in the blink of an eye, shocking me for only a second. I had been so used to _him_ and the rest of the family acting human. It was like a new world seeing how things truly were.

Walking up to Jasper, I tentatively gazed at the door, unsure how this was going to go. He opened the door, holding it open for me to walk through, my emotions a jumbled mess. Stepping inside, I felt momentarily trapped in a nightmare as I gazed at the familiar room. Peter and Charlotte were already sitting on the couch, what appeared to be drapes tossed to the side with little care. In fact, besides the chairs and couches in the sitting room, everything else was covered.

At least it hadn't been empty. That would have been rough to see. But seeing everything else covered in those white drapes—including _his_ piano—was unnerving.

Shaking away the darkening thoughts, I walked over to sit next to Charlotte while trying to ignore the familiar scenery.

"Well, Sugar, you just seem pretty popular amongst us vampires. What'd ya do to piss off this one?" Peter asked, smirking as he kicked back on the couch. Charlotte threw him a dirty look, her curling blond hair mesmerizing to watch as she shook her head.

"It's the mate to the one who attacked her around a year ago," Jasper replied, it clear that he wasn't in the mood for Peter today. Standing by the couch, he remained to the side, yet closer than I had been used to before in this house. It was nice not seeing him standing in a corner, mimicking a statue that never moved nor spoke.

"This'll be fun, then. She alone? Or working with others?" Peter grinned. It seemed almost as if he _wanted_ there to be more.

"There was one other that we know about so far. But I'm not sure whether or not he's still alive," Jasper hesitantly replied. His eyes flickered to me, freezing me where I sat. "Can you tell them about the wolves you saw? As much as you can," he added, due to my last mention of them being vague.

Swallowing where I sat, I tried my best to ignore the two pairs of crimson eyes that were now set on me. Feeling a wave of calm wiping away my reluctancy, I was able to begin.

"The wolves were giant—far bigger than regular ones. I was in the woods when Laurent found me, and he was about to kill me before they arrived. There were five of them, stalking forward in a v-like formation. I remember the leader was completely black, it clearly in charge of the rest. The one closest to me was a reddish brown.

The closest one... looked at me." Pursing my lips, I looked up at Jasper. "You could see that they were intelligent. That they didn't think like regular animals. It was almost like they understood what Laurent was and what was happening. Laurent began to back away. When he ran, they took off after him," I finished, peeking over at Peter and Charlotte.

Peter's eyes were wider than saucers and Charlotte seemed frozen where she sat. Her head snapped towards Peter, her red eyes pricking. "Children of the Moon?" she spat. Confusion radiated off of me as Peter stiffened.

"No," Jasper immediately replied, sounding sure.

"What are Children of the Moon?"

Their gazes returned to me, Jasper's frustrated eyes softening a bit. "Werewolves, Bella. But it couldn't be the _traditional_ Children of the Moon. You were out during the day when you saw them. Like in myths, those werewolves can only transform on the full moon. Not to mention Caius had most of them destroyed centuries ago," he explained, causing my shoulders to slump in relief.

"Caius... he's one of the Volturi?" I faintly remembered that name from what I have learned of the group.

Jasper nodded before Peter spoke. "Plus those things usually ain't in control when they're transformed, causin' blood baths. That's why that Volturi bastard had most of em' killed. Smartest thing they've ever done," he snorted.

I shivered at the thought. But it was clear the wolves I saw were in control.

"So if it's not them, then what _did_ you see? It would be somethin' to know whether that Laurent is still out there," Charlotte murmured.

"I've been thinking about that," Jasper scowled, his eyes troubled. "Bella, do you remember what we were talking about the day I first called you? That friend of yours—Jacob."

My brows furrowed as I stared at him, not knowing where he was going with this. "Yes. What about him?"

"You mentioned the story he told you, it being the way you found out about vampires? Well, I remember Carlisle briefly telling Alice and I about it decades ago. About the Quileute's..."

"Are you trying to insinuate that _Jacob_ is a werewolf?" I sputtered, staring at him as if he had grown a second head.

"I don't know _._ But ever since you mentioned the story, and now this, I just don't understand how they knew our existence. Yes, it may have been possible they met one of us before, the information passing down. But the fact that they were fearless enough to make their deal," he pressed, obviously wanting me to remember more.

"They had to be confident enough to approach, knowing they could defend themselves. Otherwise, that could have been a death sentence. They are also close to the area. Was there anything mentioned about wolves in the story he told you?"

Weighing his words, I tried to think back to the stories Jacob had told me on the beach. I obviously remembered the one about the cold ones. But the others... were harder to recall. The room was silent as I pulled at my memories, trying my hardest to bring back every word that was said. I faintly remembered one about canoes, first, it not being any help. Thinking more about wolves, I froze where I sat as familiar words ran through my head.

 _Another legend claims that we descended from wolves—and that the wolves are our brothers still._

Swallowing roughly, I paled. Truly considering things now, I thought back to my last days with Jake. The unbelievable growth spurts. The strength. How warm his skin was the night at the movies. _His current avoidance._ Was it possible? I remembered Sam's odd stares. How worried Jacob had been, wondering if they were some type of cult. Yeah, a werewolf one.

 _Werewolves have enemies?_

 _Only one._

They attacked Laurent, who hadn't returned to end me that night. My nerves churned, it feeling as though I were about to collapse onto the floor. One type of mythical creature was enough in my life!

A cocoon of peace swaddled around me, allowing my anxiety to fade. Meeting Jasper's worried gaze, I didn't know how to begin.

"He did mention a story about wolves," I croaked, Jasper's eyes hardening. "A story that their ancestors were descended from them."

Jasper's glare was as hard as stone. "Well, that explains things," he muttered, a slight grimace pulled across his face. As he twisted to Peter and Charlotte, I noticed their grave expressions. "I'll have to show the two of you the border of their land. Don't cross it. As for huntin', get as far away from Forks to do so. That is needed anyway," he sighed.

Peter slumped back on the couch, an exasperated chuckle rumbling within his chest. "Damn, Bell. Datin' a vampire and friends with a werewolf. You're more of an adrenaline junkie than I thought," he snickered.

"It's a good thing she is friends with this wolf boy," Charlotte stated, her red eyes almost amused. "He saved you from Laurent. Have there been any deaths recently from those Quileutes? Or have you spoken to your friend lately?"

I shook my head. "Charlie would have told me if there were any deaths. But I haven't talked to Jacob for a couple of weeks. It was when he claimed to be sick... although nothing made sense."

"That must have been when the change occurred," Jasper muttered.

"Well if they're still around, then they must've killed that fucker," Peter snorted, making my jaw drop. To think that they had the ability to kill a _vampire_ was hard for my mind to wrap around.

"That's also why Victoria hasn't gotten to you if she has already tried. Either they have already taken care of her, or keep fending her away," Jasper added, deep in thought. "You need to talk to Jacob, Bella. If we are right, then it would be good to know what they do so far."

"I will tomorrow after school," I replied, although it wasn't something I was looking forward to. Not only was the conversation going to be rough, but managing to _talk_ to him would be a miracle.

"I'd prefer it if you'd call him. We know nothing at all about them—and if you go onto their land, there would be no way I could get to you if things went downhill." His eyes darkened, his mouth a thin line.

"I could probably manage that," I considered. "If Billy answers and I tell him I need to talk about Jacob about his _secret,_ then he'd more than likely have no choice but to speak to me. You could be with me if he comes over," I offered.

Jasper nodded, seeming content with that.

"Besides those weird ass wolves, what are we going to do?" Peter grinned.

"We need more information before all that," Charlotte shook her head. "Like we said earlier, it could be just the one girl or several others. We don't know where they are or when they're goin' to be around."

"I hate to say it, but we need that pixie bitch," Peter grumbled.

"We didn't need her _before_ ," Jasper muttered, finally sitting down across from me. What before did he mean? "If Alice gets involved, that means everyone would come home."

"That might be good, Sugar," Charlotte coaxed, pursing her lips.

I stiffened at the thought. I knew deep down that I would love to see Alice and Emmett. It would be wonderful to see Carlisle and Esme as well, but could I handle seeing _him_? It began to grow harder to breathe, the hole in my chest throbbing at the thought. If he were to come back, then leave again, I didn't know what I would do. It would be agony seeing him, yet knowing I wasn't wanted at the same time.

I barely noticed Jasper's eyes settle on me until the rush of calm swallowed up the black abyss. "Let's just see how things go before we bring them home," he said, much to my relief. It was clear by the authority in his voice that he wasn't to be argued with.

Focusing intently, I tried to throw off as much gratitude as I could muster. I didn't miss the twitch to his lips.

"Major's right, Char. It could just be that one psycho chick and we could snatch her up tomorrow. Hell, them wolves might'a already done that," Peter nonchalantly shrugged.

I still didn't understand their lack of concern for Victoria. Thinking back, all of the Cullen's had freaked out because of James. Jasper, however, hardly seemed worried then, either.

"I'll watch out for Bella like I did last night. Whenever I hunt, one of you can step in," Jasper drawled, much to my chagrin. I didn't want them playing babysitters, but was there really any choice?

"We'd be happy to," Charlotte smiled, Peter's matching.

"You need to quit worrin' over there, Sugar. You're as safe as safe can be," Peter smugly grinned, his crimson eyes at ease.

"She said this morning that she was worried about us," Jasper scoffed, causing me to throw him a dirty look.

Like Jasper, Peter immediately broke into a fit of laughter, Charlotte's tinkling giggle mixing in. My jaw clenched frustratedly—was this just a normal reaction?

"That just made my day," Peter chortled, while Jasper cracked a grin. "She don't know much about you, does she Major?"

"No, Bella doesn't know all of my history, nor yours. I was going to tell all the stories later on," he added, looking back at me.

"Well then, I'll tell you Sugar, not a soul is gonna want to mess with him. You want the toughest bodyguard in the world, well you got it," he snickered as I glared back.

I was itching to know these stories—why they seemed so sure of themselves. What happened in Jasper's past that made him so confident? I knew he was in the Confederate Army, but that wouldn't help concerning vampires fighting.

Feeling my curiosity, Jasper smiled halfheartedly. "I'll tell you later, darlin', I promise. It's a long story," he warned.

Nodding, I returned his smile. It was something I could look forward to, hearing some more of Jasper's history. If what Peter said about no other vampire wanting to mess with him was true, then it would also help to ease my nerves.

Just looking around at the three confident faces around me, it was enough to ease them already.

* * *

 **Please review and I hope that everyone enjoyed!**


	9. Chapter 9

It was so strange being in this familiar house while it felt like a different one altogether.

I was at ease. Funny enough, it was around the vampire who lunged at me on my birthday and two who drank from humans. Still, I couldn't help but remember just how uneasy I had been each time I had visited before.

Scared to say something wrong in from of _him._ Uncomfortable when Rosalie would shoot me harsh glares. Silently allowing Alice to force me into different outfits. Not wanting to disappoint Carlisle and Esme... I suppose Emmett made things a bit lighter. And Jasper back then... he rarely spoke, always looming in the corner if he was even in the room at all.

Now I was leaning back against the couch, watching as Peter explored the house he would currently be staying in. Charlotte was watching with a loving grin, laughing as drapes were pulled off the furniture pieces.

"Be careful with the furniture. Upsetting Esme is the last thing you'd want to do," Jasper smirked, balancing his elbows on his knees. Unlike him, Charlotte and Peter had no concern whether or not they mimicked a human.

"What, she gonna get me?" Peter snorted, rolling his red eyes.

"Unless you're one cold hearted bastard, just seeing her cry or even slightly upset will make you feel like shit." His smirk grew as Peter shot him a glare.

Charlotte's tinkling laughter filled the air as Peter ripped the drape off of the grand piano.

His face shriveled as he looked back at us. "A piano?"

"It was _his_ ," I replied, unable to look at the mocking instrument.

I was startled as Peter began to laugh. "Eddie's, huh? You wanna help me smash it, Sugar? I'm sure Esme won't be too upset if just _one_ furniture piece is destroyed," he snickered, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Rosalie plays it, too," Jasper sighed, disappointedly. "Unlike Esme, she'll come after you with a match," he chuckled.

Peter's frown was almost heartbreaking. "I don't really see the point in playin' instruments anymore. Ain't much of a talent when we can play anythin' perfectly. With our non-fadin' memories and coordination, what's amazin' about it?"

"It's called a hobby, Peter," Charlotte sighed, shaking her head as Peter began to poke around the kitchen.

Remembering when I first heard _him_ play the piano, I had been so amazed. Unable to look away as his fingers flew across the keys, a tear even rolling down my cheek. I never really thought about it like Peter had—how easy it must have been when it looked so intricate. Memorizing notes would be nothing, hitting the right notes would be as simple as walking down the street. Well, not for me, anyway.

 _He_ wasn't as incredible as I once thought him to be, I was starting to realize.

"Honey, come look at this thing!" Peter called, probably inspecting the toaster or blender.

Charlotte rose from the couch, Jasper standing as well. "Where'd you guys put my stuff, by the way?" he asked.

Charlotte pointed to the stairs. "Over there—didn't know which room was yours," she replied, smiling sheepishly before leaving to find Peter.

"You can come if you want. Shouldn't take me long to put everything away," Jasper offered, pausing.

I was up within a second, nodding my head. I followed as Jasper reached the stairs, picking up his luggage as if it weighed nothing. Climbing the steps and turning into the first hall, I was shocked when he stopped in front of an unfamiliar door.

"I thought you were going to your room?" I had been there plenty when Alice stuffed me into her giant closet. I figured that was where he would be taking us.

He shook his head. "This is my study. More like my room than the other," he smiled, pushing the door open.

Stepping inside, I gazed around in awe. The bookworm in me went crazy with delight within my mind as I stared at the massive bookshelf, coating the entire east wall. A large mahogany desk sat by the window, orderly and neat. A comfy looking caramel chair sat in the corner, perfect to grab one of those books and read in.

I flitted straight for the bookshelf, paying no mind to Jasper's deep chuckle. I scanned each of the titles, seeing most were war stories. The main focus was the Civil War, which didn't surprise me. But scattered within all the different books were others circling around history and philosophy.

"History and philosophy," I smiled, it fitting for him.

I peeked over to see Jasper laying a laptop on his desk before shoving a stack of papers into one of the drawers. The corners of his lips tugged. "For obvious reasons," he flashed a grin. "It's usually what I study if I attend college. The stories around the Civil War are more for entertainment than anything," he shrugged.

Nodding, I turned back, allowing my fingers to trail over the spines of the books. "I'm more into classics than anything. _Wuthering Heights_ is my favorite," I murmured. When was the last time I read for the joy of it? _Not since_ he _left._

"I haven't read many classics," Jasper admitted, shutting the bottom drawer of his desk.

"Well... perhaps we could trade?" I offered, turning back to look at him. "You could give me a good story about the Civil War and I could give you a classic to read?" It would be wonderful to start reading again, and perhaps I would even like the ones that he did.

His eyes were warm. "That sounds good," he agreed, his smile soft.

I barely noticed the blush that crept into my cheeks as he returned to emptying his bag. I noticed what looked like two golden buttons he laid on top of the desk.

"What are those?" I asked, stepping a bit closer to inspect them.

His smile grew wider. "One of the only mementos I truly have." He picked up one of the gold buttons, laying it in the palm of my hand. Looking at it closer, I saw that it was a button, an intricate design on its golden surface. "When I was... changed, I was wearing my uniform. As a newborn, you aren't really careful. It's hard to know how to handle things at first, accidentally ripping or crushing anything you touched. Wish I could have saved that coat—especially knowing how valuable it would be today. But I did manage to keep a couple of those after all these years."

My mouth hung wide open as I stared at what I now held delicately as if _I_ could possibly destroy it. "That's amazing. It's good that you thought to keep them," I smiled softly, carefully handing the button back.

Jasper placed it back onto his desk, the golden button sitting pridefully with the other. "I'm glad I did. Better than nothing," he chuckled, going back to his bag.

Lifting out his clothing, he walked to the opposite wall, opening what I assumed was his closet. I wondered why he didn't use the one in his and Alice's room. But knowing her, there probably wasn't any space.

Gazing around at the soothing room, it felt far homier than the rest of the house. Cozy. Instead of the usual whites and pale colors within the rest of the house, the walls were a warm burgundy, flowing well with the wooden floors.

"So besides reading, what do you use your study for?" I asked. It would be perfectly reasonable to just have it for privacy—well, as much of it as you could get in a house full of vampires. But the desk didn't really explain that.

Taking another arm full of clothes to the closet, Jasper chuckled. "We have different responsibilities within the family to keep out of human notice. I usually take care of all the fake birth certificates, licenses, bank accounts, passports. Anything that could lead back to us," he replied, shutting the closet door.

So Jasper certainly did play a bigger part than the quiet vampire in the corner. As funny as it may sound, a part of me was glad that I was given this opportunity to get to know him. Even though I lost a lot—he wasn't gone. In a way, it had given me more.

"Well, I'm finished up. It's starting to get late, too—I should probably get you back home before Charlie realizes you're gone," he smiled, while I looked out the window. He was right—it was getting late. I hated he could feel my disappointment.

"We can come back over any time you'd like, Bella," he promised, before heading over to his bookshelf. Gazing over it quickly, he quickly selected a book, smirking as he handed it to me.

"My half of the trade. I'll be expecting your book tomorrow."

* * *

I remembered my hatred for school when I had opened my eyes the next morning.

After all of the excitement from the previous day, I was in no mood to go, especially now that I was speaking with my old friends once again. I wasn't eager for Jessica and Lauren's rude remarks, along with how Mike has been acting ever since the movie disaster. At least there was Angela and Ben.

Yawning, I scarfed down a quick bowl of cereal, shaking away the lingering remnants of last night's dreams, hoping I hadn't bothered Jasper again due to them. When I walked outside, I was surprised to see him waiting for me by my truck. Smiling brightly, I hurried over to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"What's it look like?" he snickered, opening my door for me. I secretly loved the fact that he didn't beg to drive, nor complain about my slow speed. "Just my luck, if I wasn't with you, it would be the exact time Victoria would get to you. Run out in front of the road—cause you to wreck."

"Peter was right when he called you a bodyguard," I snickered as I entered my truck. The morning didn't seem as bleak as before, the aching hole in my chest pushed far to the side.

Jasper rolled his eyes as he entered beside me. "You tell him that when he looks after you while you're at school. I'm going to hunt today—he'll be with you on your way home if you don't mind," he smiled halfheartedly.

"I don't mind."

"We won't be suffocating you like this for too long, I believe. I don't want you to see it like that—things should be clearer today after you call your friend."

Starting up my truck, I frowned. "I forgot about that. I'll call Billy after school, just have to hope that he answers. And... you guys aren't suffocating me. I actually enjoy all of your company," I murmured, starting down the street.

My thoughts began to drift, wondering if it was bothering _them_. The thought of Jasper secretly hating having to watch over me sent a flash of pain straight through me. They didn't have to do this. If he was right about Jacob, then it would no longer be an issue; it wasn't his burden to bear. But just the thought of him leaving now threatened to rip away the patches that have already been made to that hole in my chest.

Calm knocked all of the bad feelings away. I nearly jumped when I noticed Jasper's narrowed eyes focused on me.

"There you go with those feelings again. We need to work on that," Jasper huffed, shaking his head. Running his fingers through his hair, he rolled down his window for some fresh air. His tense muscles began to relax. "We enjoy your company too, Bella. I'm sorry if my words came off the wrong way—I just didn't want you to feel as though you had no choices involving this. In all reality, you don't," he chuckled humorlessly. "But it is unavoidable at the moment."

"I don't mind it," I repeated, as I pulled into the school parking lot.

"Good," Jasper smiled, which I instantly returned. "Peter will be waiting for you after school. I'll come by your place after I'm done hunting—hopefully your friend will show up."

"I just hope his dad answers," I laughed, pulling my bag up and over my shoulder after unhooking my seatbelt.

"Best of luck, then. I'll see you later," he nodded.

Stepping out of my truck, I turned to wave before heading into the school.

Once the final bell had rung, I wasn't surprised to see Peter leaning up against my truck. Nearly every person was staring at the perfect man, his sunglasses covering his red eyes. His smirk continued to grow as he apparently noticed it as well.

"Hey, Sugar. How was school?" he snickered, pushing himself off the side of my truck.

"Same as always. You're loving this attention, aren't you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Always, Sweet Pea. Bet you'll get plenty tomorrow," he chuckled, amused by my grimace.

"Unlikely," I grumbled, hopping into my truck after he opened the door.

It looked as though it took everything he had not to sprint to the other side, which made things up for me.

"It smells like baccy in here. You smoke?" Peter's eyebrows rose as I twisted my keys, the trucks loud engine starting.

"Definitely," I sarcastically grinned, rolling my eyes. "The smell lingers. My dad got my truck from a friend of his. It was just a bonus," I laughed lightly, pulling out of the school.

"Not bad."

"I'm glad you decided to wear sunglasses. That would be something I'd hate to explain to people tomorrow."

Peter grinned, leaning back in his seat. "So you'd rather be asked about your handsome devil of a friend instead of why the hell your friend has red eyes? I can see that. Char's out at the moment gettin' those damn contacts. Hate them things," he scowled, pulling off his sunglasses.

"Why?"

"They're irritatin'. You focus more on em' than your surroundin's. Plus they never last."

Pulling into my driveway, Peter was quick to exit, opening my door faster than I could blink. He and Jasper both have still remained gentlemen, which was nice to see. Stepping out, I shrugged my bag over my shoulder.

"Alright, Sugar. I'll be close by, shout if ya need anythin'," he smiled.

He was gone within a second, leaving nothing but a breeze in return. Frowning, I took out my phone.

It was time to try and call Jacob.

Nervously, I chewed my lip as I dialed his number, shifting between my feet as I waited. The phone continued to ring over and over as I was beginning to give up. It was a relief when my call was answered.

"Hello, Bella," Billy greeted, although his tone was far from friendly.

"Hi, Billy. Is Jacob there? I need to talk to him," I sighed, knowing his answer already.

"No, he's out with some friends at the moment."

I scowled. "Well, tell him to come see me when he gets home. I need to talk to him about his little _secret_ ," I spat, hanging up before Billy could reply.

Shaking my head, I stalked into my house, lazily allowing my bag to slide from my shoulder. All I could do now was wait.

* * *

Charlie could tell that something was different. He had been nonchalant yesterday, I guessed, just thinking that it was a rare good day. But it was stunning to hear him say that there was life back within my eyes today. I had just been preparing dinner, setting down his plate when he said it.

Part of me wanted to tell him the truth. That Jasper was here. That I was becoming friends with two great new people. And possibly I could be friends with Jacob once again if he decided to come tonight.

Instead, I just shrugged, giving him a small smile and saying that I just felt good. It was a lucky thing that Charlie didn't pry. He gifted me with his eye-crinkling smile before silently beginning to eat.

I was now sitting in bed, waiting for Jasper or even Jacob.

Charlie's snores rumbled within the house as Jasper finally pulled himself into my window—which was once again becoming a door.

"Have a nice hunt?" I chuckled, noticing his lighter eyes.

"It was decent," he shrugged, cracking a half smile. Lingering by the window, he cocked his head to the side. "Did you call Jacob?"

"I did. His dad answered. I told him to send Jake over when he got home so I could talk to him about his secret. He hasn't come yet, though."

"If he refuses to come over, you'll just have to wait outside his house," Jasper snorted, crossing his arms. "I particularly wouldn't like that, so he'd better show up."

Sitting up in my bed, I leaned over to my bookshelf. Looking over the titles, I finally found my worn copy of _Wuthering Heights_ , pulling it out.

"Here's your half of the trade," I smiled, setting the tattered paperback on my bedside table for him to take when he left.

"Your favorite?" Jasper chuckled, looking at the title from his distance.

I nodded. "What better start to our book exchange?"

"Very true." His light eyes flashed out into the night, his muscles not as tight as they were earlier in the car. More at ease after his hunt.

Peaceful silence lingered within the room as we both continued to wait. After nearly an hour, I was about to call it quits for the night, not expecting Jacob to show. But that was when Jasper suddenly stiffened, his eyes focused on something out the window.

"He's here." Disgust lined his tone, his expression twisting into a scowl as he backed to my bedside.

"Jacob?"

I didn't know whether I should be scared or excited to see him. If Jasper was right—which I knew he more than likely was—how would things fare between the two of them? The last thing in the world I would want would be the two of them fighting.

Focusing on the open window, I began to approach to see if Jacob could manage to come up. Right as I took a step, however, Jasper laid a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to a stop. It took everything within me not to shiver from the cold, his grip surprisingly light.

"Give him some space," he nodded, his narrowed eyes refusing to leave the window.

Hearing a few thuds and leaves shaking on the tree's branches, it wasn't long before Jacob's hands gripped the bottom of the window. It took him less than a second to haul himself inside, landing perfectly on the heels of his feet.

I sucked in a startled breath, shocked to see the man before me. He was even taller than before, the growth spurt not ending. He was bigger as well, his muscles nearly matching Emmett's. The one thing that struck me was his hair. His once silky black hair that hung past his shoulders was now cropped short, its absence sending a pang through my heart.

He stood shirtless, wearing only a small pair of shorts. His once warm eyes were trained specifically on Jasper, filled with hate as his nostrils flared. It was hard not to notice his hands shaking by his sides, his expression contorting into one of pure fury.

"Jacob?" I whispered, my voice broken.

It was clear to me that he was different. That Jasper was right—that he _was_ a werewolf. One that had saved me from Laurent and scared me half to death.

His cold eyes snapped to me, glaring at me as if they could pierce through steel. "What do you want, Bella?" he growled, his teeth tightly barred.

Jasper stepped forward, his expression more than terrifying. Taking hold of his arm, I swallowed roughly, not wanting them to fight. Seeing Jacob's shaking increasing, I knew that would be the case. Jasper peeked down at me curiously, then at my fingers that tightly gripped his arm. He felt like a safety raft at the moment, just in case Jacob tried to break me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered, not even bothering to ask what he really was. Seeing his obvious change and anger towards Jasper, there was no reason.

For just a second I saw my Jacob. His eyes warmed as he looked back to me before they chilled over. "It wasn't my secret to tell. You should know that," he hatefully spat. "Kind of funny. I'm the one who told you about the bloodsuckers and apparently they told you about me." His dark eyes fell back to Jasper.

"Wasn't hard to guess, dog," Jasper condescendingly replied, as still as a statue. It was ironic, seeing one unmoving while the other uncontrollably shook.

Jacob's lips curled back maliciously as he refused to glance at Jasper. "Since you have your precious _Cullen's_ back, why am I here?" His voice was emotionless as he spoke to me, the hole in my chest aching.

"Jake..." My voice drifted, that familiar black abyss threatening to swallow me up. "You're my friend. You promised—you promised that I could count on you, that you'd always be there," I reminded him. A flush of calm ate away at the hauntingly familiar feelings, allowing me to think rationally.

I saw a brief flash of pain within his eyes. Rage replaced it as he looked back to Jasper. "Looks like you have them for that," he growled, before twisting to the window.

I was about to call for him to wait—that things could work out, that we could still be friends. We still had to talk about Laurent and Victoria. But before a word could leave my lips, Jacob halted where he stood, the shaking within his arms falling away without a hint.

Shrugging off my arm, Jasper stepped towards his frozen form, the look on his face chilling _me_ to my bones. Even more shocking, pure terror leaked from Jacob's wide eyes.

Jasper smirked.

"You'd better start rethinkin' your words pretty quick, dog," he growled lowly. "I'm the only Cullen that's back, a couple of friends with me to look after Bella. Now I want to know what you do about the one vampire you saved her from and if you've seen the female," he ordered.

"Quit messing with my emotions," Jacob spat, shakily taking a step back.

My jaw dropped as Jasper's eyes narrowed, Jacob's knees nearly going out right after.

"I will when you answer me."

Was this what Peter was talking about? How Jasper was one of the most feared vampires? By the looks of it, he was contorting Jacob's emotions a lot differently than I was used to. I was used to him making me calm, sleepy, happy. Good things. But it looked like Jacob was simply terrified of him, perhaps even in pain.

"You mean the redhead?" Jacob's voice wavered as his face scrunched.

"Yes. I take it she's been around?"

Jacob sucked in a deep breath, it appearing that Jasper eased up on his emotions. Standing a bit straighter, his eyes were like razors as he glared at Jasper.

"She's been poking at our borders. Every time we chase after her, she retreats. It's impossible to catch the leech."

"And the one you saved Bella from?"

"Taken care of."

Now I was gawking at him, allowing the words to sink in. It had been a _possibility_ that Jacob had run Laurent off, an even smaller one that Laurent was destroyed. Now it was the straight reality.

I barely noticed Jasper's clipped nod, his features relaxing a bit. "Good. Any others?"

"No. Should there be? What the hell do they want?" Jacob huffed, it seeming to grow on his nerves having to speak to Jasper. But it looked as though he didn't have a choice.

"They want me," I whispered, Jacob's eyes snapping to mine. Even though Jasper was apparently keeping him calm, his hands began to shake again.

"Last year, Victoria's mate attacked Bella," Jasper explained, crossing his arms. "Of course, we destroyed him. Now she's after Bella with a vengeance."

Jacob's eyes pricked. "Now that you're back, we can't protect Bella unless she is on our land," he stated, a hard edge to his voice.

"That won't be necessary. My friends and I can handle it when she's not. I don't expect any harm to go to them either—they will not cross your border or hunt in the area."

I saw Jacob's jaw clench, but then he reluctantly nodded. "If that's all, I need to go," he emotionlessly muttered, eyeing the window.

"It would probably be best if I spoke to the rest of you," Jasper sighed, it seeming like the words were poisonous on his tongue. "Work out some deals involving Victoria."

"You'll have to take that up with Sam," Jacob coldly replied.

Right as he stepped to the window, I couldn't help but lurch forward and stop him. "Jake..." Once again, my words died away. I didn't know what to say—how I could convince him to still be my friend. That I've missed him and want things to go back to how they used to be between us.

His dark eyes softened as he looked down at me. "Come down to La Push tomorrow. We'll talk," he offered, before glaring back at Jasper.

My shoulders slumped, relief trickling within me. Perhaps things could get back to the way they were, now that I knew what he was. No more secrets.

"I appreciate you taking care of her. I also see that your unstable emotions are no different than the burn in my throat—so I will trust you to look after her when she's in your company. You'd better watch your anger when she's with you, though," Jasper bristled. "If you hurt her, I won't give a damn about any treaty."

"Same to you."

With that, Jacob threw me one last look before slipping his legs over the window, then dropping down into the night. Rushing over, I gripped the window's edge as I watched him land with perfect grace.

He sprinted away, fading into the dark.

* * *

 **Please review and I hope everyone enjoyed!**


	10. Chapter 10

"Well, you were right."

My emotions swirled in complete disarray as I gazed out the window. Jacob had been gone for a while now, yet silence still cloaked my room. It had been one long day, but it ended far better than I had imagined. Turning around, I saw Jasper as still as a statue, his eyes focused on my book. The moonlight through the window reflected off his hair, making the gold appear silver as he sat in my rocking chair.

Pursing my lips, I slowly walked over to my bed, sitting down. My eyelids were beginning to droop, but I had no desire to sleep. I would take speaking to Jasper over facing my dreams any day—so I would take full advantage of the fact that he was still here.

"So... what is the plan now that we know Jacob is involved?" I asked, uncomfortably shifting where I sat. I was unsure what exactly to think about Jacob now. In all reality, I was extremely nervous to speak with him tomorrow. Just because he said I could didn't mean that things would go back to how they used to be. How could they?

Jasper's eyes flickered up, my book falling shut on his lap. He slowly allowed the chair to rock, the wood quietly creaking. "I'd like to speak to whoever Sam is. Your friend said that Victoria kept poking around the borders of their land—that will make things quite difficult for us if we are pursuing her. She would have the advantage by jumping between borders, even if the wolves are on the other side.

If I could convince him to allow Peter, Charlotte and me to come onto their land, only in this case, then she would lose all advantage whatsoever. It would be _too_ easy."

I bit my lip, unsure how exactly that would go. "I don't know, Jasper. Don't you think things wouldn't go very well?" I whispered, my eyebrows furrowing. "I mean, they aren't really fans of vampires. Working with them seems kind of... odd," I chuckled.

"You never know. We'll be willing to do it if they are," he shrugged. "It's not like the treaty would be officially be broken. It would be a deal only for the time being. We wouldn't be going on their land without reason, and once she's gone, we wouldn't go on it again."

"It's a thing called pride," I snickered, flashing a small smile. "It's a good idea, though. I'll talk to Jacob about bringing Sam over sometime for you to meet and discuss this with."

"Until then, we can go on with things like normal. Peter and Charlotte could track her if they catch their scent while hunting, just like the wolves."

Shutting my eyes, it felt fantastic to know that things were a lot more simple than I had originally thought. Instead of worrying about Victoria, I could just enjoy Jasper's company.

"I feel kind of bad," I murmured, growing tired as I laid back, pulling the covers over me.

"What for?"

"Well... Victoria is doing this because the person she loved was taken from her. Yes, it was his fault, and there was nothing I could do about it. But I wouldn't be very happy in her place, either," I explained.

Jasper hummed beneath his breath. "You are sometimes _too_ nice for your own good," he sighed, although his smile was light. "In all reality, though, I could feel her love for him. But do you want to know the truth?" he asked, leaning forward. "The feelings were not reciprocated, Bella. From what I saw, Victoria was simple entertainment to him. He had no emotional ties to her. Why else would he be causing chaos instead of ensuring his and his mate's safety? She was blind to this. So, when you think about it, we did her a favor." His eyes were solemn, not an ounce of pity as his hands clasped together.

"That makes me feel even worse," I deadpanned, shaking my head. "She's throwing everything away for someone who didn't even care."

 _Sound familiar?_

My heart dropped as my mind had to pick that moment to throw a valid point. I was willing to give my life up for _him_. Unlike Victoria, however, I learned the truth.

Jasper's eyes softened. "She has the chance to start anew. It all falls down to whether or not she is willing to start fresh, or live in the past."

My tired eyes were locked on his, and I wondered whether or not he was now speaking about Victoria, or me. Sucking in a deep breath, I shook my head as my eyes shut. "I just wish they would stay out of my dreams," I murmured, knowing that he would understand. How easy was it to start fresh when past memories visited you each night?

"I meant to tell you... I could help you with your dreams, if you'd like," Jasper offered, his voice hesitant.

My eyes snapped open, immediately locking on his gold. "You can?" I breathed, excitement flushing throughout me. I have only had a handful of peaceful nights within the past half year. What he offered was technically a gift.

He nodded, his head twisting to look out the window. "Instead of circling the area like usual, I could just stick to the outside of your house for the night. Close enough that I could keep your emotions in check as well."

My smile nearly cracked my cheeks. "I would love that. But Jasper... you don't have to stay outside, you know. I wouldn't... I wouldn't mind if you stayed here," I shrugged, color staining my cheeks. It wouldn't be the first time someone has stayed in my room while I slept.

His eyes flickered back to me, but it was hard to pinpoint what exactly he was thinking. He looked like he was made from stone as he sat on the rocking chair, no longer allowing it to sway. It was then that I realized what truly might be the problem, my mouth forming a tiny 'o'.

"My scent?" My voice was slightly disappointed, yet full of understanding at the same time.

Of course, he would be more comfortable outside in the fresh air, not having to deal with the burn within his throat all night.

"I need to learn to get used to it anyway," he shook his head. "In fact, staying in your company that long would actually be helpful. I'm just confused as to why you'd be alright with it," he chuckled, raising his eyebrows. "I always thought it odd that Edward found it okay to sneak into a woman's bedroom at night to watch her sleep. How you didn't find that... disturbing, I will never know."

I couldn't help the laughs that tumbled from my throat, having to slap my hand over my mouth to prevent waking Charlie. "You're right, that was weird to find out. But I think your case is pretty different," I smiled, re-shutting my eyes. "You'd be standing outside, anyway. Plus it will help you work on your control. You said you wanted to help me work on my emotions—well I can help you with this in return."

Jasper was silent for a moment, before finally replying. "If you're alright with it, then I suppose I will stay."

I couldn't help my smile. "This might be even more helpful than before," I murmured, my words immediately followed by a yawn.

"How so?"

Barely cracking my eyes open, I saw Jasper's expression twisted in a confused manner.

"Before there was always someone who could read minds and get your attention if your thoughts turned the wrong direction. There was someone who could see the future and would know if you would lose control, turning your path on a different course before it even got there. There was someone who was strong enough to hold you back if you lunged.

You were used to being monitored every minute, not focusing strictly on your control. You knew in the back of your mind that there were plenty of other people already doing so." My eyes grew warm as I tiredly shrugged. "Now without that, I think it will get you farther. Make you stronger," I smiled.

I barely caught the sight of Jasper's shocked eyes before mine shut again. I was barely half awake, no longer even bothering to try and remain conscious.

"And you're willing to test that?" So many different emotions were smashed together with his tone, to the point where I couldn't pick them apart. I did, however, feel what seemed to be gratitude trickle throughout me.

"I trust you."

I didn't hear another word as I sank into a deep, _dreamless,_ sleep.

* * *

It took me only seconds to realize a few things when I awoke in the morning.

First, I slept without a single nightmare. Second, at this moment, I felt more alive than I have in _months_. The deep sleep resulted in me being wide awake and feeling as though I were truly ready to take on the day. And third, Jasper was still here.

Right as that last thought entered my mind, I sprang up from my bed, not caring that my hair looked like a haystack on top of my head. My eyes were wide as I stared at Jasper, who was still sitting on the rocking chair in the corner. My book was nearly halfway done as he read, his eyes flipping across the words faster than I could comprehend.

A rush of warmth filled me, my smile wide as I stared at him. He _stayed_. He got rid of my nightmares, just like he promised.

That was when his gold eyes popped up, meeting mine. "Mornin'," he nodded, smiling lightly as he shut the book. I presumed he already had the page memorized.

"Good morning," I replied, stretching out my arms.

I felt like a brand new person this morning. I didn't have to get over my nightmares. I didn't have the familiar burn in my throat. I didn't have to focus on shoving my memories away. And there certainly was no throbbing hole in my chest, or even any numbness to block it.

All of the radiant happiness flickered away when I noticed the red digits on my clock. Paling, I shot up from my bed, unsure what exactly to do. I've already missed three hours of school!

Jasper sheepishly leaned back in the rocking chair, shooting me an apologetic grin. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you, darlin'. Didn't want to interrupt your sleep," he shrugged, although I could tell there was something else he wasn't including.

"Why didn't Charlie wake me up?"

I could tell that if blood still ran through his veins, it would now be in his cheeks. "I might've made him a bit eager for work," he chuckled.

My eyes narrowed. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Are you that disappointed in missing school?" One eyebrow arched as he cockily grinned.

"Not really. Because of Peter, I'm not eager about going back, anyway. Plus it's the perfect excuse to get out of work today so I can go see Jake."

"What did Peter do?"

"You're trying to distract me," I huffed, crossing my arms.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "I listened to you scream in your sleep for two nights. Not only did you deserve to sleep well until you woke up on your own, but it was nice to hear you speak instead."

His eyes twinkled while my head dropped. All the embarrassment that began to eat away at me was replaced by calm.

"Bella, it's not that bad. I just see why _he_ liked to stay here, now. I'd be lyin' if I said it wasn't entertainin'. More so than this book," he grumbled, setting it on the bedside table.

"What did I say?" I glared at him, wishing I would have thought of this before inviting him to stay. I already went through this one time. "Let me guess, your name?"

I could tell by his smile that I was right. At least this wasn't as embarrassing as the time I said 'I love you' in my sleep.

"What's wrong with _Wuthering Heights_?" I asked, wanting to get off this subject.

His mouth twisted into a scowl. "Catherine irritates me," he shrugged. "Hell, they _all_ irritate me, but I can't stand her," he spat, while I broke into a fit of laughter.

Listening to Major Jasper Whitlock complaining about a classical book character was a fabulous way to start the day.

"Why?"

"I'm at the part where she wants to marry that Edgar guy because he's high up on the social status. She loves Heathcliff but doesn't want him because he's not. That's bullshit."

"She wants Edgar to raise Heathcliff higher up, though," I reasoned, although I agreed with him. My smile was beginning to hurt while I watched his eyes prick.

"If she really loved him, that wouldn't matter. And if I were him, I wouldn't give her the time of day after that. Why are you making me read this anyway?" he snapped, throwing the beaten book a dirty glare.

"Because I'm going to be reading a book on the Civil War. If you dislike _Wuthering Heights_ , then I bet I won't be a fan of your book, either," I chuckled.

Pausing for a moment, looking him over I saw that he seemed perfectly at ease. He was relaxed, his eyes still a bright gold after he stayed the entire night.

"Was it hard... staying here last night?" I asked, pursing my lips.

His expression smoothened. "Not really. I had already been around you for a while—the more time that passed, the more I got used to things." His smile was light, accomplished. "To tell you the truth, I haven't thought much of it until you just brought it up."

The relief was astounding. Maybe this was just what Jasper needed to maintain his control. Still, I remembered what _he_ once said to me. That it was easy when remaining in someone's presence for long. But right when they leave, you have to start from the beginning. Jasper would have to start again tonight once I got back from Jacob's.

"What is it?"

Looking up, I met his eyes while I realized I have been awkwardly standing in the middle of my room this entire conversation. Shifting my weight, I decided it didn't matter.

"Will it be harder tonight once I get back from Jacob's?"

His eyes pricked. "It won't be as easy, no. But that is why we are doing this, remember?" His halfhearted smile showed that he wasn't looking forward to it, either.

Nodding glumly, I walked to my closet, taking out some clothes for today. Turning, I saw Jasper now standing at my desk, looking at some old pictures from when I was younger.

"Um... I'm going to go get ready for the day. Are you going to stay?" I asked, a hopeful edge to my voice.

The corner of his lips jerked up as he kept his gaze on the old photos, nodding his head. "If you'd like," he replied as if he didn't already know what that answer would be.

I was out of the room right as I muttered yes, not wanting to see his smirk. Slipping into the bathroom, I was startled once I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was expecting to see the dark shadows beneath my eyes, along with my usually dull eyes. Instead, I met with the complete opposite. There were no shadows, my skin just as pale there as it was on the rest of my face. And my eyes... they looked like they belonged to someone else. Brighter. Alive.

Was Jasper even aware how much he has done in the past few days?

I went through my morning routine in a rush, not caring about my hair that damply laid against my shoulders and back. After I called in sick for work, I padded down the stairs to see Jasper sitting at the kitchen table. He was looking over one of my cereal boxes, more than likely reading over the ingredients.

Smiling lightly, I took it from his grip, pouring some of the cereal into a bowl. "Are you that interested in this stuff?" I mused, sitting down across from him.

He chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "It is just strange. I don't have many human memories, but there was nothing like _that_ , I'm sure."

Slowly chewing a bite, I shrugged my shoulders. "You missed out on a lot of stuff. To think that you never got to experience soda, pizza... not even a Hershey's chocolate bar," I shook my head. That was horrific.

"If it tastes remotely like whatever you are currently eating, I doubt I would have minded missing it."

"No. The few things I listed are pure heaven," I laughed. "What do you remember?"

His gaze dropped to the table, his fingers purposelessly tracing the edge. "The one thing I remember involving food, was my Ma in the kitchen," he smiled, his eyes soft. "It's just one little moment—that's how human memories typically go. Random little moments that you cling to. I faintly remember her preparing something—I think it was vegetable stew. That's what we had most of the time," he snickered, meeting my gaze.

"My Gran used to make that a lot, especially during the winter," I smiled, allowing myself to think back to some of those old times as well. It seemed like so long ago.

The day progressed the same after I finished my breakfast, old stories being traded. Mine being from when I was much younger, while his were the scarce human memories that he still had. He described it as if trying to look through a foggy day—you could see it faintly, but it wasn't clear. Like a dream, almost.

He told me about his younger sister, whom he sadly couldn't remember's name. He said he recalled his mother scolding him for stealing his sister's little cloth doll, hiding it within their old house for her to find when they were younger. The only other thing he could remember about his sister was her blond hair that was almost always in pigtails.

He told me about their dog, a little mutt that had wandered up one day. They would feed him scraps, and he would always be waiting on their porch for more.

He told me about his father, the one thing clear that he remembered being his pride when Jasper joined the army.

The description of his home was vague, as much as he could possibly recall. He spoke more about the land that they lived on—the grass stretching endlessly, a few horses wandering about. The cows that had to be milked each morning and the chickens whose eggs were repeatedly collected.

I learned about him quickly rising through the ranks in the army, surpassing those who were over twice his age. His smile pulled wide as he spoke of those two years he had within the army, his stories coming to an end when he got to the part about leading refugees out of Galveston.

I had wondered if that was when Jasper had become a vampire. I was so tempted to ask him, but he had promised to tell me that story, it being his own to share. I wouldn't press when our day had been going so well, _happy_ memories being what we spoke of.

I told him what I could remember about my earlier years—never having complete memories with _both_ of my parents for a long period of time. I spoke of Renee leaving with me when I was only a few months old, craving to live somewhere brighter. Charlie was unable to leave due to having to take care of his parents at the time. Of course now, a silent part of me, found that to be simply cruel for her to abandon him—especially considering that he lost his parents only four years later.

I told him about eccentric Renee, her carefree nature and long list of hobbies. I spoke of how adventurous she was, always eager for something new. I even described Phil—how he was perfect for my mother due to the constant change his traveling brought.

When I talked about Charlie, he mentioned how alike the two of us seemed, which I agreed. I mimicked Charlie's quiet, less outgoing nature than I did my mother's.

Stories from my childhood flowed through my mouth—about being forced into ballet classes, which was why I now hated dancing. Stories about staying with Charlie in the summer and the small memories I still possessed of my grandparents when I would visit.

I described the dry atmosphere of Phoenix, the dusty land and clear sky. How irritated I had been when I moved to Forks—only now I could never imagine going back.

I felt at ease as we traded our stories at the kitchen table, for the first time not hating to talk about myself. Talking with Jasper made each of our memories flow with ease, almost as if it was already planned word by word. It was unlike when _he_ wanted to know about my life, tossing unrelated questions without a second to spare—dissecting me like a frog as I tried to keep up. I didn't have the ease of _him_ returning the favor at the time.

I suppose that is why I told Jasper stories that _he_ never heard. I voiced that fact aloud, and Jasper's response shocked me.

"Alice hasn't heard _any_ of my human memories," he scoffed, while my mouth hung open.

"Why did you never tell her?"

"She doesn't have a single human memory. Why would I share mine?"

"Because she'd want to know?" I threw out exasperatedly.

"She never asked."

His expression was bemused as a flash of anger zipped through me, my eyes narrowing. It shouldn't have _mattered_ that she didn't have any of her own. Shouldn't she have cared enough to find out?

"I thought you said that you weren't interesting," Jasper interrupted my thoughts, skipping away from that previous subject altogether.

I was unaware how much time has passed, although I could tell by looking out the window that it was much later. We were still sitting at the kitchen table, it oddly comfortable.

"Jasper, I told you about my parents, where I lived, horrible dance lessons and about breaking my arm when I was seven. What is interesting about that?" I laughed.

"The fact that you can _remember_ breaking your arm when you were seven. I can't remember my own sister's name or what my parents even looked like. That's pretty interesting to me," he smiled halfheartedly, while my eyes softened.

"You know... you're right."

"I usually am," he smirked, causing me to laugh.

I had never thought a day spent just talking with Jasper would be so precious. But something else I knew that was right, was the fact that I wanted to do it again.

I would be content if every day was spent just like this.

* * *

 **Please review and share your thoughts! Hope everyone enjoyed!**


	11. Chapter 11

It was cold at First Beach as I sat on the driftwood tree. Clutching my jacket close around me, I tried my best not to stare at Jacob by my side, focusing instead on the water. The atmosphere was brittle, neither of us being all too willing to speak first. But what exactly was there to say?

Clearing my throat, I peeked over at him, seeing his dark eyes focused intently on the ground. Like before, he was wearing only a pair of cutoffs, shirtless and his feet bare. Even though the air was chilled, you would believe that the sun was high in the sky and boiling down just by the look of him.

"Jake?" I whispered, figuring that we would have to start speaking some time today.

I had not wanted to leave Jasper earlier. The day had been the best I've had in a long time, for once, nothing hurting. I hated having to say goodbye once I parked at the border, Jasper taking off for a quick hunt. I was now terrified Jacob was about to make up for the lost pain immediately.

"You wanted to talk," he muttered, nodding his head.

My eyes narrowed exasperatedly. Yes, but he could have at the very least made it easy for me! I didn't know whether or not he had become a killer wolf due to all of the stories I have heard. My father was currently out and about, searching for wolves to kill. But Jacob acted as though... he just didn't _care._

"So you're a werewolf now," I awkwardly started, shuffling where I sat. Why couldn't he just smile like he used to, and pretend that none of this ever happened?

"Yep," he curtly replied, his muscles tense. I watched as his jaw locked while his dark eyes stayed on the sand.

"Is there some rule involving that to where you can't be my friend?" I snapped, my irritation building. He could at the very least try!

He jolted, startled. Blinking furiously, he stared at me as if I were a crazy woman. "You don't care?" Hope twinkled within his eyes, along with shock.

Now it was my turn to be confused. Was that what he thought? "You know that I'm friends with vampires. Why would I care? Do you... kill people, Jacob?" My voice wavered, it obvious that I was terrified of his answer. What would I do if he did?

His expression hardened to stone when I mentioned a vampire, his hands uncontrollably shaking. But when I asked if he killed, the shaking slowed until he was once again still.

"No, we don't kill people. Not like your _friends_ ," he spat, causing me to flinch.

"Jasper doesn't kill people."

Yes, it was true that Peter and Charlotte did. But it would probably be better not to mention them at the moment.

Letting out a deep sigh, Jacob's lips became a hard line. "I guess I can say that I'm glad he's the only Cullen that is back," he murmured. "Do the others plan on returning?"

The familiar throb within my chest came back with a vengeance. "No. Just Jasper. He's the only one who has stayed in contact with me," I whispered, my head hanging. I had ached to talk to Jasper about this before—only now I knew I was secretly glad to have a reason not to. Now that reason didn't exist.

It was odd to see his expression grow immediately brighter once I was finished speaking. Was Jacob that thrilled that _he_ wouldn't be coming back? Pulling my jacket tighter, I returned my attention to the waves.

"Good. At least he's concerned about keeping you safe, unlike the rest of the bloodsuckers," he snorted. "Does he plan on staying?"

"Until Victoria is gone." Those words were like broken glass in my mouth. I couldn't even look at Jacob's smile growing even larger.

"Even better. The redhead doesn't have a chance, then."

Well, it was clear that Jake was going to be even more adamant to kill Victoria knowing this. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Swallowing thickly, I noticed the thin sprinkle of rain that began to fall from the sky. "Jasper wants to talk to Sam about a few things involving her. Could you possibly get him to come by later?" I asked, bending down to pick up a small piece of driftwood so I could draw in the sand.

"Sure, sure."

Silence returned as I doodled in the sand, although I could tell that Jacob was much more at ease after our conversation so far. It wasn't long before he spoke again.

"So you really don't care?" he asked, the disbelief within his eyes not fading. Did he think that he would scare me away?

"No, Jake," I chuckled, while his smile grew bright.

I could see my Jacob again as he pulled me forward, wrapping his arms tightly around me. The heat emanating from him would be startling if I didn't know the reason why it was there. Still, the wave of relief that flushed through me made the day even better.

For the rest of the afternoon, I threw each question I had about the wolves to Jacob, unable to help but be curious. I was startled to find out that he was the reddish brown wolf that looked at me—that had gotten so close. It worried me learning that a vampire's venom was fatal to them, yet their teeth were strong enough to rip them apart.

I suppose I just attract the abnormal. In fact, I was beginning to wonder how people lived in ignorant bliss when so much happened around them each day.

Things finally felt back to normal as I pulled myself into my truck, waving goodbye to Jacob after the long day. Well, as normal as they could possibly be. Pulling out my phone, I called Jasper before slowly driving down the road.

"How did things go?" he answered, barely after the first ring finished.

"Better than I expected." I let out a deep gust of air that felt as though it had been waiting. "He avoided me because I wasn't allowed to know the truth... But since we figured it out, there isn't any reason to," I chuckled, finding it to be silly. He could have just told me he was addicted to steroids—that would have been more believable and the questions would have dropped.

"He wasn't angry with you because of my presence?"

I knew he had expected this. By the tone of his voice, he would either be content or infuriated, which was sweet in its own way.

"No. Well, he wasn't ecstatic about it. But when I told him that _he_ wasn't coming back, Jake didn't seem to care anymore."

"Of course he wouldn't," Jasper grumbled lowly. Before I could ask what he meant, he continued, "Are you on your way home now?"

"Yes—I'll be at the border in a few minutes."

"I'll see you there."

The line went dead as I smiled, trying hard not to accelerate on the gas. Continuing down the road, it wasn't long before I saw Jasper standing by the road, his hands shoved into his pockets. There was something different about him, I noticed, while my eyes scanned over him. Instead of the usual sweaters, he was wearing a dark plaid shirt—and _jeans_. Now that was something I never thought I'd see on him... but it was fitting. I'd be lying if I said he didn't look good.

Pulling the truck to a slow stop, he was beside me in an instant, his lips tugged up into a tight smile. I could see he was tense for a moment, getting used to my scent like I knew he would have to. After a few moments, he relaxed, cracking the window like always.

"Why were you shocked?" he asked, raising a brow.

My cheeks flushed as I uncontrollably allowed my eyes to run over him again. _Damn it_. I had already known that Jasper was handsome—how could he not be? But him switching up his clothing style just drew even more attention to the perfection.

"Um... you look good," I shrugged, mimicking a tomato now as I began to drive. It was pure agony keeping my eyes on the road instead of on him—especially since I could see in my periphery that he was looking at me, confused.

"I guess I'll just take that as a compliment," he chuckled, making me rethink my words.

"No—I've always known you looked good—I mean... ugh." Well, my words were just a jumbled mess, my embarrassment swallowing me into a deep, dark hole. "You look different," I managed to mumble, hoping that was enough of an explanation. Even worse, I knew that he was enjoying every second of this, otherwise he would have calmed down my emotions immediately.

Daring a peek over at him, I saw I was right, just by the smirk on his lips and the twinkle in his lighter eyes.

"Thank you, ma'am," he drawled, his chest shaking as he silently laughed. Bastard. When I felt the wave of calm wash away my discomfort, I saw him shrug out of the corner of my eye. "Found some old clothes in my closet. Figured I'd wear them."

"Alice wouldn't let you wear them?" I guessed, immediately knowing I was correct.

"In her opinion, the same outfit can't be worn twice. I don't give a damn if it's worn over and over—it's just a waste of money if you don't. I'd rather be comfortable and not make it a big deal," he frowned, a small twinge of pity sprinkled within me.

"Might as well enjoy the freedom, then," I giggled, turning on the windshield wipers as the rain got heavier.

His smirk returned. "Damn straight. By the way, I brought you something after I was done hunting—I left it at your house." My nose shriveled. He knew good and well I didn't like gifts or anything in that nature. "Don't you give me that look," he snickered, "I stole it from Rosalie actually—not like she'll need it. Found it in the garage."

"In the garage?" My voice was wary, my hands gripping tighter onto the steering wheel. At least I knew it wasn't a car; he couldn't have fit that into my room. That soothed my nerves at least, as I pulled up my driveway, parking beside Charlie's cruiser.

"Mhmm. I'll sneak around back," he nodded, about to open the door.

I hated knowing he would have to wait in my room until I was done making and eating dinner. Not to mention Charlie would find it odd if I immediately ran into my room. But it was either that, or he'd be outside in the rain.

"You... could always come in. Charlie still knows I talk to you," I offered, pursing my lips.

He froze for a moment, his brows furrowed. "...What would be my excuse for being here?" he asked, reminding me that he was supposed to be in college at the moment—I even told Charlie that.

I jingled my keys in my hand absentmindedly. "It's the middle of March. You could tell him that it's spring break—that you decided to visit," I shrugged, finding that to be a good enough explanation.

Jasper nodded his head. "He wouldn't find it strange that I wouldn't be visiting my family instead?"

I shook my head. "When he found out that I was still talking to you, he was wondering if I was trying to talk to _him_ ," I shrugged, Jasper's eyes hardening. "I told him that you didn't really talk to them much. So he wouldn't find it odd," I explained.

It was silent for a moment as he thought things over. Giving a short nod, he tentatively smiled. "Alright."

I prayed I wouldn't slip as I hurried out of my truck, rushing to the front door as the rain fell. Of course, Jasper was already there, almost appearing nervous. Was it because he would be in the presence of another human, without any backup if he lost control? Sucking in a deep breath, I knew that I trusted him. It would help his self-control, not to mention he just hunted.

Opening the door, I stepped inside to hear the usual sound of the TV blaring in the living room.

"Hey, dad," I called, shutting the door after Jasper stepped inside.

"I got pizza," he replied, much to my relief, before stepping out of the living room. "Where've you-" His voice clipped, his back straightening when he noticed Jasper. "Oh. You're Jasper, right?" he awkwardly grumbled, shifting where he stood.

"Yes, sir. It's nice to meet you, Chief Swan," Jasper replied, holding out his hand before the entire room was filled with a blanket of calm. I felt it, and seeing Charlie's stiff shoulders relax, I knew he did, too.

"Charlie," he murmured, quickly shaking Jasper's hand while my jaw dropped. "You visiting?"

I threw Jasper a look, knowing good and well that he was cheating with Charlie's emotions. He pretended not to notice.

"For Spring Break," Jasper nodded.

I didn't know whether to be entertained or not as I followed the two men into the kitchen, sitting next to Jasper.

"Where are you going to school?" Charlie asked, opening up the pizza box.

"Dartmouth," Jasper swiftly replied, while Charlie seemed to choke on his own breath.

"That's... impressive," he muttered, while I got out a few plates.

Feeling a tad evil, I placed one in front of Jasper. "You can have a piece, if you'd like," I sweetly offered as Charlie stole a couple.

Jasper sent me an unamused glare as he unnecessarily shifted in his seat. "I already ate. Thank you, though."

Shrugging my shoulders, I poured a few drinks, setting one in front of Jasper that he could pretend to sip. Just like I thought, he lifted the glass to his lips, although I could tell not a drop of water entered his mouth.

"So what are you studying?" Charlie asked while I let out a deep sigh.

I should have been expecting this. Even still, Jasper was prepared. "History and Philosophy." He threw me a wink while Charlie wasn't looking, and I couldn't help but smile.

As the influenced calm faded away, I noticed Charlie didn't stiffen up like I feared he would. The two men continued on, Jasper's answers firing back right as the questions were asked. It was almost like watching an entertaining movie while eating, glad that Charlie was being civil. Once he was done eating, he stood.

"Well, I'll leave you kids be. Don't be a stranger, Jasper," Charlie nodded, before leaving the room.

"You are a cheater," I snickered, collecting the plates to wash.

Jasper's smirk grew, his gold eyes glittering. "I don't know what you're talkin' about."

"You are already calling the man Charlie," I scoffed, shaking my head as Jasper appeared beside me at the sink. It took everything within me not to jump from surprise, or drop the plate I scrubbed and rinsed.

Taking the washed plate from me, he began to dry. "Hey, I only helped him be comfortable around me. Unlike you, _most_ people are not," he reminded me, flashing a small grin.

Rolling my eyes, I laughed beneath my breath. "Whatever you say," I replied, handing him the last plate to dry. "How was it? Being around both of us?"

Peeking over at him, he still seemed relaxed as he dried the plate within a second. I knew that since he stayed here last night, he has technically been around both of us already. But not up close, having to talk and appear normal.

"Good. Wasn't that bad," he smiled softly, which I quickly returned. Perhaps things would get better without two monitors focused on him. "Come on, I'll show you what I brought now," he added, starting for the stairs.

Scowling, I followed after him, not eager to accept any kind of present. Still, I at least knew that he didn't pay anything for it. Entering my room, however, I was surprised.

A smile ripped across my face when I saw what was waiting on my rocking chair. Laughs burst from my throat as Jasper picked up the helmet, chuckling beneath his breath.

"A helmet?"

"Well, I figured since you'd be talking to Jacob again, you'd more than likely want to ride your bike some more," he smiled.

"Yes!" I beamed, looking over its smooth, black surface. "Rosalie rides motorcycles?" I couldn't help but ask, not expecting that at all.

Jasper nodded, twisting the helmet within his grip. "She'd take mine out every now and then. I guess that's why she didn't take the helmet—it was more for appearance anyway. But for you," he snickered, lightly poking the scar on my forehead, "It'll prevent your head from cracking open again."

My smile was warm, along with the spot he poked on my forehead. It made no sense, due to his hand being ice cold. "Thank you, Jasper."

His lopsided grin sent a shiver down my spine as he plopped the helmet on top of my head. Part of me ached to hug him—but now just wasn't the time. The day had already been wonderful, and I most certainly didn't need to push it. Instead, I sent him all the gratitude I could muster.

I could see his eyes soften, but before either of us could speak, his phone began to ring. When he pulled it from his pocket, I could see Peter's name across the screen.

Jasper sighed, putting it to his ear. "Yeah?"

I could barely hear Peter's voice as he quickly spoke, unable to understand exactly what he was saying. But once he finished speaking, my heart stuttered within my chest, fear engulfing me when Jasper turned to stone.

* * *

 **Please review! I hope that everyone enjoyed!**


	12. Chapter 12

Waves of calm eased my heart to its normal rate, masking the fear that still managed to stay within me as I glared at Jasper. Now was not the time for him to mask my emotions. He seemed oblivious to my irritated expression as he tightly gripped his phone, holding it to his ear as Peter continued to speak. Feeling in the dark was not something I enjoyed, especially seeing Jasper's obvious distaste for whatever Peter had to say.

My nerves began to curl once again as I wondered what could have made him react this way. Did the wolves run into Peter and Charlotte, reacting completely different towards them than Jasper? Was Victoria around—possibly on the way here right now? Did she hurt Charlotte, causing Peter to call? Did she hurt someone that _I_ knew? Or... were _they_ back?

"Come on over to Bella's. I'll meet you outside," Jasper suddenly snapped, ending the call before Peter could get another word in.

"What happened?" I demanded. Another wave of calm washed through me, frustrating me even more.

Jasper sighed, running his fingers through his hair as his hard eyes stared out my window. "You don't need to worry. We're not sure what exactly she's planning... but Peter and Charlotte caught on to one of her trails while hunting in Seattle," he scowled, although I did notice a haunted gleam within his eyes. One that I didn't exactly understand. "Her trail ended at an an abandoned building. She wasn't alone," he hissed, stalking over to the window.

My heart stopped. "Is it someone I know?" My voice was so small. I knew it wasn't Charlie. I doubted it could be Renee or Phil. It couldn't be Jake. Was it Angela? Mike? It wouldn't even matter if it was Jessica or Lauren—I couldn't take knowing that it was my fault.

Jasper shook his head. "I don't think it would be someone that you know," he deadpanned, his lips a hard line. "They heard him screaming. The man wasn't a victim—she was changing him. When she noticed Peter and Char, she picked him up and fled. According to Peter, she has a gift for evading," he spat.

"...I take it she outran them," I quietly replied, shifting my weight between each foot. All I got in reply was a stiff nod. "How are they so sure that she was changing him? She could have broken every bone in his body, causing him to scream," I offered, although that thought alone made me cringe. Plus, why would she even bother?

A sour smile tugged at Jasper's lips. "Believe me, darlin'... Nothin' makes you scream like the burn from venom. You had a glimpse of it," he drawled, nodding towards my scarred wrist, "but not the reality. She's making an ally. It won't be just her we have to watch for anymore. Or, she could have a different plan with newborns." The haunted look returned to his gold eyes, his jaw tightening.

My eyebrows furrowed. "What's a newborn?"

His grip tightened on the window frame. "A new vampire. Peter and Charlotte are here." He tilted his head towards the window while appearing completely emotionless. Looking up, his gaze locked with mine. "I think it's about time you hear my story. It may not be what we think it is... But if it's what she's planning, then it would be best if you knew. I'm going to talk to Peter and Charlotte for now, and hopefully your wolf friends will be here soon. Then I will tell you."

A flash of excitement filled me, which caused his head to cock to the side, obviously not understanding. The truth was, I have been dying to know more about him—how he became a vampire. Knowing that I would soon find out made the situation at least a little lighter at the moment.

"Will you come get me when Jake and Sam get here? I think... I think it would be better if I'm there," I asked, pursing my lips.

Jasper paused for a moment, before nodding. "Yes, I'll come get you. We'll be close by—call me if you need anything."

We were silent as we walked down the stairs, the TV still blaring in the living room. Peeking in, I saw that Charlie had fallen asleep on the couch. Jasper easily could have jumped out my window. Opening the front door, I saw the haunted gleam still within Jasper's eyes—something I wouldn't have seen before when I didn't know him as well. I guessed I would understand later when I heard his story.

When the door shut, Charlie's snores broke off, before swiftly restarting. Returning to my room, my thoughts continued to spin around the new information learned. Was Victoria making a newborn? Was it because she knew that she was severely outnumbered? Or was it just the one man—Victoria simply being lonely after losing James?

Knowing my past, I knew good and well that I couldn't be that lucky.

* * *

I was on the verge of falling asleep when three small taps sounded against my window. I couldn't help but jump, the fear of Victoria—and now a _new_ vampire—always in the back of my mind. Seeing Jasper perched against it, I allowed my heart to slow. The wolves were here. Swallowing roughly, I had no idea what to expect. I just knew that Sam wouldn't be thrilled by allowing _any_ vampire onto their land. Not just Jasper, but Peter and Charlotte as well.

"Jacob and Sam are here. And a couple of others—as wolves. Are you sure you want to come?" Jasper asked while picking apart my emotions, I was sure. He seemed reluctant for me to come, especially since two of Jacob's pack were currently wolves. I didn't blame him, but I wanted to be a part of this—it was my fault, after all.

"Yes, I want to come. You're in my backyard, after all," I joked, although I sounded more serious than I intended.

Jasper nodded, although his frown deepened. "We'll have to go out your window, then. Since your knees won't handle the jump, I'll have to carry you," he sighed, taking a few hesitant steps towards me.

I wanted to slap myself for not thinking of this beforehand. Jasper was doing wonderfully with his control—but was he up for being that close to me? I only touched him twice—when Jacob had come over yesterday. I had just grabbed his arm, but I still remembered his head quickly snapping down, his eyes set on me. And the unintentional hug that made him lose focus, obviously startling him.

Before I could say a word, he bent, one arm quickly wrapping around me while his other pressed against my knees, knocking me off balance. Falling against him, I felt the cold chill of his chest against my cheek and side, my arms snapping around him to prevent falling.

I could feel his muscles tense as he held me up. His chest did not rise or fall, showing that he stopped breathing altogether. I didn't know whether I should speak or remain silent, let alone move. I was frozen just like he was, worried that any sudden shift might break his focus. After a few moments, he began to breathe again.

"Is this okay?" I whispered, unable to help but feel guilty. Just like I expected, he wiped it away.

"Yes," he nodded, his eyes lightening back up. "I just needed a moment. If anything, you being this close is helpful," he added.

Biting my lip, I guessed that he was right. Secretly, I was glad that Jasper didn't pin me to his back like _he_ used to. Not to mention I at least got a warning beforehand.

Without another word, he approached the window before swiftly jumping out. I couldn't help my arms tightening around him as the wind whistled by my ears. His knees slightly bent, absorbing the impact as he landed.

Jasper carefully helped me down, the chill that radiated from him still clinging to me as he stepped away. I was partially embarrassed that I instantly missed the cold.

Looking around, my eyes adjusted to the dark night around me, noticing that Peter and Charlotte were close by. The usual sparkle within Peter's gaze was missing, a chilling glare being the replacement as he stood, his arms crossed. Charlotte's crimson eyes were narrowed as they remained locked on the distance, her frown sharp.

As Jasper and I approached, I followed her line of sight, seeing Jacob and Sam at the treeline. Both were shirtless, wearing the ratty cutoffs that appeared to be the new norm. Jacob's earlier happy smile was completely missing as mimicked yesterday's appearance. Both his and Sam's noses were shriveled, making me remember what Jacob described a vampire's scent was to them. Painfully sweet, to the point where it nearly burned.

Behind them, I could see the outline of two wolves, remaining hidden within the trees. I wasn't able to see what color their fur was—like it would even matter. I wouldn't be able to distinguish who was who anyway. Jacob had told me that the other three were Paul, Jared, and Embry. One remained at La Push in case Victoria returned, I guessed.

I offered an awkward half-wave to both sides, hating that they had such a hate for one another. Being so close to Jasper and Jacob, it was not something I enjoyed existing between them.

Jacob's eyes softened when I waved, before harshly snapping to Jasper. "You wanted to talk," his deep voice stated, nodding towards Sam.

"Yes. I know that your goal is to destroy vampires—and there is a treaty between us," Jasper replied, his eyes focused on Sam. "But we both want to destroy Victoria. She keeps poking around your borders... so that will make it quite difficult for us if we are pursuing her."

I listened as Jasper continued on with his deal—the one he had explained to me earlier. I wondered whether or not he would use his gift to sway Sam's mind, to convince him to agree. Listening to his voice alone was enough to make the deal sound positively perfect; the man was far too charismatic.

Seeing Jacob's hands shaking, I immediately knew he wasn't cheating so far, which I respected him for. It just showed that he didn't constantly use his gift to get his way. But seeing both of their frown's thickening, it made me wonder whether or not Jasper truly should right now.

"We will only cross the borders if we have Victoria in sight and chase after her. Peter and Charlotte will not hunt anywhere near the area and none of us will cross the border for any other reason. After Victoria is taken care of, we will never come on to your land again." Jasper's voice drifted away, while I tensely awaited their response.

"No."

My heart sunk at the sound of Sam's bass of a voice rumble, certainly ringing like a bell. Seeing Jacob's jaw about to shatter showed that he clearly agreed.

Peter growled, disgust coating his expression as his lips curled back. "Are you mutts gonna be that stubborn? The situation can be taken care of so easily if ya just agree—there ain't a thing wrong with the deal!"

"The treaty made nearly a century ago-"

"Screw the damn treaty! The deal is bein' made in case we're about to catch the redheaded bitch—not havin' to stop cause of an invisible line in the dirt! Do y'all even know what she's plannin' now?" Peter snarled, his red eyes boiling.

I could hear the warning sounds of the wolves growling within the trees, causing me to take a step closer to Jasper. I didn't miss the flash of hurt in Jacob's eyes as he noticed my reaction.

"What is she planning?" Sam's dark gaze returned to Jasper, obviously preferring his response than Peter's.

"Peter and Charlotte followed one of her trails today. They saw that she was currently changing someone—creating a newborn," Jasper spat. Seeing the stiffening within Jacob and Sam, I could tell that he was now using his gift. Whether to cause anger or fear, I wasn't sure. "We don't know if she wants numbers or just a companion. But the point is, it just won't be her. Not for long, anyway. Playing cat and mouse and hoping for the best just won't cut it anymore." The familiar authoritative tone now clung to each of his words.

Sam's eyes narrowed, before snapping back to Peter and Charlotte. "They are human-drinkers," he pointed out, his low voice rumbling with obvious hate. "In truth, they are not part of the original treaty. I wouldn't be comfortable with them on our land, even for this purpose."

Peter looked as though he had just swallowed a lit match, while Charlotte hissed, clinging to his arm. Peeking back at Jasper, it was clear that Sam would consider allowing him—and only him—to cross the boundary if necessary. But Jasper wasn't having it.

"I am not leaving Bella. Peter and Charlotte only look after her if I am hunting—rarely even that since I do so while Bella is on your land. They are currently the ones tracking Victoria, making the deal far more imperative for them," he pressed, intimidation leaking from him. If I didn't trust him the way I did, _I_ would be taking a step back.

Sucking in a deep breath, I turned to Sam. "Peter and Charlotte will not hunt on your land or anywhere near it. No one will be harmed. This is just in case they can catch her, so they don't miss out on a good opportunity. Wouldn't it be going against your purpose to protect? If you knew that you could have accepted this, allowed them to catch her, but didn't? Didn't, and allowed her to continue—kill people on your land. Lives would be lost for no reason," I quietly reasoned, shriveling when I noticed all of the gazes that were locked on me.

Jasper's eyes were warm—impressed. Jacob's, however, were disappointed. Nibbling on my lip, I focused on Sam, his expression now torn. After a few silent, tense minutes, he finally nodded his head.

"Agreed. But if they do hunt on our land, or enter without reason, then we will not hesitate to attack."

Both of the wolves snarled, obviously angered by Sam's acceptance. Even though Jacob seemed disheartened by the deal, I could see that even he knew it had purpose. That it was right. His gaze locked with mine for just a moment, before he twisted, jogging into the woods. Sam was soon to follow without a single glance back.

"Well, Sugar, you can surely win over a crowd," Peter snickered, causing heat to flood into my cheeks. I shrugged while Charlotte smiled, both of their stances different now that the wolves were gone. "Damn those things stink! Sour, wet mutt," he spat while his nose shriveled.

Charlotte laughed in agreement as I stared in confusion. That's what they smelled like? To me, Jake smelled earthy—a mixture of pine and herbs. I could understand the intense sweetness that irritated Jacob; vampires had always smelled somewhat sweet to me. I guess I couldn't be all that shocked that they smelled like a dog, though.

"Alright, you two get going and see if you can find another lead on her," Jasper murmured, running his fingers through his tousled hair. "At least you know that you can follow now if she tries to go on to their land," he chuckled, while Peter returned his smirk.

"This'll be fun, won't it Major? I'd love to see the bitch's face with Char and I—and some wolves—comin' at her at once. Bet she won't expect that," he sneered.

Throwing his arm around Charlotte, he winked before the two of them sped off, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

I felt dead on my feet as I turned to Jasper, catching a yawn in my throat before he could notice. I still had to hear his story, which I have been eager for. Even though this day had been incredibly long, I was still willing to stay up long enough to listen.

"Let's get you back to your room," Jasper smiled, carefully picking me up like before.

Unlike the first time, he was able to continue on without having to pause and collect himself. Things were getting easier...

I tightened my grip around him as he sprang, precise as an arrow as he jumped through my window. He landed without a sound, the ability still something that amazed me. How was that even possible?

"I'm glad that they accepted the deal," I murmured as he gently set me down.

Stretching out my arms, I saw his lips twitch. "They would have been ignorant not to. All it boiled down to was pride and stubbornness," he shrugged as I padded over to my bed.

Laying back, I pulled the covers tightly around me as Jasper slumped into my rocking chair. It was a sight that I was now growing used to, it bringing comfort.

"Why didn't you just use your gift? Easily swayed their opinion right from the start?" I couldn't help but ask.

He pursed his lips as he slowly allowed the chair to rock. "That would make me quite the narcissist if I used it constantly, don't you think? Especially to have things only work in my favor, taking away a person's free will. I may like control quite a bit, but I'm no dictator," he grinned unevenly. It grew as he felt my appreciation.

That just made him a better man.

Shifting uncomfortably, it took me a moment to finally ask him, my curiosity burning. "Do I get to hear your story?"

My gaze was hesitant as I noticed that haunted gleam return within the gold. After just a second, he reluctantly nodded. "Yes." Sucking in a deep, unnecessary breath, he continued, " _Before I tell you my story, you must understand that there are places in_ our _world, Bella, where the life span of the never-aging measures in weeks, and not centuries._ "

The words began to fall from his lips as if he has recited the story more times than he has preferred. All I could do was quietly listen, finally learning about Jasper's beginning.

I knew he could feel my emotions swiftly changing considering what part he was in throughout his story. First, the unease as he described Benito and his armies. The sadness when he spoke of Maria and the two others he stumbled upon, then his painful change. The pain when told what he thought was his new purpose, along with the depression that slowly became a part of him as he fought the other vampires.

The slight pinch of happiness when he spoke of meeting Peter, who quickly became his friend. The admiration when I learned he allowed him and Charlotte to run away when she was supposed to die. Then finally, the content and gratitude towards Peter when spoke of his return for him.

Sucking in a large gust of air, it was hard to face the current time after Jasper's story came to an end, realizing the terror that the man before me had faced, and _survived_. There was a whole lot more to this world than I knew, going beyond just the paranormal.

"What Victoria is currently up to... Peter and I can't help but be concerned that this is what she currently plans," Jasper mumbled, his eyes hard—emotionless. "To create an army of several crazed newborns, with no history that I'm aware of knowing how to control them. If she decides to do this, there will be an angry swarm within Seattle making it hell on earth. The Volturi might step in. Even with the wolves, we are outnumbered if she makes enough."

My heart began to pound off-beat as he continued to speak, fear beginning to swirl within me. I hardly noticed his eyes snap over to me, along with the peace that swallowed all of my concerns without my consent.

"I'm sorry—I shouldn't have gone that far," Jasper sighed, shaking his head. "We don't even know for sure if that is what she is doing just yet—it could just be one simple companion she wants to manipulate to help her. Not to mention Peter, Charlotte and I have far more experience and knowledge when it comes to fighting than she does. Her possible newborns will be blind. And we still could take care of her before it becomes an issue," he reassured me, although his frown remained in place.

Pulling my blankets tighter, I tried to take the comfort from his words, but I couldn't help but worry. He could get _hurt_ because of me. Opening my mouth, I was about to speak before he interrupted.

"No. I do not want you to worry about this, Bella," he strictly said, the sway to the rocking chair ceasing. "That is not why I told you my story or explained things to you."

Pursing my lips, I knew good and well that I couldn't help it. But, he could have just kept every detail silent, leaving me in the dark. I owed him enough that I could at the very least try. We didn't know yet. I at least had that to fall back on.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," I whispered, partially changing the subject. Hearing the dark history that still clung to him showed just how good of a man Jasper was. How much he's changed—what he's become even after being subjected to such.

Looking up, even though I could barely see him in my dark room, I noticed the confusion that twisted his stone expression. He was silent for a moment, before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I don't understand you," he chuckled humorlessly, the strangest assemblage of emotions flickering within his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Frustration was what I could now pick out the most. "Besides those who experienced the southern wars along with me, all those who have been told my history share one thing in common," he spoke slowly, his frustration growing. "At first, there is always the fear. That is unavoidable," he smiled dully. "Most, disgust. Reasonable, considering a number of lives I've taken, both human and vampire alike." His eyes then snapped up to mine. "But with you... _neither._ Not once were you... afraid, or disappointed, or even the slightest bit uncomfortable."

I tried to interrupt. "Jasper-"

"It doesn't make sense," he cut me off immediately, curiosity now sparking within his eyes. "You just heard the darkest point of my life—when I truly _was_ a monster. What I am capable of. Yet all I felt from you was compassion and _admiration_ , of all things."

I waited only a moment to be sure he wouldn't interrupt again, my smile small. "Jasper, first off, it's not your fault that you were forced into that life. If you hadn't done what you did, you would have died. Second, look at you now. You drink from animals, you don't fight with newborns. You have a family, friends who care about you. You were strong enough to get through it and _change_ , showing you are a good man. You don't see how amazing you truly are."

Jasper appeared as though he were made from marble as he stared at me, unmoving in the rocking chair. No matter his reaction, I didn't regret my words. In fact, it bothered me that anyone would think that way around an _empath_ who has obviously changed for the better. He said all those who heard his story reacted the same. Had Alice felt that way?

I watched as warmth slowly filled his eyes, removing the ice that had hardened them. Then, the appreciation as he smiled.

"Neither do you, darlin'."

* * *

 **Please review if you enjoyed, and thank you to everyone who has! I can't tell you how much I enjoy and appreciate them!**


	13. Chapter 13

The sound of my alarm was miserable as it blared, a rugged groan falling from my lips.

What I'd give to stay home another day. I heard Jasper's ghostly chuckle before the annoying beep of my alarm clock cut off, leaving the room in beautiful silence. Cracking my eyes open, I couldn't help but note how the morning looked so much brighter due to my eyes no longer being tired. Living without nightmares was so wonderful, although I couldn't remember what exactly I dreamed last night if I did at all.

Thinking more about it, I barely could remember even falling asleep last night. After hearing Jasper's story, along with the conversation afterward, I was struck with the largest wave of lethargy. I guess he was to blame for that.

"You planning on staying home another day?" Jasper joked, causing a large sigh to fall from my lips.

Locking my half-open gaze on him, I glared as he smirked in my rocking chair. My book was shut, leaving me to wonder if he has already finished it.

"You didn't have to knock me out last night," I grumbled, forcing myself to sit up. Stretching out my arms, I listened to the multiple pops that followed.

Now he appeared sheepish, cracking a small grin. "Sorry, Bella. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have gotten any sleep last night," he pointed out, which I begrudgingly knew to be true. Last night had been one of the longest ones I have ever had.

I opened my mouth to reply when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Biting my lip, I remembered the last time it had, it being Peter with not the best news. This time, like before, caused Jasper's lips to form a solemn line.

"It's Alice," he murmured, his eyes quickly snapping up to meet mine. "I'll meet you outside. Go on and get ready," he quickly nodded, before jumping from my window.

My veins were filled with ice as I took in his words. _Alice._ Did she see him here? Or Peter and Charlotte? Did she know that Victoria has returned to Forks? My thoughts swirled as my stomach churned. Even though Alice had been my best friend, I knew good and well that now was not the time for her to return. I wasn't ready to see any of them yet, if ever.

Things were just now beginning to feel _right_ again.

Besides the fact that Victoria has returned with a vengeance, I was no longer alone. Jasper was here, not to mention Peter, Charlotte, and Jacob. The hole in my chest that at one time throbbed every day was slowly being sewn shut, Jasper holding the needle. I doubt he knew the amount of pain that he took away. I was terrified to know how much of it would return if Alice forced him to leave. Even worse—if she had everyone come back.

It was pure misery having to snap out of my darkening thoughts, hurrying to get ready. It could be nothing. Nothing at all that I have to worry about—she could just be catching up with him.

The ice that trickled throughout me didn't melt as I took my scalding shower, nor did it when I went downstairs to meet Charlie for breakfast. He sat at the table, drinking his usual coffee while I grabbed a couple of Poptarts.

When I was ready to go, throwing my jacket over my arm, I had no idea whether or not Jasper was done speaking to her. But when I left the house and saw him already waiting within my truck, I guessed the conversation was over.

I couldn't help my nerves as I walked to my truck, anxiously opening the door and sliding inside. Swallowing roughly, I sat my bag by my feet, then tossed my jacket to the side before meeting Jasper's gaze.

Calm washed over me.

"You can relax," he chuckled, a melancholy smile on his face. "She doesn't know I'm here. No one's coming. She just wanted to see if I plan on returning anytime soon."

Twisting my keys, I tried my best to not be relieved. Still, it wasn't completely avoidable. "What'd you tell her?" I asked, as my truck's loud rumble filled the air.

I began to drive as he ran his fingers through his curling hair. "That I wasn't done spending time with Peter and Charlotte. That it has been nice seeing them after so long, and I wasn't ready to leave for the Denali's." His nose scrunched. "To tell the truth, I'd rather not ever visit with them. Eleazar and Carmen are great, but the three sisters... I could do without," he huffed, before throwing me a smile.

I couldn't help but return it, keeping my attention on the road. Well, that was certainly a relief. Not to mention it bought Jasper more time to stay here.

"So do you plan on goin' down to La Push after school?" he asked, while I pulled into the parking lot of Forks High.

Pursing my lips, I nodded. "Yeah, I think I will. Since I know what Jake is, things should hopefully get back to normal. Plus I could fill him in more about Victoria; he doesn't know the whole story," I regretfully replied.

Jasper nodded when I parked. "Alright, then. I'll be here when you get back," he smiled, leaning back in his seat.

Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I frowned as I looked over at the school. Searching through the people, it wasn't hard to spot Jessica as she stood next to Mike. Her mouth was running, surely spilling as much gossip as she could. I knew she would be waiting to ask me about Peter. It would just be something I'd have to endure.

Jasper cocked his head questioningly as he felt my pinch of dread, but didn't question it.

"Bye," I quietly murmured, sliding out of my truck.

Keeping my eyes on Jessica, I tried my hardest to find a route to avoid her. Just my luck, however, I saw her eyes lock on me, before widening. Her mouth dropped open right as I heard my name being called.

My back stiffened as I turned to see Jasper slowly walking up to me, keeping a human pace as he held out my jacket.

"You left this," he chuckled, handing it over to me.

I could feel eyes drilling into my back as my cheeks repeatedly heated. Today was going to be even _worse._ Jasper's smile faded.

"What is it?"

I kept my eyes locked on the gravel. "Jessica sees you. I know good and well she's just waiting to ambush me at lunch," I sighed. "She already was, because she saw Peter with me the other day."

Jasper's brows rose before a flash of recognition passed through his eyes. I guessed he remembered me mentioning how I wasn't eager for school because of Peter. His lips then curled up into a smirk.

"That'll be fun. Between you and me, darlin', her emotions clearly insinuate she's pissed off," he wickedly chuckled. "That's quite a lot a jealousy, too. Remember that," he whispered, before quickly pecking my cheek.

I saw him stiffen while my cheek burned from where his lips had barely grazed it. Looking up, it appeared he was trying his hardest not to laugh.

"She just about knocked me down that time. I'll see you later," he snickered, while I scowled. I knew he could tell I wasn't mad—after all, pure humor danced within my eyes. I tried my best to ignore the fluttering within my stomach.

Shrugging on my jacket, I watched as he walked back over to my truck. Hearing the warning bell, I hurried into the school, hoping I wouldn't run into Jessica before lunch. That would be bad enough already.

Just like I had expected, lunch was brutal.

"Was that Jasper Hale this morning?" she immediately demanded, for once ignoring both Mike and Lauren when I sat down at our table.

Mike's head snapped over to me faster than I could blink. Angela sympathetically smiled, her knowing eyes apologetic.

"Yes," I muttered, ready to get it over with.

"Are the Cullen's back?"

"No."

"What's he doing here, then?"

"Spring Break."

"Oh, did you switch to Edward's brother, then?" she snorted, while my eyes darkened.

"No," I snapped, trying my best to ignore Lauren's smirk. It didn't matter what my answer was—I knew good and well that it would spread around that I did.

"Well, who was that other gorgeous guy you were with the other day? I know I haven't seen him before," Jessica continued, unfazed.

"Peter."

"Is he a friend of Jasper? Is he single?" she continued on, a small ache beginning in the back of my head. At least I could enjoy this answer.

"Yes, and no, he isn't. His girlfriend, Charlotte, is very nice," I blankly replied, although I secretly enjoyed her dejected expression.

The questions were easier after that, although I had never been more thankful to hear the bell ring in all my life.

The day slowly trickled on after Jessica's attack, leaving me only to wait for Jasper's curiosity over how things went. Surprisingly, he didn't ask. I didn't know whether or not I was more shocked or thankful for that. Instead, we comfortably discussed what the next book should be that I loaned him. I don't know how many times he demanded it be nothing like _Wuthering Heights_.

Pulling up to the border of La Push, I watched as Jasper hopped out, going on a quick hunt while I spent some time with the wolves.

Things had been a bit stiff with Jacob when I arrived. Of course, he wasn't all that thrilled about my constant contact with vampires. But I could tell that he was glad that at the very least, it wasn't _him_. Things smoothed other when he brought me to Sam's, wanting to discuss the means of Victoria with everyone.

I had met Jared and hotheaded Paul, who was not thrilled by my presence at all. It had been the first time I had seen one of them shift, Paul's form exploding into a massive, silver wolf. Jacob had been even more shocking.

Emily was incredibly sweet when I first met her, all the boys chowing down on the delicious blueberry muffins she had just finished baking. I was glad that I at least had the warning not to stare before I saw the long scars that slashed down her face, showing just what would happen if you stood too close to a wolf when they changed.

Known as the 'vampire girl' it was funny just how much I enjoyed spending time with the wolves.

Even though I had a good time with Jacob and the rest of his pack, I couldn't help feeling content when I saw Jasper waiting at the border. My smile was light as my truck rolled to a stop, Jasper sitting by my side within a second. His eyes were brighter, although it was rare that they ever darkened much anymore.

"Where to today?" he asked, as I started forward once again.

I pursed my lips. "I wouldn't mind spending time with Peter and Charlotte today," I replied, winding down the road.

Jasper nodded. "Sounds good. They were planning on trying to track down Victoria tomorrow, so this would be the only chance to until they get back."

My smile fell right as her name entered my mind, my expression twisting frustratedly. I tried my best not to think about Victoria, but sometimes, it was just unavoidable.

I hated the thought of Peter and Charlotte going after her, especially if she now had backup. If she made more than the one newborn, they would be outnumbered.

The wolves didn't have much better luck. Especially considering how, according to Jacob, Victoria stayed within the treetops of their land, preventing them from reaching her. It was just lucky for me that if she tried to get me while I was there, she would be unable to use this tactic.

I was jolted out of my thoughts when Jasper called my name, his eyes concerned.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, my truck twisting onto the familiar path to his house.

"You don't have to be sorry. Why'd your emotions shift?" he asked, while I tried my best not to meet his eyes.

"I was just thinking about Victoria."

I bit my lip when I saw his frown out the corner of my eye. Running his fingers through his hair, he sighed. "Bella, please stop worrying about her. You know good and well you don't have to."

"It's not me I'm worried about," I replied, my truck pulling to a stop in front of his house. The sight of this home wasn't as unsettling as before. I had that, at the very least.

Within a second, Jasper was out of the car, opening my door for me. "That's ridiculous," he shook his head while I released my seatbelt, stepping out.

"I agree," Peter snickered. Looking up, I saw him casually leaning against the doorway, his usual smirk planted onto his lips along with the sparkle within his eyes. "Come on in here, Sweet Pea! Char just got ya some groceries for the place!"

I couldn't help but smile as he hurried inside, Jasper cracking a small grin. "I hope she got you somethin' to make a meal out of, Bella," he softly laughed. "It'd be a shame if you went inside just to see an array of spices."

I laughed as we entered the kitchen, immediately seeing Charlotte's glare. She stood with her hand on her hip, while a devilish grin laid on Peter's face.

"You're in for it now, Major," he cackled while looking through the bags that sat on the counter.

"I may not have eaten in a century, but I can get some groceries," she snapped, beginning to place the food into the cabinets.

Placing a loaf of bread on the table, along with several different options of meat, cheese, and condiments, Charlotte smirked.

"Go ahead and make you a sandwich, Sugar. I'm sure there's somethin' you like," she smiled, before turning back to the cabinets.

Jasper looked as though he tasted something bitter. Laughing lightly, I sat down, beginning to put together a sandwich. "Thank you, Char, I really appreciate it," I smiled, while Jasper slid into the chair across from me.

"It was no problem. Actually, it was kind of enjoyable, havin' a reason to get some groceries," she laughed, Peter's eyes warm as he smiled over at her.

"You believe she's still worryin' about us cause of that redheaded bitch?" Peter cut in, leaning back against the refrigerator.

Scowling, I tried to ignore him.

"That's just silly," Charlotte laughed, shaking her head. "You really need to get your mind on somethin' else, Bella. Why don't ya do somethin' fun today? Pete and I were plannin' on goin' to see if we can catch any of her trails anyhow."

Nibbling on my lip, I finished making my sandwich. Grabbing one of the, unfortunately, warm, new water bottles, I shrugged. "I wouldn't mind..." I muttered, although what was there to do?

"Have you and Jacob gone out on your motorcycles lately?" Jasper suggested.

I shook my head. "We haven't since I crashed," I sourly chuckled. "Besides, mine stays over at his house. I would hate to see Charlie's reaction if he knew I even got near one of them," I quivered. That was something I never wanted to see.

The corner's of Jasper's lips tugged up. "We could always go out on mine, if you wanted to?"

My jaw dropped. After a split second, I was nodding like a fool. My smile nearly broke my cheeks as Jasper laughed, his eyes softening.

"Sounds good to me. I'll have to go get your helmet, though," he shrugged, knowing I had it in my room.

"I could go-"

"I'm a lot quicker than you," Jasper interrupted, already standing. "I'll be back."

He was gone right after I shut my eyes.

Sitting back, I finished making my sandwich, pursing my lips. I would be awfully close to Jasper if we both went out on his motorcycle. But that would probably be good for him—practicing his control. It would just be another step further for him. My thoughts were knocked away when Peter shrugged off of the refrigerator.

"You really don't gotta worry 'bout him, ya know?" Peter smiled softly, plopping into the chair across from me.

I allowed my hair to drape down, partially blocking my view of his knowing crimson eyes. Focusing solely on my sandwich, I scowled as he smirked, Charlotte's bell-like laughter filling the air.

"He's right, Sugar. Has Jasper told you his story yet?" she asked, putting the last of the groceries into the cabinet.

I nodded my head, swallowing quickly. "Yes, he told me. That still doesn't mean I wont worry about him," I sighed, ignoring Peter as he rolled his eyes.

"He had to of not gone into detail, then," he drawled, his smirk only growing. "Hell, he would have scared the dickens out of ya if he did." Peter's laughter bubbled from his lips as Charlotte sent him a warning glance.

"I doubt that," I muttered, trailing my pinky along the cap of my water bottle. I knew that he killed newborns—it was no different than war. I knew what he was capable of. What was so frightening about that?

Peter's laugh faded as he unnecessarily blinked, pursing his lips while Charlotte held his gaze. "Bell, you do realize that he's one of the most feared vampires in existence, don't ya? The bastard can paralyze an enemy just from usin' his gift—not to mention there ain't a soul who could beat him in a fight. He scared the shit outta _me_ back in the day. I wasn't lyin' when I said you were as safe as safe can be."

Quietly finishing my sandwich, I couldn't help but wonder more about his past. Jasper had gone into detail, but simply grazed over the surface of training the newborns, along with the fights. One way or another, he was a different man now. It wouldn't change my view on him if I knew every detail, nor would I ever force him to tell me. It did give me comfort, however, knowing that he was as strong as Peter described.

"I still can't help but worry about him, Peter. How could I not? He's... important," I whispered, taking a quick sip of water.

Jasper was very important. I was closer to him than anybody—him being the only person I can trust to be there. I am comfortable around him, able to talk to him about anything. I couldn't imagine losing that, and it scares me every day knowing that it was possible.

Both Peter and Charlotte's eyes softened.

"I know, Sweet Pea. Only tryin' to help a bit. Ya know, you're important to the Major, too," he smiled, while color darkened my cheeks.

"She's bound to know that," Charlotte scoffed, leaning against Peter. "After all, he wouldn't be here if that weren't the case."

Peter squinted, shaking his head. "I didn't mean that. Yeah, it's true, but I meant more like she's good for him," he replied, wrapping his arm around Charlotte.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed.

He snorted, his chest rumbling from his silent laughter. "Ya mean ya don't see it? Bell, I haven't seen the Major act like himself in _decades_. That damn family—more like that pixie bitch—changed him throughout the years. These past months he's finally been actin' like he used to, minus all the depression bullshit," he chuckled humorlessly.

"She changed him?" I couldn't help the small pang of anger within me. Why would Alice want to change him? Or was it unintentional? "Besides, it's probably just from being away from her if that's the case. Not because of me."

Peter grimaced. "He's right about your self-esteem issues. No, Sugar, it's cause of _you_."

"But yes, she did change him," Charlotte scowled, her red eyes boiling. "First reason I never liked her. I could hardly recognize the Major when he visited us with her. Wearin' those polos and khakis, when I knew good and well he preferred his jeans and boots," she stiffly nodded. "Years passed, and his accent faded. I know it coulda been just from the people he was around, but I still think she played a part in it. After all, you shoulda heard him and Peter cussin' like sailors a century ago. Next thing we knew, he was speakin' to us like we were royalty."

"That shit was nothin'," Peter spat, leaning back in his chair. His eyes then shifted to me. "She and that fucker who left ya were constantly monitorin' him like he was nothin' more than a kid. He wouldn't even make a mistake and they'd lecture him 'til the sun went down. We're fuckin' vampires—what'd they expect? Him not to even be tempted? I think it's funny that ever since he hasn't had to put up with that, his control has boosted more than ever."

I silently sat back and listened to them both bicker about the changes that were made, stunned. Why did he put up with such? I couldn't help but wonder if he felt obligated. That because Alice found him and showed him an alternate way to live, he felt as though he owed her for it. That thought alone made my stomach curl nauseously. If that were true, I honestly couldn't put him down for it.

After all, I did the same thing.

"I couldn't believe it when he hung back when we visited, meetin' them all," Charlotte continued, sitting down on one of Peter's legs as he kept his arm wrapped around her.

"Yeah, I remember that. We'd both been used to seein' him as a leader—speakin' to groups and orderin' them. Then to see him hangin' back while Carlisle spoke, along with that pixie bitch... that was just _wrong._ " His eyes flickered up to meet mine, the corners of his lips twitching. "Don't ya see, Sugar? The more he's with you, the more he's returnin' to his old self. He don't got to be someone he's not around you."

Warmth spread throughout me as I took in Peter's words, along with the joy that I may be the cause of this. Knowing Jasper now, I couldn't imagine him being any different.

"I'm glad," I whispered, returning both of their smiles.

"I gotta admit, that Emmett fella wasn't bad," Peter shrugged. "Esme was sweet, too. Still, I wouldn't last with that prissy group," he snorted.

Charlotte rolled her eyes before standing up. "You want anything else, Sugar? All the food here's yours, after all," she joked, the mood lightening.

"No, thank you," I replied, standing and taking my plate over to the sink.

Right as I finished cleaning, Peter's head cocked to the side. "Major's back. Char and I will go on ahead. See you later, Bell," he smiled, standing along with Charlotte.

They were gone before I could blink.

My head snapped over to the door right as it shut, my smile instantly ripping into place. My helmet was within Jasper's grip, his usual lopsided grin in place. After the previous conversation with Peter and Charlotte, I couldn't help but look over his plaid shirt and jeans, along with his partially hidden cowboy boots. Considering what they said, I wasn't the only one who had noticed the change.

"You ready to go, darlin'?" he asked, causing my eyes to snap back up to his golden ones.

Before he could react, my arms tightly wound around him, my head laid against his chest. I just couldn't help it after the previous conversation—the embrace coming straight out of the blue. I felt him stiffen, momentarily shocked, before he relaxed. His chest rumbled against my ear as he laughed, lightly returning the surprise hug.

"Well, hello to you, too," he chuckled.

My cheeks were flushed as I hazily inhaled the perfect mixture of honey, spice and leather. After only a few more seconds, I pulled away.

"I figured you could use a quick preview before we left," I joked, since my arms would be wrapped around him then. Although, I believed he could tell that that wasn't entirely true.

"Mhmm," he smirked, before placing my helmet on top of my head.

The air was crisp as we walked out, it thankfully no longer raining. There was only a light mist, which I could handle as we walked over to the garage. After opening it, Jasper settled onto his silver Ducati, his eyes sparkling as he waited. Excitement flared within me as I stepped forward, far more than eager to feel that familiar rush from the motorcycle.

 _It's dangerous_ , a familiar voice snapped within my head.

I showed just how much I cared as I settled into place behind Jasper, wrapping my arms around him.

 _He could lose control! You are too close_ , the voice hissed.

I smiled, tightening my arms. I didn't care what that stupid voice had to say. He left, therefore he didn't have a right to bother me. Besides, I doubt I would have listened if he were here. This was what I wanted to do, and his opinion no longer mattered.

"You ready?" Jasper purred, revving the engine.

 _Say no!_ The growl nearly pierced my ears.

"Yes," I smirked, laying my head against his back. He was so cold...

It felt as though a giant weight was lifted as Jasper took off, my laughter ringing through the air.

* * *

 **Wow! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys have no idea how much I appreciate each and every one; they make writing every update more than worth it. Thank you again, and please review if you enjoyed!**


	14. Chapter 14

Time had trickled by slowly the first few months after the Cullen's left. I had felt as though I was trudging through the days, the minutes slugging by in no particular hurry. I wonder why it had to be so slow when I was miserable, yet when I'm finally content it just seems to speed by.

Spring Break swiftly came and went, my days spent either down at La Push, or more often, with Jasper. After Jasper's first week having 'Spring Break' in Forks came to an end, we winded up telling Charlie that Jasper decided to switch to online schooling so he could stay. Although Charlie was surprised, he ended up not asking any questions. It was almost hilarious how well the two got along, watching sports after dinner almost every day.

The days now passed on a swift routine—going to school, then to La Push to visit with Jake. Afterward, Jasper would always be waiting at the border after going hunting. We would either spend the rest of the day at my house while he sadly pretended to eat dinner, poking the food around on his plate. Or we would spend time with Peter and Charlotte if they were not out tracking Victoria.

When it came to Jasper's control, I could tell that he was growing stronger every day. Whether it was from the occasional motorcycle trips that I adored or just from sharing my constant company, it was truly making all the difference for him. Something simple that once would have been too much was now so much easier for him.

Of course, no matter how much better things have felt lately, there were still bumps in the road while the time passed. I remembered when Charlie's friend Harry had a heart attack, how devastated my father had been when he passed away. The funeral he had to attend. Seth and Leah Clearwater, Harry's kids, had both phased into wolves. In fact, according to Jacob, more and more Quileutes were turning—their ages younger as the time went on.

Lastly, Peter and Charlotte still have been unable to catch Victoria. Peter's description of her ability to evade sounded beyond frustrating. Remembering her feline quality, it wasn't all that shocking.

Now, Peter and Charlotte were currently out trying to track her down again, Jasper and I relaxing back at the house as we waited for them to return. We were sitting in his office, reading our traded stories—me on my second, while Jasper was currently about to finish his fifth.

"You think they will have better luck today?" I asked, Jasper's eyes flickering up from his book.

Pursing his lips, he shrugged. "Possibly. They've gotten a better understanding of how she works. It all boils down to whether or not they get on her trail and catch up."

I sighed. They've only managed that twice so far, once when they discovered the newborn she had created.

"Jasper... what are we going to do if they _can't_ catch her. What if this just continues on—the nonstop game of cat and mouse?"

He was immediately shaking his head. "It won't. Even she can't possibly have enough patience to make it last forever, Bella. It will come to an end, I promise you. Until then, we'll be here," he added, although I did notice the hint of worry in his eyes. I felt it, too. _They_ wouldn't remain in the dark forever.

Slumping back in my chair, I watched as Jasper sat down his book on his desk. It was obvious he wasn't going to be able to get back into his story, either. Looking out at the darkening window, I wondered when Peter and Charlotte would finally get back—if they were out this late it had to of meant something.

The silence within the room was broken just as Jasper's phone rang. I couldn't help but jump, my eyes snapping to him as he pulled the phone from his pocket.

"It's Charlotte," he nodded, putting it to his ear.

I was partially ashamed to say that I was glad it wasn't Alice. I could hear Charlotte's fast voice on the other end of the phone but was unable to make out her words.

"Yes, we're here," Jasper replied to her, standing from his seat at his desk. I stood as well, expecting them to be nearly home. I jolted when Jasper growled, curses spilling from his lips as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

"What is it?"

Shock trailed throughout me when I saw the pure _fury_ that adorned his expression. "Those damn _wolves_ ," he hissed, stalking for the door.

I had to almost run to keep up with him, following him down the stairs. The front door was just closing, a cursing, snarling Peter in the entry. When I really saw him and Charlotte, bile rose within my throat.

Peter's face was twisted in pain, venom leaking from his mouth. His arm... His arm was _missing._ Nausea flooded into my stomach as I looked at the broken off edge, venom oozing from it almost like a congealed, clear blood. Charlotte's furious expression made her eyes mimic fire as she tightly gripped Peter's missing arm, it _twitching_ in her grasp.

I couldn't help it as I grabbed hold of Jasper's hand, feeling almost as if I were in a horror movie. His severed arm was _moving!_ It was jerking, almost as if it was trying to get away from Charlotte as she tightly held on.

"Those fuckin' mutts!" Peter growled, it rumbling deep in his throat. His pointed black eyes landed on me, holding me in place. "Who is that fuckin' silver one? I'm killin' that son of a bitch!"

Paul? Paul ripped off his arm? Out of all of the wolves, I guessed that I shouldn't be that surprised. Then again, Paul had already seen Peter and Charlotte. Could it have been Seth? Leah?

"What happened?" Jasper demanded, his ice cold fingers dangerously tight around mine. I momentarily wondered whether it was all too smart to grab his hand at a time like this—but I saw a severed arm move, having good enough reason in my book.

"We were chasin' that redheaded bitch," Peter snapped, throwing up his good arm.

"Almost had her, too. We had to pass over to their land, but we figured since you made that deal, things would be fine. She didn't expect us to come onto their territory. Right as Peter nearly caught her, that silver bastard charged forward, snaggin' his arm. He was there before the rest of the dogs. Guess he didn't know we weren't fuckin' newborns workin' with her," Charlotte spat.

"So close!" Peter snarled, while my heart sunk. " _Inches_ , Major. Inches from that bitch. But a no good mutt had to fuck it up!"

Shutting my eyes, I felt the disappointment rage through me. Along with the guilt. Peter was now hurt because of me, and Victoria is still out there. Opening my eyes, I tried to ignore the twitching arm.

Jasper's gaze flickered over to meet mine, confusion mingling within the gold before he looked back up at Peter. "It's not over, Peter. You should get Char to fix you up—we can all talk about this more tomorrow," Jasper sighed, frustratedly running his fingers through his hair.

Peter's nod was stiff as Charlotte tugged him further into the house. My thoughts were twisted as Jasper gently tugged me forward, it being obvious that we were now leaving.

I was stunned into pure silence as Jasper somberly drove me home. His fists were tightly gripped around the steering wheel, although I did notice that the speed wasn't even close to the dreaded sixty. He was in no hurry to get back to my place, which I couldn't blame him. After all, we just saw one of his friends return with his arm _ripped off._

Even though Jasper has taken away my nightmares, I was sure that the scene of Peter's missing arm would still manage to show up somehow. That was just something I couldn't erase from my memory.

The quiet atmosphere drug on until he parked outside my home, his frown harder to see due to the lack of light.

"I'll meet you in your room," he nodded, worried lines etched between his brows.

He knew good and well that I had lots of questions—my emotions were haywire. It was like my body could not just stick with one, unable to decide which was best. Guilt. Shock. Horror. Sorrow. Worry. I clipped a small nod, exiting the car right as he did. Only, when I shut my door, he was already gone.

Trudging inside, I saw Charlie lying on the couch, the TV happily blaring as usual.

"I'm home," I called, trying my best not to sound off. I was too eager to get to my room and try to sort out my head.

I saw his head twist around, peeking over the couch. "Have a nice night?" he grumbled, turning back. He seemed too engrossed with his current hockey game to pay much mind, which I was thankful for.

Shrugging off my jacket, I hung it up before replying. "Yep, I did. I'm going to go on to bed now, I'm pretty tired."

"Alright." His eyes didn't move from the screen.

Feeling that small pinch of relief, I hurried up the stairs, trying not to break my neck in the process. That was the last thing that we all needed. Stepping into the bathroom, I got ready for the night before opening the door to my room. I saw Jasper already waiting in his rocking chair, his gold eyes focused outside the window.

Biting my lip, I appreciated the small coat of calm that he laid over my shoulders, it being enough to get my thoughts on track. Shuffling over to my bed, I sat down, sucking in a large gulp of air.

"Is Peter going to be missing an arm, now?" I asked, my voice no higher than a whisper. A flash of pain shot through me, feeling as though if that were true, it would be all my fault.

"No," Jasper quickly replied, shaking his head. "Charlotte is helping him put it back on right now. He'll be fine, Bella. I don't appreciate those wolves ruining a perfect chance at catching her, but things will get back on track."

The amount of relief I felt was extraordinary. But... "Put it back on?" My voice was even quieter. Did he mean... just placing the lost appendage back in place, expecting it to... reattach itself? I quivered as I remembered the thing _twitching_ while Charlotte tightly held it, almost like a living nightmare.

Jasper nodded, his frown thickening. "Yes... You see, when a piece of a vampire is torn from the rest of the body, it can always be reattached. The only way to truly destroy it is lighting it on fire. Venom is usually the key, helping to reattach what is lost. That is what I meant by Charlotte helping," he murmured, allowing the chair to gently sway.

My face twisted sourly as I imagined such. Putting pieces of yourself back together like a puzzle... Along with that burning venom. "It... it was moving," I shook my head, still unable to forget that sight. It made no sense for a missing piece to move on its own.

Jasper laughed, his disappointed demeanor fading. "Yes, that happens. Missing appendages try to return to where they were lost, instinctually. It doesn't make much sense—it's just the way things are."

Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them as if I were holding myself together. Edward never mentioned any of this, and I could see why. Truthfully, however, I was glad Jasper didn't hold details like these back. It was better to know everything—the bad included.

"Did that ever happen to you?"

My eyes flickered up to meet his gaze, noticing how the light dimmed from the gold immediately. It was almost as if a veil covered him, a haunted gleam within his eyes. I wanted to gulp my words back down, his answer clear.

"Yes. Many times," he nodded, the corners of his lips halfheartedly twitching upward.

Cringing, I rubbed the back of my neck, hating to think of that especially. "I'm sorry, Jasper."

"It's in the past," he brushed off, shaking his head. "Most of the times were part of training as a newborn. Knowing how to proceed if it happened. The decapitation was the worst," he grimaced, returning his gaze to the window as my heart dropped, "But I did learn from it. Ensured it never happened again," he bitterly laughed.

He... was decapitated? Peter was right when he had said Jasper must have not gone into detail with his story. Pain and compassion welled inside of me, a lump growing in my throat. He was even _more_ amazing than I had already thought. And here I was, forcing him to almost relive the days he had to break away from.

"Bella, stop," he ordered, his eyes snapping back to meet mine. "It was over one hundred years ago. Still, that gives you no reason to feel guilty about something that you were not even a part of. It made no sense earlier, either, when you saw Peter."

"I'm the reason he was hurt. And I'm the reason you have to reminisce all of those days, not to mention relive it if Victoria really is going to make an army. I have plenty of reason," I shot back, crossing my arms.

His eyes narrowed. "The wolves are the reason Peter was hurt. And I have remembered and relived those times _every day_ since they happened. Darlin', you need to learn that not everything revolves around you. I ain't tryin' to be rude because I know that you only put yourself at fault for everything due to the amount of kindness in you. But sometimes you have to draw a line somewhere. I'm not gonna feel like shit because you stubbed your toe on a rock and I wasn't there to kick it out of the way in time," he cracked a grin.

I frowned, tracing patterns on my bedspread. The more Jasper has been talking about my views of myself and everything else, the more he was truly bringing it to light. I still couldn't help but think of the fact that if Jasper would have never met me, he wouldn't be dealing with this right now. That Peter and Charlotte wouldn't be in danger right along with him. But as he has made pretty clear, people have choices. And they have made their's pretty clear.

I would just have to grow a bigger backbone and learn how to push that guilt away.

"I just wish that you would finally see the worth in yourself," he continued, stopping movement altogether in the rocking chair. "If you did, you would see the value in what we are doing—protecting _you._ You act as though it is the biggest waste of our time. Like we are making a mistake when it is your _life_ that is in jeopardy."

"You are doing the same thing," I argued, loathing this conversation. "You don't seem to care that you or your best friends could get hurt or _die_ by protecting me."

"We're a lot less breakable than you," he scoffed, brushing off my words. "Not to mention a hell of a lot more skilled at fighting than Victoria. We are confident in what we can do—you, however, can't say that. It doesn't just boil down to our safety, either. When you were with Edward, I felt that from you before James was even in the picture. Towards every one of us, there was that constant feeling of worthlessness, self-consciousness. We talked about it before. But the answer you gave wasn't half the truth."

My jaw dropped, heat scalding my cheeks as I thought back to that conversation from what seems like ages ago. How did the conversation about Peter's arm turn into this?

"What do you mean half the truth?" I demanded, wishing more than anything that I could just go to sleep right now. That this entire conversation could wither away and be forgotten.

"You said that your life has been dull—that was why you felt that way. But believe me, there are plenty who have lives even more meager than you, and are completely content. What's the real reason?"

"Why do you want to know? What could you possibly want from this?" I snapped, my fists tightening. It angered me even more when he tried to calm me. Today was already rough; this was only making it worse.

"I want you to _see_ that you are wrong. For you to finally hold your head high and be happy with yourself. For you to be confident when it comes to the current predicament instead of wallowing in self-pity. To finally push Edward behind you instead of feeling like you deserve his departure. That's what I want," he hissed. "I want to know why you feel below _vampires,_ of all things."

I grit my teeth, the tense atmosphere choking. This was new. So very new. But if he wanted the answer, then he would finally get it.

"Do you not _see_ yourself? All of you—every single one—are perfect. Positively perfect in every aspect. There isn't a thing you don't excel in, whether it comes to intellect, agility, or even appearance wise. All of you are flawless in every way. So how can I, a human with obvious flaws, come up to par? You wonder why I feel self-conscious—how could I not, Jasper?" I demanded, tears pricking within my eyes. How more humiliating could it be to say that? Shouldn't it have been obvious?

Daring a peek up, I saw Jasper reduced to a stone, his lips parted. His eyebrows were smashed together, although I did see a growing softness in his eyes. Slowly, he frowned before shaking his head.

"You are so wrong, darlin'. Could I show you somethin'?" he asked, his voice no longer harsh like before. Now it was almost... tender.

Scowling, I locked my eyes on my pillow before nodding. What could he possibly want to show me that connects to this?

Standing from the rocking chair, he silently crossed over to my bed, sitting down beside me. His jaw was tightly clenched, but I could see that it wasn't from the burn in his throat. Holding out his arms, he slowly rolled up his sleeves.

Allowing myself to look down, I could see his pale skin reflecting from the moonlight through the window. At first, I was confused over why he was doing this. But looking closer at his right wrist, I could make out thin crescent, slightly raised higher than the rest of his skin. Connecting the dots, I held my arm next to his, our scars side by side.

"You have a scar like mine," I nodded, my eyes crossing back and forth between the two.

I noticed the corners of his lips twitch, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest. "I have a lot of scars like yours," he quietly replied, causing me to look back at his arms.

Taking a closer look, the more I searched, the more I noticed. A ragged gasp broke through my lips as I saw the multiple bite marks that coated his skin, overlapping like the strangest, almost hidden tattoo. It was impossible to count the number that covered him as I wondered how he managed to endure such. I also wondered if they continued, up the remainder of his sleeves and the rest of his body? A saddened part of me already knew that they did.

With a shaking hand, I carefully reached out, tracing just one of the dozens of scars that marked his icy skin. I didn't miss the shiver that rolled through him, the muscle in his arm tightening only briefly.

"They're from the newborns?" I whispered, my finger as light as a feather as it outlined the marks.

His nod was clipped. "Yes." Looking up, I noticed his head was cocked to the side, what seemed to be awe mixed within his expression. What for, I didn't know. He cracked a hesitant smile. "I expected a different reaction. I need to learn not to do that with you," he smiled softly.

I returned it, allowing my gaze to fall back to his scarred flesh. "Why did you show me?"

"To show you that we're not as perfect as you believe," he responded, shrugging his shoulders. "All of us are scarred in some way. Some mentally. Some physically. Some both," he chuckled.

"Some scars on your skin doesn't make you any less perfect," I still managed to contradict, although warmth spread throughout me.

He stared for a moment, a flicker of curiosity flashing within his eyes. Afterward, they were just as warm as I felt.

"In your opinion, perhaps, which I appreciate. But, they are still flaws, Bella. My point is, no matter how things may seem, there isn't a thing in the world that is perfect. If you really want to think about it, all of our gifts were _given._ Not earned or the truth in any form. We've all killed—not one of us a saint. There is no reason for you to look down on yourself when we are far from better."

My eyes were burning, and I knew that if I tried to speak now, I wouldn't get a single word out. I couldn't help it as I rested my head against his shoulder, my thoughts flickering one hundred miles a second. All I could do was focus on sending out as much compassion and love as I could possibly muster.

Lifting the stone arm I was resting against, he gently wrapped it around me in reply. "Just promise me that you'll try to see that. I told you once that you were worth it. Perhaps you'll start to believe me, now."

Peeking up at him, I returned his smile, nodding my head. "I promise. And I will," I swore, unable to tell him no. I didn't see how that was even possible.

It was beginning to worry me, all of the different feelings that were swirling around inside me. But at this moment, I simply didn't care what they were. I had long ago gotten over the fact that I was partially grateful that Edward left so that I could get to know Jasper. Now it was almost scary how thankful I really was.

"Good," he smiled, carefully tightening his arm. "Tomorrow you can start off fresh, then."

I laughed lightly, enjoying the cold chill that now clung to me.

"The start of a new chapter," I agreed.

* * *

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	15. Chapter 15

"So why exactly did Peter come home yesterday with a missing arm?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

I had been waiting nearly all day to finally arrive at Jacob's to ask. I knew good and well that I more than likely annoyed Jasper to death this morning with my impatience, my anxious emotions causing him to be restless as well. Not to mention waiting through the achingly long school hours, it being so tempting to just stay out. I knew I couldn't.

After frustrating Jasper one last ten-minute car ride over, I now had the luxury of standing at this doorstep.

Jacob's sigh was heavy as he shook his head, leaning up against the doorway to his house. Shirtless as always, with the same pair of rugged shorts he always wore. I hadn't even been patient enough to say hello—too eager to know why a certain wolf attacked the _wrong_ vampire. At the very least, I knew it wasn't Jake. I remembered his reddish-brown fur, it nowhere near being deemed as silver.

"I've been waiting for you to stop by and ask," he chuckled humorlessly, stepping outside. The screen door swung shut behind him as he started towards the garage.

I followed behind, guessing he wanted to work on his Rabbit today. It was now the middle of April and he still wasn't content with it just yet.

"I think I have reason—Victoria was almost caught. Peter said it was a silver wolf. So why did Paul attack him and ruin that opportunity?" I demanded, nearly tripping over my own two feet. Jacob's smooth stride put mine to shame.

Jake paused, his lips pursing together. "Paul wasn't the one who did it," he shook his head, a withered smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "If you didn't know, he's not the only silver or gray wolf in the pack, Bells."

For some reason, his reply sent a decent amount of relief through me. Things would be tense between Jasper and the pack if it had been done intentionally. "Who did it, then?"

Jacob scowled, reaching around to rub the back of his neck while his jaw clenched. "Leah. She and Seth know to leave those three leeches alone, now," he tried to shrug it off, starting for the garage once more.

My jaw popped open, a small laugh tumbling from my lips. Peter was going to be furious, I knew. "You guys could have told her beforehand, you know," I muttered as he knelt down by his car.

He threw me an agitated look, rolling his dark eyes. "They kind of had more important things on their minds, Bells. Like the fact that they changed into massive wolves after their dad had a heart attack. Sam was more focused on teaching them to control their anger—not which bloodsuckers to attack," he snorted. "Could you hand me that wrench?"

Following his pointed finger, I silently handed him the wrench, unsure how exactly to reply to that. I suppose I understood, in a way. Slumping down into one of the chairs, I watched him work in silence.

"That's not saying Sam wasn't pissed," Jake finally added, laughing beneath his breath. "Almost caught the redhead. As much as I hate it, your friend was close. Closer than we ever got," he muttered, slinging the wrench to the ground.

"He kept on going about how close he came," I whispered, letting out a sigh. "There's not much that can be done now, though. Just have to try again."

Jacob's dark eyes flickered up to meet mine, a spark of curiosity within them. "You're different now, you know?" he asked, reaching one of his blackened hands beneath his car.

My eyebrows smashed together as I stared down at him. "Different?"

"Yeah. I don't mean you aren't hurting like before. That's been fixed for a while now," he shrugged, although I didn't miss that spark in his eyes. Was it jealousy?

"Then what do you mean?" I asked, wanting to leave the subject of my previous pain far in the past. It wasn't something I wanted to revisit, even in conversation. The throbbing hole in my chest was tightly stitched shut, whole. Nonexistent.

I now couldn't see his face from the angle he was bent, but his muscles were tightly tensed. "You don't seem as fragile as you used to be. More of a personality to you," he snickered, although he wasn't bitter. It was almost like a compliment. I couldn't help the heat that flooded into my cheeks.

"Well, that's good," I shakily replied, unsure how else to do so. It was just strange for someone to notice something about yourself that not even you have.

"Yeah, it is," he murmured in reply.

The rest of my time with Jake was spent in silence, only broken here and there when he needed a far-away tool. It wasn't uncomfortable by any means—almost like when Jasper and I would read books together. Just happy silence, Jake working while I watched.

Piling into my truck, I couldn't help my eager smile as I hurried to the border, quickly calling Jasper to tell him I was on my way.

As always, he was waiting when I arrived. Odd flutters filled my stomach when he smiled, his gold eyes bright as they met mine.

"So did you ask him about Peter?" he asked after sliding inside, my truck rumbling forward.

I nodded, cracking a small grin. I had nearly forgotten, slightly eager to visit Peter now. Part of me was still worried that I would arrive and his arm would still be missing. It just seemed too bizarre to even imagine it being reattached.

"Yeah, I did. It wasn't Paul," I chuckled, biting my lip.

Peeking over, I saw Jasper look confused. It took me a second to realize that I hadn't even told him my guess beforehand.

"Paul?"

"He's the only wolf that I knew was silver. It turns out that it was one of the recently turned wolves that didn't know Peter and Charlotte were allowed on their land. Leah," I responded, tossing him a smile.

Jasper leaned back in his seat, a laugh bubbling from his lips. "I'm sure he won't be expectin' that," he wickedly drawled, obviously expecting Peter to react negatively like I did.

"Nope, I don't believe he will," I chuckled, winding down the road. Continuing on to his house, Jacob's words continued to tumble in my head. Used to now telling Jasper everything, I couldn't help but share it as well. "Jacob said that I was different."

Jasper's gold eyes flickered to me, an uneven grin tugging at his lips. "You are different. Can't help but wonder if he means it the same way as I do."

I threw him a glare before returning my eyes to the road. "He said I had more of a personality now. If that's true, I suppose I have you to thank for that," I quietly replied, sending him a wave of gratitude.

His smile grew larger. "I wouldn't say you'd have me to thank for that. But he's right, darlin'."

My lips stayed shut as my truck pulled to a stop in front of his home. Although I knew he was wrong—he was certainly the one to thank for it.

Sliding out of my truck, I shoved my keys into my pocket as Jasper matched my pace up to the door. Stepping inside, I was instantly met with Peter, his missing smirk thankfully back in place. I couldn't help it as my eyes dropped from his crimson ones, falling to his amazingly replaced arm. It looked just the same as always, crossed across his chest as if it were never missing. Jasper rolled his eyes, feeling my relief.

"Hey, Sugar. Sorry for the gore yesterday," he chuckled, smiling cheekily. His nose then shriveled. "I see you've been hangin' with those damn wolves again."

I bit my lip while shifting my feet. "Yeah," I murmured, lazily shrugging my shoulders. "Turns out it was one of the new wolves that attacked you. She didn't know about the deal," I replied.

Peter's eyes bulged.

"What do you mean, 'she?'" he hissed as Jasper broke into a fit of laughter. I knew he had been waiting for this, a small grin cracking across my face as well.

Peter was now fuming, his glare penetrating through me. It was obvious that if he were still human, his face would be blood red right now. Charlotte's tinkling laughter sounded from the kitchen, joining in with Jasper.

"Leah recently changed. She thought you were with Victoria," I continued as his eyes narrowed to slits.

"Of all the wolves to rip off my arm it had to be the new bitch," he growled, stalking off into the living room while Jasper and I followed.

Jasper's smile was taunting after his laughter ceased. "Shouldn't be too shocking. Wouldn't be the first time a woman has ripped your arm off," he snorted, slumping down beside me as I sat on the couch. I guessed he was referring to Maria in training, but I wouldn't be too surprised if Charlotte had as well. Within the past several years, he must have enraged her at least once.

"He's right, Sweet Pea," Char chirped, walking into the room with a plate in hand. My stomach grumbled as she handed it over, thanking her immediately—I was starving.

Peter rolled his eyes, standing motionless by the chair. I was beginning to get used to Peter and Charlotte's lack of movement—more so than Jasper or the Cullen's. They were not used to acting human for show, which could get pretty unnerving when they wouldn't blink, I had to admit.

"I still hate that your opportunity was ruined," I sighed. Remembering the conversation I had with Jasper, I tried my best not to feel guilty, thinking strictly about his words. _The wolves are the reason Peter was hurt._ Not me. Noting Jasper's approving glance my way, I knew that he noticed the effort as well. I had to admit, it did feel a lot better than letting the guilt consume me.

"Join the club," Peter spat, his frown thickening. " _So_ close. I could smell the reek of cinnamon and tulips—not a good mixture," he quivered. "Burned my damn nose how close I was. Just one more inch and I coulda grabbed that frizzy hair of hers."

I could see the longing in his eyes, a pang of appreciation welling within me. Whether it be the desire to win the challenge or to protect me, it was still clear that Peter _ached_ to be rid of her.

"Now she knows we can go on their land," Charlotte sighed, sitting in the chair Peter stood by.

Jasper shook his head. "I wouldn't say that. She noticed the wolves attack Peter, sprinting away before the rest could arrive. She probably either thinks that the wolves took care of at least one of you or vise versa. Not to mention she wouldn't imagine you two would go one their land _again_ ," he chuckled.

Charlotte nodded, her stiff shoulders relaxing slightly. That was a good way to think about it. Finishing my sandwich, I quickly stood to throw away the plate before it was snatched and done for me—I would still like to do a little something, even if it was as simple as throwing an empty plate away.

When I returned to the living room, I noticed Jasper eyeing Peter warily. Pursing my lips, I sat down before poking his shoulder.

"What is it?" I asked, cracking a halfhearted smile. Obviously, he didn't like what Peter was currently feeling at the moment.

"He's noticin' my reluctance, Sugar. But really, it was somethin' I've been wantin' to ask _you_." Peter replied, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

I couldn't help but be curious now, wondering if it was something that I could do to help. Jasper already knew that I would do anything at all to make things easier. But why was Peter hesitating to ask?

"Yes?"

My brows rose as Peter let out a small huff, rocking back on his heels. "Well, it ain't much of a question, more like an idea. I don't want ya to feel obligated, 'cause it's just a thought," he started, his eyes glued to mine.

Peeking over at Jasper, all I could see now was pure confusion, Charlotte mimicking him. They obviously had no clue what Peter was getting at, it giving me slight comfort to know it was nothing planned. No manipulation, no lies. It should never be expected with anyone in this room, I knew.

"Just tell me, Peter," I chuckled, looking back over at him.

"I was just wonderin' if maybe you'd like to... I dunno, become one of us? There'd be nothin' that bitch could do, then. We can up and split, go visit some other places while you get used to life. She can't track like her ex apparently could. Not to mention the Volturi would snag her by the time she finished an army, if she even created one," he shrugged.

The room was dead silent when his words came to an end, shock radiating through me. Peter wanted _me_ to become a vampire? The world spun as I tried to let the idea truly sink in. All I could remember from before was Edward's strict prevention of even the thought that I change. I felt the small sting, knowing how I had been so in love—yet he despised even the idea. The only reason I had wanted to become a vampire was to spend forever with him. Would they... would they even _want_ me around that long?

Peeking up, I first saw Peter leaning next to Charlotte, both having encouraging smiles across their faces when I looked their way. I was even more cautious when my eyes moved to Jasper. I knew deep down that _he_ would be the deal breaker. I would not lay that burden on his shoulders if he didn't want me around that long, either.

Jasper's brows were raised in shock, his gold eyes wide as they flickered to me. I couldn't read his expression, unsure what was currently going through his head. That troubled me even more, wishing more than ever that his thoughts were open for me to read.

"You... wouldn't mind?" I quietly asked, it being the most important question to me. More important than even figuring out if _I_ wanted it.

Peter immediately snorted, "Of course not, Sugar! Hell, even if had already taken care of Victoria I would have asked ya." Only, his opinion wasn't the one I needed.

Jasper's eyes softened, holding my gaze. "Of course I wouldn't mind," he replied, the corners of his lips lightly tugging up. "Question is, do you want it? It's not as perfect as it may seem," Jasper whispered, a warning tone to his voice.

Swallowing roughly, I tried my best not to think about that right now. The burn of the venom. The apparent animalistic nature of newborns. Turning back to Peter, I focused on the true reason.

"Would it really make Victoria no longer a problem?" I asked.

"I'd say so. Think about it—we find a random place outside the country. Good place for you to start out as a newborn. I wouldn't say she'd be able to find you anytime soon. By the time she did, you'd be strong enough to take her out yourself, not to mention you'd have us there with ya. Them wolves would still be around here to look after your Pa. Sounds perfect to me," he smiled brightly.

"Charlie... I wouldn't be able to see him again," I murmured, biting my lip. That was true—something I refused to think about in depth before. I wouldn't see Renee again, either.

Charlotte frowned, shaking her head. "No, you wouldn't, Sweet Pea. But think of it like this—you had the choice, knowin' you'll be changin' before it happens. Somethin' that not a one of us ever had. You'll be able to spend a day with him before you leave, knowin' it'll be the last. You can savor it."

"What... what time would be good?" I asked. Was it bad that I knew deep down I wanted it?

"If you don't mind not graduatin', any time is fine," Peter chuckled.

"Of course, if you don't graduate, you'll have _multiple_ opportunities to in the future," Jasper reminded me, which was more than true.

I wouldn't mind, I knew. What use would it be to me as a vampire? The sooner I changed and left, the safer Charlie would be. The safer Jake would be, the safer _I_ would be. But there was one more question I had to ask that was currently nagging at my mind—although I knew there would be plenty later.

"Will _they_ be angry?"

In truth, I didn't really care if they would be angry. But I knew that Carlisle and Esme wouldn't mind. Emmett would probably be ecstatic. Alice already offered to change me before. Rosalie, I knew wouldn't be happy. Edward was the main person who would more than likely have a fit—something I never wanted to listen to.

"It isn't their concern now," Jasper replied, smiling a tad cockily down at me.

Peter was laughing heartily, shaking his head. "You worried Eddie boy would give ya a rough time? When you're a newborn you'll be able to bust his ass before the fucker could even start speakin'," he cackled, Charlotte right along with him.

I couldn't help but smile at that thought, although I was still worried about them finding out. Not just because of Edward, but what they would have to say to _Jasper._ I knew he wouldn't care, but I also knew that things would change. I wasn't ready to lose Jasper in any form. I didn't want to leave Peter and Charlotte who felt like family to me now, but could I handle Jasper eventually leaving with the Cullen's?

I've started to care far too much, but there was no way to help it.

"So what do you say, Sugar?" Peter asked, releasing me from my thoughts.

Looking around at each face, it was obvious I couldn't say no. I wanted it. Even though there will certainly be rough patches to face, I would have nothing but time to get through them. It would be worth it. My eyes landed on Jasper, staying locked in place.

"Yes." My voice was small, yet filled with confidence at the same time. That was new—along with everything else.

My heart warmed as Jasper smiled in reply.

* * *

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	16. Chapter 16

One decision can make the world feel so very different.

Ever since Peter made the offer to change me last night, the world has felt as though it shifted on its axis. Everything looked different, sounded different, _tasted_ different. Not a second that went by felt the same, holding so much more meaning than I had ever thought.

Once, I did have the slight possibility of this. But then, it wasn't certain in my future. It wasn't definite, only seeming like a far away chance that I could dream about—not expect. Plan.

For the first time this day, I truly took notice of every brick on the school building. Every crack in the sidewalk, every chip on the painted walls. The muffled sound of laughter and conversation that always loomed in the background became more intricate. I took notice to every tick of the clock, every yawn and sigh that echoed in the classrooms.

Did Mike always smile and drop his eyes to the ground when he said hello? Had Angela always blushed when Ben kissed her cheek? How had I never noticed the fake twist to Jessica's lips when she spoke to me?

Even my _food_ seemed especially new, every taste paid more attention to. I ate slowly, thinking over every bite as if trying to savor each one.

It was disconcerting, feeling so out of balance as the day passed, not even wanting to visit Jacob. The last thing I could do was face him, knowing what was in store for me. I couldn't imagine telling him, if I even would. It was harder to look Charlie in the eye, the pang of guilt staggering. I was able to push the guilt away, knowing this would save him, too.

With things feeling so different, I was still _excited_ for what my future held. The jitters refused to leave as my thoughts bounced around, wondering just where I would be a year from now. How soon would I change? What will it be like? How will I be with everything that I had lost to receive it all?

Laying back on my bed, it was obvious that Jasper could feel all my emotions swirling, changing so quickly that even I couldn't focus on what they were before it switched. With how things have been today, I have paid more attention to him as well.

For the first time, I noticed the two crescent scars above his left brow when he ran his fingers through his hair. The sun had been shining just right, allowing me the faintest glimpse. His deep voice _always_ carried a trace of his accent, even when I wouldn't have heard it before. I even noticed the smallest scuff on his boots—one that his eyes fell to when he was deep in thought.

"Are you reconsidering things?" he suddenly asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

Meeting his gaze, I couldn't exactly pick out what was going through his mind, the gold showing no secrets. It never usually did.

Smiling halfheartedly, I shook my head. "No. Everything just feels different now. I don't know how exactly to explain it." Shrugging, I sat up, propping up some pillows behind me to remain sitting comfortably. I wasn't ready to sleep just yet.

Jasper's returning smile was bittersweet. "Bet so. I've never met anyone who had the chance to think over things before it happened."

Pursing my lips, I returned my eyes to my bedspread, so many questions buzzing around in my head. So many things that would be different. It would be like truly dying only to be reborn once again—everything foreign and new.

"Could I ask you some things about it?" I tentatively asked, beginning to doodle different lines on my blanket. I have been waiting for this. To learn more. I just hoped he wouldn't sugarcoat things, even though I would more than likely wish he had.

"You know you can. And it would probably be best that you did," he chuckled, allowing himself to sway in the rocking chair.

Nodding, I sucked in a deep breath, wondering what was best to start with. "Okay. So I'm not all that concerned with finishing high school. When do you think... I should be changed?"

He didn't spare a second before replying. "The sooner the better when it comes to Victoria being around. First, I think it would be best if you went and visited your mother for the last time," he nodded while I cringed. "You should also spend a good day with Charlie. Throughout all this, I should probably pretend to leave. He shouldn't think I was still around, then disappear after you do. Then Peter, Charlotte and I could stage a fake death for you."

My heart stung as I thought about the pain I would be putting my parents through. Them thinking I am dead, when I truly was still around. Just not the same.

"How do you intend on faking my death?"

"We could probably drive your truck into a tree. Light it on fire. Drive it off a cliff," he shrugged, cracking a small grin. "That'll be for us to worry about."

Shifting uncomfortably, I figured it was time to ask one question in particular that I was worried about. "When I change... how long... how long will it take? How bad..." My mushy words refused to come out properly. I knew I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the pain of the venom. I remembered those _short_ agonizing moments when it felt as though my arm was lit aflame.

Jasper's expression was now stony. "The process usually lasts around three days. I'm not gonna lie to you, darlin'... it will be the worst pain you will ever experience. You will scream, you will thrash, you will cry, but it won't do you any good."

Paling, I wrapped my arms around my legs. It would be worth it, I had to remind myself. All the pain would be worth it, to never feel it again. Still, I couldn't hide the fear. Jasper's eyes softened when he noticed.

"I'll be with you the entire time—I won't leave, I promise you. The best thing for you to do, is focus on _every_ memory that you can. Think of things over and over, so that you won't forget. The more you do, the more you'll remember."

My nod was jerky as I swallowed, grasping onto all the courage I possessed. Could a person be sane, willingly accepting that they will be burning alive for three solid days? But Jasper would be there. I barely noticed it when he stood from the rocking chair, walking over to sit beside me. Letting out a deep sigh, I leaned against his cold shoulder as the calm eased my nerves.

"Tell me as much as you can," I nodded, my mind too unraveled to focus on specific questions. I'd rather focus on what he considered to be important.

He was silent for a moment before he began. "When you first wake up, you'll be confused. Everything will be different. Your sight will be different—more in depth, more colors to take in. You'll hear things you never imagined. Every texture that you feel will be brand new. I remember what disturbed me the most was realizing I didn't have to breathe," he chuckled, allowing me to crack a small smile.

"I thought that would be cool," I admitted, peeking up at him.

"You'd think so. But it isn't that great of a feeling," he smirked, meeting my eyes. "You'll feel uncomfortable, unable to smell. Your instincts want you to know your surroundings. Without it, you don't know whether or not a threat is near."

My brows furrowed, not knowing what exactly to think about animalistic instincts. To be more of a predator. That was another thing I worried over—would I be the same?

"You won't... react the best when you see me, or Peter and Charlotte for the matter," he murmured, his eyes rising to the ceiling.

"Why not?" I demanded. Of all things, I figured they would only bring me _comfort_ when I awoke disheveled.

Tapping his arm, he pointed to the hidden scars. "You may not see em' now. But when your sight has improved tenfold... they'll be like a fluorescent sign," he laughed lightly. I opened my mouth, prepared to tell him I wouldn't care, before he stopped me. "I know what you're going to say, Bella, but it won't really be by choice. You will be wary, cautious. Once again, it's only instincts when you see we pose a threat. Not one of us will be offended, I promise you."

I scowled, not accepting it one bit. "But I _know_ you. It's hard to believe that I'll feel that way when I know you wouldn't do anything."

His laugh was soft, rumbling deep in his chest. "It's just the way things are, sweetheart. I didn't make the rules," he smiled.

I hoped he didn't notice the heat the flushed into my cheeks or the flood of warmth in my stomach, my feelings probably matching. What I was feeling for Jasper... was growing dangerous when he could feel every emotion I could. I'd have to be more than careful. I couldn't help the growing... fondness. It was out of my control, I knew. But there was no way they could be reciprocated. I'd have to stop myself before it got too far, if I even could.

"I'll just have to prove you wrong," I nodded surely. I just had to hope that I'd remember.

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head as his grin stretched larger. "Alright. You won't be entirely in control at first, as a newborn. Your emotions will switch rapidly, the intensity of each far more than you will be used to. One moment you could be blissfully happy, the next you could be enraged. I'll be able to help with that a bit, of course. You'll have to get used to your strength..."

I looked up when his voice faded, wondering what could be so bad about that. I already knew I'd be strong enough to crush a tank.

"That was the most frustrating for me, I think," he sheepishly smiled, running his fingers through his hair. "Accidentally ripping your clothes to shreds just by tugging on them gently can get aggravating real easy. Crushing door handles is probably the worst. All things you have to get used to. What is going to be your main concern is your thirst." His smile fell, his eyes unreadable as he looked down at me.

"I expected that," I shrugged, it being the one thing I knew for a fact I would have to learn. Something that would be difficult after many years.

"Which diet do you want?" He shocked me by asking. "I don't want you to think that you have to drink from animals like I do. Peter and Charlotte don't. I told you once before that if it weren't for my gift, I more than likely would still be feeding off of humans. It's completely up to you."

I had to admit, it _did_ feel nice knowing that I had the choice. That I wouldn't be looked down on if I decided not to subject myself to animal blood. But it was what I chose.

"Animals, like you. I couldn't handle..."

Jasper's smile was knowing, a sparkle in his eyes. "I figured that. You're too nice for your own good," he teased. "That's going to be rough, though. When you wake, the very first thing you're going to want is blood. Your throat is going to burn, it hard to think of anything _but._ I'll take you to hunt, but you'll certainly want to reject the animal blood. It tastes wrong—bitter. But it is enough to soothe. I want you to know now... that there will be mistakes."

Biting my lip, I tried my hardest not to ever think of that. I hoped to have a record as clean as Carlisle, never taking a life... but with my luck, I was bound to mess up at least one time. That was a day I never wanted to see.

"When you first smell the scent of a human, especially as a newborn, it will be next to impossible to resist. The strongest of us fall," he chuckled humorlessly. "Knowing you, you will beat yourself up over it. And I'll have to knock some sense into ya," he grinned, making light of the conversation.

"Do you think I'll have a gift?" I asked, wanting to keep the conversation lighter. I was glad that some of the rougher topics were now out of the way.

Jasper pursed his lips, pondering over my question for a moment. "I think you will," he eventually replied. "Edward was unable to read your mind. I still may be able to feel your emotions, but you could still block him. That leads me to believe you'd have a gift. We'll just have to wait and see."

"How long... do you think that you'll be able to stay?" I whispered, having to look away. It was certainly not something that I wanted to think about, but better to know in advance.

I didn't miss his thick frown, either. "As long as I can. I don't want you to worry about that," he shook his head, a frustrated gleam to his eye. He seemed just as unwilling to leave as I was for him to go. "Even when they do find out, it will probably be a while until leaving is even mentioned. And... you could always come."

My eyes were now wide. "Come with you?" I didn't see how that was possible. If he left with the Cullen's, I didn't see how I would be welcome. After all, I wasn't before. Would I be able to handle seeing Edward every day? Could I go throughout the years, feeling like the outcast in the family, only having Jasper's comfort when he gave it?

" _I_ say that you can. We'll just... talk about this when the time comes," he sighed, the frustration back within his expression.

I couldn't agree more. But there was another question that was nagging at me. "Are you sure... that Peter could change me?" I asked, once again nervous. I did trust Peter. But enough to put my life in his hands?

"I wouldn't allow it if I wasn't sure," Jasper smiled reassuringly. It slowly fell when he noticed my timid expression, my nerves not wavering.

I would be alright with Peter changing me. But what I truly wanted was just _selfish._ Selfish, selfish, selfish. I couldn't ask for it, even though I would be the most comfortable if _Jasper_ was the one to change me. Even though his control was the most strained, I still trusted him with my life every minute of every day. There was no one that I trusted more. When it came to this... no, it was just selfish to even consider asking.

"Do you not want him to change you?" he asked, confused.

Don't ask.

"I wouldn't... mind."

It's wrong.

"But it's not what you want?"

It's selfish.

"Do you think... you'd be able to?"

I'm going straight to hell. I couldn't look him in the eyes as my face heated, shame coating my entire being. That just had to be the most selfish thing I have ever done in my life. The room was draped in silence as I felt like cowering into a hole, hiding away for the rest of eternity.

"You... want _me_ to do it?" he asked, his voice almost choked.

Forcing myself to look up, I nearly ran when I saw the shock and slight fear in his eyes. How could I have done this?

"You... you don't have to, Jasper, I was just wondering," I hurriedly replied, my words a jumbled mess. I should have listened to myself and not once even brought this idea into light.

He appeared like a statue for the most agonizing stretch of time. "I... just don't see why you'd trust me with _that._ Bella, I almost killed you the last time your blood was spilled."

My eyes squeezed shut, the regret I felt enveloping me whole. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked," I immediately responded.

"I want to know why."

Looking up, his eyes matched the demanding tone to his voice. So many different emotions flushed within the gold, to the point where I just couldn't pick them apart.

"I trust you more than anyone else in the world. If I had to trust anyone with my life, it would be you, as silly as that might sound in this case," I whispered.

"It's not," he shook his head, a new determined gleam to his eye.

Before I even realized it, he had leaned down, his face now right at my neck. I couldn't help it as my heart stuttered, feeling the icy trail of his nose against my skin. I remembered when Edward had done this—smelling my scent, being this close. Staying as still as I possibly could, I focused instead on trying to ignore the flutters within my stomach.

His hand lightly pressed against the opposite side of my neck, feeling my pulse as he breathed. "It's easier than it used to be," he whispered, goosebumps being left behind. I shivered as his lashes tickled my skin when he blinked. The sweet scent of honey and spice burned my nose, my jaw now slack as he pulled back.

His fingers were still pressed against my veins, feeling the rushed beat of my heart that he could already hear. My mouth went completely dry when I saw how close his face was, completely angelic. I knew that he could feel everything I did, but there was just no way to hide or stop it.

I cared for him. I couldn't deny it anymore. Even when I had loved Edward, I had never felt like _this._ Comfortable. At ease, along with the joy, desire, care. I tumbled so far down, unable to stop what slipped through my fingers. I was falling for Jasper, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

"I'll do it," he nodded as I grew dizzy.

He was so close, and he didn't appear to want to budge. I'd yank him back if he even tried. I hadn't even noticed my hands that now tightly gripped onto his shirt, almost as if I were trying to hold him in place. My eyes were locked to his, almost begging him to close that small distance left.

"Bella..." I could barely hear my name on his lips as his head tilted forward.

My eyes were just shutting as he stiffened, freezing in place. Jolting, I released my grip on him, wondering if I had done wrong—why did he freeze? But I saw his eyes were now pinned on the window, his muscles tightened as he looked out into the dark nothing. Did he hear something?

My question was answered when he let out a sharp breath, standing beside my bed in the blink of an eye. A growl rumbled within his chest.

"What is it?"

Seeing the curl of his lips into a thick scowl, my thoughts immediately switched to Victoria, fear swirling within me. Of all times for her to try and attack!

A scream almost broke through my lips when I saw a figure jump through my window, landing with a quiet thud. My hammering heart nearly stopped when they stood, their face now visible.

 _Edward._

* * *

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	17. Chapter 17

_No._

I felt as though I were slipping. Hurtling down, down, down, without anything to grab on to. Nothing to hold me up. The freshly healed hole that was once ripped from my chest, then gently sewed shut, was now gaping. It was almost as if I were drowning, the black abyss I had constantly avoided now consuming me.

He was _here._

Part of me wondered if it was another nightmare. If I was locked in my dreams, Jasper not there to erase them. For the very first time, I didn't want to chase after him _._ I wanted to run _away_. I wanted to stay in the happy world that became my reality.

My eyes were dazed as I stared at his shocked face, his pitch black eyes locked on me. They flickered, seeming to memorize my entire appearance, drinking it up. My eyes, however, burned as I looked over his haunting form, pain searing throughout me.

Everything was the same. From his tousled bronze hair to his pale skin. Black shadows dusted beneath his eyes, it as if he hasn't slept in months. The same chiseled jaw and cheekbones. The same perfect lips that hung open. I hardly noticed his wrinkled clothes, the one truly abnormal thing about him.

I began to shake where I sat, forcing myself to take a breath as I looked away. I couldn't look at him—remember all the awful memories from when he left. Instead, I focused on Jasper standing beside me.

His lips were crudely curled back into a snarl, all the gold in his eyes melting into a sinister black. That alone showed me that this was _reality._ Not a nightmare that I would awake from. Nothing I could run from.

"Bella?"

The sound of that velvet voice was like razors slicing through my ears. I grasped onto Jasper's arm, holding it almost like a life-raft. He didn't shake me off, or even acknowledge it as I clung tightly.

"What're you doing here?" Jasper growled, it rumbling deep within his chest.

I could hardly peek up at Edward, watching as he stiffened where he stood. Those black eyes were now pointed at him, narrowed.

"I could ask you the same question," he snapped, the smooth velvet roughening.

Jasper laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. "I don't got to give you a reason for bein' here. You're the one that left," he hissed, his fists tightening.

Edward flinched, his frown thickening as his gaze returned to me. "Bella... I'm so sorry," he whispered, the velvet returning. "What I said-"

"No."

My voice shook like a leaf as I held on to Jasper, unable to meet Edward's pleading gaze. But whatever he had to say, I didn't want to hear it. I just wanted him to _leave._

"...No?" His voice was next to silent, quietly falling from his lips.

"You should be able to tell from my mind what she's feeling," Jasper snarled.

Edward glared hatefully towards him. "It is quite hard to do that right now while you continuously recite Civil War battlegrounds in alphabetical order."

Jasper smiled coldly. "You don't need to be poking around in my thoughts. But along with whatever you can hear, that _pain_ should be bold enough for you to notice."

Sweet calm drifted over me, although not as strong as usual. A small tinge of anger sparked along with it, something I didn't think he intended to add. Either way, it was enough for me to sort my scrambling thoughts, pulling myself together enough not to crumble into a mess.

"Bella, please let me explain."

My teeth grit together as I listened to the pleading tone to his voice. Almost as if _I_ had done wrong. Like he _deserved_ me to even give him the opportunity to explain. What was there even to explain? That he was wrong—that he wasn't through using me for entertainment? I tasted bile building up in the back of my throat, a grimace now pulling across my face.

Had he come all this way just to insult me? Just to rehash the painful words, thinking that I would fall to my knees, _grateful_ that I would have more time to be used?

"I don't want to hear." This time speaking, my voice was even. Emotionless. Even though Jasper could still feel my pain, I was sure he could feel the certainty as well. The edge of anger that didn't exactly amount to his own.

Looking up, I watched as Edward's face crumpled, before fury heated within his eyes. They snapped to Jasper.

"What have you said to her?" he growled, almost loud enough to wake Charlie.

"Not a thing about you," Jasper replied, an odd arrogance now to his grin. "Did you expect her to be _happy_ to see you? For her to be the same?"

Silence echoed achingly as the moments passed.

" _You_ should not even be near her," Edward hatefully spat as my eyes pricked. So quick to change the subject when things didn't go his way. "You almost killed her, yet you find it right to come around her? Especially with no one near to stop you if-"

"He wouldn't," I interrupted, unable to listen to him talk down to Jasper after all he's done for me. After everything.

He childishly rolled his eyes. "Bella, you don't know how dangerous-"

"She knows everything there is to know about me and more," Jasper immediately brushed off, much to Edward's chagrin. "In fact, you should be thanking me. After you ran off like the dumbass you are, Laurent and Victoria came back for a little visit."

Jasper's smile was simply wicked as Edward's jaw went slack. I could tell that if blood still trailed through his veins, he would be paler than a ghost. After seeing his dumbstruck expression not changing, Jasper took this opportunity to continue.

"Laurent was taken care of. But Victoria is still after her. Did you not think that after bringing her into _our_ world this wouldn't happen? Yet you left her vulnerable. She'd be _dead_ right now if no one had been there like you wanted," he snarled.

"I tried to track her!" Edward hissed, flustered as he stood rooted in spot. "I... I'm not very good at it, but I tried... I'll never make the mistake of leaving again."

I went rigid for a moment, unable to make sense of his words. He didn't want to leave? None of this made sense! He didn't think I was good enough, he didn't want me. Yet now, now he says this?

"You don't have to worry about that," Jasper snapped, the agitation growing within his eyes.

Edward didn't spare him another glance. His gaze was now pointed at me, his eyes smoldering much like they used to. "Bella, please just give me a moment. Just a moment to explain things to you," he begged, taking one hesitant step forward.

My grip on Jasper's sleeve tightened, my knuckles snow white. I knew he was going to 'explain' whether I allowed it or not. What was the point in rejecting? My nod was curt, the lack of interest seeming to cut him. But he continued.

He sucked in a deep breath. _"I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be. But for you to believe me so quickly. That was... excruciating."_

My eyebrows furrowed as I listened, not sure was to make of his words. At first, I thought he meant that he lied about loving me, about caring. Instead, he meant about what he said before leaving. That he hadn't meant a word. He had wanted a clean break, while in his head, protect me by leaving.

" _I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"_

He continued to rant, while I stared at him incredulously. Did he find it so shocking that I would believe? He knew how tender my views already were—that I didn't feel as though I deserved him. In fact, I couldn't believe a word that left his lips as he continued on, his words falling upon deaf ears. The time he has been away has shown me how to truly see.

" _Bella, really, what were you thinking!"_

Now, I was angry. Deep inside, I knew that if Jasper had never come... If I had never been shown that I was really my own person, remaining crumbling in depression for _months_ , I would probably be bawling my eyes out. I would probably think this was a dream—not a nightmare, however. I would probably be groveling at his feet, angels singing in the background. But now... now I just couldn't see it like that.

Thinking over his last words, it was almost as if he was trying to pin the blame on _me_. Like I had been the one to make the mistake. Like it was my fault for believing.

"You knew I never felt like I was good enough," I replied, robotically. "You knew that I was constantly terrified that you'd leave. That I was living in a dream that I could wake from at any time. You should have known how easy it would be for me to believe your words—they actually made more sense than you loving me ever did. Do not make _your_ decision my fault."

His brows furrowed as his gaze burned through me. "Did you _ever_ believe that I loved you?"

"I wanted to." Shaking my head, I swallowed roughly.

There was nothing else that I could really say. It was true that I wanted to believe it, that I tried. But I was never fully convinced. Jasper remained silent by my side, allowing me to speak my mind. Silently, I appreciated having his quiet company to give me comfort at this time. The shock I felt made me feel numb, which was an achingly familiar feeling.

" _I love you. I_ have _always loved you, and I_ will _always love you."_ He paused after seeing my unchanging expression. "You _still_ don't believe me, do you?" he breathed. A new determination sparked within his eyes as he stepped forward. I flinched as his icy hands laid against my cheeks, holding me firmly in place. "I'll prove it to you."

"No!" I spluttered, right as he was yanked away.

Allowing my eyes to adjust, I saw Edward as now pinned to my wall, a furious Jasper holding him in place. Both men stared at one another with pure rage, growls filling the air.

"Don't you fuckin' touch her." Jasper's voice was low, rasping as he spit the words.

"Watch your mouth!" Edward spat in return, pulling away.

Jasper was standing beside me before I could blink, his eyes matching a predator's as they remained locked on Edward.

"Why don't you watch yours and keep it away from her."

A heavy blush coated my cheeks as I remembered what _almost_ happened before Edward politely ruined it. I couldn't help but wonder... did Jasper _want_ that? Or was it simply in the moment, something that would have meant nothing? Something... he would have regreted?

Edward huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. "Listen, Jasper, I appreciate you protecting Bella after I wrongfully left. But I am here now, and there is no reason at all for you to continue to act as her guard," he haughtily sneered.

"I'm not just her guard," Jasper bristled, baring his teeth. "I was the only one sane enough not to follow orders from an ignorant adolescent who thinks he knows all. I didn't abandon her. Don't think just because you decided to come back that I'm going to now."

"Hm. I suppose that just shows how much you crave to be around her blood," Edward growled.

"No," Jasper grinned, chuckling beneath his breath, "That just shows how much more of a man I am."

Edwards lips twisted as if he tasted something sour, fire dancing within his eyes. Looking away from Jasper, he returned his attention to me.

"Bella... please believe that I love you. I always have—Just give me one more chance. One more chance to make you believe. I'll beg on my knees if you want me to," he continued on, his head hanging.

Pain flared within me, my eyes squeezing shut. Months ago, I would have wanted nothing more than to hear those words. But...

"You left me alone in the woods," I whispered. Jasper's head snapped to me, as I subconsciously realized I never told him what exactly happened. "You took me out into the woods, then told me what I had always feared. You _crushed_ me, before abandoning me. I chased after you—I was lost for hours." My voice was growing angrier as my poisonous thoughts turned into words. "I mimicked a zombie for _months._ If it hadn't been for Jasper, I don't know what would have happened to me. How could you _possibly_ love me, if you could put me through that?"

Ignoring Jasper's vicious growl, my eyes were keen on Edward. His eyes glistened, almost as if they were filled with tears. I reminded myself that it was only venom that would never spill.

"I wanted to protect you," he croaked.

"What you did was the opposite, considering Victoria has been trying to murder me. When you love someone... you want to make them happy. That's all that you care about. Not... not make decisions for them! Just because you thought it was right didn't mean that it was!" I cried, trying to stop the tears that now burned in my eyes.

"I know that, Bella, please. Please, just give me the chance to make it up to you. I'll do everything that I possibly can to show you that I'll never make such a mistake again. That I'll never leave, that I'll never hurt you."

I was frozen stiff, unable to find the correct words to reply. Even if I wanted... How could I ever _believe_ that? How could I be sure that he wouldn't just change his mind one day? But I knew that not even that mattered, because my feelings... have changed. They changed without my consent or control, but there was no way that I could walk away from it now.

"I... can't," I murmured, shaking my head. Shaking away his words.

Looking up, Edward seemed to mimic a burning man. I couldn't help but cringe at the sight, hating to hurt him. I knew deep down, however, that I had not a single reason to feel guilty. In fact... I felt a bit proud that I was able to do this. That I said _no._ Something I once could have never done.

"Still," Edward breathed, shakily running a hand through his messy hair, "I'm not leaving. Especially with Victoria near—I refuse to leave again. Hopefully in that time, I could change your mind." Hope glistened in his eyes, and I had to look away. "I'll never stop trying. I love you, Bella."

I didn't reply.

Jasper stepped forward, his expressionless face showing he was far more than ready for Edward to leave. "Alright. I think it'd be best if you left for the night. I'm looking after her," he nodded, his voice forcibly even.

All the pain and tenderness left Edward at once. "Personally, I think it would be best if _you_ were the one to leave for the night. After all, your _wife_ should be arriving home soon," Edward snapped.

Jasper and I both froze.

No. No, no, no. The world started to spin as the thoughts I _tried_ to push away returned with a vengeance. For a while, I was able to forget about Alice entirely. Like Jasper and I were in our own, separate world. But Edward's return brought us both crashing back down into reality. Cruel reality.

When she was back, I didn't have a chance. No matter how hard I fell, or how much I fought and I knew it.

"I want Jasper to stay," I managed to choke out.

At least I could have one last night.

Jasper didn't make a move, still standing in shock while Edward appeared to have been slapped across the face. After a few more moments, he reluctantly nodded. His pace was slow as he walked to the window, acting as though bricks were tied around his ankles.

"I love you, Bella. I'll never leave you again."

He jumped out into the night as silence draped my room.

I finally allowed the tears to fall. Scooting up, I pulled my covers over me, wanting to hide from the world. It was so funny, how just an hour ago I had been so happy. So many different plans awaited my future, so many dreams. I needed to learn not to expect things. Not to hope, not to dream, not to get my heart set on a thing. Every time I did, it was ruined right before my eyes when I least expected it.

I felt the bed dip as Jasper sat, his face blank as he stared at my wall. Knowing him like I did, I could see the pain that swam in his eyes. Part of me wondered if he hoped for something different as well. Have I changed him just as much as he changed me? Even if I was lucky enough for Jasper to feel the same for me as I did for him, it didn't change the fact that Alice was coming back. That one way or another, someone would end up hurt.

I could always run off with Peter and Charlotte, change into a vampire. Now, that just seemed easy. But what Jasper chose was completely out of my control.

Reaching up, I lightly tugged on his sleeve, wordlessly asking him to lay down beside me. Just for one night, so I could pretend that things were the same as they were yesterday. That I would wake up and find that none of this happened.

Laying back, Jasper didn't say a word as I cuddled up to his side, the blankets shielding me from the cold. I wrapped one of my arms tightly around him as my silent tears soaked his shirt. I was partially surprised when I felt his cold arm snake around me, only to pull me closer.

Neither of us said a word as I finally drifted to sleep, terrified for what the future held.

* * *

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	18. Chapter 18

I knew it was morning, but my eyes just didn't want to open. My limbs felt as though they each weighed a thousand pounds, cemented to the freezing form they clung to. Jasper had to know that I was awake. Not only were my emotions probably slamming into him—my heart wasn't exactly calm, either.

 _Please let last night be a horrible nightmare._ A continuous mantra, set on repeat in my mind. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. It wasn't real. He didn't come back. He didn't say it was all a lie—that everyone else was coming home.

How I wish I could convince that to myself.

Whether Jasper knew I was awake or not, he didn't seem too eager for me to open my eyes. He remained silent, his strong arm still tight around my waist. Squeezing my eyes tighter shut, I tried my hardest not to remind myself that this was probably it. The last time I would fall asleep with him by my side.

 _Bella, you have my word that I'm not going to leave like that. I'm going to be staying here as long as Victoria is a threat—I will not let her harm you. Even after I get rid of her, you will still be able to call me,_ he once said. At the time, those words were the greatest comfort; exactly what I needed to hear. Now, however, they made bile rise in my throat.

Tentatively peeking an eye open, the first thing I noticed was that my head was still resting on his chest. Looking up, I saw his eyes were focused on the ceiling, unwavering.

'Good morning' wouldn't be a very good conversation starter today, I knew.

"Is Charlie gone?" I asked, my voice cracking. Whether it was from just waking up, or falling asleep in tears last night, I didn't know.

"He went fishing. Left you a note," Jasper replied, his eyes flickering down to meet mine. The gold wasn't as bright as I was used to.

Silence returned, just as quick as it was broken. I heard just from his melancholy tone that he felt the same disbelief—the same reluctance to face the reality of this day. I knew that I would have to see him. To hear the same meaningless words that once would have made my heart flutter. To have to disappoint the man who destroyed me, over and over again.

And Jasper... was Alice already home? Unconsciously, my arms tightened around him as I buried my face away. _No, no, no, damn it! He... he didn't belong to her!_ Words I wanted to scream to the tops of my lungs, yet knew I was too big of a coward to ever say.

"Don't cry," Jasper breathed, his eyes sad as they stared down at me.

He thought I was crying because of Edward's return. That was _far_ from the reason. "Why did he have to come back?" I growled, mimicking a small kitten. If he never came back, no one else would be, either.

Running his free hand through his hair, Jasper shook his head. "If you haven't realized it, Bella, we are two of the most unlucky beings that has ever existed," he snorted humorlessly.

Pausing, I took in his words. He thought that he was unlucky because of this, too? "I... wouldn't say that we're completely unlucky," I murmured. "We've been given good things, too."

That was true. I was given him when Edward left. Jasper got his time away. I could have died when James attacked me. He could have died in Maria's army. We did have some luck, somehow.

Jasper quietly hummed beneath his breath. "We have to leave, soon. Charlotte called just before you woke up... They are returning from their hunting trip right now. It... would be best to arrive at the house before they do." He winced.

Peter seeing Edward wasn't going to be a pretty sight. I bit my lip, hating to nod in agreement. No matter how much I _didn't_ want to go, it would be better than a house being demolished, limbs scattered about.

"Do you plan on forgiving him?" he asked, out of the blue.

My eyebrows furrowed as I sat up, feeling the numbness left on my skin from the cold. Jasper wasn't looking at me—his eyes were focused instead on my window. Did he really think I would go running into his arms? He looked as though he hoped not, but I couldn't be sure.

"No. I told him so last night. How could I ever trust him again, Jasper? Not to mention his lack of consideration for what I say. Or think."

"You could change your mind," he reminded me, his lips a stiff line.

Now, I was just confused. "Do you _want_ me to take him back?"

"I never said that," he quickly spat, shaking his head. Before I could blink, he was sitting up as well. He let out a heavy sigh. "I know you, Bella. You're too nice for your own good—I've told you that time and time again. I'll admit, I was stunned how you stood up to him last night. How much you've grown as a person. But you fell for him once, and he's going to be persistent."

"Since you know me so well, you should also know how stubborn I can be," I replied, holding my head high.

I knew I had him when he paused, the right corner of his lips twitching as he tried not to smile. "That's true. I just don't want you to lose what you've grown. To fall into the background."

"Well, I don't want you to, either," I snapped, feeling heat rush into my cheeks. Looking away, I tried to ignore his stunned expression. "What about the plans from before? Me changing?" I asked, trying to quickly change the subject. Now certainly wasn't the right time to discuss this.

Jasper's face darkened. "The plans haven't changed. I'm just not excited about watching his reaction to it," he huffed. "With... Alice returning, there will be no way to hide it."

Right as her name left his mouth, I felt ice trickle throughout my veins. My nod was stiff as I stood from my bed. "I'm... I'm going to go get ready. We'll leave after I'm done."

"Bella?"

Ignoring him, I grabbed a fresh set of clothes, shutting the bathroom door behind me.

The water was practically scalding as I rushed through my morning routine, trying my hardest not to let my mind wander. It felt like that hatefully familiar black abyss was just waiting—begging for me to lose it enough to tumble down. I needed to keep a steady head now more than ever.

But would I be able to handle seeing everyone else return? Alice merrily skipping into Jasper's arms? Taking him away from me—my life-raft, allowing me to sink down and drown.

I couldn't really blame her, though, could I?

 _Maybe if she would have treated him better he wouldn't have been so eager to stay away from her, giving you the opportunity to grow close to him,_ I quietly reminded myself. That at least took some of the guilt away.

The water ran cold.

Hurriedly I got dressed and ready, refraining from looking into the mirror as much as possible. I was terrified that the next time I looked, I would see the broken girl from before who had lost the world. I never wanted to see that again—and I was so scared that each second that passed by pulled me closer.

Padding down the stairs, I saw Jasper waiting by the door. The corners of my lips jerked up at the sight of the pack of Poptarts in his hand—he's grown used to my human needs at last.

"No time to whip up some eggs and bacon?" I tried to joke as I took them from his hand.

He shook his head. "Nope. I didn't... exactly _tell_ them that Edward was back," he sheepishly mumbled. "Peter would have run back ten times faster if he had known. So the sooner we get there, the better."

From that grim edge to his voice, I had to agree. Handing him my keys, I trusted him enough to drive my truck with _ease_ while I ate. Due to the twists and curls in my stomach, I wasn't sure that eating was the best idea at the moment, however.

The usual gray sky and endless trees flew by as Jasper drove, neither of us saying another word. I did appreciate him not questioning me about earlier—when I hurried to go get ready. I didn't know what I would have said if he had.

The closer we got, the more my heart would nervously pound off beat, my nerves skyrocketing. Jasper would calm me, only for the entire process to repeat itself like a rollercoaster. When I saw the white house come into view, Jasper's stiff shoulders relaxed slightly. They must not be here yet. He was also more than likely reciting the battlegrounds in his mind like before—keeping Edward out. I couldn't imagine how much concentration that had to take.

When my truck eased to a stop, the front door was yanked open.

My eyes narrowed, a pang of irritation mixing with the calm as Edward sped over, opening up my door. Refusing to meet his eyes, I unbuckled my seatbelt, stepping out as Jasper did.

"Good morning, love," Edward's velvet voice said.

Jasper might have shut his door a bit too hard. "Good morning," I replied, stepping past him. Brutal memories entered my mind hearing that voice—but I forcefully shoved them away.

He matched my pace with ease. "I wasn't expecting you to be here so early," he continued on.

"We had to come before Peter and Charlotte got back," I threw back, much to his disappointment.

Pausing at the door, Edward's smooth expression fell at once. "Yes, I thought I recognized their scent." His nose shriveled with clear disdain, his eyes flickering to Jasper. "Why exactly are they here?"

"Why do you think?" Jasper drawled, opening the door and stepping inside. "They've been helping with Victoria. Almost caught her recently."

"I still don't think it is very wise to have them around Bella," Edward managed to grit through his teeth.

Jasper's eyes were like two cold stones. "Can you really say that right now when it looks like you haven't fed in months?" Even though his voice was practically emotionless, it still leaked the intimidation that only Jasper could emit.

Edward faltered for a moment, his pitch black eyes widening a fraction. Inside, I was smirking as Jasper sat on the couch with ease, amusement flashing within his eyes. I didn't miss Edward's jaw tighten as I quickly took my seat next to him.

"I would _never_ hurt her. That answer is obvious. But knowing that she's been in the care of three vampires—two who drink from humans and one who nearly killed her already—isn't the best news to hear."

"At least they were here." My voice was quiet. But both men stared at me in shock.

Edward frowned, his shoulders slumping. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'll say it a thousand times-"

"I think we have more important things to talk about than hearin' that," Jasper glared, crossing his arms.

Edward looked as though he was about to blow a fuse. "Good point. I'd like to know how you even _knew_ that she was in danger? And why you decided to keep it from the rest of us when we could have helped."

I noticed Jasper's knee begin to shake—a human trait, like when he ran his fingers through his hair, that he only showed when truly irritated.

"I gave her my number before I left," he shrugged, while Edward's eyes darkened even more. "Didn't feel right abandoning her like that. Not like she could _really_ talk to anyone else about what happened, most of it being a secret and all," he snorted. "So we talked on the phone until Laurent attacked. Then we came."

"Until Laurent attacked?" Edward's eyes immediately shot to me. "How was he stopped, then?" I went rigid in my seat as Edward's jaw dropped, Jasper cursing beneath his breath. " _What was that?_ " he snarled, and I knew that Jasper accidentally thought of the wolves.

My head hung, a small throb starting at my temples. He had no right to get so angry when _he_ left. "The Quileutes. My friend Jacob—they're werewolves," I pathetically shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

Edward's growl grew in volume as I reluctantly leaned farther away from him. " _Werewolves_? Bella, honestly-" Pinching the bridge of his nose, he tightly shut his eyes.

"Don't you say one word to her," Jasper venomously spat. "You best just be lucky that she _is_ friends with them. She'd be dead right now, if not."

Edward scowled, dropping his hand. "It still doesn't make sense why she had to run to the very first monster she could find after we left," he bit, as heat flushed into my cheeks. It's not like I knew that Jake was a wolf. "Nor does it make sense that you clearly went against what I said—it was supposed to be like we never existed!"

Jasper's lips curled back, fury sparking in his eyes. Right as he opened his mouth to reply, however, the front door slammed open, bashing into the wall. The sound was nearly deafening as I jumped, unable to see Peter's form speed forward. When my eyes did focus, however, he was directly in front of Edward.

"Just what the _fuck_ are you doin' here?" he snarled, trembling with rage.

I was partially stunned when Edward agitatedly stared back, ignoring Charlotte as she appeared by Peter's side. "This is _my_ home. You have no right to question why I am here," Edward bitterly replied.

"The hell I don't! Your pansy ass left—and I'm about to rip you a new one if ya don't fuckin' leave again."

Peter's eyes went from the red that I had grown used to—actually finding to be quite lovely the more I saw his and Charlotte's crimson eyes—to a sinister black. He was angrier now than when his arm was ripped off. To tell the truth, if it had been me he was growling at, I would be shrinking down in terror. The sweet, fun-loving man could turn fierce in the blink of an eye. Remembering him saying that Jasper once terrified him, I didn't want to imagine what Jasper could turn into if pushed too far.

"You will not come into my home and order me around," Edward scoffed, "In fact, I should be the one ordering _you_ to leave. Your presence is no longer necessary."

Peter's eyes bugged. "The fuck you say! I ain't one to abandon loved ones. My 'presence' at least is useful unlike yours. Ya got _no reason_ to be here anymore, Eddie," Peter snickered, his lips curling back into a taunting smile.

"I love her," Edward stubbornly replied, his eyes squinting as he bared his teeth.

Peter snorted. "I suppose next you're gonna piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'."

"Alright, that's enough," Charlotte sighed, while still glaring at Edward. Peeking over, I saw that Jasper looked as though he was trying awfully hard not to laugh at the sight before him. To be honest, I was just trying to understand it all with the growls and snarls mingling with the words. "Point is, Edward, we got everything under control here."

"If that were the case, Victoria would be dead by now," Edward snapped in reply, standing from his seat.

Right after I blinked, I saw that Edward was now pinned to the wall, Peter appearing like a creature from my nightmares. "Don't you fuckin' talk to my wife like that, little boy. I'm sure you already know how much I can't stand your no good ass, and I'd be happy as hell to roast you alive."

Pulling away, Edward's eyes returned to Jasper and I. Was he wondering why we weren't saying anything? In truth... it felt _nice_ seeing Peter treat him this way. After what he did to me... he deserved at least a little retaliation. Unlike Peter, all I could do was not take him back. Which was harsher?

"As entertaining as this is," Jasper mused, leaning back on the couch, "you should know that it is possible that Victoria is creating an army. You might want to be nice to as many numbers as you can get," he hedged, his gold eyes moving to Peter and Charlotte.

Edward's face was horrorstruck. Peter's, on the other hand, scrunched in confusion. "Like that matters anymo..." He froze, Jasper stiffening by my side. I could almost see the numbers tick down in Edward's eyes as Peter cursed beneath his breath.

" _What?_ " Edward snarled, whipping around to face Peter.

Charlotte's glare burned holes in his back, I was sure. "Sorry, Major," Peter sighed, purposelessly rubbing the back of his neck. "But yeah, pansy. I'm changin' Bella," he cheekily grinned.

"NO! No you are not!" Edward seethed, his fingers curling into tight fists.

Letting out a sigh, I was growing a bit tired of them talking about me as if I wasn't here. "Edward, I'm going to be a vampire," I stated, surely.

Peter threw me a wink, while Edward snarled.

"Have you truly lost your mind while I have been away?" he growled, his jaw looking close to snapping. "Really, Bella?"

"...No," I responded slowly, trying to pick my words just right. "It just seems like the best option. I'll be able to protect myself. I can leave—so she won't be able to find me for a while at least."

"That is _not_ the best option," he spat, furiously shaking his head. "We can kill her, in time. Then you can _live._ The reason why I left! I refuse to allow you to throw away your soul as if it were nothing!"

"I don't believe that," I responded, stubbornly holding my chin up. "You know I don't believe that. Either way, it's my soul—my choice."

"What would you do if she did make an army, Edward?" Jasper snapped by my side. "Even if we did take them down, you know good and damn well the Volturi will take notice. They'll come. They'll find out about her. You think she'll survive long after that?"

"Or the rest of us, you ignorant fuck," Peter snorted.

"It wouldn't be hard to keep her out of their notice," Edward still tried to reason. "I could find a way—tell them that she wanted more time. Keep her out of their mind for decades at least. Plus, we could take care of Victoria before the Volturi even get involved."

Even though I no longer cared like I used to... hearing his strong distaste for the idea of me becoming a vampire struck a chord, my face crumpling. "You don't have to worry about me being around forever, Edward," I murmured quietly. "I'm staying with Peter and Charlotte, anyway."

Jasper twitched by my side, so many different emotions scattered within his eyes that I couldn't pick out a single one. Edward's expression softened.

"Love, I want to spend every moment with you. Don't think of it like that—I only want you to live. After you are gone... I plan on following. I couldn't be somewhere you didn't exist."

I scowled. "The fact that you want to be with me while I get old and you stay young, then kill yourself after watching me die, is pretty sick. Especially when the option to live forever is handed to me on a silver platter," I huffed, shaking my head. "That doesn't matter, anyway, Edward."

He needed to understand that I can't look at him the same anymore.

"And you could do that to Charlie? Renee?"

Now he was throwing guilt at me?

"Bella and I already discussed this," Jasper bristled. "She is fine with spending a last day with each of them. She will at least have that, unlike all of us."

Jasper's soothing calm thankfully washed all the guilt away.

Edward's eyes were razors as he now glared at Jasper. "How you are possibly comfortable with your human-drinking, immature friend holding Bella's life in his hands, I do not know," he snarled.

Jasper was silent for a moment before his lips lightly tugged up. Even I could see his smile was wicked. "I trust him. But that doesn't matter much now, anyway. Because I'm doing it."

Oh god.

* * *

 **Wow! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I loved every one, and you all have no idea how much I appreciate them! Hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, and I will update as soon as possible. Please let me know what you thought!**


	19. Chapter 19

The world was at a standstill.

I wasn't sure if everyone else felt that way at this moment, but it certainly felt as though time froze for me. Then, after that breathless second of silent statues, the world resumed—at a speed far too quick for my eyes to follow.

One moment I was on the couch, seated next to a smug Jasper. The next, I was whisked across the room. It took me a moment too long to realize it had been Charlotte who pulled me out of the way, she and Peter now at my side. Peter's shoulders were shaking from silent laughs, his cheeks looking ready to break from his large smile.

Then I saw the flashes of color, two bodies moving far too quick for me to keep up with.

My heart was beating erratically in my chest as my mouth dropped open, hearing the snarls and growls that filled the air. Peter heartily cheered when the couch went sailing back, leaving a dent in the wall as it slammed against it. For only a second I saw it was Edward toppled over the side—only from the brief sight of his bronze hair—before he was speeding forward once again.

" _Stop!"_ My voice was nothing more than a silent croak, but no matter how quiet I was, I knew they heard me. There was nothing I could possibly do, which frustrated me even more. If I were a vampire right now I could leap in, pull them apart, _something!_ But as a fragile human, if I even tried to get into the mix, I would only end up with broken bones.

A low growl rumbled from Peter right as a vicious crack filled the air, then the shatter of glass. My eyes first saw Edward, fragments of the glass window littered over his bent over frame. His cheek was what cracked—spidered lines decorating its pale surface. I then searched for Jasper, finding his angered eyes glaring daggers at Edward.

Looking him over, he appeared fine. I barely noticed my shoulders sagging with relief. But I did notice rips along the upper sleeve of his shirt—looking closer to see it was a matching pair of crescents.

"You are _not_ going to change her," Edward snarled, brushing the glass from his torso as he stood up straight.

Jasper's jaw clenched. "She asked me. Unlike you, I'm not going to refuse her."

My heart stuttered, gratitude filling me before Edward's enraged eyes flickered to mine. " _He will kill you_."

Never before had I heard so much fury in Edward's usually velvet voice. It was enough to stun me for a moment, before watching him twist back, all the rage vanishing in a heartbeat.

I have seen this once before. When Jacob was in my room—the inescapable fear. Jasper was now stalking forward, his eyes pitch black. Edward was frozen, the fear Jasper sent him seeming to cripple him—locking his limbs. Lifting Edward by the neck, he slammed him against what remained of the already broken glass window. The glass sounded like rain as it trickled down.

"Did you ever think that maybe, if I hadn't had to feel _your_ agonizing bloodlust along with my own, I would have _never_ attacked her?" A shiver trailed up my spine from the sound of Jasper's emotionless rasp.

But he was right. It was a thought that never crossed my mind, but far more than true. Feeling the emotions around him, the desire, need. Not only Edward's severe craving for blood when I cut my finger, but from all the others in the room as well. He had the weight of six vampire's bloodlust along with his own at one moment.

Like nails on a chalkboard, high-pitched crackles sounded as Jasper's fist tightened around Edward's throat.

"Did the welcome home party start without me?"

I jolted, stunned as my head whipped to the door. Emmett stood, his dimple-popping smile wide as he looked over the scene before him. Jasper dropped Edward, his body crumpling to the ground like a ton of bricks as Emmett walked in.

I didn't know whether to be thrilled to see the giant man again or horrified as I realized that everyone else must be home now as well. My thoughts were cut short as my feet were lifted off the floor, Emmett's bear-hug crushing.

"I missed you, Bella." My eyes watered as he sat me down, the lump in my throat making it impossible to speak. I had no idea what to say, my emotions going haywire as Emmett grinned at the two beside me. "Pete, Char, it's been a while."

"Ya just missed one good ass fight," Peter snickered, patting Emmett on the back. "How's that bitchy wife of yours?"

Emmett winced as Rosalie trailed in, her beauty still staggering. Her eyes were unamused as she looked over at Peter. "Alice warned us you'd be here," she muttered. I didn't miss the look she gave me before gazing over the damaged window. I suppose I'm still not one of her favorite people.

"All the same, I see," Peter chuckled, while Charlotte threw him a look.

"Is everyone else home?" she asked, as Rosalie tried to step around all the glass.

"Should be, soon. They took a separate car," Emmett replied as Jasper wandered over, rubbing his arm. Emmett's smile turned to Jasper. "Did I just hear you're changing Bella?"

"No, he is not!" Edward spat, sounding hoarse. I had hoped that his crushed windpipe would prevent him from governing for just a bit longer—there was already too much to focus on already.

"We should probably wait for everyone else to get back before going over everything," Jasper sighed. It was clear that he wasn't in the mood to repeat it twice. His lightening eyes moved to me before calm eased my chaotic emotions.

It was bizarre, seeing Emmett and Rosalie again. I had to admit, nothing was really different between Rosalie and I. But Emmett... it was the strangest combination of joy, anger, pain and excitement. I had no idea which to choose, reluctantly holding tight to the calm that Jasper sent.

"Alright," Emmett shrugged. Gazing around the room, his smile turned roguish. "Esme's gonna be pissed."

Jasper let out a deep sigh as Peter's smile mimicked Emmett's. "No goin' and blamin' this on me, Major. I didn't touch a thing—even though I came close to crushin' the pansy's piano," he snickered while Edward scowled.

Rosalie's head whipped back, her eyes narrowing. "You'd better be glad you didn't."

Before Peter had a chance to reply, all heads whipped to the door. I stiffened right as a small figure gracefully sped forward, two tiny arms tight around my waist.

"Bella! I missed you so much!" Alice gushed as I froze.

It felt as though the entire world shut down as Alice backed away, her smile bright. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked her over, it feeling as though my eyes were burning as I did. It was a long and very rough tumble back to reality. Was that what these last months have been? A false reality that I created to what—cope? To not think about the repercussions that my growing feelings would cause?

I was falling for her _husband_. Just last night, we nearly kissed. Bile began to rise in my throat as my stomach churned, the guilt overbearing. She had been my best friend. Yes, I thought her leaving without even a goodbye was wrong. But wrong enough for me to do this? At the very least, I knew it wasn't out of revenge; the feelings I harbored for Jasper were more than true. But even if I had the chance of being with him, how could I, knowing that I stole him away?

"Don't cry," she giggled, her bracelets clinking as she brushed away the tears that spilled down my cheeks like a faucet.

I was _horrible._ Selfish, cruel. "I'm sorry," I croaked, although it was not for the reason she thought.

Alice shook her head, throwing me one more smile before she twisted to face Jasper. He mimicked a statue, appearing just as lost as me. In two giant steps, she stood before him. Honestly, I found it odd that she didn't wrap her arms around him. Kiss him, hold him. Instead, she looked up at his face, wordlessly staring into his eyes.

After just a second, Jasper looked away.

Alice's brows furrowed, a frown tugging at the corners of her lips. Jasper's pained gazed remained locked on the rug, unmoving.

"Bella!" I turned just in time to be pulled into Esme's embrace, allowing myself to crumple only slightly. Practically holding me up, Esme tightened her hold. "I'm so sorry that we left."

Pulling back, Esme's venom-tear filled eyes were earnest as she stared down at me. Brushing away my own tears that continued, I shook my head. Out of everyone who has returned today, Esme was the only one I held no ill-will towards—how could I? Even Carlisle, who was practically the leader of the coven, could have demanded they stay. Still, Edward was like a son to him. Not me.

"It's good to see you, Esme," I smiled softly, then nodded to Carlisle. His smile was tender, his honey eyes warm as he lightly squeezed my shoulder.

My breaths were harder to take as I looked over the overwhelming atmosphere. Everyone was back. Just yesterday, the plans were me turning and just Jasper, Peter, Charlotte and I running off to some place in Europe while I was a newborn to hide from Victoria. Now, it was obvious to see that things were far, far different. It just goes to show how quickly things can change, no matter how certain they may be.

Stepping over, Jasper lightly laid a hand on my lower back, innocently calming me like before—I had forgotten how much more intense his gift was when contact was added. In a way, I didn't want him to alter my emotions right now—to allow me to ease through difficult situations. How was it life if I skated through the bad? Yet when all the negative feelings fell away and I could breathe... I just couldn't push him away.

Peeking up, I saw that his jaw was clenched. He stood stiffly, not appearing to breathe. My heart nearly stopped as I wondered if everyone's slight bloodlust was overwhelming him after he went so long without it.

"We all have some catching up to do," he solemnly nodded, using spare air that he kept locked in his lungs. At the same time, Emmett had the couch _over one shoulder_ , hauling it back into place as if it were a small pebble. Rosalie cleaned up all the glass—when, I wasn't sure. I was awfully distracted when the last three arrived.

Biting my lip, I gazed over at Alice who was looking over Edward's neck. His cheek now looked fine, not a hint of the spidery cracks left. His neck was almost there. My eyes quickly flashed away from the two as Jasper pushed me forward to the sitting area.

It was time to tell a long story—again.

* * *

Thankfully, most of the Cullen's stayed silent as Jasper relayed what has happened since the day they left. Esme's expression remained guilty. Carlisle's sympathetic. Emmett appeared entertained, while Rosalie was unsurprisingly annoyed by his side. Edward's jaw was clenched, already aware of the story—at least most of it. And Alice... I couldn't tell. I had to eventually settle on bemused.

Peter and Charlotte remained silent, Charlotte sitting at my side while Peter purposelessly paced the south wall, his back straight as he slowly walked. It was odd seeing their red eyes amongst the majority of gold now. I had to remind myself that mine were the oddest of them all, next to Edward's pitch black.

When Jasper finished speaking, Esme's hand fluttered to her heart. "Why on earth didn't you call us?"

Jasper pursed his lips, silence lingering. I recalled him avoiding the question when Edward had asked as well. A heavy blush filled my cheeks as he met my gaze.

"I... wasn't ready to see Edward," I honestly replied, my cheeks darkening even more. But it was only the truth, even though Peter and Charlotte had believed it to be unnecessary.

Out the corner of my eye, I saw Edward wince, a slash of remorse running through me. Esme's eyes were understanding as she frowned. Rosalie, however, snorted, standing from her seat to Emmett's side.

"Are you truly that selfish?" she spat, her lips a solid line.

"Rose," Emmett sighed before she threw him a murderous glare.

My blush felt like fire as I shrunk back. "How so?" _There are so many ways I've been selfish. Which are you referring to?_ I bitterly thought.

Her lips curled back hatefully. "The fact that you'd put Jasper in danger against a possible _newborn army_ , without calling for help. If you know his past, then it's even worse! All because you couldn't 'see Edward,'" she growled. "Not to mention you have the audacity to ask him to change you."

I thought the guilt I felt today couldn't get much worse. Well, clearly I was wrong. Each of her words was like burning metal laid against my bare skin as I flinched.

"You are hardly one to speak about selfishness," Jasper scoffed, his glare cold as ice.

Rosalie laid her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowing to small slits. "Oh? How so?"

"For years you have given Carlisle hell for changing you. You've treated everyone hatefully ever since—even Emmett. Even though you were already dying when changed, you feel as if your end was decided for you. How is that _any_ different than what you subjected Emmett to? He was dying, just like you, yet you drug him back and demanded Carlisle to change him. How does that make Carlisle's decision any different than yours? Why does he deserve castigation and you don't? It's hypocritical and your decision alone to decide Emmett's fate was _selfish_ ," Jasper bit, while I sat in shock.

Emmett was shifting uncomfortably where he sat, Rosalie standing as still as a statue. I couldn't tell what was going on within her mind, whether it was anger, guilt, apprehension, or what—but it was obvious that Jasper's words were tumbling in her head. She stood for only a second more before silently twisting, walking out the room and up the stairs.

Emmett was rubbing the back of his neck, his expression dreadful as he stood. "I should... Yeah, I'll be back later," he murmured before following after her.

Looking around, I was shocked to see Edward appear satisfied for some odd reason. Has he tried to tell her that, too? Next, I noticed Alice—seeming completely in awe as she stared at Jasper with her mouth hung open. Thinking for a moment, I wondered if it was because of how Jasper was when we first met. Barely speaking. Remaining in the corners. Now, he was sitting to my side, interjecting into the conversations as if it were as easy as breathing.

"So," Charlotte uncomfortably started, "What do y'all think? About everythin'?" she asked, I suppose trying to get things back on track—and over with.

"You _know_ what I think," Edward growled.

"Yes, pumpkin', I know," Charlotte condescendingly replied. "I meant everyone else."

"It is very interesting what you told us about the wolves," Carlisle nodded, an undeniable spark of interest within his eyes. "It's amazing that after all these years, it is still true. And only you three are allowed on their land?"

Peter's nod was clipped. "Only if we're chasin' after her. It's just so we don't have to back away when we have a shot." I didn't miss the still annoyed glimmer in his eye. Even with the deal, he lost a good shot.

"Yes. You said that you and Charlotte saw her creating a newborn? Was it just one?"

"Just one so far. Don't know if there's more yet."

Carlisle's expression was now grave, his eyes flickering to me. "And Bella... you still plan on becoming one of us?"

"I said _no_ ," Edward spat, jolting up from his seat. Would he ever accept it?

"Edward, you know it is going to happen—I've seen it," Alice tried to reason. Part of me wished that she wouldn't take my side right now.

"Your visions aren't set in stone," he snapped back, his eyes vicious as he glared at her.

She rolled her eyes in response. "When it comes to this, it is one of the surest things I've seen," she smugly replied, throwing me a quick smile. "It hasn't mattered which way the future has gone—Bella ends up a vampire."

"You aren't one to decide her future, neither, Eddie. You ain't God. If Bell wants to change, well I'll do it. Jasper will, too," Peter beamed.

"I already told her that I would," Alice casually shrugged, much to my chagrin.

Edward's jaw clenched as his head snapped to Carlisle. After just a moment of staring at Carlisle's even expression and digging through his thoughts, it was clear that what he was searching for wasn't found. Storming from the room, his growls rumbled deep within his chest. Esme and I cringed when some furniture piece was slammed into the wall in a separate room, breaking into a million pieces.

"I couldn't tell you not to, even if I wished to," Carlisle sighed, while Esme offered him a reassuring smile. There was just something so heartwarming from the sight of her gently taking his hand.

"He's always thought lowly of himself over what he is. But why would we be here if we shouldn't be?" she soothingly added.

Carlisle nodded before looking back up at Jasper and I. "I suppose the last thing to discuss is what to do now. You had plans to leave the country to evade Victoria?"

"To run and hide," Edward scoffed, his stiff form now lingering at the doorway.

Jasper grit his teeth. "You'd rather fight against her—and possibly an army—while Bella is still human? With all that chaos? Frankly, I'd rather get out of here now, giving Bella the opportunity to become strong enough to defend herself instead of worrying each time she stepped out of the door alone."

"Alice would see if something were to happen," Edward immediately shot back.

Alice shifted uncomfortably. "I'm... unsure about that," she murmured, troubled lines forming in between her eyebrows. "I watched for Victoria after we left. I never saw Victoria creating a newborn. I never saw her around _here_ , or the wolves holding her back with Peter and Charlotte. Edward, whether you like it or not, there are blind spots," she fearfully replied.

Edward's fists clenched. "What do you propose, then? Do you really think it wise to keep running? If she is furious enough to create newborns, what makes you think she will ever stop?" he snarled, causing me to pale. "Here, at least you'd have the perfect opportunity to go against her. The _wolves_ ," he spat as if the word tasted awful on his tongue, "and all of us. Instead you... you wish to drag her off with only two vampires? If Alice has blind spots, what would happen if she attacked then?" he demanded.

Jasper was rigid to my side, Alice throwing him a sympathetic look. Even Peter and Charlotte now seemed wary.

"Jasper... he is right when it comes to that," Esme whispered, pursing her lips. "If she were alone with Peter and Charlotte when Victoria randomly showed up with an army... If Alice didn't see it beforehand, they wouldn't have a chance."

Shifting where I sat, I tried to ignore my now racing heartbeat. I did wonder where these new blind spots were coming from? Alice never mentioned them before—but how could we risk things if she truly had the possibility of _not_ seeing something so crucial?

"But I want to help," I whispered, my small voice sounding exhausted. "How could I let all of you do that while I couldn't help as well?"

"Bella, you would be a newborn," Edward snarled back. "Wild with thirst—nearly uncontrollable your first year, let alone first month. You would barely have any fighting skills to help, being sloppy and unfocused."

"That seems a lot better than being a useless human!" I snapped, much to his—and everyone else's—surprise. "Jasper used to train newborns. Peter and Charlotte learned to fight, too—they could teach me as much as I could possibly learn until Victoria arrives."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "And you'd risk staying here? So close to town—to your father?"

"Quit bringing him into this so I'll be guilty!"

"Why don't we leave this up for discussion?" Esme interjected, obviously trying to put an end to the argument. "You weren't going to change just yet, right? To have the last day with Charlie and Renee? We can all think about this. See if we learn anything new as well," she offered, while my shoulders slumped.

Edward crossed his arms, it clear that this conversation was not over. At least it wasn't a certain no—I had a chance.

Carlisle looked out the window, seeing the dark night that laid outside. "It's getting late. Why don't you get some rest, Bella? And come back tomorrow?" he offered, his smile soft.

"You will, won't you?" Esme hurriedly added, her expression pleading.

My smile was hesitant as I stood. "Yes. It was good to see you again," I whispered as she pulled me into another hug.

"It was good to see you, too, dear," she replied, smiling as I pulled back.

The unforgiving guilt returned as Alice pulled me into an embrace like before, it sure to eat me alive. I just knew now, I had to leave the world I made behind.

Saying goodbye to everyone else, I almost didn't realize it as Jasper followed me to the door—just like he always did—until Edward pulled him to a stop.

"Just what are you doing?" Edward seethed, baring his teeth.

Jasper scowled. "I'm going to look after Bella like I usually do. Is there a problem?" he spat back, his eyes intimidating.

"You don't need to, Jazz," Alice called from the living room, much to my dismay. "She makes it home just fine. I'll keep her in sight tonight to make sure she's alright."

Edward smugly pulled back, shot me one more pained look, then was gone from sight.

Looking up at Jasper, his eyes were locked on mine. Like usual, I had not a clue what was going through his head, his emotions and thoughts locked with an intricate key and placed in a tight chest. If it was anything like what I was experiencing, I was so, so sorry. I didn't want him to feel as though he were slowly drowning. I didn't want him to feel like he was being locked in a steel cage.

"Are you going to be alright?" he quietly asked, making my heartbeat double. The man knew me well.

"I'll be fine," I replied.

He held my gaze for a moment longer before reluctantly nodding. After saying goodbye, I hurried out the door and into my truck. My answer still burned on my tongue, the lump in my throat growing by the second.

We both knew it was a lie.

* * *

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	20. Chapter 20

The rain grew heavier as I was driving home, it nearly impossible to see. It was hard enough with my tear-filled eyes, a continuous stream rushing down my cheeks as I let my emotions go. If the faux calm hadn't been holding them at bay earlier, I wouldn't want to know what would have happened.

How could gaining something make you feel as though you lost the world?

The stitches from the recently stitched hole in my chest felt as though they were being roughly tugged on—not breaking. Thankfully they haven't snapped, otherwise I would be the mess of a zombie I had once become. Never again could I let that happen.

It was bad to say that I almost _wanted_ to become that again. At least back then, I was emotionless. I wouldn't let myself feel that pain that knocked around inside my head. I walked around completely numb. But now—feeling the crushing weight of reality—the pain that it can truly cause... it was the worst thing I have ever felt.

I was going home to an empty room.

No Jasper, sitting in my old rocking chair, reading one of my classics. He wouldn't be beside me as I slept, chasing away the irrevocable nightmares that would surely make their wicked return tonight. He wouldn't be there when I woke up, giving me a reason to be excited for the day. He would be _gone._ Would I even be able to see him much when I visited? Just him and I, without the family leaning over us as if he were about to pounce?

What I was scared of the most was the possibility that we both revert back to how we used to be. Fading into the background. Becoming _nothing._ Jasper wouldn't be the only one in the corner. The only one who rarely said a word.

Wiping my watery eyes against my wrist, I tried to focus on the road. I especially didn't want to start thinking about Alice, or I would probably swerve and hit a tree.

Rainwater sloshed as I rounded the corner of my driveway, my truck coming to a sputtering stop. After ripping out my keys, I stared out at the pounding rain with halfhearted appreciation—at least Charlie wouldn't notice my tears. It would give me an excuse to get up to my room and stay there. The last thing I needed was Charlie interrogating me over what was wrong.

Sucking in a deep breath, I pulled open my door, heading out into the pelting rain. Being careful not to slip, I hurried up and into the house, now a dripping mess as I stood in the entryway. Charlie's brows were raised high as he stared at me from the couch, his brown eyes looking over my drenched hair and clothes.

"Should have brought an umbrella," he gruffly murmured, pursing his lips. "There's pizza in the refrigerator if you didn't eat."

"I ate," I replied, cringing when my voice cracked. "I'm just going to go change and get some sleep. 'Night," I continued, softening my voice so it wouldn't crack again.

Thankfully wrapped up in his baseball game, Charlie didn't pay too much attention to what I said, offering a clipped nod in response.

I wasn't ready to sleep or be alone with my thoughts. Wandering into my room, I wondered for a moment if I should call Peter or Charlotte. I was sure that they would stay with me—at least talk to me until I unwillingly fell asleep. Grabbing a ratty shirt and sweats from my closet, I decided against it as I went to change. Edward would probably cause another fight over it, or worse—demand he come instead. That definitely wasn't something I wanted right now.

Winding my soaked hair into a ponytail, I walked back into my room, only to stop dead in my tracks.

This was the second time that Jasper managed to surprise me so much that I was frozen stiff with my jaw hanging slack. He was standing by the window, already changed into one of Charlie's spare shirts and sweats—what I would always demand he wear when he arrived here drenched—while his soaked clothes hung over the cracked windowsill.

Water dripped from his hair, that now appeared more brown than gold. His expression was sheepish, a bit of guilt lacing the edges of his frown. So many emotions as usual, while I stared speechlessly. Reminding myself to shut my mouth, I fought off the new tears from my haywire emotions.

He met my gaze before his lips curled into a melancholy smile.

"Jasper? What... are you doing here?" I managed to ask, before shakily starting forward.

Wrapping my arms around him, I tightly shut my eyes. I couldn't help the feelings of relief, joy, content that mixed in with the more negative ones. My heart was speeding away, now pounding right over his silent one.

He let out a deep sigh, returning the embrace. "I couldn't stay there. Not with them. Not while you were alone," he replied, while I reluctantly pulled away. "I need to talk to you." His eyes were solemn, although there was a slight pinch of nervousness.

I froze for a moment, wondering what it was that he needed to talk to me about. I sat down on the edge of my bed while he remained standing, rain water making a quiet drip as it fell from the ends of his hair to my wooden floor. He looked positively perfect. It took everything in me to remind myself that he wasn't mine. He never was.

"How did you manage to convince them-"

"I told them that I have stayed with you every night that I've been here," he immediately replied before I was even finished asking. "Edward was angry. All I had to do was say that you've had nightmares ever since he left—now ones about Victoria. That I kept them away. It was enough to get him to go pout," he chuckled halfheartedly. "No one's circling the area... or watching over. They're focused on Victoria instead," he carefully added.

Nodding, I dropped my eyes, unsure of what to do or say. Things felt... so very different. Restricted. Suffocating. I wondered briefly if he felt the same.

But how was this right, on any level? I knew that I needed him, I knew that I cared. He became my rock, my lifeline, but I have survived having it ripped away before. Jasper ended up meaning more to me than Edward _ever_ did. He was my best friend—and so much more at the same time. I wanted something with him, forever, but I just _couldn't do that._

He has a wife. That is currently waiting for him to return right now. She had been my best friend, like a sister. So how could I even dare to dream of taking him away? It was sick, wrong. How could something so very wrong seem so very right at the same time?

"Perhaps you should go back," I whispered, keeping my eyes pointed directly at my bookshelf. Brushing my springing tears away, I didn't miss the way his eyes pricked, his expression now wary.

"What?" he huffed, raising a brow.

"I'll be alright, Jasper. It's just dreams."

His eyes narrowed as he stepped forward, forcing me to look him in the eye. "You should know by now that trying to act fine isn't going to work with me," he stiffly replied, his lips a solid line. "Why do you want me to leave?"

I bit my lip when I heard the edge of hurt to his words, fruitlessly trying to look away. It was next to impossible. "I just know I'll be okay-"

"Bella," he snapped, anger now smoldering within the gold of his eyes.

My eyes narrowed. "I'll be fine—you heard _Alice._ Who I'm sure is waiting for you right now," I replied, trying my best to make him see the point. He should be with her right now, after spending such a long time apart. Not consoling a human girl who fell for him without thinking of the consequences.

He pulled back, his eyes wide and haunted right after her name left my lips. Was it odd for a vampire to look as though I had punched him in the gut? The guilt swallowed me, my expression surely matching his. Was it possible that he really felt the same? Why else would he look that way?

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he sighed, making all the air escape my lungs.

Even though I said he should go, deep down it wasn't what I wanted. I still wanted _him_. If he wanted to talk about Alice, it was surely to tell me that whatever it was that was starting between us had to end. No, no, I didn't want to hear it! That he was going to see me less, that he was choosing right. That he almost made a mistake the night Edward arrived.

What would I do if I was wrong? That he wanted to talk about how he no longer felt for Alice—that he felt the same for me? There is no way that I could push him away after hearing that. I'd have no ounce of willpower to do right. No matter which way the conversation turned, there was no win. He had to leave before things got any worse.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" Angry tears were filling my eyes, and there was not a thing I could do about it. I was trying to do good—to let him go. But he refused to budge, holding on stronger than I could manage.

"Because I know you don't want me to leave. That you're lying," he scoffed. "I have no idea what is going on in your head—for once feeling Edward's pain," he bitterly laughed. "It's obvious that I don't—can't leave. Is that what you really want?"

It took everything in me to shakily nod.

I could almost hear his teeth grind together. Before I could blink, he was right in front of me. His eyes were a pitch black that made my heart nearly stop.

"Say it, then." His voice rivaled the hiss from a snake.

"I... want you... to go." Each word popped a stitch from the sewn hole, one by one.

The next thing I knew, my back was to the wall, Jasper's stone form so close—preventing me from escaping in any direction. His eyes were forcibly locked with mine, his beautiful face so close—so close that if I just moved a fraction of an inch forward, my nose would graze his. Swallowing roughly, I looked over the pure perfection that he was—the desire, the need, impossible not to feel.

"You're lying."

Hard lips mashed into mine, tasting like the sweet honey that he always smelled of. Sucking in a harsh gasp of air, my legs felt like jelly as I tried to keep up with his forceful lips, my eyes unwillingly shutting. I tried my hardest to remind myself that this was what I was avoiding. This was what I tried to stop from happening—exactly what I've wanted. But to know that he truly wanted it, too? That Jasper was _kissing_ me?

The tears were scalding as they escaped my shut eyelids, leaving long trails down my cheeks. I let go, giving in to the want, the need. My hands frantically reached up, grabbing tight fist-fulls of his damp hair, latching on as though he was about to disappear.

This was nothing that I was used to. Edward... His kisses had always been chaste, quick—nothing like this. I barely had a moment to gasp for air as Jasper hungrily consumed my lips, his icy tongue asking for entrance as it lined my lips and made my head swirl. Parting my lips, my heart accelerated even more as he explored my mouth, dominating. His hands were tight on my hips, pulling me as close to him as he could manage.

I could tell that he was trying to maintain control over his strength—but not without getting partially lost as well. I loved it—every bit of it. Every bit of him. And I knew, no matter what... it was far too late to take any of it back now.

Pulling back, he left me a gasping, frizzled mess as he rested his forehead against mine. His breathing was even—yet deeper than usual while his eyes remained shut. I was speechless, my lips swollen and numb. I had to focus on releasing his hair, my hands like deadweights as they fell to his shoulders.

The moment of bliss fell as reality returned.

My tears rushed even faster as I glared at him, the pain agonizing. The man was _married_ for crying out loud! And what I did—what we _both_ did to Alice... Bile rose in my throat as my stomach churned. I had tried to get him to go before I fell any harder. Before it would hurt any worse to lose him. But he had to do this?

"Why did you do that?" I demanded, gripping his shoulders even harder.

His eyes snapped open, looking exhausted and defeated. "The same reason you did."

The nausea worsened, having to accept the truth in his words. I could have tried to push him away. To kick him, punch him—instead... I just let go. Selfish, selfish, selfish.

"But Alice," I croaked, coming close to just crumpling and bawling my eyes out.

His eyes hardened, still the threatening black they were earlier. "Stop. Don't you think I feel guilty enough?" he rasped, his fingers tightening on my waist. "At least she left you without a goodbye. A reason to be angry, Bella. But damn it-" His eyes snapped shut once again. "For over a century I have had my decisions made for me. My life went along a path that I didn't create. Maria changed me, made me fight. Peter pulled me away. Alice found me and took me to a different coven. And now, for the first time, I _did_ choose."

My heart stuttered as his eyes opened, filled with the oddest combination of pain and awe. I knew mine had to match—the unbelievable words that left his mouth. He _chose_ me? Over Alice—his wife for decades?

Sucking in a deep breath, he continued. "Do you realize how agonizing it's been, feeling the desire from you? To hear you say my name in your sleep—that you _wanted me?_ " My face was blood red as amusement sparked in his lightening eyes. "It felt as though there was not a damn thing I could do about it, even though I wanted you, too. Like I was already bound and shackled," he spat. "It went deeper than just having to get divorce papers.

"She showed me a different life. A different way of living, to take the depression away. But the thing is... she just popped up, told me that I was going to be a part of this family. That I was going to be with her. That I'd marry her. I just followed like a little puppy because I thought that was my future—set and unwavering. That I owed her for showing me a different way."

The pain in his eyes was excruciating. I remembered Peter's words as well, sounding so chilling as they ran through my mind. He had been right about Jasper feeling obligated.

"And that changed?" I whispered out of unmoving lips.

His eyes softened, his left hand leaving my waist to wipe the remnants of my tears away. "Of course it changed. She may have shown me a different way to live, but darlin', you showed me how _to_ live. I've been happier these past few months than I have been in decades. All that I told you about being your own person—how you used Edward as a crutch... I wasn't just talkin' about you," he smiled.

I couldn't help but return it, pulling myself closer to him while keeping my hands on his shoulders. I still felt the guilt, painful a strong. Yet at the same time, I was beyond happy—ecstatic. Within a second, I realized that he had picked me up and whisked me over to the bed—now sitting with me perched on his lap.

"I didn't know what to do," I whispered, while heat burned in my cheeks. "You... you showed me what I always wanted. To be comfortable—happy with someone else. To not have to worry about what to say, or what to do. To just be... me. To have my thoughts considered, to not be spoken over like what I said never mattered.

"I thought I had loved Edward, but then..." My eyes watered, the guilt returning as I wondered what he would think. "When everyone came back, it was like being pulled back into reality. I had forgotten that they still existed, like we were in a different world completely. I have never felt so guilty in my entire life, knowing that I cared for you the way I did. I didn't want to hurt anyone—I still don't. But Jasper-" My voice broke off, the lump in my throat growing.

His smile was tender, more than understanding. "I know. Neither did I, but I made a choice, just like you. Would it be any more right for me to have stayed with her, knowing what I felt for you? That nothing else I would say or do would ever be true to Alice? An obligation is all it would have been."

"Peter told me you felt that way. That you changed yourself so she'd be happy," I whispered, resting my head against his chest. We both made the mistake of changing ourselves to fit our other's desires.

"Yes. Can't tell you how many times he told me the same thing. I just never wanted to see it, then." His expression then became serious as he stared down at me, his eyes hesitant. "Bella... you know that if you want this, too, that it won't be simple by any means. Especially with everyone back," he whispered, his frown deepening.

"I know it won't be easy, how could it?" I whispered, trying to hide my face away. Perhaps we both could just disappear. "You know how guilty I feel. She was my best friend, Jasper."

"And Edward is my brother." His voice was tight, his head now hanging. "I do know how guilty you feel—just as much as me. But I also know how miserable it made you feel to tell me to leave. That is something I could never do now."

Silence now loomed within my room as I held on to him. This was all something I just couldn't wrap my head around— _Jasper Whitlock_ wanted _me_. Over his perfect wife who was now home. Biting my lip, I had to remind myself of his words about what I viewed as perfection. Even still, it seemed so impossible—so hard for me to believe. But knowing him the way I do... I could see that he wasn't lying.

I couldn't imagine telling him to go now. But Alice...

"What are we going to do?" I whispered, the guilt wiping most of the happiness away.

He sucked in a deep, unneeded breath. "My decision was made right when I kissed you," he murmured, while I began to shiver due to being so close to his cold form. He wrapped a blanket around me in a second, yet didn't force me to move. "Alice more than likely sees it. Even if she isn't looking for my future or yours at the moment, she'll see it in her's.

"I care about her. She gave me so much—but it just wasn't right. I'll have to talk to her. Divorce papers," his nose wrinkled from the thought of it all. "She'll want to talk to you. Edward... I don't even want to know what he'll think. But he dug his own ditch long ago. The question is, Bella, what do _you_ want to do?"

"What I want to do?" I asked, my voice sounding a bit hoarse after listening to him.

"They want you to stay human and us to remain here for the newborn army. Is that what you want?" he asked, his breath chilling as it brushed against my cheek.

Biting my lip, I already knew that answer. "I... I still think we should leave," I admitted. "I want to help if Victoria attacks. I'll be able to do that the sooner we leave and I change. Just because Alice may not see Victoria attacking us doesn't mean she won't see our futures coming to an end if something bad happens. She should know that," I shrugged. Who knows if she would even want to help us, now.

Not to mention... after the family finds out the truth, it would probably be best to leave for a while. A long while. It would hurt to see them—not to mention be incredibly uncomfortable. It made my heart flutter to think of starting a new beginning somewhere with Jasper, for once not having to hold back. To be free and unconditionally happy.

"I agree." I could tell just by Jasper's voice that he was smiling. "Plus, if she starts making an army here, there's no way she can drag them all across the world. More time for the Volturi to get involved and take care of her anyway."

Pulling back, he stared at me for a moment, his thoughts a complete mystery. "If that's what you want, then I'll side with you. These next few days... are going to be rough," he warned, running his fingers through my hair. His cold fingertips made a shiver trail down my spine.

"It's what I want," I nodded, surely.

To leave. To start a beginning with him. To become a vampire—so I could spend forever with him. To love him. There was nothing more that I wanted, I was sure.

I was even more sure when he leaned down, pressing his freezing lips to mine once again

* * *

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	21. Chapter 21

Waking up this morning would have been perfect. Positively perfect, if not for my numb ear and freezing arm. But truly? I wasn't going to complain at all. In fact, those two little details were to show that I _was_ awake, the previous day not a dream. I was still having a rough time debating whether or not it was.

Barely peeking my eyes open, I saw that I was cocooned with blankets, my frozen ear laid against Jasper's side. Only one of my arms managed to break free from the prison of blankets, wrapping tightly around his torso. His plaid shirt was now wrinkled and tear-stained, although I knew he more than likely didn't care.

For once, his sleeves were pushed up to his elbows, the sunshine coming from the window barely making his skin shine. The outlines of the many scars were more noticeable, trickling up until they were hidden away. One of his arms draped around me, while the other held up one of my tattered books. I could see that he was currently at a place where I had stopped at several times, the corner of the page bent to the point where it was close to withering away.

A smile unconsciously stretched across my face as I looked up, watching his gold eyes quickly flashing back and forth as he read. His lips were parted as he was currently lost in the fictional world—the lips that for the first time I kissed just last night.

Did that really happen?

His eyes paused before they flickered down and met mine. My smile turned sheepish, a light blush darkening my cheeks from being caught.

"Good morning." Returning my smile, he snapped the book shut with one hand, setting it on the table to his side. "How'd you sleep?"

I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head as much as I could manage. "You should know. I see you started on a new book," I replied, trying to see the title from where I was laying. Unfortunately, I couldn't—nor was I going to move to find out.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes. This will probably be the last out of your collection. No battles, no fights—no blood," he smirked. "I'm going back to mine for a while. A long while."

"Getting sick of romance?" I snickered.

"Not exactly."

My eyes popped wide when he leaned down, brushing his lips against mine far too quickly. His arrogant smirk returned when he heard my heart stutter, my eyes narrowing.

"Enjoy that while you can—it won't be much longer that you'll hear it." Not to mention a little less embarrassment for me. Even though once I'm changed my heart will no longer beat, he will still be able to feel my emotions. There wasn't a thing I could do about that.

He shrugged. "I guess I'll miss it a bit, but it would be worth it."

My smile was warm, a small flutter in my stomach. It felt so nice knowing that he actually _wanted_ me to become a vampire. Not just seeing it as a curse, but also a blessing to become one. It is wonderful for me, knowing that he would never age. That he couldn't die in an accident, or become ill. Unlike before, I was with someone who was just as happy to spend eternity with me as I was with him.

"Was it harder to be around me yesterday? When... everyone was back?" I asked, a tinge of worry in my voice. I noticed it while we were there—his clenched jaw and stiffness. Yet he didn't keep his distance.

The light in his eyes dimmed. "Yes. You remember what I told Edward? Being with you without any of them around... I saw how much control I did have—on my own. When so many others are piled on top of me at once, along with my own... It eased my conscience a bit to realize it. I never truly did forgive myself for lunging at you on your birthday." I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off, "Seeing that I was dealing with much more than the rest of them... why should I feel like the only one who can not control themselves? In a way, it makes me stronger.

"Edward's bloodlust when it comes to you is almost unmanageable. The past couple of days when he was around you... I had almost forgotten how intense it was. And to see the clear difference of my _own_ bloodlust when he was around and when he was not. It was an eye-opener."

"But when they're not around... has it gotten even easier?" I asked, remembering how he was when he first came back. Always standing by the windows and holding his breath—I haven't seen that in so long.

His smile broadened. "Much easier. Being around you so often makes me nearly forget."

Reaching over with his free hand, he took mine that rested against his side. Tracing my fingers, I shivered from the cold as he let out a deep sigh. I watched as he moved to my wrist, his fingertips barely brushing over my veins, feeling my pulse. His breathing was even, his body relaxed. I slid my hand back down, intertwining my fingers with his.

"How's your arm?" I whispered, not meeting his confused eyes.

"My arm?"

Leaning up, I released his hand to brush over his ripped sleeve where Edward had bitten him. His expression soured immediately.

"It's fine. Just burned a bit yesterday."

"You should have bitten him back," I grumbled, taking his hand back into my own as he chuckled.

"Besides newborns, that is usually used as a last resort method when vampires fight. Why would I want to appear weak?" he smirked. "On his end—even though I do find him to be weak—it was more childish than anything. He knows my history. It was the same as a slap in the face."

"Well, you did nearly decapitate him afterward," I shrugged, mostly satisfied.

"Exactly," he laughed, the sound warm and rich.

My smile soon fell. "He'd better not try to attack you again, once he finds out..." My voice drifted away as Jasper's laughter came to an end.

His smile was halfhearted. "Darlin', you already know that's for certain. Don't worry about it, please. I'll know if you do. And you should know by now that I can take care of myself—especially when it comes to him. I don't care if he bites me again, it'll just be more for the collection," he chuckled as I glared at him. In the back of my mind, I did know that he was trying to make light of the situation.

"What I don't understand... is why he still acts as though he cares. He told me that he didn't—that I was pretty much for his entertainment. That he got bored."

Jasper frowned, looking away. "He _did_ care for you, Bella. I told you that I felt it. That it was true. He wasn't lying when he ridiculously claimed that he left for your protection. I won't... lie to you about that, no matter how much I would like to."

My eyebrows furrowed. "But aren't vampires... supposed to only truly love one person?"

"You're thinking of mates, like Carlisle and Esme. When it came to you and Edward... I don't believe you were. If you were, then perhaps in the beginning," he scowled, his eyes locked outside my window. "The pain you felt when he left—that could have been why. But you changed." Meeting my gaze, his smile was tentative. "You know just as well as I do that you are a different woman than the day that he left. That's the difference between vampires and humans—you can change. Grow. Edward is trapped as a seventeen-year-old boy. No matter how much he learns as the years go by, he will forever be that, with the same mindset.

"You may have been perfect for him back then, and he to you. But you were different. Now, things wouldn't work the same between the two of you. In his head, you are still the same Bella as the day he left. He just needs to see that that is just not the truth."

"So does that mean he lost the chance of having a mate?" I asked, paling as I thought about Victoria losing James. Would it be that way for him? Remembering what Jasper said before, about how James did not care for Victoria the way she did for him, it only confused me more.

Jasper pursed his lips. "I don't think so. Like I said, I don't believe you ever were. Just because vampires have mates does not mean they can not love before they come along. Alice and I, for example," he frowned.

I guess that would make sense. It would be awfully lonely being a vampire, and your mate not even born—possibly for hundreds of years. Even though Edward did do me wrong, I didn't want him to be alone forever. That would be simply cruel.

"What do you think happened... with Alice and you?" I asked. When I first met them both, I thought that they were mates—no question.

His frown deepened. "I don't believe that we ever were. We couldn't make each other happy. I wouldn't have been able to care for you the way I do... Just with her ability to see the future, things just _seemed_ to be that way. We both believed it—it didn't just come to be." He sighed, shaking his head. "You're thinking far too in depth about this. Just let whatever is meant to be, be."

Shutting my eyes, I relaxed against him, trying to do as he said. It was a scary thing to think about, however. How to truly know. What if I became a vampire, and I wasn't...

"Now you're worrying," he huffed, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at me. "That's the last thing I want you to do when it comes to me—to us. Because it is the one thing in my life I have truly been sure about. Think about this, Bella. If Alice had never pulled me to the Cullen's, and if Edward had never brought you into all of our lives, we would have never met. This would have never happened."

His smile was soft as I took in his words, my nerves at ease. Maybe that was exactly why things between Edward and Alice happened to us—just to lead us to now.

"It's far too early to be thinking so heavily," I laughed, feeling his chest rumble as he joined in.

"Maybe for you. Which would you rather? Spend the day, laying in bed and discussing fate—why's and how's, or going to... 'break the news'," he murmured. Even I could hear the nervous edge to his voice. He was no more eager to tell Alice and Edward than I was.

"I'll take option one," I whispered, worrying my lip.

"So would I," he hummed, a melancholy edge to his voice. "But we can't hide here forever. Wouldn't you rather get it over with?" he asked, sitting up and taking me with him.

The peaceful atmosphere dissipated as my worry returned. Even though Jasper was more than likely right about them not being our true loves or mates—whatever they wanted to call it, it would still hurt them, I was sure. At least with Edward, he was the one who left me. I was more scared about Alice than anything. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, even though she left as well.

"Fine," I mumbled, nibbling on my lip to the point where it nearly bled.

Jasper's lips lightly ghosted over my neck, a wave of calm soothing me for only a moment. "Believe me, I am no more eager to do this than you," he sighed.

Reluctantly nodding, I stood before slowly starting to get ready for the day. It was almost laughable how slowly I went through my morning routine, my fear growing by the moment. I didn't want Alice to crumple like I did when Edward left. I didn't want to see her hurting, knowing that I was part of the cause. Edward's reaction was most certainly not something I wanted to see. It was almost as if I were expecting the world to explode right at that moment.

After finishing getting ready and almost choking down a couple of poptarts, I walked with my head held down to my truck. I was glad that Jasper was willing to drive—there was no way that I could focus right now. The closer we got, the more fear was added on. What if it was worse? What if instead of just being hurt, she was _mad_? I already expected such from Edward, but _both_ of them?

I jumped when Jasper reached over with a free hand, taking mine into his cold grasp. "It'll be alright, Bella," he nodded, his eyes staring straight ahead. Even though he was calming my nerves, it still didn't erase them completely.

My stomach was doing flips as the house came into view. I noticed Jasper's eyebrows furrow in confusion, before his shoulders slumped—in relief?

"Only Alice is here," he breathed, pulling my truck to a stop. I wasn't sure how exactly he knew it was Alice that was here—did she speak, allowing him to hear her inside?

When my truck's rumble died away, I knew that I was paler than a ghost. Jasper was out of my truck and around the side in a heartbeat, opening my door. Stepping out, I grabbed his hand so tightly that it would have most certainly hurt him if he were human. Sending me one last wave of calm, we walked inside.

My mouth went dry as I immediately saw Alice, sitting on the couch. Her eyes were dull, showing that she already knew what was coming. Of course she did. It was so hard to meet her gaze as I forced myself to release Jasper's hand. I swallowed roughly as a sad smile still manage to pull across her lips.

"I was wondering when you two would get here. Neither of you could really decide," she sighed, standing from her seat on the couch. "You picked a good time. Everyone's hunting. I knew to stay home." My eyes were now uncomfortably watering, a large lump growing in my throat. Her gaze moved from me to Jasper. "Could I talk to you first?" she quietly asked him.

Momentarily, I panicked. What if she changed his mind? A small voice in the back of my mind reminded me of everything that Jasper has told me—all of the stories and the sweet words. But seeing this beautiful, hurt woman in front of me... it made things even harder to believe.

Jasper's nod was clipped, showing how uncomfortable this made him. Briefly turning to look at me, he silently followed Alice into the kitchen, truly having privacy since I wouldn't hear.

My legs felt like jelly as I forced myself to move over to the couch. Curiosity was biting at me, aching to know what was being said. At the very least, she didn't seem mad. Perhaps already knowing what was coming gave her time to process it—to take it in, unlike the shock I was given.

It felt like hours passed as I waited on that couch, shifting my position so many time that I nearly lost my mind. My stomach continued to flip and churn almost to the point where I felt so sick. The guilt was eating at me, along with the concern. Finally, Alice returned... but only Alice.

My heart began to accelerate as I wondered if Jasper changed his mind—but she shook her head as she sat down beside me.

"I wanted to talk to you, too. I know he'll be able to hear—but it feels a bit better to be alone, I think," she smiled softly as my tears blurred my vision.

"Alice... I'm so sorry," I managed to choke out. "I never... I never thought that-"

"I know, Bella," she cut me off, letting out an unneeded sigh. "This has been building for years. I just had the same conversation with Jasper. For the past couple of decades I have known that he would eventually leave—find the one that he wanted to be with. I just never saw who she was," she chuckled, her eyes sad. "I didn't exactly expect it to be you, after everything with Edward. But the more I have thought about it, the more I see how it makes sense—the way the two of you complement each other." Shrugging her shoulders, she smiled halfheartedly.

I was staring at her in shock, my mouth hanging open. "So... you knew? That the two of you weren't...?" I didn't know how to put it. Mates? Going to last forever? None of my words sounded right at this moment as I tried to process things.

"Not at first," she shook her head. "With my visions, I just saw myself finding him. Bringing him to the Cullen's. I just followed what I thought was the sure future. I have always cared for him—I always will. But we are not each other's other half. Around twenty years ago was when I started seeing the visions of him with someone else. It gave me time to truly let it sink in, to accept that he wasn't the one. I could see the differences between us and Rosalie and Emmett. Carlisle and Esme. Even Peter and Charlotte.

"It used to scare me, to think of what would happen if I found someone before he did. At least I knew—I didn't want to end up hurting him, either. At least this way, I knew."

"Why didn't you tell him?" I couldn't help but ask. It seemed almost cruel, keeping this from him.

Alice frowned, dropping her eyes guiltily. "I know I should have. But I kept wondering what would happen if he _didn't_ end up leaving? What if I was wrong? The future is never set, as Edward loves to say. It was selfish, I know. But it just seemed unnecessary for him to know decades ago. Within the past few years... yes, I probably should have said something. Then again, if I had, would he have stayed with us for long? Or left, before he had the chance to meet you?

"I'm not mad at you. I know that there is someone out there for me, too, and this is how things were meant to go. If I could choose anyone to be with Jasper, then it would certainly be you. Just promise me, please, that you will be good to him."

Venomous tears gathered in her eyes once again as I choked back mine. I had no idea whether or not I was relieved, shocked or happy—probably a mixture of all three. I should have known never to bet against Alice, that she would have seen this coming somehow, some way.

"I will," I nodded, as she smiled in return.

"I doubt Edward will take things as lightly. I can't exactly see his reaction just yet—but knowing him, it won't go as well." Her smile faded, worried lines creasing her forehead. "You know how stubborn he can be. He is so certain you are the one—I'm worried."

I swallowed roughly as she pursed her lips, her eyes drifting for a moment as she had another vision. I gave her a moment before her eyes refocused, a frustrated glimmer in her gold eyes. I supposed she still couldn't see.

"They'll be back soon," she nodded, making me catch my breath.

"He's the one who left me. Shouldn't he have expected something like this to have happened?" I asked. Not exactly with Jasper, but what if I had fallen for Jacob while he was gone? What would he have done, then?

"He always planned to come back," Alice smiled roguishly. "He may have been determined back then to stay away, but I knew immediately that he would crack. That's why I eventually gave in to leaving." Now she seemed almost angry. "I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. He was just so stubborn—forcing everyone to leave without talking to you again. He wanted it to be as if no one cared, and that was never true. Emmett and I fought with him over it for weeks."

It was another stab to the healed hole in my chest, knowing that she tried to get him to stay. That Emmett fought for it as well.

"Why are you worried?" I asked. "The worst he could do would be to try and fight Jasper, right? That's already happened," I murmured, staring down at my feet.

Her expression was now the most solemn I had ever seen it. "No. I'm more worried about what he will want to do to _himself_. Even though you aren't meant to be with him now, he still believes it to be true. I'm worried that he'll go to the Volturi."

I almost asked why he would go to them—until I really thought over her words. My heart stuttered, my jaw dropping. That would be the _cruelest_ thing a person could do.

Alice was quick to wave her hands, seeing my ashen face and horrified expression. "It's just a thought—I don't think he would be stupid enough to do something like that. I didn't mean to scare you," she giggled, it sounding like the peal of a bell.

Letting out a gust of air, I slumped back on the couch. Alice's smile was bright, never seeming to waver. I didn't know how she did it—having such a happy view on life. Edward was the complete opposite.

"I'm still sorry, Alice. You were my best friend—it's still..." My words drifted, due to me definitely not wanting to say wrong.

She shook her head, her smile bright. "I don't want you to be sorry or feel guilty. Yes, I do care for him and hate to lose him, but he isn't for me. Both of you can now be happy. One day, so will I. I don't want this to come between you and me, either. Peter and Charlotte aren't going to hog you forever once you're a vampire," she warned, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

I couldn't help but laugh, already knowing that I would suffer the wrath of shopping with Alice many times in my future. But I'd certainly take that over her loathing me over what happened.

"Of course not," I smiled.

"Excellent!" Reaching over, Alice pulled me into a tight hug, it feeling as though a giant weight was being lifted off of my shoulders.

"Can I come in now?" Jasper huffed, standing in the doorway.

Pulling back, I saw he was smiling warmly, his eyes soft as he walked over to the adjacent couch. I could see that he appeared just the same as me—the cinderblock weights removed. Although I still knew that Edward was a concern, at the very least things with Alice went the best they could have possibly gone.

"I guess it wouldn't have mattered if I said no," Alice snickered, while Jasper rolled his eyes.

Before either of us could reply, I saw both Jasper and Alice stiffen, their eyes flickering to the window.

"Everyone's back," Alice whispered.

* * *

 **Thank you, everyone! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you enjoyed Alice's response to Bella and Jasper! Please let me know what you thought!**


	22. Chapter 22

I could have sworn that my hands became numb right as those words left Alice's mouth, hauntingly echoing. My mouth was completely dry as several outcomes whisked through my head, the possibilities endless. Whether or not it was my broken mind coming up with them or not, each response to my relationship with Jasper resulted in pure chaos.

All the blood had drained from my cheeks as I stood, my legs wobbling as I sank down onto the adjacent couch, sitting as close to Jasper as I could manage. Ignoring his wary gold eyes, I took his freezing hand into my own. My knuckles were as white as snow as my grip tightened, figuring it would be best not to draw things out. I couldn't imagine how hiding the truth for just a few moments more would make anything better—nor would trying to come up with a painless way of saying it.

The honest truth was that I didn't want to see Jasper harmed in any way. I knew that he could take care of himself—he just proved so yesterday. Even still, Edward was certainly not going to take the news well. After seeing his response to Jasper changing me, I was terrified of his reaction to this. I figured it would be best to stay close to Jasper; perhaps he wouldn't try to attack him if I was in the way. I could hope.

"Relax," Jasper whispered, his cold breath brushing against my ear.

It was a lot easier said than done. A blanket of calm surrounded me, but I refused to allow my tense muscles to loosen.

"Esme, Rosalie and Carlisle are trailing a bit behind. Peter and Charlotte are still hunting," Alice quietly said, just as the door opened.

Emmett's booming laugh was the first thing that I heard. Swallowing roughly, I looked up as he and Edward entered. I was disappointed that Peter and Charlotte couldn't be here—I would have surely been a lot more comfortable if they were.

In the back of my mind, I felt a tingle of annoyance. I shouldn't be afraid to announce that Jasper and I were together. I understood my fear for telling Alice due to her being married to him. But Edward _left_ me. He made his decision seven months ago, so why should his opinion matter at all? He had not a single right to speak against it.

Emmett's smile grew ten sizes when he met my gaze, then a spark of curiosity was added when he noticed how I was practically clinging on to Jasper.

I would have much rather kept my focus on his bemused expression than to peek over at Edward. He was currently mimicking a mannequin, frozen in place without moving a muscle. He didn't blink, nor did he appear to be breathing. I could, however, see the rage that was beginning to boil within his gaze that pierced through Jasper.

I guess Jasper was not making an attempt to hide his thoughts.

A low growl began to build in the back of Edward's throat, his lips peeling back into a menacing scowl. Emmett stared at him with a brow raised, still oblivious.

"Bella, move," Edward snapped, not even looking my way.

My eyes narrowed as I tightened my grip on Jasper's hand. "No, Edward. I know you're upset, but-"

"Upset?" he spat, laughing humorlessly. His growl grew in volume, his eyes dilating until they were completely black. "There is no word to _describe_ what I am feeling right now. You think that you can take her from me?" he snarled.

Jasper opened his mouth to reply, but I beat him to it. " _You_ left me, Edward. Jasper isn't taking me from you," I coldly replied.

"Um... could someone please explain what's going on?" Emmett chuckled uncomfortably.

Edward's dark eyes finally broke from there death glare, falling to me as he ignored Emmett. "I told you that I planned on coming back! I did it to protect you—I _never_ stopped loving you!"

"If you loved her you wouldn't have left," Jasper growled in return.

"Like you know a thing about love," Edward scoffed, while Jasper's cold fingers tightened around mine. "You are showing how little you care for her—first intending on destroying her soul. Damning her into an eternity of hell, for what? Your entertainment?"

Jasper's eyes now matched Edward's as Alice shifted nervously in her seat.

"I don't believe I'll be destroying her soul. Bella wants to change, so why would I deny her something she wants? She will be spending eternity with _me,_ not for my entertainment, but for both of our happiness. Something that you clearly couldn't give her."

"Bella, move!" Edward rasped, looking so very close to losing it.

I was tempted to crawl into Jasper's lap, so terrified that he would somehow rip me away. "Edward, things between us were over the moment you left me alone in the woods. You said it yourself—you wanted me to move on, to be happy with someone else. You got your wish."

"With a _human_! I wanted you to live a human life, away from the paranormal. Is that why you are with him? Are you just looking for someone to change you?"

Emmett's mouth formed a tiny 'o' as everything finally clicked into place.

Jasper hissed, just as Edward took a step back, the familiar look of pain and fear crossing his features. "You want me to show you everything? Every moment I've spent with her? 'Cause I will if you want to know that that's not the case," Jasper growled.

"She's my _mate_!" Edward continued, the volume of his voice growing.

"You and I both know good and well that's not true."

"Edward," Alice sighed, standing from her seat. "Just let it go. This was meant to be. You know I had the visions of Jasper with someone else. It's Bella, can't you see?"

His furious eyes were now on Alice, and for whatever reason, it terrified me to see his predatory gaze set on her tiny form. Unfortunately, I now noticed Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie who stood in the doorway—their expressions almost identical to Emmett's.

"No, it's not! Have you all lost your minds? He's your _husband,_ Alice!"

Her lips thinned. "I can see right and wrong. You are just being stubborn," she snapped.

Edward now appeared panicked, taking a wary step back as his eyes shot back and forth between Jasper and I. "I can't lose you again," he whispered, the anger morphing into despair.

For just a moment, I felt a pang in my chest. Pity that I was hurting him. Looking over his features, I remembered the good times that I shared with him, the few that there were. But now, next to Jasper, they were dim. Tears bubbled into my eyes, but I kept them away.

Swallowing roughly, I shook my head. "You were able to once. I'm sorry." There was nothing else that I could really say. But I refused to take him back just so he wouldn't be hurt. He easily ripped my heart out and left me alone for months. Was it so awful that I wasn't welcoming him back with open arms now that he returned?

"I can't live without you," he breathed, even quieter.

"Edward," Alice growled, her eyes harsh as she glared at him. "Don't you even think about it."

For a brief moment, I panicked. Was he thinking of going to the Volturi? Edward's dark glare returned to Alice.

"You made me promise to look after myself when you left. Well, I'm asking you to do the same. How fair is it that you could ask something like that of me, yet when things don't go your way, become a hypocrite? If you try to use that into guilting me to stay, it would only make me hate you, Edward." My voice was shaking as I tried not to succumb to the fear. Knowing I was the cause of his death—as unfair as it would be—would haunt me for decades. Even still, I knew that I couldn't leave Jasper. Not after everything.

Edward's emotionless eyes stayed on me, the small bubbles of anger slowly popping back. "What has happened to you? You are _nothing_ like you were when I left," he accused, the biting tone to his voice making my back stiffen. "Is he altering your emotions? Controlling you in some way that I can't see?"

My face twisted furiously, done with his games. He would think up any excuse just to not see the truth. "No, Edward."

"Is this a way at getting back at me? I told you I'd fall to my knees and beg—I'll tell you that I'm sorry one million times if I must."

"No."

"You must be doing something!" he snarled, taking another step towards us. "No. I will not accept this. Whatever he has done to you-"

"I haven't done a damn thing but treat her how she should be treated!" Jasper spat, making my heart stutter as he stood. I kept my hand latched on to his, momentarily panicking—he was supposed to stay beside me! "You just need to accept the fact that Bella and I are together now, I'm changing her, and soon we are leaving."

That was all it took for the last grip Edward had on his self control to snap. Alice gasped right as he sped forward, Jasper's hand instantly releasing mine. Dumbly, I will say, I stood—trying to what? Get in between them to avoid the fight? I instantly regretted it as the two men collided, so quick that I didn't see. My still outstretched hand, however, surely did feel it. I was knocked back on the couch as Jasper and Edward were now merely blurs, Esme yelling for them to stop.

I barely noticed Emmett tugging me out of the way, Rosalie's eyes holding more fury than I had ever seen within them as she glared at me. I knew I'd certainly get an earful from her later, something I was not excited about.

Holding on to Emmett's arm, I ignored the throb in my wrist as I worriedly watched the two dancing blurs, jumping when I saw something fly across the room. Bile rose in my throat as I watched it slam into the wall, the pale white object turning out to be a _hand._ Who's was it?

Snarls and growls filled the air as Carlisle tugged Esme back. I was glad that he at least didn't try to interrupt, knowing it would more than likely do more bad then good. All I wanted right now was to leave—to have Jasper run up, toss me over his shoulder and bolt out the door. I didn't even care where we would go. We should have just left when we had the opportunity to after telling Alice.

Emmett winced beside me, letting out a pained laugh as yet another object... appendage clattered to the ground. I could have sworn my face was now green, seeing it was a leg. I hated to admit the relief I felt, seeing it wasn't Jasper's. He now had Edward pinned to the wall, Edward unable to move due to his missing leg... and hand.

"Are you done now?" Jasper snarled, his black eyes leaking dominance. Twice now he was victorious.

"No! I will not stop until she sees reason! I don't know what you've done, but she has always belonged to me," Edward painfully grit through his teeth.

Alice's head snapped up as she flinched, her eyes shooting to mine. "Bella, shut your eyes."

I didn't waste a second to listen to what she said.

"Jasper!" Esme cried, right as a bone chilling cry fell from Edward.

xxx

Jasper's fingers were gentle as he wound the bandage around my wrist, the coolness of his skin feeling heavenly. I still couldn't force myself to look at the broken man who sat in the corner, choosing instead to watch Jasper. His lightening eyes were troubled, holding a frustrated gleam as he finished, running his free hand through his hair. Carlisle had offered to wrap my wrist, yet Jasper wouldn't have it. Finding it to be more distracting, I was glad.

After the fight was over, Alice quickly requested Rosalie to go with her while she hunted. I was glad, knowing that Rosalie loathed me now more than ever. Possibly more than Victoria. She had just started on her rant about me ripping apart the family when Alice intervened—The list of all the things I owed Alice for continuing to rise.

Emmett's glee from watching the fight soon faded as he shot me a wink, heading upstairs. Carlisle soon followed, throwing a disappointed glare at both Jasper and Edward. Neither seemed to care.

Out the corner of my eye, I could see Esme kneeling beside Edward, having to help place his leg, hand and jaw back in place. Secretly, I felt a bit of smug pride, seeing that Jasper was completely unharmed.

His eyes snapped up, a small twinkle within them as he smirked. I couldn't help but smile and blush, still not exactly used to him being able to feel my emotions.

"I told you not to worry," he hummed, his thumb lightly stroking my throbbing wrist. I was just disappointed I couldn't feel it due to the bandage.

An odd, gurgling growl sounded from Edward, it quite disturbing due to his still missing jaw. Rolling my eyes, I chose to ignore it. If he would have just been reasonable, Jasper would have never ripped it off. I was still glad that Alice told me to shut my eyes—that would have been something I probably would have never been able to un-see.

"Yes, you did," I quietly agreed.

His smile was soft in return.

"Well it's about damn time," Peter's deep voice snorted.

Turning, I saw he and Charlotte were standing in the doorway, their previously dark eyes now a striking red. Charlotte's smile was large, an excited twinkle in her eyes. Peter's cocky grin held pure malice as he smirked at Edward, his chest vibrating from laughter.

"Seein' Eddie's face 'bout torn to shreds, I suppose you and Sugar are finally together," he snickered as Edward growled once again.

Snapping my eyes back to Jasper, I raised an eyebrow in question. Had he already talked to Peter about this? Seeing Jasper's slightly sheepish expression, I supposed he had.

Peter walked over to Edward, crouching down as his eyes shined with wicked mirth. "Oh, don't pout at me, pansy. Although I will say, it's pretty shitty that you're a damn mind reader who _still_ had his ass handed to him."

It was hard not to hear Emmett's guffaw, even though he was upstairs—I could see why he and Peter got along so well. Edward's odd new version of a growl grew in volume, venom unpleasantly dribbling down his neck. I could see Esme's tense shoulders, obviously irritated by Peter's attempt to provoke Edward more.

Charlotte drifted over, her eyes happily crinkling as she smiled. It soon faded when she noticed my hand. "What happened?" she asked, causing Peter to pause in the middle of his new favorite game.

"I was... in the way," I admitted, heat flushing into my cheeks.

Peter let out a sigh. "Still an adrenaline junkie. Say, did ya ever jump off cliffs with your werewolf friend? Ya never did say."

Edward's eyes were nearly comical in size as I glared at Peter. "No, I didn't."

"That's a shame." Pursing his lips, he then appeared a bit more serious. "How did Pixie take it?"

"She took it... rather well," I admitted, seeing the small flash of guilt in Jasper's eyes. I still felt it as well.

Peter nodded, although I could see the hint of surprise. "That's good. I thought she'd at least slap ya one good time," he chuckled towards Jasper, who scowled in return.

I almost jumped when Charlotte laid one of her cold hands on my shoulder, my eyes popping up to meet hers. "I'm happy for ya, Sugar—for you both."

I returned her smile warmly, relieved to see someone who was actually _happy_ for Jasper and I. After thanking her, Jasper carefully pulled me up, letting out a deep sigh.

"We should probably get going," he nodded, staring at Esme who was currently putting Edward's jaw back in place.

Peter laughed lightly in agreement. "Yeah, that'd be good I think. Maybe the next time ya come over you won't have to fight with Eddie," he cheekily grinned.

After telling Peter and Charlotte goodbye, the house was silent as Jasper and I left. My trucks loud rumble was soothing as Jasper pulled away, the white house fading from view.

"I take it everyone else isn't very happy about things," I whispered, breaking the silence.

Jasper pursed his lips. "Emmett doesn't mind. Actually, he's rather surprised," he smiled lightly.

"You're telling me that Rosalie isn't angry?"

"That's Rosalie. Do you truly care what she thinks?" he scoffed, shooting me a look as he pushed my truck just a little past sixty. The poor, old car wheezed in response.

"I guess not. But what about Carlisle? Esme?"

He was quiet for a moment, watching the road as he seemed to try and piece together what to say. "I... wouldn't say that they are against things. Both of their emotions were complex. A little mixture of everything. Of course, they are upset about Alice and Edward... Then again, there is the acceptance and content with you and I being happy. I can't blame them for that."

Biting my lip, I stared out the window. The bumpy road didn't exactly help the throb in my wrist, but I was surely happy about the peace leaving that house brought. I could finally breathe again. Hopefully things would smooth out nicely enough. Knowing my bad luck, things could never be that simple.

"I know you care about them all. But sometimes you just can't make everyone happy, Bella. I don't want you to sit and worry about this..."

Looking over, I saw the worried lines that barely started peeking out between his brows. I smiled lightly, shaking my head.

"I'm not. You don't think Edward would do anything drastic, right? Like go to the Volturi?"

Jasper's expression soured. "If he is immature and selfish enough to do something like that, then good riddance," he humorlessly chuckled. "I know that would hurt you, though. Alice would see him deciding such a thing, so it would be prevented."

My truck pulled to a stop in front of my house, the deep rumble quieting. It was just around dinner, and I wondered whether or not Charlie wanted me to cook as I opened my door. Before I could ask Jasper whether or not he was going to stay for 'dinner,' he tensed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping that Edward hadn't followed us here. I wasn't in the mood for another confrontation.

His mouth was a stiff line. "Someone's been here," he spat, ripping his door open.

Snapping my eyes shut, I grit my teeth. Apparently things could not go smoothly for me.

The danger magnet.

* * *

 **Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful reviews! I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter; along with being incredibly busy, this chapter was frustratingly difficult to write. Now that it is up, I hope you all enjoyed and please let me know what you think!**


	23. Chapter 23

My face was expressionless as I watched Jasper inhale deeply, his frown thickening in response. I was getting sick of these unwelcome surprises—each arriving just after the last had been overcome. Couldn't things just be simple for a day? I knew my bad luck made that impossible, my dangerous curse something I have yet to grow used to.

Focusing on Jasper, he appeared deep in thought, frustrated lines forming on his marble face. I was slow to open my door, stepping out and walking over to his side.

"Do you recognize who it is?" I asked, my voice sounding drained. This had been one long day.

He was silent for a moment, before slowly shaking his head. A lock of his golden hair fell in front of his eyes as he looked down, the irritation becoming more pronounced.

"I've never met whoever it is. Vampire, not werewolf," he muttered, beginning to walk around the house. I kept a slow pace by his side, nervously nibbling on my lip. "They didn't enter your house," he added, much to my relief.

As wonderful as it was to know that some strange vampire hadn't broken into my home, it was just as disconcerting. I was thankful Charlie was not harmed—then again, why would a vampire be so close to my house, yet leave him be?

"Did they only circle my house?" I pressed, it feeling like a puzzle with no answer.

Jasper's eyes were solemn as he nodded once more. I knew all the color had drained from my face, my knees feeling wobbly bellow me. I didn't even notice the motion of his hand, his cellphone was now to his ear. A random vampire circled my house. _Only_ mine. Not entering, not disturbing. I could barely pay attention as Jasper rehashed the news, his voice almost too fast for me to hear.

"Ask Alice if she's seen anything. Any decisions Victoria has made, any changes to any of our futures. You and Char need to get over here, try to follow the trail before it rains."

He didn't even wait for a response from Peter, ending the call immediately. I hoped his current tension wouldn't cause him to get _another_ new phone.

Shutting his eyes, Jasper sighed as he leaned back against my truck. "I hope I'm wrong," he slowly started, hesitantly reopening his eyes to meet my gaze, "But it has to be the vampire Victoria created. It's the only thing that makes sense—the only reason why _your_ house was observed. The vampire she made isn't even two months old, however, so it is possible that it is another that is working for her. Old enough to leave Charlie alone while scoping the area."

His jaw clenched as I stiffened, my disappointment growing. "It couldn't have been a nomad?" I fruitlessly tried for any other possibilities. "Just a different vampire passing by—possibly curious as to why _your_ scent is around my house?" I offered.

Jasper's golden gaze looked away as he shrugged. "Could be. But Bella... I highly doubt it. I don't want to scare you, but I also don't want to get your hopes up."

My heart fell as I swallowed. A shiver trailed up my spine, the thought of an unknown vampire so closely interested with my home—who I also knew conspired to kill me—being so very unsettling. I also wondered if this was a warning. Victoria saw Peter and Charlotte—she had to know that we were at least somewhat aware of what she was doing. Was this a warning pointed towards Charlie? That if we left, he would die? It was obvious that not only Victoria knew where he was, now.

I nearly jumped as Jasper's cold hand took hold of my arm, pulling me to his chest. The light sprinkling rain made him seem even colder as I leaned against him.

"I won't let anything happen to you or Charlie," he swore, knowing my thoughts as usual. "Go on inside and have dinner with him. Peter and Charlotte will be here soon—I'll be waiting for you in your room."

I wasn't sure how I could act normal in front of Charlie. I knew without even seeing myself that my fear was as plain as day. Jasper's eyes were sympathetic as he leaned down, pressing his lips chastely to mine before I pulled away. He sent me a small boost of confidence as I warily nodding, starting for my house.

I hadn't realized I was shivering until I entered the house, reluctant to shed my jacket. I could see the back of Charlie's head as he sat on the couch, watching a fishing show on TV. He twisted his head to greet me, a light smile tugging at his lips.

"Got some pizza again," he sheepishly murmured, shifting where he sat. "Wasn't sure when you'd be home."

"Pizza sounds great," I replied, a bit too enthusiastic.

One of his brows rose, but he didn't question me. Pushing himself off of his couch, he followed me into the kitchen, getting the pizza while I fixed our drinks. I could hardly look at him without finding it impossible to look away. It was truly amazing the things that we took for granted. Ever since I entered the world of the paranormal, I had not considered Charlie's safety once. The only time that being debatable was when I lured James away from my house.

Even still, I had lied, breaking Charlie in the process. I had spent all my time away from him, focused solely on Edward. I had to admit, at least Jasper spent more time with me here. At least the three of us formed a bond, something Edward was never able to do. That still didn't make things any better. I shattered into pieces when Edward left, forcing Charlie to witness my zombified form for months. Making him worry, waking him each night as I screamed...

Now, his life was on the line. I may have trusted Edward and Jasper enough to be around him, but I certainly knew that whoever this new vampire was wouldn't hesitate to end his life, given the opportunity. The thought made my stomach curl, feeling sick to my stomach. The pizza that sat in front of me now appeared vile.

"You okay Bells?" Charlie murmured, sitting down across from me.

Looking up at him, I felt a lump grow in my throat. Not only did I put his life in danger, but I planned on leaving. Making him think that his only child died in a horrific car accident. I had accepted that plan without blinking an eye—even _excited_ to start my new life as a vampire. But how in the world was my happiness worth more than his?

I just had to be the most selfish person that has ever existed.

"I'm fine," I whispered, using the cursedly familiar line. "Just feeling a little sick is all," I added, timidly holding my slice of pizza.

Charlie grunted in reply, taking a swig of his drink. "Sure something's not bothering you?" he hedged, not meeting my eye. One thing I did know, was that I got my perceptiveness from Charlie. As much as it could be a blessing, it could certainly be a nuisance.

"Just stress from school. It's almost time for finals," I used as an excuse.

That seemed to get his attention. "Any colleges you're considering?"

My already sad heart now throbbed. I wouldn't be going to college. Forcing myself to take a bite of pizza, I tried to nonchalantly shrug. "I haven't thought much about it," I softly replied.

"I don't mean to rush you, Bells, but you should probably start thinking about it. Get some ideas for schools to send applications to, what you want to study."

My head dropped guiltily as I thought of all the money of my college fund that I wasted on those bikes Jake fixed. I had to get off this topic.

"How was your day?" I blankly threw out, causing his eyes to slightly widen in surprise. So often I was asked, yet so rarely did I ask him. My time here was now severely limited—who knows how long I had left. So I at the very least wanted to make as much time spent with Charlie count. Once I changed, I could never see him again.

"It was good," he grumbled, his answer clipped, just like I expected.

I smiled lightly before taking a few more bites of the pizza, eager to finish. My curling stomach wasn't accepting it happily.

Even with Charlie's short response and lack of conversation skills—much like my own—I managed to keep a steady conversation. At least as steady as I could possibly make it. Even after I finished washing dishes and he returned to the couch, the haunting image of a foreign vampire being so close to him unnerved me.

I didn't want him to hurt, physically or mentally. But like Jasper told me earlier... it was impossible to make everyone happy. At least I knew this time, my changing wasn't only because of pure desire. It was for safety as well. I wondered, if he knew everything, would he understand? It wasn't something I was willing to find out.

Trudging up the stairs, I changed into my sweats, pulling my hair into a ponytail. Opening the door to my room, I was relieved to see Jasper, just like he promised. Seeing the rushed patter of rain outside my window, I bit my lip, knowing the trail was lost. How far had Peter and Charlotte made it?

Jasper's welcoming smile was melancholy as I sat down beside him on my bed. Wrapping myself in a thick blanket, I leaned against his side, his arm wrapping around me almost naturally. No matter how complicated things currently were, I still felt safe and happy as I laid my head against his chest.

"Did Peter and Charlotte find anything?" I asked, breaking the silence. Might as well get it over with.

Just Jasper's sigh was an answer enough. "They followed the trail until the rain picked up. Then lost it." His fingers lightly stroked my side as I frowned, expecting as much. "Alice called. She said she saw no changes concerning Victoria or any of us. She was worried that perhaps Victoria isn't the one who is making the decisions..." His voice drifted away, his eyes falling to the window.

"You mean... The vampire who was here today is?" I asked, a small pang of fear shooting through me. If that was the case, we were nearly blind.

"Possibly. Either someone we don't know, or someone she made. More likely the latter. As much as I hate to admit it... it was a clever move if that is Victoria's plan. It is very difficult to hide from Alice, yet she managed to accomplish it."

"How would she even know that Alice can see the future?" I hissed, my frustration growing. Victoria was _never_ around when Alice's precognition was brought up.

"Laurent was working with her, wasn't he?" Jasper reminded me, his eyes hardening. "When Edward, Alice, and Emmett hauled you away after James' little show, Laurent came back to the house with Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and me. He was interested in our ways—had a long discussion with Carlisle about our different version of hunting. Our gifts came up in the conversation when Laurent spoke of James' tracking skill," Jasper huffed, his fist clenching.

I exhaled slowly, feeling foolish. Although I had to agree with Jasper—Victoria was clever. Even though Alice wasn't here, she was still sure to hide her moves. To prevent a warning. She thought in depth about an impulsive stroke of revenge.

"Do you think that whoever it was came here today to see the area? Or was it a warning?" I murmured, burying my face away.

"I doubt it was to scope the area," Jasper chuckled. "A warning? Possibly. Although she knows that we are aware of her, her threat, and possible plans."

"I meant as a warning concerning Charlie," I breathed, my back stiffening. I didn't want it to be true.

Jasper was silent for a moment, thinking over my words. "It could be," he finally replied, his words like a punch to my side. "Bella, don't worry about Charlie. Even though we can not see the plans Victoria is making, we would still be able to see someone attacking Charlie. We would know beforehand," he promised. It still didn't soothe my nerves.

"How could you see that with Alice's blindspots?" I demanded, not finding his reply to be good enough. I refuse to be the reason behind my father's death.

He was already shaking his head, his golden eyes now stern. "She may not be able to see the _decisions_ that are being made. But, she can see if it alters any of our lives. She can look at Charlie's future. If the unknown vampire makes a decision to harm Charlie, she'll see it. The blindspots were just explained. The other times she couldn't see you—possibly because you were in the company of Jacob? He isn't anything she was, or is. It would make sense for her not to be able to see your future while in his company."

I frowned, slumping against him even more. This was just too much to take in. Too much all at once. Reaching out, I began to trace random pictures along his arm, trying to get my thoughts in order.

"I'm just worried about him, Jasper. How can we leave... It's almost like leaving him vulnerable," I whispered, shutting my eyes.

"Everyone else will still be here. Alice already said that they planned to stay," he whispered, much to my surprise—and slight anger.

I thought that everyone was leaving, too! Now they would all be in danger once that hellish newborn army was made.

"Wait a minute," I snapped, my tracing finger curling almost like a claw. "Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett are _staying_?" I growled, Jasper's eyes widening.

Looking a tad more reluctant, he nodded. "Yes. I told you that Alice said everyone was staying—she said that she already saw the decision being made. Whether it was Edward's or Carlisle's, I don't know."

"Why?" I spat, trying to keep my voice down as I pulled away from Jasper. "The entire point of leaving was so that Victoria's army wouldn't come after any of us. That they would be _pointless_! But now they want to stay? Us leaving is just abandoning them—throwing the burden on them to take care of!"

My head was swirling. This was why I liked it just being Jasper, Peter, Charlotte and I. No decisions were made that I was unaware of. Now it felt as though the entire control of my future was slipping from my grasp, unable to be held on to.

"That wasn't the point of us leaving," Jasper corrected, pursing his lips. "Keep your voice down or Charlie will come in here," he also warned, while I scowled in return.

"What was the point, then?"

"The point was to get _you_ ," he drawled, "away from several hungry newborns. If it came down to a fight, it would just seem ignorant to leave you human and alone while we take care of it. It would be what Victoria wanted—to seek you out while the rest of us are distracted. If we were to change you here, you would be just as unstable as the other newborns. More safe, yes, but ready to fight? I don't believe you would be too comfortable being around here so close to Charlie, either."

I grimaced as his smooth voice continued to speak, not liking a word of it. "I don't want to push this on everyone else, though," I crossed my arms, ignoring Jasper's glare. "You told me that the Volturi would take care of this. If everyone else is staying here to take care of them, then I want to help."

I could have sworn Jasper's eyes turned nearly red. "The Volturi would more than likely step in to take care of the mess, especially if it gets too out of hand. I'm confident they will. Everyone is staying behind merely to make sure they don't get too close to Forks, to look after Charlie, and to take out Victoria if they have the chance. Also, if the Volturi came, someone would have to explain _why_ the army was made. Someone would have to say that you left to be changed. If only Victoria spoke, they would hunt _us_ down," he replied, his voice deeper.

I had to admit, I shivered just at the thought. Thinking back to the painting I saw in Carlisle's office, I remembered the milky, misty red eyes of the three Volturi leaders. Would they come? Or those who work for them? One way or another, I did not want to meet them.

"I have to admit, if things weren't the way they are," Jasper murmured, his voice quieter as he took my hand, "If all of stayed _to_ fight, I would more than likely have suggested your presence during it," he chuckled, his eyes slightly horrified. "It would drive the newborns insane. Make them easy kills. But I would never risk it." His eyes were soft and worn as he met my gaze, lightly tracing my fingers with his.

"So there... is nothing I can do?" I breathed. It has been so long since I felt so useless. Powerless.

"Bella, you are really overthinking this," he chuckled, his small grin lopsided. "I told you Charlie will be looked after. The family will have the wolves to back them up if they did have to take out the newborns. From fighting them over half my existence, I'm telling you it wouldn't be a challenge. Emmett will probably find it to be fun," he snickered.

"What about Alice? Esme?" I challenged. It terrified me to think of either of their tiny forms, surrounded by malicious newborns.

His smile grew, a wicked shine to his eye. "Firstly, I doubt that Carlisle would let anything happen to Esme. And Alice... you know how she has her visions. Using them when being challenged makes her nearly _untouchable._ She'll know their moves right as they decide on them. She's a terrifying little monster," he chuckled, shaking his head. "If it will make you feel better, Peter, Charlotte and I could train them for the last bit of time we are here. Give them tips if things go the worst," he offered, which eased a lot of weight off of my shoulders.

"That would be nice," I whispered, nodding my head.

He smiled, pulling my hand enough to sling me forward, closing the distance between us. The slam of honey, leather, and spice made my head swirl as his arms curled around me, his lips brushing against mine.

"I still don't like the idea of leaving them alone," I whispered, while Jasper's lips ghosted over to my jaw.

He hummed deep in his throat. "You know I don't want to make any decisions without you. This just seems to be the best way. But. I'll make a deal with you," he offered, pressing his lips against the hollow beneath my ear.

"What's that?" I breathed, sliding my hands up to grip his shoulders. He was being completely unfair at the moment.

He smirked, pulling back. Frustration fluttered within me, the desire swirling within my head. But I could see he only wanted to be serious for a moment, which I respected. "If Alice sees things going badly—if things turn for the worst, we'll come back to help. I won't hide it from you if she tells me, and if you want to return, then it is up to you."

"She won't be able to see the result of the fight," I briskly reminded him, raising a brow. "And how on earth could I get on a plane—so close to people—after being changed? Even if we ran it would take days."

His smug smile grew. "'Suppose I didn't think of that," he chuckled. "Alright. We'll send Peter and Charlotte back to help. They'll have more help—professional at that—and we'll have more alone time on top of it," he smirked.

Oh, he wasn't fighting fair.

"Are you sure it's not as worrisome as I'm making it?" I demanded.

"I swear it. We don't even know how many newborns she's making, but the thing is, with the wolves, it should be simple. If she is keeping them in Seattle, she won't be able to make too many without notice. Everyone will be fine—that is a promise. Victoria has too many odds against her. If you stayed here... honestly, I think it would cause more trouble instead of help."

Sighing, I decided to give in. It still felt so wrong to abandon everyone. But as a human, there wasn't much that I could do. Not much as a newborn, either. So leaving and changing—ruining Victoria's plans completely seemed like the best thing that I could do. "Fine. But... do you _promise_ Charlie will be okay?"

Jasper stared down at me oddly, his head cocking to the side. "Yes, darlin'. You've been extra thoughtful concerning Charlie today," he noted, making my eyes fall.

Nibbling on my lip, I shrugged. "Of course I care—he's my dad. I don't want him to get hurt because of me," I whispered. "That strange vampire who was here today... so close... it just shook me up a bit. It made me start thinking about all the time I really do have left with him. How it will hurt him when he thinks I'm dead." My voice became quieter the more I spoke, Jasper now solemn.

I almost jumped as Jasper's cold arms lifted me, pulling me to sit on his lap. Shutting my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath of his magnificent scent as I rested my head against him.

"I can't blame you for worrying about that," he whispered, resting his chin on top of my head. "He'll be under Alice's watch," he reassured me, "As for the time you have left... All I can tell you is to make it count. Since you live with him, there doesn't have to be a specific 'last day,' Bella," he reminded.

I nodded my head. "I know. I hate knowing he'll be alone, thinking I'm dead. Eating takeout every night, coming home to just a TV." I hated to admit he practically did that now, anyway, since I spent most of my time at Jacob's or with Jasper.

"Isn't your dad spending more time with that lady? The two new wolves' mother," he asked, lifting his head to look down at me.

Yes, he was. Jasper arrived once just as she was leaving, I recalled. "Sue," I whispered, nodding my head. "Yes, he goes down to the reservation to visit with her. She comes here to cook for him every now and then," I smiled.

Jasper's chuckle rumbled against my ear. "I'm usually private when it comes to people's personal emotions, Bella, but their's are... pretty promising," he smiled brightly.

My lips parted, a flush of excitement and relief flushing through me. Perhaps he wouldn't be alone after all. I reminded myself as well that he had Billy and Jake. If things worked out with Sue, then Leah and Seth as well. Renee would have Phil. They wouldn't be alone.

Jasper's smile was soft as he felt my easing guilt, his nose grazing my cheek. "Thank you," I whispered, shutting my eyes. "How did you get past it? Not being able to see your family anymore?" I asked, peeking up at him.

His smile faltered for a moment, his eyes falling to my rocking chair. I could see the memories that flashed in his eyes as he pursed his lips. "Well, darlin', I was already quite used to bein' away from them," he chuckled humorlessly. "I had already been away in the army for two years before I was changed. I suppose it made it easier, me already accustomed to not seein' them every day. As a newborn on top of it, it is very hard... to think of much, let alone old memories," he sighed.

I frowned, not liking the sound of that. There was so much that I wanted to remember. "What was your first thought after you were changed?" I asked, wanting him to continue.

He snorted, surprising me. "I wondered if I was dead. I spent days burning, wondering if I was in hell, or on my way. Then hearing my heart stop... not feeling the need to breathe. I focused on that for a good bit," he shrugged. "It's hard to stay in focus as a newborn. Your thoughts can switch to a new subject instantly. I was immediately introduced to the newborn armies, figuring this was just my new responsibility. That it was the only life for a vampire, and I wanted to succeed. It was a while before I took the time to think of the human memories I still had," he replied.

I was quiet for a moment, truly allowing his words to sink in. "I don't want to forget," I finally said, tightening my hold on him. There were so many things that I wanted to remember—all the moments with Charlie and Renee. Everything with Jasper. So much I wanted to keep with me, even the bad. It was frightening to think of it all just slipping away.

"I think with you already knowing what is to come, you won't be as focused on _what_ you are when you are changed. You'll be able to keep a lot more than me, I'm sure. Your memories don't just vanish—it is time that makes them drift away. It would also be good to focus on them while you're changing," he nodded. "You could also write them down," he offered.

Biting my lip, I couldn't help but smile. Even without influencing my emotions, he knew how to make me feel better. "I'll do that," I agreed, smiling brighter when I looked up at him.

"We'll have to leave a bit sooner than I thought, after what happened today," Jasper sighed, pursing his lips. "You'll have to visit Renee soon. Bella... are you absolutely sure this is what you want?" he asked, an almost fearful look in his eye.

I blinked, in shock. "Of course it's what I want. I've told you countless times," I replied, wondering why he'd ask.

"You know I want it as well. I just don't want you to regret anything later on after it's too late. You don't want... children?" he asked, a bit uncomfortably.

My eyes were soft as I laughed. "You already know how odd I am. Believe me when I say that I have never thought of having children. Unlike most people, I don't really have the desire to have them. All I want is to spend forever with you—you know that."

His eyes were warm, along with his smile as he pulled me back so that we were both laying down. Without waiting for him to reply, I leaned up, stealing his lips. It felt wonderful to know that this wonderful man was _mine._ No one else's. Mine and only mine. Letting my lips fall away, I began to trail them over his ravaged neck, feeling him shiver as I traced over his many scars. Peeking up, his darkened eyes appeared almost hungry.

Before I could blink, I found that Jasper flipped me over, and was now hovering on top of me. His lips were not gentle as they claimed mine, almost as intense as our first kiss had been. I could hardly draw a breath as his tongue drug across my bottom lip, as smooth as glass. I began to trail my fingers across his chest, enjoying the cold as they did.

I sucked in a ragged breath as he broke away, allowing his lips to glide down my neck, pausing just over my thumping pulse. He took a moment, almost as though he was trying to test himself, to be sure that he could handle being so close. Just one tiny pierce to my skin and he could possibly lose it, although I highly doubted it now. It made me remember just how hard this possibly was for him. I gasped as his slightly warmer lips latched on to my skin, feeling my rushing heartbeat beneath them.

 _Holy crow._ This man was going to kill me. Not literally—well, not yet, exactly. But if my heart sped any faster, it was sure to simply go out. His fingers left fiery trails as they trickled up my arm, lightly stroking over my collarbone as his lips found a different part of my neck to attack. I could have sworn I heard a low growl building in the back of his throat, it oddly not intimidating.

My head swirled as his lips returned to mine, pulling away far too soon. My eyes were accusing as I looked up at him, my swollen lips not exactly done with his yet. His dark eyes twinkled with amusement.

"It's all I want, too, Bella. I promise, even with all of the things we are facing now... We will have that forever."

I smiled tenderly, finally feeling the last remnants of the once gaping hole in my chest disappearing completely. It wasn't just stitched back, leaving me whole, yet partially broken. There were no popped seams or tiny holes or scratches.

It was gone, and he was all that remained in its place.

* * *

 **Thank you, everyone, for all the wonderful reviews! You guys are amazing, and give me the perfect motivation to continue writing this story! I'm so glad you have enjoyed it so far, and I hope you have enjoyed this chapter as well! Please let me know what you thought, and thanks again!**


	24. Chapter 24

**DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE,**

 **POLICE FEAR GANG ACTIVITY**

My eyes were solemn as I gazed over the article. It was two weeks into May, and my time was clearly up.

The newspaper was practically crumpled as I continuously folded and unfolded it. It didn't matter how many times I read those two bold lines—I never felt as though I comprehended them completely. But to now know, without a doubt, that a newborn army was in Seattle... was far more than disconcerting.

My stomach twisted nauseously as I barely gazed over the words throughout the article. So many people missing. So many names, so many deaths. To know that it was truly _my_ fault...

I peeked over at Jasper, who was currently standing in the living room with his golden eyes narrowed out the window. His phone was to his ear, his voice clipped as he practically snapped orders. In a way, I almost felt bad for Jenks, whoever he may be.

It was just a few weeks ago that Jasper had first called him, his biting tone sending shivers down my spine. It was no wonder everything he requested arrived so quickly, not a thing out of place. Staring down at my shining new license... birth certificate, social security information, passport—the list never ended. But for just a moment I felt almost lost. Like Isabella Marie Swan had already died, even though I was still breathing and my heart still beat.

" _I know it's not something you want to be concerned with, especially right now,"_ Jasper had sighed after putting Jenks on hold, _"But we can't have Bella Swan get on an airplane right after she was in a fatal car accident. You deserve to have a choice, I think."_

It had taken me a bit to come up with an answer for him. A new name. At first, I was a bit taken aback by the actuality. It was as if it crashed down, knocking the breath out of me. I had thought that after the many talks with Jasper about changing into a vampire, leaving and giving up the life I knew, that I had finally accepted it all. That I was ready to take it on, without a single regret. I wasn't as bold as I thought I was.

After pushing all the sudden emotions away, I tried to instead find a bit of enjoyment out of it. It _was_ starting over. A complete rebirth. I could be anyone that I wanted—so what name would I choose? I would still be Bella, of course, but to the world I would be different. So many different options ran through my head, but as the seconds trickled by, my sudden burst of humor and curiosity dissipated.

" _You don't have to change your first name,"_ he softly reminded me. _"You can even just stick with Bella instead of Isabella. I just need the middle and last."_

For a moment I felt silly. It wouldn't be real—it was just to remain hidden. I was overthinking it far too much, but understanding had loomed within Jasper's eyes. I finally settled with May as a middle name. It had the same first two letters as Marie, and it was the month when we would leave. When my life would become anew. I looked away when I told him to just give me his last name, a blush looming in my cheeks. It darkened when I caught his smile out the corner of my eye.

I thought about all the things Jenks delivered that were now safely tucked away within my bag, Bella May Whitlock displayed on each one.

Shaking my head, I returned my attention to Jasper who just ended his phone call, letting out an unneeded breath.

"You don't need to scare the man to death, Jasper," I teased, watching as his previously frustrated frown melted into a smile.

"If I wasn't intimidating, how else would I ensure that everything is done right without question?" he smirked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I'm sure he would be just as precise if you were nice," I disagreed, finally tossing the withered newspaper to the side as I stood.

Pursing his lips, Jasper shook his head. "The more comfortable he is, the more likely he would make mistakes, I think. If he fears that I'll possibly kill him, however, you know good and well that whatever I ask for will be flawless. Not to mention it leaves no room for friendly conversation and questions. Do you know how many fake identities he has had to make for me and the Cullen's throughout the years? Not to mention his previous boss beforehand? It is clear from the pictures that we are exactly the same after decades."

Nibbling on my lip, I had to admit that I saw his point. "Speaking of pictures..." I murmured, narrowly avoiding having to say he was right, "What about mine after I'm changed? I won't look anything like it."

"He'll just have to make new ones once you're ready to go out into the world," Jasper chuckled, his grin lopsided.

"Poor guy."

His laughter grew as I gazed around my kitchen, nearly drawing blood as I bit my lip. My stomach folded in knots as I took note of this being the last time I would stand in my house. The last time I would look at the sunny walls of the kitchen and see the horrendous pictures Charlie has of me in the living room. My scattered emotions caused Jasper to sigh, my eyes returning to him.

"Bella, if you are having second thoughts, we can still-"

"No," I quickly interrupted, shaking my head. "I want this. I just want to savor being here while I am," I tried to explain as he nodded.

"Charlie will be home soon. Did you pack everything you wanted?" he asked, causing me to remember the large bag that currently sat on my bed.

I couldn't take everything. In fact, I couldn't take anything that Charlie would notice. Thanks to Alice, I only had to pack a few sets of clothing, she having already gotten me _plenty_ more. No matter how reluctant I was to accept, she refused to have a word of it.

Taking Jasper's hand, I walked with him to my room, wanting to make sure that I wasn't leaving anything behind. Gazing around my room, my eyes lingered on my rocking chair far longer than I intended. Wordlessly, I unzipped my bag, trying to ignore Jasper's gaze that watched me carefully.

The small amount of clothing and my new personal information were stashed carefully inside. I had stolen just one of Charlie's shirts, knowing that later on I would certainly want something of his. Several pictures were stacked together, old and new, along with the camera I had gotten for my last birthday. The past month I had practically gone mad, annoying Charlie, Jacob and the few friends I had as I lugged the large camera with me everywhere I went.

A small pang shot through me as I thought of Jacob. It had been difficult telling him the truth. In all honesty, I was shocked by the lack of surprise he had when I told him I was with Jasper. He claimed that he already expected it, with how much I talked about him—much to my humiliation. In fact, I was more surprised when he told me that he had imprinted. As he spoke of the girl he met on the reservation, I could see just by his eyes that his entire world shifted. His smile was effortless, along with his tender expression as he told me about her.

I waited until he was finished with his happy news before I shared the rest of mine. When I told him I was going to be changed, the anger I had been waiting for was ignited.

It wasn't fun hearing him say that I wouldn't be _me_ anymore. That I would be dead. But after arguing with him, I finally saw the gleam of acceptance in his eyes. He knew how stubborn I could be. That if I wanted something, there was no changing my mind. All he demanded was that I stay in contact, even though it went against everything he knew, and was.

With the _tiny_ white lie that Peter was going to be the one to change me, the treaty would also remain intact.

Shaking the memories of telling him goodbye away, I refocused on my belongings. A few keepsakes that I originally brought from Arizona. _Wuthering Heights._ The CD Phil had given to me for Christmas. And a small notebook that I wasn't completely finished writing in yet.

"What's this?" Jasper asked, momentarily startling me. I had forgotten he was still behind me. After my heart calmed, I followed his pointing finger to the notebook.

Smiling, I closed my bag, seeing I had everything that I wanted to take. "You remember how you told me to write all the human memories I could think of down?" I asked, taking one last look around my room.

"Yes," Jasper nodded, his returning smile melancholy. "When did you start working on that?"

"The day after you told me to write them down. I mainly wrote in it at school," I replied, my cheeks heating. Even though I knew I wouldn't be graduating, it still felt terrible to allow my grades to drop. But like Jasper and Peter had said, I would have plenty of opportunities to finish in the future. Preserving my human memories seemed a bit more important at the moment.

"I'm glad you did. You'll appreciate it in the future," he softly murmured. His attention then shifted, before he let out a deep sigh. "Charlie's home. I'll wait for you in your truck—take all the time you need," he nodded.

Ice prickled throughout my veins as I swallowed roughly, my eyes casting to the floor. Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a chilling embrace as I collected myself. Sometimes I wondered how I was so ready to leave everything behind while I was Edward. How I didn't even think about all that I would lose—just what I would gain. Part of me believed that I was in such a hurry just because I wanted to feel equal to Edward. That constant nagging feeling that he would leave. It made me forget other important things, too, that Jasper thankfully reminded me of. So much I would have regretted.

Pulling back, I tried to smile confidently. After all, I've already done this with Renee. Just two weeks ago I had gone to visit her like Jasper promised, her perceptiveness being more of a hassle than I imagined.

" _Are you sure you're okay, Bella?" she had asked, while I tightened my hold around her._

" _I'm fine. I'm just going to miss you," I shakily replied, listening to her quiet laugh in return._

" _I'll miss you, too, sweetie. You need to call more!" she chastised, pulling back with a grin. "And next Christmas, you_ will _come spend it with us."_

 _I didn't mean for my eyes to water. "Okay."_

 _Her eyes narrowed. "Bella, do you not want to go back to Forks?"_

" _No!" My hurried splutter made her jump, confused lines decorating her expression._

" _You just seem very upset to leave. More so than when you first moved," she mused. "I'm not going anywhere. You can call or visit anytime."_

" _I know."_

Giving my room another glance, I wondered if it would be even harder when it came to Charlie. After all, I have lived with him for over a year. I was now used to the distance between Renee and I.

Two cold lips pressed against my forehead before Jasper disappeared out the window with my bag. I wished that he at the very least could stay with me while I told Charlie goodbye, keeping my emotions calm. But right before I went to visit Renee, I told Charlie that he was leaving. That he wanted to travel. Jasper couldn't just magically disappear when I supposedly died, so time with him has been more limited.

Walking down the stairs, I reached the bottom right as Charlie entered, hanging up his gun belt.

"Hey, Bells," he rasped, shooting me a wary smile.

He has been looking at me that was ever since Jasper 'left.' Like he expected me to crumble any second just as I did before. My returning smile was just as forced as his.

"Hey. How was your day?"

"Slow," he gruffly mumbled, while I anxiously teetered back and forth between my feet.

"Oh." Twisting my fingers, I pushed away the bubbling feelings. "I was going to go to Port Angeles for a bit," I nodded, hoping my lying skills have improved at least a little bit.

Charlie paused one his way to the couch, his eyebrows furrowing. "That's... different," he grumbled, before shrugging.

"Yeah. I just wanted to get a couple new books," I offered as an explanation.

"Alright. See you later," he replied, picking up the remote.

My heart twisted in painful knots as I cautiously started forward, wrapping my arms around him. "Okay. I love you, dad." I bit my lip as my voice nearly cracked.

Charlie's arms awkwardly hesitated before he patted me on the back, uncomfortable with affection like usual. "Love you, too, Bells," he murmured, clearing his throat.

I couldn't help but smile as I pulled away, watching his stiff form relax. Looking over him one more time, I turned, walking to the door. Walking outside felt like an inner war, one that was very nearly even. But I remembered Jasper. Remembered the eternal future, the eternal happiness. Remembered that Charlie would no longer be in danger.

Stepping outside, I shut the door behind me. Wiping my watery eyes, I walked to my truck, hurriedly getting inside.

Jasper's eyes were sad as he took my hand, twisting the keys to my truck. Inhaling the smell of mint and tobacco, I noted that my truck would be gone, too. Not only would I not have it, but it would be _destroyed._ Cringing, I delicately traced the seat with my free hand disappointedly.

"We can get you a new one, if you'd like," Jasper offered, his eyes soft as he glanced over at me.

My smile was small, although I didn't offer a reply. It wouldn't exactly be the same, but I would like that one day. Alice was certain that I would see the glory in Sports Cars after my change, but I wasn't all that certain. She had just rolled her eyes, saying that speed _would_ matter to me, whether I thought so or not.

The past month that the Cullen's have been home has been the perfect combination of unease and enjoyment. At first, it had been difficult being around Alice, still feeling guilty about everything. But her perky attitude left me little to no choice but to go about things just like they used to be. Emmett was indifferent, nearly crushing me with bear hugs and cracking jokes every time he had the opportunity. Carlisle and Esme had been timid, the shock over the situation lasting for a bit. But soon, their warm acceptance had returned just like it originally was.

I haven't seen Rosalie since her dramatic exit. In fact, I was positive I wouldn't see her today when Jasper and I arrive. Edward had followed right along side her, becoming more of a recluse whenever Jasper and I were around. According to Charlotte, Peter made it his mission to anger him at least once a day.

My truck pulled to a stop in front of the grand house as I pursed my lips. When the deep rumble quieted, I stepped out, shutting the door for the last time.

The front door opened just as Jasper got to my side, Esme smiling broadly.

"Hello, dear! Peter and Charlotte are just about ready to go," she nodded, although there was a sadness to her eyes. She has already been persistently telling Jasper and I to return once all this mess was over and done with. To be honest, I may not mind that... one day.

"I figured they'd be done by now," Jasper snorted, shaking his head.

Stepping inside, I first saw Alice gracefully skip down the stairs. "Whether Peter will admit it or not, he likes it here," she cheekily smiled. "And Bella, if it makes you feel better, you would have gotten rid of your truck in a couple months, anyway."

My eyes widened. "How could you possibly know that?" I asked, crossing my arms. I couldn't see myself willingly giving up my truck if I had a choice.

"I was considering keeping it as a surprise," she grinned wryly. "More so to prove to you that'd you'd hate it. There are more ways to fake your death, after all. But it would have quit working after a couple of months. It _is_ old."

I suppose that did make me feel a bit better. "Thank you," I smiled, still appreciating the thought. It would have been a nice surprise.

"When do I get to crush it?" Emmett eagerly asked, stretched out on the couch. Like usual, Rosalie was no where to be seen.

Glaring at him, I tried not to fall for his sweet, dimpled smile. "When I'm very far away," I huffed, following Jasper to go sit as we waited for Peter and Charlotte.

His smile turned devilish. "That'll be fun."

"Emmett, please be careful," Esme persuaded, although she knew it would do no good. Knowing Emmett, my truck wouldn't only be smashed into a tree—more like lit up in flames and a crumpled pile of nothing. I suppose it would have to be that way if I'm supposedly dead inside it.

"He'll be fine," Alice giggled, as Esme's worry faded. "I have some more good news to tell you," she added, turning to Jasper and I. "The Volturi are going to intervene."

Remembering the article in the paper this morning, I could see why it was decided. Letting out a deep breath, I felt weights lifting from my shoulders. If the Volturi destroyed the army, that would mean no one would have to fight. Although Jasper and Peter's lessons the past couple of weeks would go to waste, it was still a breath of fresh air.

Emmett was immediately pouting. "Damn it." Ignoring Esme's scolding glare, he continued, "So can we leave, too, then? Carlisle's about to lose his mind, not working," he snorted.

"I still want to stay until it's over. Look after Bella's dad and make sure they don't get too close to town," Alice replied, Esme nodding in agreement.

"Can you see if they destroy Victoria?" Jasper asked, his eyes shifting to me. If Alice sees that they do, would that mean I didn't have to leave just yet?

Alice shook her head. "I see them destroying the army due to their latest decision. Victoria wasn't specifically in them. It would still be better to get Bella away and changed, though. If they _do_ interrogate Victoria and find out about Bella, it would be better for the two of you to already be gone."

"And if they come here?" I asked, my stomach curling. I didn't want them to get punished, either.

Esme was immediately shaking her head, smiling. "It shouldn't be a problem, dear. All we have to do is tell them that you have left to be changed. It is the truth, therefore no laws will be broken."

I wouldn't have noticed the three vampires descending the stairs if it wasn't for Peter's cursing. Looking up, I saw he was squinting, blinking furiously as Carlisle and Charlotte followed after him.

"Damn it all to hell—I fuckin' hate these things!" he spat.

Unsure what he meant, I looked closer, seeing his eyes were no longer red. Instead, they were a muddy brown, close to mine. Looking over at Charlotte, I saw that her eyes were now a gorgeous shade of purple. I figured she must have put blue contacts in that mixed with the red.

"You need em' for the plane, Sugar. I'm sure you can handle them for a little while," she laughed, although appeared incredibly uncomfortable as well.

Peter rolled his newly brown eyes as he dropped their two large bags to the ground as if they weighed nothing. Shooting me a grin, he crossed his arms.

"Well, Sweet Pea, you ready to get goin'? I've never been to England before. It'll be fun listenin' to their accents," he snickered.

"I'm sure they'll get a kick out of yours as well, Peter," I smiled, both Alice and Charlotte's laughter filling the air.

At first it hadn't been easy deciding where to go. Emmett suggested we just go to Alaska—stay with the Denali's. Jasper didn't think that was too good of an idea, especially since one of the Denali sisters had been with Laurent. Carlisle also suggested a small island that he owned and wouldn't mind us staying at. Isle Esme sounded lovely, but Peter and Charlotte were against it due to the lack of humans.

Peter's demanding self also wanted a place where most spoke English. Barely paying attention to the conversation, I didn't hear exactly where we were going, but I knew it would be in England. It was the same day Jasper began to harass Jenks, gathering our information along with renting a secluded home in advance.

Standing from the couch, Esme was first to wrap me in an embrace, insisting that we call once we arrived. Alice, Emmett and Carlisle were next, wishing the both of us well. As Jasper shook Carlisle's hand, I heard him saying to call him if they needed anything while we were away—I supposed involving Jenks.

Once I was released from Emmett's bear hug, I was a bit surprised to see Rosalie looming by the staircase. Even more shocking, Edward to her side. I couldn't tell exactly what Rosalie was thinking, her expression mimicking stone. All she did was nod towards Jasper and I, then was gone once again.

Edward's eyes were neither black, nor the vibrant gold that I was used to. More of an amber as he unhappily stared over at the two of us. After a moment, his gaze landed on me.

"A moment?" his velvet voice asked, much to my disappointment. I didn't exactly want to talk to him right before I left, knowing exactly what he was going to say. This was the first time he has spoken to me after his jaw was ripped off.

Sighing, I nodded. I wasn't sure why exactly he wanted to leave the room—after all, everyone could hear. I forced a smile at Jasper before following him up the stairs, Jasper shooting him a warning glance. When we stepped into his room, it was almost like going back in time.

Edward was silent as I looked over his room. It felt almost like a dream, seeing the familiar setting that seemed so very long ago since I last saw it. The black leather couch. The endless rows of CD's. The wall that was truly just a window. Looking back at Edward, his amber eyes were drawn as he pursed his lips.

"I think you're making the wrong decision," he stated, emotionlessly.

I let out a small huff, it mimicking a laugh. "That doesn't surprise me," I replied, trying to keep things light. I didn't want another fight to take place, and Edward needs to understand that my decision is final.

"You heard Alice. The Volturi are going to intervene—there is _no_ reason why you have to leave. To change. To abandon everyone who loves you," he continued, causing my eyes to narrow.

"There is plenty of reason," I countered, crossing my arms. "Victoria could tell the Volturi about me. What then? What if they don't catch her? Not to mention the fact that I _want_ this—something you have refused to accept since the beginning. Perhaps you may not want this life, but I _do_. Just because you have your own opinion doesn't mean that it is right. That everyone else's shouldn't be considered."

"It's not an opinion!" he spat. "It's your life. Your soul, and now you have the perfect opportunity to continue to live. I'm sure that the Volturi could be reasoned with-"

"You know that is a lie." Letting out a deep sigh, I dropped his angry gaze. "I'm sorry, Edward. But I'm not changing my mind. Jasper and I are leaving."

"That's an even bigger mistake," he growled.

"Jasper?" I scoffed, immediately shaking my head. Of course he'd say that.

"Yes. He left Alice after spending decades with her. Are you positive he wouldn't do the same to you?" he challenged, bringing that small seed of worry I kept locked in the back of my mind to the surface. Along with a load of anger.

"I'm positive," I snapped, holding my head up. "And for the last time, stop trying to manipulate my emotions! Throwing guilt and fear at me isn't going to get you anywhere. Not anymore."

"How can you be so positive?" Edward continued to probe, completely ignoring the rest of my words. "Could you truly cope if he were to do so? At least you know that _I_ love you. That I want you, and would never hurt you. Not again."

All the anger that continued to build within me nearly burst when Edward's door opened. I didn't even need to turn around to know that it was Jasper.

"That is enough," he snarled, a low growl rumbling in the back of his throat. "You don't know how wrong you are."

Looking over at Jasper, I saw his eyes were pitch black. Taking his hand with my healed one, I squeezed it, my silent plea that he doesn't fight. Not again.

Edward's lips curled back, baring his teeth. "I know she is meant to be with me—so how can I be wrong?"

"You shouldn't have left her then," Jasper replied with a meager shrug. "I don't plan on making that mistake, nor would I ever. Do we really have to have this conversation again?"

"Yes. Hopefully she'll see reason before leaving with a monster that doesn't care about her as much as she thinks," he spat as I stiffened.

Jasper snarled while tightening his grip on my hand. "I want her to be happy. I care about her more than anything in this world and want to spend forever with her. I _love_ her. Far more than you _ever_ did."

My jaw was dropped, my eyes wide as I stared up at Jasper.

He loved me.

My heart raced as I ignored Edward's growl. Peeking down, Jasper smiled softly as I blushed.

"You _will_ regret taking her from me," Edward rasped, it sounding like a solemn swear. His eyes were cold as he left the room, it clear to him that I _certainly_ wouldn't be changing my mind. Especially not now.

It was silent as my blush continued to darken, replaying Jasper's words repetitively in my head like a record.

"You love me?" I finally breathed, the words sounding so beautiful.

Jasper chuckled, interlacing my fingers with his. "Of course I do. I figured you of all people would know that," he grinned.

Unable to help my bright smile, I wrapped my arms tightly around him, soaking up the joy that I both felt and he radiated. I suppose I had known. But hearing him _say_ it for the first time was indescribable.

"I love you, too," I whispered, my smile growing as I felt his fingers run through my hair.

"Believe me, darlin'. I know," he smirked, pulling back to kiss me. Far too quickly I might add. "Are you ready to go? Peter and Charlotte are waiting in his truck."

"Yes, I'm ready," I replied, for the first time feeling nothing but excited. All the remorse for everything that would be lost was firmly tucked away, allowing me to only focus on the future.

It looked nothing but bright.

* * *

 **So sorry for the late update! It has been a busy past week, but I do hope everyone enjoyed! Finally the new beginning can start! Thank you so much for all the reviews-they mean so much. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought!**


	25. Chapter 25

Cardiff was fairly different from Forks.

I had been used to the constant cover of clouds, the certain rain that had become my norm. Yet here, the sun still managed to peek out and it definitely wasn't a small town like Forks had been. But, considering it was one of the rainiest places in the United Kingdom, it was our best option at the time.

I'd say the most different detail was the fact that this place was less _green_ than Forks had been. Not overrun by stretching forests and moss that enjoyed coating everything in sight, whether it be rocks, trees or buildings. It was funny how I held such a strong hatred towards all the green earthiness when I had first moved to Forks—almost taking it personally. Like the much-too-green land was just waiting to swallow me up and choke out the last bit of sunshine still clinging to me from Phoenix.

How ironic was it that I now missed the obnoxious amount of green.

It wasn't as bad as the visits to Jacksonville, or the one return to Arizona—I didn't feel vulnerable like I did there. The openness and burning sun once made me feel as though I had a flashing sign above my head. With the familiar clouds and rain promised for at least half of the year, I still had the blanket of security that became a part of me this past year.

Our house was cozy—quaint, just like I hoped it would be. It was driven off from society as much as it possibly could have been, much to my relief. Another positive being that it appeared the complete opposite of the Cullen's luxurious house.

Instead of near-complete glass walls, snug wood gave it a more homelike appeal. Crimson and cream color scheme instead of the flashy white. It wasn't ginormous, nor was it too small. It was just right for two couples who all preferred simple over fancy.

It hadn't been a day in before all our belongings were set about, thanks to Charlotte who was overeager. I couldn't count how many times she gushed over how thrilled she was to have Jasper officially staying with them once more—along with Peter's mutual glee over having me with them instead of the 'Pixie.'

Jasper had been quiet as we explored the house, his eyes giving away no secrets like they usually didn't. But seeing his small smile, he appeared just as content as I was. A large living room, spacious kitchen (even though we wouldn't need it for long,) three bedrooms, and a study that was just screaming Jasper's name. All in all, I thought it was perfect. Everyone agreed.

Two weeks later and it is just reaching the end of May. My time to settle in was dwindling.

Tomorrow, I was going to change.

"Come on, Sugar! Ya said ya wanted some a' this shit before ya change," Peter huffed, breaking me from my thoughts.

Sending him a scowl, I let my eyes roll over the kitchen table. He had certainly taken my 'last human dinner' a bit too far. Looking over the pizza, chocolate, soda, chicken, burger, chips—the list never ended. When Peter asked which human foods tasted the best, I hadn't known to pick _one_ thing. Let alone that he was going to bring _everything_ that I said was good back. All I ever mentioned was that I wanted to make my last meal count, considering I would never eat human food again. There was no way I could eat all of this! But seeing his cheeky smile, it was obvious the sweet vampire meant well; how could I complain?

"She's a tiny woman, Peter, how do you expect her to eat all of that?" Charlotte laughed, much to my relief. "You don't need to make her sick—I'm sure her stomach is already in knots."

Fabulous way to remind me.

"Won't be in knots if she eats. I'm tellin' ya, I 'bout killed this one fucker when I was tryin' to get all this together. I was gettin' your burger and ordered chips with it 'cause it was on the menu. Chips! The sonsabitch gave me _French Fries,_ Bell. I didn't order fuckin' french fries, I wanted the damn chips that was on your list!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or to simply let my head fall to the table as I blankly gazed at Peter's infuriated glare. I chose the former, soon joined in with Jasper as Peter fumed.

"You do realize we're not in the U.S. anymore, Peter? French fries are considered chips here," Jasper snorted, much to Peter's chagrin.

His black eyes narrowed to slits. "I ain't used to these new terms. Nor am I good with human food anyway," he spat, while Charlotte reassuringly patted him on the shoulder.

"It's alright, Peter," I smiled, taking a quick bite of pizza. "Thank you for all of this. Really. Instead of just one single meal, I get little bits of everything, which means a lot."

His angry expression lightened immediately as he tossed me a wink. "No problem, Sweet Pea. So, Major? Any updates from Pixie?" Peter asked, leaning back in his chair across from me.

With all the time spent with Peter and Charlotte, I've began to notice how both of them have started to sit more. Blink more—move more in general. I wasn't sure if it was unconsciously, just from spending time with me, or if it was intentional. Either way, it wouldn't last.

Jasper let out a gust of air. "Still the same, really. She sees the Volturi intervening around early to mid June. They take out the army, that is known. What still isn't set is whether or not they take out Victoria. If they will come asking about Bella. Both things we will have to wait to find out."

"She's not seen any change in the redhead's course since Bell's been gone?" Frustrated lines dug into Peter's chiseled face as his brows furrowed. "We left goin' on three weeks ago. She has to know by now."

"Alice says that Victoria's future keeps changing, never set. But it never involves her encountering us. My best guess is that she is aware, but is stuck with the newborns, just like we wanted. There isn't much she can do," Jasper smugly replied, leaning back in his seat to my side. "Perhaps she's hoping we'll come back. Like you're just visiting your mother," he shrugged, his smirk stretching wider as he looked down at me.

"Like hell," Peter snorted, arrogance also gleaming in his dark eyes.

"Can you boys go a day without talkin' about all this? It is a special occasion, after all," Charlotte chastised, throwing them both a glare.

Special occasion seemed like an odd way to put it. After all, tomorrow I was going to die. Yes, I would be reborn... but would I be me? My stomach curled as I finally pushed away the rest of my picked at dinner that could still feed a family. The sweet last taste of chocolate clung to my lips as I washed it down with soda, taking extra care to notice the bubbles burning my throat.

"Your eyes are pitch black, Peter, and I'm sure mine are not much different," Charlotte sighed. "We should go for a quick hunt. We'll be back in the morning," Charlotte smiled, tugging Peter up from his chair.

It was disheartening to see all the rest of the food go to the trash instead of being saved—but what was the point? Helping Jasper clean the kitchen, I couldn't help my frazzled nerves. So many 'what if's' played in my head, not helping the cause at all. It would be much better to just not think about it, to just let whatever was meant to be, be, as Jasper once said. But just the tiniest reminder of that fiery burn in my wrist sent my heart galloping.

I was being a coward.

I jolted when two icy hands laid on my shoulders, squeezing my tense muscles. "Why don't you go take a hot shower?" Jasper's soothing voice suggested. Calm swiftly washed away my twisted emotions, giving me the smallest breath of air.

"That sounds like a good idea," I agreed, but was reluctant to leave. Right when his hands left me I would spiral back down. In a way, this anticipation made me nearly demand him to bite me right now. But Jasper had already made it clear that he was hunting in the morning—right before the change. He was taking no chances.

"We can talk about things when you're done," he reminded me, laying his chin on top of my head. "I know you're worried, Bella. I don't blame you, nor am I demanding you change tomorrow."

"I know." Cracking a small smile, I turned, leaning up to kiss him quickly. "But I want this. The change is just the price to pay," I sighed, shaking my head. Pulling myself away from his soothing embrace, I tossed him one last reluctant smile. "I'll hurry."

The truth was, this would probably be the longest shower of my entire life. Part of me was tempted to take a bath—yet I knew if I went that far, I probably wouldn't leave. So many thoughts were banging around inside my head as I grabbed a comforting pair of sweats and fresh towels.

The water was scorching as I checked the temperature, it an aching reminder that tomorrow, that would be nothing. _Stop being a coward!_ It was infuriating wasting the last hours I had as a human dreading the burning fire that was creeping closer each minute.

Stepping into the shower, I tried to shove the inevitable far back into my mind. Still, that wasn't the only haunting thought that lingered in my head. Ever since Victoria started the newborn army, I have gotten a clear picture of what to expect as a newborn. Feral. Unstable. _Thirsty_. How long would it take for me to actually be _me_ again?

How long would I be concerned with nothing but blood? I didn't want to forget everything important to me by being focused on a liquid, of all things. One that would apparently be the center of my universe. Would I be so different that I wouldn't care about Peter and Charlotte? So different that I wouldn't love Jasper like I do now?

Cold fear swept through me at just the thought. I couldn't lose him, and if I were out of my mind... Hot tears welled in my eyes, although I pretended it was nothing more than the scalding water of the shower.

Jasper said that after a year, newborns got a better grasp on themselves. So was that it? A year? I understood that I would eventually find myself, mentally. That was certain, at least I hoped. But physically, would anything ever matter more than blood? Even _Jasper_?

Gnawing on my bottom lip, I rinsed my hair as blood rushed into my cheeks. Would I still... _want_ him? Of course I did now. There was nothing else I wanted more... _right now._ But when I was a newborn?

Shutting my eyes, I rested my forehead against the cool tiles. My thoughts were proven not to be on the nice side this day. But it was a good point—a point I wish I wouldn't have made.

Would he...?

I nearly drew blood as my teeth dug in a bit too hard. Releasing my abused lip, I tried to ignore the frustrating flutters in my stomach. Of course I wanted it—I _have_ wanted it, for a while now. The entire time we have been here I have tossed the thought around, usually when Peter and Charlotte were hunting. But one agitating memory shut down the mere possibility before I could even try to pursue it.

 _Well, I did wonder... about you and me... someday..._

 _I don't think that... that... would be possible for us._

 _Was_ it possible? Or was it just not possible for Edward? My lip stung sharply as I returned my teeth to it, angrily grabbing the soap as if it were the reason for my troubles. I couldn't help but wonder, however, if Jasper would have a different view on the subject than Edward had. It was no secret that Edward had been... tense with anything physical. His kisses had been chaste, his touches lighter than a feather. If I moved too fast or there was too much passion, he'd shut me down immediately.

Although Jasper was careful, he certainly never acted as though I were a porcelain doll that could shatter by the simplest of touches.

Could I handle it if he rejected me, too? My stomach did a somersault as I sucked in a deep breath. It was worth a shot, I thought. After all, what was there to lose? There was not anything else I hadn't experienced as a human that I would feel a loss by missing. This was the one thing... and I wanted to experience it with him before it was too late.

Tonight was my last chance.

Gathering as much courage as I could muster, I twisted the handles, shutting off the water. I mimicked a tomato as I stepped out of the shower, ringing out my hair before wrapping one of the fluffy white towels around myself. Brushing my teeth, it felt as though a war was at its climax in my head, both sides evenly matched.

Stepping towards the door, I paused before taking two back.

What was I doing? I had no plan—nothing that I could say. It wasn't like I could just _ask_! Nor could I just waltz out and throw myself at the man. Letting out a sigh that mimicked a growl, I threw my folded sweats a glance, wondering if I should just go on as if these thoughts had never come to mind. But I could also lose an opportunity by being a shy fool.

I _love_ him. And he has made it no secret that he loves me. It wasn't like he'd laugh in my face—in fact, he would probably be angry I thought so little of myself.

Shaking my head, I blocked all thoughts as I yanked open the door, stepping into our room before my thoughts could drag me back down.

He was stretched out on the bed—one I wouldn't need after tonight—on top of the covers like usual. One of his books, that now mingled with mine in the bookshelves, laid in his hand, his eyes lazily drifting over the words.

I felt like a deer caught in front of headlights when the gold flickered up, freezing on me. Every inch his eyes made on me burned like fire as my cheeks continued to grow redder. I finally managed to suck in a breath as he raised a brow, cracking a grin while lowering his book.

"Forget a change of clothes?" he chuckled, tossing his book onto the side table.

"Um... yeah," I nodded, anxiously twiddling my fingers. I could hear my heart thumping off beat, pounding away in my ears. I knew he did as well as his expression became concerned.

"Are you okay? I've never felt you this nervous," he murmured, before understanding splashed within the gold. Only, he certainly didn't understand. Not this.

Deciding to go with it, I hesitantly walked over, sitting beside him. I didn't care that my towel was currently dampening the silver sheets—that was the least of my concerns.

"I have no idea what must be going through your head right now," Jasper sighed, leaning up. He definitely didn't. "All I can tell you, is it won't last. I'll be with you the entire time, and Peter-"

"That's not what I'm nervous about," I cut in, seeming to look everywhere in the room but at him.

His brows furrowed. "You're not-"

"No, I mean, I am nervous about that... ugh." Hanging my head, I squeezed my eyes shut. This was certainly not my forte. I may have grown more of a personality, but I was certainly still shy—and awkward.

"What are you nervous about, then?" The waves of calm he sent eased my nerves, the extra bit of courage being just what I needed.

Figuring I'd be positively no good with my words, I decided to try and give him the hint a different way. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips against his as he jolted in shock. With his focus broken, the calming feeling quickly vanished, leaving my nerves on edge and my heart mimicking a humming bird's wings.

Jasper's curiosity still simmered, I knew, but he responded just as eager as I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him closer. Sliding my hands around to cup his cool cheeks, I could feel the confused expression etched onto his face as his hands lightly rested on my waist. Shakily, my fingers trailed down, cautiously sliding against his scarred neck while his glass-like tongue lined my already tormented bottom lip.

One button.

Sucking in a harsh breath, I could barely focus on the task at hand as his lips trailed my jaw, focusing finally on the hollow beneath my ear.

Two buttons.

My hands barely brushed against his freezing chest as the second button of his shirt came undone, exposing more and more. When would he understand? Or did he already and just _not care?_

Three buttons.

Warmth flushed throughout my veins, seeming to gather up in my stomach. I could feel his lashes grazing the skin of my neck as his lips continued their torture—how many buttons?

Four. Five. Six.

Jasper paused when I finished undoing the buttons. I was quick to brush the flannel shirt off of his shoulders before it was too late—or was it already?

"Bella..." I couldn't tell if he said my name lovingly or as a warning.

Looking up, I met with his cautious eyes, holding on to as much hope as I could muster. As one last futile effort before he said no, I focused intensely on all the want, desire, need... It hit like a brick wall.

" _Christ,_ " Jasper hissed, the last remnants of his golden eyes fading to pitch black. Snapping his eyes shut, I watched as he took a large, unneeded breath. "So this is why you were nervous."

Frowning, I focused on the pattern of the bedspread. _Please don't pull away..._ "I want you... while I'm still _me_ ," I whispered, hoping by that alone he'd understand.

Frustrated lines appeared on Jasper's face as his frown deepened. "Bella... You will be you. Just-"

"After a year? Maybe more?" I growled, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. "All I'll be focused on is blood, Jasper. And I... want this... while you are my main concern. Not _blood_ ," I spat, as if it were the dirtiest word imaginable.

Opening his dark eyes, he hesitantly smiled. "I promise all of that will return. Who knows? It may be sooner than you think. But you won't be lost, Bella," he nodded confidently. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Your emotions will be out of whack—yes. More... intense, you could say. You will be thirsty, but it can be sated. You won't be sitting around, only thinking about blood."

My eyes dropped as I shook my head. He didn't understand. Feeling my annoyance build, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I hope you don't think that _I_ would be unhappy. That I'd leave over something you couldn't help—something that you did for _me_ ," he scoffed, his eyes narrowing.

Worrying my lip, I shrugged. "Partly." Before he could toss me a lecture, I continued. "Also because I want to experience it while I still have a complete grasp on myself. I don't want... the first time to be me, unstable... I want it to mean something."

Just his sigh gave me my answer. Releasing my hips, he leaned back against the wooden headboard, his eyes defeated. "I could lose control... I could kill you," he whispered, sounding ashamed. The dull lighting in the room cast shadows that emphasized his frown.

"You already know that I trust you."

"It's not about trust." His hair swept into his face as he shook his head. "My mind would be somewhere else, Bella. Whether I want it or not, my focus would not be on being gentle enough to not break your bones, or accidentally biting... Jesus." Slapping a hand over his face, he allowed the room to be draped in silence.

The disappointment was staggering. Along with another emotion—one that was achingly familiar. But before I could even come to terms with what it was, Jasper's hand snatched out like a viper, his fingers wrapped tight around my wrist.

" _Don't._ Don't you dare even think that," he snarled, his black eyes pointed as he glared at me. "It's not about wanting to, Bella, it's what could happen if I did."

My eyes widened. "You mean... you _want_ me?"

Jasper's eyes lightened a fraction, a certain twinkle within them as he smirked. Lifting my hand that he already grasped, he placed it on his chest, his palm lightly resting on top. I barely felt the outline of his many scars as he pulled my hand down, appreciating the stone muscles that quivered when my fingers grazed them. Following the line of golden hair beneath his navel, I met with denim. Trailing down his jeans, he finally paused.

 _Oh._ I sucked in a harsh breath as his smirk grew. "Trust me, darlin'. I want you. Don't doubt that for a second," he rasped as my cheeks heated.

If that wasn't proof enough, I felt a startling amount of emotions slam into me at once. Desire. Impatience. Frustration. Need. Love. So many that evenly matched my own.

On the inside, I was doing a mini dance, knowing that _I_ did that to _Jasper Whitlock_. Surely the world was about to explode, or the zombie apocalypse was about to begin. I couldn't help my shy smile as he released my hand, all hints of self-doubt melting away. Hesitantly, I lifted my hand, carefully outlining one of the many scars on his chest. Hearing the low hum in his throat, he seemed to approve.

"Can we just... try?" I whispered, avoiding his still-black eyes. "I believe you are strong enough. The fact that I am sitting here right now proves that. You asked if there would be anything I would regret... well I suppose this would be the one thing I would hate to lose. I love you, and I'm so terrified that I won't... be _me_ for a long time. Please."

He was silent as I continued to outline the barely visible scars, my anxiety growing by the second. Scooting a bit closer, I bent to kiss one of the more rugged crescents on his side. A rough groan intermixed with a growl tore from his lips as I traced the freezing scar with my tongue.

Before I could blink, Jasper was once again looming above me, his fingers now digging into my waist. His jaw was tightly clenched shut while his eyes smoldered with resolve.

My eyes popped wide as his icy lips met mine, a new fury to them that I have yet to see—one that I would be lying if I said I didn't like. One of his hands snapped to my hair, his fingers knotting themselves into the already unruly tendrils as my heart sputtered. If I wasn't already going to change, I'd be worried something was seriously wrong due to how off it has been this day.

My scalp stung as he pulled my hair, just enough to manipulate my head to tilt, baring my neck. The gasp that unwillingly shoved its way past my lips was far more audible than I had intended—but I couldn't find myself to care. In fact, I believed that he was currently smirking as he teased the skin on my throat, maintaining enough care to only let his teeth _graze._

Almost as if I were in a daze, I let my fingers shakily explore his bare torso, learning the places that made him shiver, that made his grip on me tighten, where each and every last scar rested. The sweet scent of honey and leather twisted my thoughts and sense of reason—almost like I was currently in a dream. One I would be very, very disappointed to wake up from.

When he removed his lips from my neck, I was almost afraid he was going to pull away again. But when I felt the jerk on my waist, then the subtle shift of my legs, I saw I was now straddling his hips.

I gaped at him, feeling the strain that was blocked only by denim and a thin towel.

"If I hurt you..." His voice drifted away.

"I'll tell you," I nodded surely, hope rising within me. Focusing even more on the desire, I could have sworn Jasper's eyes became even darker than they already were.

There was a beat of silence before the corner of his lips twitched.

"You make it hard to do right, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice an octave lower. "Nor do I even want to," he continued, sending a shiver down my spine as his left hand lifted, tracing the bottom of my towel. "Besides. Who am I to deny you somethin' you want just as much as I do?"

The towel fell away as his lips crashed into mine once more.

* * *

My head was groggy as I felt the bed shift. Half asleep, I barely took into count that it was obviously morning—the sunlight poking irritably against my shut eyes. It was still disconcerting, being so used to the always cloudy weather of Forks.

As my memories trickled back, I felt a new round of warmth coating my cheeks, along with an uncontrollable, impish grin. Last night had truly been the best of my entire life.

I was so sure that he would say no. That he would cut off any hint of the possibility. But I should have known better than to predict Jasper's decisions.

I could still feel the cold chill of his skin—even though I was positive it was a stinging fire last night. The gentle touch of his fingers, which later on grew to be anything but. His wicked lips that tormented either with kisses or that damned southern drawl that had come out _even more_ when he wasn't focused. The harsh growls and out of control projection of emotions that swaddled me like a cocoon. Never had I felt more wanted, more loved.

My world had completely shattered, and in short, I felt like nothing less than a queen.

Peeking my eyes open, my smile stretched wider as Jasper's arm tightened around me. My head was still resting on his bare chest, although a blanket now protected my cheek from the chill. Meeting his eyes, I saw that the gold was indeed lighter—he must have hunted while I was still asleep. Good thing, because I didn't intend on moving.

His smile was warm. "'Mornin'," he gruffly mumbled, squeezing me even closer.

"Good morning," I hummed, letting out a happy sigh.

"How are you... feeling?" he asked, a hint of hesitance and slight fear in his voice.

Biting my lip, I shifted as much as I could in his prison-like grip. "Just a little sore. But other than that, I'm fine," I happily grinned.

Jasper's shoulders slumped with relief. Looking down, I saw that I was currently wearing his shirt, although I couldn't recall putting it on.

The corners of his lips dipped slightly, along with a wince I couldn't find a reason for. "I can't say... I was completely successful," he murmured.

Before I could ask why, he barely lifted the edge of his shirt to expose the skin of my waist. Along with the usual creamy paleness, dark bruises were beginning to blossom. Bruises that mimicked the shape of his hands almost perfectly.

I immediately shook my head, shoving the shirt back down. "Don't worry about that, Jasper," I brushed it off without another thought.

He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. "You and I both know it was unintentional... But it still upsets me to know that _I..._ " His brows knit together as he fought for the words. "To know that I _hurt_ you."

I shook my head, leaning up to lightly kiss him. "I know you didn't mean to. We both knew it wouldn't be... easy. And I can't remember _ever_ being uncomfortable or in pain... To tell the truth, last night was the best night of my life," I whispered, smiling sheepishly up at him.

His answering smile was roguish, his eyes slightly dilating. "I couldn't agree more." His rumbling purr twisted my stomach, my legs unconsciously shifting.

"You know... I actually wouldn't mind staying human for a little while longer," I mused, biting my lower lip as I grinned. It was true, after all.

A warm laugh caused Jasper's chest to shake as he shook his head. "Darlin', once you're changed, it'll only be _better._ It's a miracle the furniture survived last night," he chuckled darkly.

Changing. It was _today_ , I recalled with a sharp pang. The light atmosphere fell away as fear and uncertainty wound its way through me. I would be burning. Burning alive for three solid days. My heart would stop, and there would be no going back. No changing my mind and seeing my family again. No more eating, sleeping... although I wouldn't say those were true losses. I would be unstable-

Calm ended my thoughts before they went further.

"I told you last night we could talk about this. But you... got me pretty distracted," Jasper huffed, lightly kissing my temple.

"I know."

"Are you still afraid of... how you will be?" he asked, that being the best way to put it, I supposed.

Looking up at the bright yellow of his eyes, I shrugged my shoulders, uncertain. Tracing my finger across his collarbone, I ignored the tingling as it grew numb from the cold. It was a miracle I didn't become an ice cube last night.

"A little, I guess. I mean, I'm glad I got to be close to you before my emotions went haywire. I know you'll help me get them straight. It's just... I don't know what to expect. It's hard to believe that I'll be so different... so lost that I'd be willing to _kill_ people."

Jasper nodded, reaching up to take my hand. "We'll take it step by step, Bella. There's no rush. Don't forget that I trained newborns—although I certainly won't be training you," he snorted, cracking a wry grin. "If your emotions switch rapidly, I can calm them. I'll be with you on your first hunt, along with helping you get used to your new strength. Peter and Charlotte will be here, too. You won't be alone. I don't want you to be afraid of that."

Nodding, I buried my face away in the crook of his neck. "Where are Peter and Charlotte?"

"Downstairs. If you'd like to see them before, you can call them up. Or if you want to wait another day or two, the choice is yours."

No. I can't hide from it forever. And I might as well just get it over with, shouldn't I? After all, the sooner he bites me, the sooner I change. The sooner it will be a thing of the past.

Looking up, I smiled warily. "No. I'm ready now. Are... you?" I whispered.

It wasn't like I was the only one terrified for what was to come. Even though Jasper masked his fear well, I could still see it hauntingly looming in the back of his eyes. He told me he hasn't changed anyone since the newborn wars—when he still drank from humans. Nor did he truly care about making a mistake back then. This was just as terrifying for him as it was for me.

I noticed his eyes freeze, that same look of awe that I've never been able to understand. "I'm... worried," he admitted, while unnecessarily swallowing. "But confident. It's an odd combination," he chuckled.

I smiled lightly, nodding my head. "I love you, Jasper." It was just as much of a reminder as it was my approval. Focused completely on him, I almost didn't notice Peter appear in the doorway. Just in case.

His grip on me tightened, his gold eyes for just one moment appearing vulnerable as they gazed over me. "I love you, Bella."

My heart stuttered as he leaned down, lightly kissing me as if I were about to float away. Pulling back too soon, his lips grazed to my neck, and I knew... this was it. Gripping his shoulders tightly, I felt him pause where my pulse thumped harshly against his lips. One moment he took, testing himself.

Then his teeth broke through my skin, blood spilling to the surface.

* * *

 **Hey everyone! So sorry for the long wait, I know it has been far too long. Life can make it quite difficult to maintain a good updating schedule, but I will try to post new chapters as often as I can. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you thought! Thank you again for all of the reviews!**


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